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Everything posted by ElectroNugget

  1. Really impressive streaks you've got going there man! I've taken on NoFap and GameQuitters at the same time. Recently I noticed that now I am just spending more time on Youtube and was considering quitting that as well, do you feel like that's worked well for you? Keep it up!
  2. DAY 35-37: Hit the two-week mark of NoFap today, so that's cool. It's my longest clean streak ever. So setting records pretty much every day now as long as I stay away from Porn and Gaming. That said, I've still been in a really bad place. Quitting porn and games has shown me very clearly just how much time and energy I dumped into them, because with them removed there's actually very little going on in my life. No wonder it's a mess and my career is in the dump! I guess it's a good revelation to have, but it does feel disheartening. Despite the intensity of my urges, I can see now that quitting is just the very beginning of the journey. Now I will have to build a whole new life, with new habits and completely new routines. Normally I think I would find that premise very exciting, but since I'm having major career and employment problems right now it feels like a bit too much to handle. Remodeling my whole lifestyle while trying to either A: take the necessary steps to get my career back on track or B: figure out that I don't want to be an artist anymore and pivot, seems like a lot to do all at once. I wish I was a stronger person, that I could face these things and know that I would surmount this challenge. But the matter of fact is that deep down I believe I am weak, and I have no faith in my abilities to rectify this situation. In light of this intense pressure and rampant self-doubt, I've found myself having suicidal thoughts again. I hope in time they will pass, I guess I just need to hold on while the slow change takes its course, and perhaps carries me to more fertile grounds.
  3. DAY 30-34: I hit the one month mark! Pretty cool I guess. I must admit, I've been away from the site as it feels like the gaming is slipping away from being my primary focus of change, to porn being the big battle. I don't know if I'm biting off more than I can chew right now, but I feel like since they both represented a release, or a dopamine high when I was feeling bad, it makes sense to try and tackle them together. That said, porn has been much, much harder to quit and I am battered by extremely powerful urges and temptations every day. I'm now on day 11 of NoFap, with 12 days being my longest streak, this seems to be a hump that I struggle with as today has been excruciating. I've also experienced far more severe symptoms of some of the side effects already discussed on gamequitters: fatigue, mood swings, poor sleep quality, and most annoyingly, painful headaches that don't really respond to medication. I've also felt jumpy and anxious at night. Overall, it's been rough. I'm really determined to quit and change my life but the forces arrayed against me seem overwhelming, especially since my career also seems to be in the dumps. I've found myself browsing Youtube and Reddit mindlessly, clearly also a shoddy attempt at escaping reality which I will also have to quit or curb severely at some point. Just how deep does this rabbit hole go? So yeah, really rough couple of days. I will try to get back to regular posts again soon.
  4. Welcome to the forums, Tony. Sounds like you had a productive first day. Keep at it and you'll have many more! Good luck on your journey. 🙂
  5. DAY 29: Whoah, one day away from a month now. Today was OK. I finished up some more drawings for my portfolio, chatted with my girlfriend to try and smooth things over (things have been a bit rough lately), and then went through my old portfolio and deleted a lot of my old art. Funnily enough, deleting my old work felt kind of cathartic, and like I was making space for a new chapter in my artistic career. There's now a huge hole in my online portfolio, so now I have no choice but to fill it. I am having pretty intense ups and downs emotionally right now, and I definitely feel a high level of stress, but I am not sure where it comes from since I who knows if it's about life, craving games or porn anymore. I'm just very stressed. But at the same time, I feel hopeful (at least right now) that I am slowly getting on the right path for the future. I've attached my latest artwork below.
  6. Hey man. Well, I'm going to have to get a little into the nitty-gritty to fully explain it. I'm going to try to be a little vague for her sake and mine, but to be short my girlfriend has had some mental health issues in the distant past. I have had troubles with porn-induced ED (erectile dysfunction). When we began our relationship I felt it would be best to be honest with her about my ongoing attempts to quit porn, and that sometimes things in bed might go sideways due to that. Basically, that's happened a few times and she seems to have taken it as a slight against her body image, and feels like she has an impossible competition vs. porn for sexual attention. That's really impacted her self esteem, and that's fair. I really don't want to hurt her in this way, so it's been an extra motivator for me to quit for good this time. I'm also reading a book called 'The Porn Trap', by Larry and Wendy Maltz, which goes into further details on how porn can affect your sex life and your relationships. It's really eye-opening. I've traded temporary pleasure for real love, affection and my own self-esteem my whole life, having to hide this dirty secret from everyone. Now I am trying to liberate myself from it and be open about it so I can change. I hope that's clear without being too graphic. 🙂
  7. Thanks for the tips man I'm going to need them! I'll take a look at those. Appreciate the advice.
  8. DAY 28: Long but relatively uneventful day today. I am now 5 days into NoFap, and very determined to make that a permanent change as well this time. As I said yesterday, quitting two addictions at once may be hard, but I don't think I can really consider my brain rewired from gaming if I'm still addicted to porn. I talked to my girlfriend about it today and she made it clear that it's had a huge effect on her, more than I knew or expected. This has only further motivated me to make the change. I really hope I can do it this time. Porn is an addiction that I've been trying to quit on and off for about 3 years. My longest streak was 12 days. Hopefully I can far exceed it this time. There's still so much to do, fixing my career, getting a job, making a new portfolio, quitting games and porn, getting enough exercise. Sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed by it all. But I guess I just got to keep trying.
  9. Just want to mirror what Ikar said, which was great and very empathic advice. You are trying, keep that in mind. Be kind to yourself in this difficult time. Know that there's a community here that you can reach out to if you need it. Good luck and keep fighting.
