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Regarding the idea of expanding your comfort zone, I think that there is always that misconception that you have to suffer big time to reach some distant goal. Just expanding your comfort zone bit by bit over time is the key. So if you have problems to talk do small talk and normally at some point quit the conversation. Next time, you try to maybe stay a little bit longer and ask one additional question. You are having problems to look other people in the eye, just try to look them in the eye just a tiny bit longer. Something I really only learned recently. And it takes some pressure away. For instance, I did not address gaming issues at first, because it was way to scary for me. Instead I focused on my diet first. Seemed to be way easier than me, gave me a boost in confidence and the trust in my own ability to make good changes. 🙂 

@Ikar even I have to remind myself on a daily basis to make the good decisions. There are really so many variables floating around in our heads that it sometimes can be quite distracting. 😄 

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3 hours ago, Alexanderle said:

Regarding the idea of expanding your comfort zone, I think that there is always that misconception that you have to suffer big time to reach some distant goal. Just expanding your comfort zone bit by bit over time is the key. So if you have problems to talk do small talk and normally at some point quit the conversation.

So true. I am normally very quiet and shy but I started just at work by saying hi to everybody I saw in the morning. Then I started asking people how they were. At first people just say "good" or whatever, but after you've talked to the same person a few times they open up to you more and a conversation starts.

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@Ikar I can see how joining a group would help keep me motivated to keep on with an interest. As long as I felt comfortable there and doing the thing. 

Day 54 NF 23 Np 6 med 9

Hey. I tried creatine out the other day and it did not go well so I returned it. Now I'm like recovering from that and feeling kind of tired. I'm trying to read the Bible more consistently. This will be my second time through the whole text if I complete it again. I'm kind of a restricted person. But, at least I have work, bodybuilding, the Bible and a few shows to watch. My sleep is getting better thanks to getting more cardio. Hopefully I'll be able to keep up with that. 
 

I watched some twenty minutes of my client gaming today. It was kind of scary. I don’t really want to do it again but he really wants to play while I’m there so he can show me the game . Idk I know I’m supposed to care about what he’s into but this may be too far. I’ve seen clients who refused to do anything but game so therapists had no choice but to watch them game or quit the job. So....I guess this ones not so bad . Yeah....god help me. 

God Bless

Erik

Edited by Erik2.0
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On 1/17/2020 at 7:45 PM, Erik2.0 said:

@Ikar I can see how joining a group would help keep me motivated to keep on with an interest. As long as I felt comfortable there and doing the thing. 

Day 54 NF 23 Np 6 med 9

Hey. I tried creatine out the other day and it did not go well so I returned it. Now I'm like recovering from that and feeling kind of tired. I'm trying to read the Bible more consistently. This will be my second time through the whole text if I complete it again. I'm kind of a restricted person. But, at least I have work, bodybuilding, the Bible and a few shows to watch. My sleep is getting better thanks to getting more cardio. Hopefully I'll be able to keep up with that. 
 

I watched some twenty minutes of my client gaming today. It was kind of scary. I don’t really want to do it again but he really wants to play while I’m there so he can show me the game . Idk I know I’m supposed to care about what he’s into but this may be too far. I’ve seen clients who refused to do anything but game so therapists had no choice but to watch them game or quit the job. So....I guess this ones not so bad . Yeah....god help me. 

God Bless

Erik

Good job with the exercise. It really makes a difference in our lives. I always enjoyed natural bodybuilding with whey protein as the only supplement that I'd take. Sleep is definitely the biggest thing. I mentioned in my journal about how reading at night has helped me sleep so I'm hoping your reading has also helped you in that area as well.

I still don't think you should be in an environment where you watch your clients game. I think you need to talk to your boss about this and say you have an issue being around games. If you don't feel comfortable telling your boss that you have a game addiction problem, then make another reason that doesn't make you look bad. 

It's important to help people in life, which your job is clearly focused around, but I feel you shouldn't help people at the cost of your own health because, personally, people aren't worth it and won't help you out the same way you help them. Help within your means. 

I apologize for consistently mentioning that to you and will stop after tonight unless you don't mind me saying that regarding your client. I just saw myself catering towards making other people happy in so many situations while neglecting myself and got nothing good out of it. I'm worth more than that and so are you.

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Day 55 NF 24 Np 7 med 10

I tried to post from my computer yesterday but I think I didn’t hit submit enough times or did something wrong because it didn’t post apparently. Well that may be a lost post. I’m kind of dead from trying to join things and being overwhelmed with anxiety so I can’t do them. I’m kind of just going back to doing things in my comfort zone and hoping that someday something will work out where I feel okay again with all the past interests. 
 

