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d.manuk
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Posted (edited)

I got back this week from a 2+ week visit to Canada to visit my great aunt. She wasn't in great shape, her health noticeably declined.

She was in pain 20% of the day, got sick easily, was more forgetful than ever before. It wasn't pleasant to visit her this time, whereas other times it wasn't nearly such a bad experience for me. Everything also seemed to be on the verge of breaking down in Canada, the whole country seemed like a total disaster this time. It was really an unpleasant trip.

I do think it's possible that my aunt will live another 5 or even 10 years, but I hope that she doesn't. She seems ready to go, her body seems to be breaking down, it will be hard for me to watch her fall apart even more than she already is now. She's in a retirement home and the average lifespan of someone that goes into one is 6months-2 years, though there are obviously exceptions. She's already been there 8 months. I hope she passes away soon to be honest. It would also help me incredibly to receive my inheritance now rather than in 5 years... I really would like to move next year to Texas but it seems iffy if I will be able to afford it. The best memories I had with my great aunt are obviously over and I don't really want to watch/listen to her struggle to live a decent life. She's my only close family member that I have, and this is probably the only experience I'll have having a loved one die aside from maybe a future partner.

Edited by d.manuk
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I'm 100% decided that I'm moving to dallas next year. I'm too old to be walking in 95'F everywhere in the summer to be honest.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm a strong believer that there's something in the undercurrent of consciousness that links us together. I haven't been able to call my great aunt the past few days and have been a little worried. There's been a tugging at my consciousness and I feel like it was her trying to reach out to me. She fell last week and has been in the hospital the past few days. I'm not able to figure out how to contact her but started the process of trying to get her phone number there.

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500mg test - Probably too high, post nasal drip and sore knees

400mg test - Feel fine but missing some strength

Going to try 450mg and if not then bump up to 500

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  • 2 weeks later...

My great aunt is out of the hospital and seems back to her self. Not in good condition but not suffering.

 

I'm on 350mg test per week now and may decrease further when I reassess in 2 weeks

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Had such a good shroom trip this morning! 7g at 8am, I was having such a good time alone on the trails, I brought a pillow and blankets and barely encountered anyone else. I timed it perfectly with the weather and was patient this whole year for the right time I do it. The theme of my life this year has been "prepare."

 

During the trip I was so happy and grateful for how well my life has been going the past few months. Since I decided to start TRT earlier this year, my life has been improving slowly but steadily and going the way I want it to ever since. I'm so happy about the way my mind, body, and finances are coming together.

The only thing that's really missing is a boyfriend and maybe a close friend or two. This will be something that I'll work on next year since I plan to move to Texas once my lease is up. I've been preparing myself for the move by becoming more attractive by working on each of my physical flaws, and also by getting my finances in order for the move.

 

I realized how grateful I am about my relationship with my coach at the gym since he's the person I interact with the most in my day-to-day life since I am otherwise a loner. I really respect him and find him very attractive, I decided to get him a gift card with $70 on it so he can buy the new god of war when it comes out on PS5 as a sign of my appreciation for him. He's younger than me but in my head he's my big brother. It would be fun to eat his ass haha

Edited by d.manuk
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