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Shine Magical

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About Shine Magical

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  1. Today I was doing some deep cleaning and came across 3 journals written from Jan 2018 through mid-2019. There weren't many journal entries (more to-do lists), but some were jarring to read now that I’m out of the situation. I tore out 2 pages of good to-do lists and threw the 3 journals out. It felt good to release the journals and not have to stumble upon them again in the future. After living here in Malden, MA for 2 months my apartment is starting to feel like a home. I love the freedom! 😊
  2. I think I still need about 7 weeks to fully transform into an upgraded version of myself. May 2 2020
  3. I just caught myself expecting you to come home I really miss the babe side of you I had been in love with
  4. So...I did smoke some weed and did play some video games. Now I'm not as sick, I don't want to do either atm. My excuse was that I was sick and very bored since I couldn't go to the gym or have sex which have been my main 2 hobbies over the past month. Can't wait to feel fully better and go back to the gym asap. Gaming was fun, but also mildly stressful and I don't really miss it. It was a fun activity to do when I wasn't feel good and didn't have much else going on. Either way I made it hard on myself by going to a eSports gaming lounge my in neighborhood and playing there. It was actually an interesting experience, not as cozy as doing it at home and its a 12 minute walk to get there so I have to put in some work to play the video games. It actually is a good way to regulate my gaming usage. I think I'm going to buy some more plants. I also miss drinking tea and realized I sold my tea ware too soon, too quickly... I bought some of it back. It hasn't been the best past few days but I'm starting to be able to breathe more clearly through my nose and I'm sure in 2 days I will be good to go. I feel optimistic today.
  5. I have a cold so I’ve been especially bored. I took the last 2 days off from work and I started working on a painting I had been working on a few months ago but I’m not that thrilled with it. It’s more cartoony and my newer style is a little more realistic I think. I’m still going to finish it, I want to experiment with a new art photography technique I researched.
  6. I almost ordered some marijuana. Yikes! Thankfully I stopped myself. Also thought about playing League of Legends for a few minutes but also don’t have good internet so I put that thought away too. I’ve been thinking of creating a drawing meetup group, which would cost money but that way I could have people over at my house to draw. I’m having a hard time socializing so far and have been pretty alone.
  7. And yet, yesterday I felt pretty happy about being alone in my quiet apartment. I guess it comes and goes.
  8. I’m lonely and want a boyfriend. But someone told me it would be good for me to be single for a while since I’ve never lived in my own or been single for very long. But I miss having someone around that cares about me.
  9. Ergh. I don't look good today, I have a good amount of breakouts. I'm supposed to meet with my new fwb today and I am stressed out about it due to the way I look. It's funny, because I had some breakouts when we last met too, though I think I look worse today. But he had told me I looked very sexy. But basically, I care about this person now and so I am stressed out about the way I look whereas if it were some random person I knew nothing about, I wouldn't care as much. I really want to cancel on him, but I don't think I should do that. It would hurt our forward momentum since its so early on and we had made plans to see each other today. I fucking hate the way I look sometimes. 🤬 Edit: I took a look I’m a different mirror with less harsh light and decided I didn’t look too bad. Not bad enough to cancel at least. I still don’t look very beautiful though.
  10. Literally just had the best and most fulFILLING sex I’ve had in at least a year. Probably the 2nd best of my life. God it was so good and so needed. I’m happy I found this guy. He knows a lot about classical music since he plays the violin so I will get to hear some more awesome music too which is great since I feel it’s very niche and has a lot of different songs. Pretty sure I just found my first friend with benefits. He thought I was hot even though I’m having a not so great skin day. I don’t really understand why. God I feel high. Happy I found someone I can be a bit more stable with, he can save me from myself a little bit haha.
  11. I know by now that even if I downloaded and played it I wouldn’t enjoy it. I’ve relapsed enough to know by now. It’s just the thought of playing that makes it seem fun. But actually doing it is not fun for me anymore. It’s actually a very stressful game and feels like a job.
  12. I’ve been thinking about League of Legends occasionally. I’m also very annoyed with how slow the 3G internet is. I may just end up buying regular internet for my apt.
  13. I met with an old coworker last night and it was nice to catch up. She told me I looked really good and cute, better than when she had last saw me, which was really nice. I usually don't believe it when people say that but I believed her haha. I have been working out more consistently since last I saw her and even though I have the same work clothes I am filling them out a bit better I think. I have a little bit of acne this morning but I am trying not to let it get me down based on what my coworker said. It was the first time I really socialized in the past few weeks so it was nice. I'm going to attend a few meetups later this week and also I have a date tomorrow. I'm trying to get my social life back on track!
  14. I will conclude that I am grateful and appreciative of most of my time with my ex. I don’t think he meant for things to turn out this way or make me feel so hurt towards the end. I am still a bit upset about the fact that after 7 years we called it quits, but it’s better than the alternative. Breaking up with someone of that long of a timeframe is a slow process of the relationship unraveling. It isn't a sharp pain, but rather a deep pain that bruises rather than bleeds. We had a lot of fun experiences together and I will miss not having that kind of dynamic with another lover for some time in my life, but I think I’ll be able to do it again in the future with someone else. I want to find someone similar to him in that regard, but also someone that is more open, honest, and ethical. If he had been that way, our relationship could have survived. But I was given a rare chance to experience a different kind of life, and have a lot of new and different experiences that were positive and the negative ones gave me insight into what I deem important in my life. Thank you Michael!
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