Or not and it’ll just stay this way forever. Oh yeah my last post was saying I watched my client game because he was so into it. I decided I’m going to tell him I don’t want to and won’t watch him play in the future. I really care about the guy a lot so it’s not easy to say no to him. Now I know how my mom feels. It’s good I try not to ask her for too much these days. 

 

This is the first time I’ve consistently lifted weights since undergrad ten years ago. I’m not on creatine this time and I’m amazed at how low my numbers are and my muscle gaining progress is. Lifting without creatine is slow going. I’m okay with it though. I’m just enjoying the journey. I’m super grateful to have something that’s positive and consistent in my life. I forgot my headphones today. It made me realize how important listening to christian music is for me at the gym. It transforms my gym time into a self care session filled with love and light. 
 

God Bless

Erik

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@AnnaCarter I think you have a point. Starting is hard. I just don’t have any leads on things that would be positive and healthy for me. Maybe I could try out another church but it hasn’t been working lately. 

@BooksandTrees thanks so much for your post. My supervisor actually encourages me to stop gaming. She’s an ex gamer that quit as well. I think it’s just up to me to tell the clients I don’t want to watch games for my recovery. And I think what you say is true. People really will ask you to do too much and not give much back if anything . It’s best to help and give within my means. Are you still bodybuilding? How has it been going? My dad encourages me to get an hour of cardio a day like him (he’s 66). I’m around 30 mins and that’s helping me sleep. I’ll see about reading more before bed. I used to read the Bible before bed and it helped me sleep.

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32 minutes ago, Erik2.0 said:


@BooksandTrees thanks so much for your post. My supervisor actually encourages me to stop gaming. She’s an ex gamer that quit as well. I think it’s just up to me to tell the clients I don’t want to watch games for my recovery. And I think what you say is true. People really will ask you to do too much and not give much back if anything . It’s best to help and give within my means. Are you still bodybuilding? How has it been going? My dad encourages me to get an hour of cardio a day like him (he’s 66). I’m around 30 mins and that’s helping me sleep. I’ll see about reading more before bed. I used to read the Bible before bed and it helped me sleep.

No problem. That works. I think you're in a good position then.

I'm not at the gym anymore. I got very stressed out by it. I'm upset that I haven't gone in over 2 years. I just got annoyed because I didn't enjoy finding new exercises for certain body parts because I didn't have time to research them at home. I got bored with the same routines, though. I also got angry whenever I got a trainer I'd see them once per week and they'd have me do something new every day, but it made me feel lost and confused when I went to the gym alone when the trainer wasn't around. I felt like I needed them, which is part of their strategy. 

I want a good body because I want to attract a woman who is in shape as well. I also don't like listening to music when I'm doing stuff. It reduces my focus for the most part and limits me from being social. I only listen to music while driving. Gym music is so terrible, holy shit. That forces me to wear headphones, but I want to reduce the amount of sound going into my ears because headphones are bad for your ears. So I'm forced to listen to shit music, fight for equipment, be confused about my exercises, or be bored with the same routines and not seeing the results I want unless I do 3-5 years of committed exercise.

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@BooksandTrees Yeah I can see where you're coming from. I try not to listen to the headphones too loud, hopefully it won't mess up my hearing. Hmm. Fighting for equipment sucks. It makes me want to go in the morning or super late.  I can see how working out with the same routine for 3-5 years can be boring. I don't think much about it though because it's pretty much all I have. I can't play any sports due to my back injury. I can't swim because it causes me acne. I'm pretty much secluded to gym and cardio machines. I do some yoga too. I also found a nice gym that's more friendly and peaceful which helps a lot. Whatever you do for exercise I hope you find something that works for you.

Day 54 NF 25 Np 8 med 11

Today was almost a slip up on NP. I randomly got a big pimple on my back and chest. Maybe because yesterday was really stressful shoe shopping for me? Anyways I remembered my posting here and my commitment to NP kept me from doing it. So that was good. I use a Zinc soap bar for my body that helps a lot with my skin. I'm thinking about checking out the Respawn guide. This site and Gamequitters things in general are one of the things on my short list of things that I'm able to do. (My anxiety causes me to get stressed out and breakout in acne for a long list of activities). My skins relatively clear lately though because I avoid things on my 'can't do' list. 

I finished watching DC's Legends (1/4 shows I can watch so far). I thought, "Is this all there is to life? There has got to be more." So I guess I'm going to go through Respawn and see if it can help to enrich my life. I like the idea of decreasing screen time. Even though I'm on a screen right now. This pales in comparison to the endless hours spent gaming or watching tv. It's a lot more conscious too. 

I almost lost a friend today. I sort of lost my sister. She kept texting me mean insensitive things and refused to stop when asked repeatedly. So I did the only thing I could: I blocked her number and stopped talking to her. I've felt better since then. Although my parents want us to talk again. I don't want to. If I talk to her again she'll probably be just as mean and unapologetic as ever. I don't have any interest in setting myself up to get abused again. 

Back to my friend. She lost a friend recently and was being kind of rude to me. I got upset on 3-4 separate occasions and told her I didn't want to talk if she was going to keep acting out like this. She apologized and said she'd try to be nicer. So God willing that works out . . . I dunno I've kind of wanted to not talk to her for a long time. We'll see if our relationship improves. I might still have to cut her off. Cutting off people used to be hard for me because I have almost no friends or even acquaintances. But, I've decided I'd rather be alone than with someone who is treating me badly. Yep . 

I'll probably get on some anti anxiety meds next week and get a new pair of shoes. So I'm looking forward to that. I did an hour of cardio today. I am gassed! I like using the elliptical at my gym though. It has a tv on it and I've been able to watch some movie clips on FX with minimal discomfort. Anyways God bless everyone on here and anyone who reads this with lots of help in all areas of their life.

God bless

Erik

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Cutting out toxic people can be really hard, but I think it's an important thing to learn to do to live a healthy life. You only have so much time and energy to give, and you can't spread yourself thin for everyone around you. That's not to say you shouldn't help others, but I think there's a difference between a conscious act of giving that you decide to do, and someone who just takes from you constantly. 

It may be controversial but I've often felt that even family members should not be immune to this... I've had people tell me that 'Blood is thicker than water', as though that were an excuse not to cut off toxic family members. If you go back far enough, any human being could be considered family. 😛 There's nothing special about being related (and I say this as someone who has an excellent immediate family). So take care of yourself first and foremost, and don't feel bad when you take action in this space.

That said, I do hope things improve with your family and friends. And if not, there's 7 billion other people out there who you can petition for better friendships, so it's not like you're starved for choice. 🙂 Keep it up.

Edited by ElectroNugget
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Hi,

 

Please make sure you are informed of all the side affects from anxiety medication. They are very powerful drugs, and you cannot just quit taking them. You have to taper off. 
 

Sending blessing to you as well. Have a beautiful day.

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I agree with @ElectroNugget . It all goes back to the idea that you held yourself to higher standards. You are no longer a doll that gets pushed around by others indefinitely, just so it can ultimately get to the addiction's tit. Chances are that at the point you snap out of the addiction, not a lot of people surrounding you will appreciate it, because you will start standing up for yourself. But you will also get the opportunity to make new and better friends from (thus far) strangers and people currently at the fringes of your social network.

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Day 55 NF 26 Np 9 med 12 

I’ll get back o everyone soon. I’m busy early in the week. It’s going to be a sleepy day tomorrow. I get up at 630 to see my psych. We’ll see what they say about side effects with anti anxiety pills. I don’t really mind anymore. All the things I can’t do because I’m too anxious or whatever my problem is. I don’t think it’ll change with pills. I have some form of insomnia. It’s been hard. But it’s nice when I get my weekends off from work and get to lay in bed longer. Maybe I’ll take a staycation sometime in the near future. I have some PTO. 
 

God bless

Erik

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@ElectroNugget yeah it’s kind of sad but sometimes family members need to be cut off . 
 

@Icandothis thank so much, I talked to my dr and I think it’s safe enough to try the meds. They don’t cause organ damage like other ones I was on. 
 

@Ikar yes I noticed after getting off the games I don’t put up with people mistreating me as much. I used to just put up with people and go game the pain away but now I’m advocating more for what I want.

Day 56 NF 27 Np 10 med 13

Still on the GQ journey here. Does anyone have a review of respawn for me? I’m kind of bored and could use something to stimulate me. My clients being very good and respectful about not gaming around me after I asked him not to. I’m on more medication now and I’d say I’m feeling better already. My sister keeps to herself now which is nice because then I don’t think about her much. I had sexual dreams for a couple nights now. I hope that doesn’t continue and I just sleep. My back got kind of messed up from doing cardio machines. But I’m being gentle with it and doing less now. I hope that works out too. Thanks everyone for commenting.

God bless

Erik

 

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Day 57 NF 28 Np 11 med 14

Oh shoot. I'm getting another twelve hours at work. That brings my total up to 29 hours if everyone shows up for counseling. Including driving hours I'll be getting that'll make me a full time employee I think. 30/week. That's great I'm slotted to work more. It's also not great because I still have hot flash insomnia. I stay in bed twelve hours a day just to feel somewhat well rested. If I have to cut that by 3-4 hours so I can get to work it's going to be a big problem for me. My life may become just working, sleeping and doing a little self care. I might not even have much time to go to the gym anymore. Which has become an everyday thing for me. This could be a huge issue. This sleep problem needs to be fixed. If I could just sleep 8 hours and feel well rested. Then I could work, gym, sleep and cope. I'd probably even have time for a social life and to expand my hobbies. Yeah. Until that miracle comes it's just work sleep and what exercise I can fit in.

Erik

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6 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

Oh shoot. I'm getting another twelve hours at work. That brings my total up to 29 hours if everyone shows up for counseling.

Do you have to take these hours? The rest of your post is just worrying about the negative effects of it. I wouldn't want to do 40 hours a week, despite the fact I enjoy what I do.

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Day 58 NF 29 Np 12 med 15

@Ikar I don’t think I have to. They’d prefer if I did though. I definitely won’t take more than this. They reduced it to 9hours so my totals at 26 a week up from 17.
 

I don’t know if I can handle the added work. Today the struggle was real for sure. I was all hot and tired at the gym . It could also be because my meds just increased. I’m feeling like just sleeping now even though it’s nine because I’m pretty wiped out. I’m going to try to keep these hours but no more.
 

God bless

Erik

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Day 59 NF 30 Np 13 med 16

It felt shorter when I did my 90 day detox off this site. I guess it's because I wasn't tracking each day on the website. That being said, once I tried gaming in moderation after my detox I felt like the forums made me feel a lot better so I've stayed with them. 

@Ikar They mandate me to work at least 30 hours so I've got to meet that quota. I got on some anti anxiety meds and I'm meditating and doing more yoga so that will all help me. Thanks for checking in with me. 

I've had to change up pressing motions to using dumbbells at the gym because the barbell version was hurting my wrist too much. I feel this sort of malaise come over me. I do work, gym, sleep. It's all sort of the same things all the time. It's good for me to have the stable structure it's just also a bit boring at times. Maybe I could try getting into an art form or something creative. I was thinking I'd just work to meditate and read more though. It's the safe play. I still really want to make a girlfriend, but I've kind of remembered to trust the process and not rush the process with that. With everything. That means taking my time to just talk and get to know someone for a long time and not asking to hang out or anything. Just really taking my time to chat and get to know people as I'm able to. 

I feel a lot more peace thinking about doing this rather than just trying to ask out girls randomly. Which I'm not opposed to it's just sort of, that's a really high octane activity. I think doing more low to moderate level of stressors is best for me right now in my life. That as I trust in the process it'll slowly build up to more exciting things with time. Thank you all for reading my posts and being here for me. It means a lot to me to have people post and know someone out there cares.

God bless

Erik

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5 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

 They mandate me to work at least 30 hours so I've got to meet that quota. I got on some anti anxiety meds and I'm meditating and doing more yoga so that will all help me. Thanks for checking in with me. 

No problem, from the way you wrote it, it seemed like you wouldn't enjoy this change too much, though it depends on what options you have available to deal with it.

5 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

I still really want to make a girlfriend, but I've kind of remembered to trust the process and not rush the process with that. With everything. That means taking my time to just talk and get to know someone for a long time and not asking to hang out or anything. Just really taking my time to chat and get to know people as I'm able to. 

I feel a lot more peace thinking about doing this rather than just trying to ask out girls randomly. Which I'm not opposed to it's just sort of, that's a really high octane activity. I think doing more low to moderate level of stressors is best for me right now in my life. That as I trust in the process it'll slowly build up to more exciting things with time.

Try making male friends first, ideally some you can admire for particular traits or things you'd like to learn and they are better at. The idea is that you can have as many as you can handle (while you likely have only one girlfriend) and it is good insurance in case you break up with a girl, because you still have a lot of your social circle intact.

Be wary of not asking out girls you like soon enough though - the popular catchphrase with what happens to guys afterwards is "friendzone", meaning the girl you like noticed that you are comfortable just listening to her all the time and you have no sexual drive towards her.

I employed a fairly simple dichotomy regarding the above; make friends with guys and make love with girls. Girls have a knack of saying fairly early that they have a boyfriend or are otherwise uninterested at that time. That's not to say you shouldn't talk to your female coworkers in relationships anymore, but that you should look for a girlfriend elsewhere and not dwell on it. Where and when to look for potential dates depends on your personality and hobbies, but don't be afraid to explore new possibilities, especially if you think you have next to none.

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6 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

Day 59 NF 30 Np 13 med 16

It felt shorter when I did my 90 day detox off this site. I guess it's because I wasn't tracking each day on the website. That being said, once I tried gaming in moderation after my detox I felt like the forums made me feel a lot better so I've stayed with them. 

@Ikar They mandate me to work at least 30 hours so I've got to meet that quota. I got on some anti anxiety meds and I'm meditating and doing more yoga so that will all help me. Thanks for checking in with me. 

I've had to change up pressing motions to using dumbbells at the gym because the barbell version was hurting my wrist too much. I feel this sort of malaise come over me. I do work, gym, sleep. It's all sort of the same things all the time. It's good for me to have the stable structure it's just also a bit boring at times. Maybe I could try getting into an art form or something creative. I was thinking I'd just work to meditate and read more though. It's the safe play. I still really want to make a girlfriend, but I've kind of remembered to trust the process and not rush the process with that. With everything. That means taking my time to just talk and get to know someone for a long time and not asking to hang out or anything. Just really taking my time to chat and get to know people as I'm able to. 

I feel a lot more peace thinking about doing this rather than just trying to ask out girls randomly. Which I'm not opposed to it's just sort of, that's a really high octane activity. I think doing more low to moderate level of stressors is best for me right now in my life. That as I trust in the process it'll slowly build up to more exciting things with time. Thank you all for reading my posts and being here for me. It means a lot to me to have people post and know someone out there cares.

God bless

Erik

Personally I agree with you about cold approaching. I never felt comfortable doing it, nor did I ever really want to do it either.

I met the girl I'm with right now over Match. I wasn't really looking for or expecting anything at the time. It sort of just happened. I think if you take the proper steps to prepare yourself and allow yourself to be open to opportunities that come along, then things will sort of just fall into place. I know that sounds super cliche but I do believe in it, but then I'm also a believer in the law of attraction.

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Day 60 NF 31 Np 14 med 17

@seriousjay and @Ikar thank you guys for your wisdom. There’s some good ideas you’re bringing to light. 
 

Today I realized that the gym is destressing for me. I was all stressed out after shopping at an outlet store. Then I went to the gym and felt much better. I hope I can manage to chill out enough to feel good most of the time. Lately I’ve been kind of on the stressful side. I think I’m going to take Ikars advice into consideration and see if my employer will OK me to just work part time ~25 hours a week. I’d like to just stay where I’m at with 22 a week. I think this is good enough .

Considering most people with schizoaffective disorder don’t even work and just get social security checks. I’d say I’m doing pretty good. No need to push things too far. Although If I want to start getting residency hours towards my career goal of licensure I’ll have to work at least 30 a week to be eligible for counting those hours. God help me get ready for that somehow.

God bless

Erik

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Day 61 NF 32 Np 15  Med 1

I forgot to do my ten minutes of meditation yesterday so That means I’ve got to reset the counter on it. 😭 oh well it’s okay. I’ve set an evening alarm to remind me to do it now so I hope that helps. 
 

I wish I had an artistic hobby now to do to pass the time. Maybe I could try poetry again. My friends into that. 
 

I got my cardio yoga and foam rolling in today which was chill . The gyms a sleepy place on sundays sometimes. I hope everyone is getting all the help they need .

God bless

Erik

Actually I think I might have done meditation in the morning and not at night. I don’t really remember though. Maybe it’d be good to keep a schedule. Pretty sure I didn’t meditate haha.

Edited by Erik2.0
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Hi!

That’s ok on the meditation.  Just start again today. 🙂

 

Look you’re already on day 61 of no gaming! That’s pretty awesome. Yes, I agree, a hobby that allows you to express your emotions would be wonderful. I have a simple drawing book and some pastels. 
 

Take care my friend. 

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  • stablish changed the title to TheNewMe2.0's Journal - A Better Life

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