  10. Wow dude, tbh I haven't read much of the rest of your journal but this post was really huge. Big moments in your life happening right now. I'm also trying to quit gaming and porn simultaneously while struggling with my own kind of career/life crisis. As strange as it might sound, it's comforting to know I'm not the only one out there fighting this battle. It seems like you're on the right path, I'll try to follow in your footsteps. Stay strong!
  11. Damn dude you're killing it with the exercise! I gotta get back to the gym. 😂 Keep it up! 42 days is 6 weeks right? That's a huge accomplishment. Congrats man. Make sure you give yourself a pat on the back.
  12. Welcome to the club man. This is a tough road to travel but I can say that, at least for me, so far it's been well worth it. Good luck on your journey.
  13. DAY 25-27: Had a busy weekend, with a lot going on. Luckily I think it was good as I was at a lot of social events, and I was in-demand to meet up with various people around town. It felt good to have the time to be able to do those things and to stay on my feet for a few days in a row. Today however I had a slump again. Whenever I sit around the house I feel bad. It's funny because I normally consider myself a rather unmotivated and lazy person, and yet nothing makes me more miserable than sitting around all day. I guess that in the past, during a day like this I would kill all the time on videogames and somehow feel it was time well spent. Now, these days are torture. That said, when I have lazy days I'm still not very motivated to go out and do anything about it. A strange Catch-22. Recently I've noticed that my best days are the ones where I get to work and get into a flow state while drawing, where I forget about myself and the hours just fly by. It's clear that being productive and making art is what I should be trying to do more often. I need to come up with a solution and a plan where I can spend more time doing just that so I won't be able to mope around, ruminate and generally be unproductive. I also just need to create more art for the sake of my career. Considering my success so far in quitting games, I've decided that I want to take on the NoFap challenge as well now. Lately, since I've been doing a lot of reading on addictions, why they happen and how they affect the brain, I feel like I am better equipped than ever to finally kill my porn problem, which I have had for about 17 years. In all honesty, I consider my addiction to porn to be far more powerful and insidious than my addiction to gaming, and I believe that I can't really fully heal the reward circuits in my brain without giving up both. I'm a little scared about it. It's going to be really hard to let go of both at the same time, but I feel like it's now or never.
  14. Sapurverell, I think it's good that you are trying to take on NoFap as well. Pornography I've also absolutely had an addiction, or at least a serious problem with, for about 17 years (gaming tops that at 22 though!). I just started thinking about trying a month of NoFap now that I'm nearly a month into my GameQuitters, and I'm more comfortable without games. However, if there's one thing I've learned in the past from trying to change many habits at once, it's that it's very, very difficult to do so and you may not be 'setting yourself up for success' as Cam recommends. Trying to make a lot of really big changes to your lifestyle all at once can be really difficult and you may fall off the wagon if you're not careful. It takes a lot of willpower to resist the urges from multiple addictions every day. That might be OK for you! Just make sure that you're aware how hard it is to do, and give yourself some credit even if you do struggle and fail. These changes are important, but they're also big and difficult to do. You may not get it right the first time. Make sure you give yourself credit for each day you do succeed. 🙂 Hope that helps. Keep it up man!
  15. 05:30 AM wakeup sounds like pure torture to me! 😄 Good on you for making it happen! Seems you are being very productive. Keep it up!
  16. DAY 24: Today was a very good day, I spent time attending a conference on digital development for kids, and afterwards spent some time networking. Overall I got a lot of sympathy from some older colleagues of mine, who relayed similar career stories. I guess everyone has slumps and gets stuck in the mud sometimes. I just have to keep pushing forward. At some point, I have to get SOME kind of job as long as I keep trying, and especially if I keep improving! I had a friend remarked today that he'd be amazed if I hit a month game-free. I was kind of shocked by this because of course I'm not going to relapse now. I feel confident in this change and the positive benefits it's brought to my life far outweigh the bored moments. I also finished up my second lineup for the portfolio. Very happy with it! I just need to keep making stuff like this and clearing out all my old work and I think my portfolio will be much stronger in a few months. Attached below.
  17. Wow, dude, this is such great advice, thank you. Gaming has been easier for me to quit than expected (so far at least), but I have much more insidious addictions (internet, Youtube, etc.) which feel almost impossible to break by comparison (and perhaps the fact that I am still flooding my dopamine receptors with these habits is why gaming has felt easier than expected). I really like this analogy you use here. It feels like it gives me agency. Definitely gonna write this down and look at it every day! Thanks!
  18. Hey man, welcome to the forums. If you're really serious about this change, try to remove your gaming stuff from your environment completely somehow. I had a loved one change all the passwords on my gaming account and lock up my consoles. That way even when tempted there are enough steps between me and a relapse for me to reconsider. Good luck!
  19. I've had the same problem with Discord! It's so handy for keeping up with certain social groups, and a lot of my colleagues work in the games industry, so naturally, it's really hard to uninstall. But those ads can be totally triggering. 😂 You're nearly halfway through your 90-day detox! Quite the achievement. That's awesome man, stay strong. 🙂
  20. Hey man, welcome to the club. So sorry to hear about your father and your own troubles with the disease. Life can be really tough sometimes, it's only natural you needed to retreat somewhere. I think it's great you've decided to make this change now, I wish I had done the same at your age. Stay strong!
  21. DAY 22-23: I've had continuing emotional ups and downs. That just seems to be the way of things right now. One moment I think there's still an opportunity for me to turn my life around, the next I think I'm screwed. It's quite frustrating. The path I've chosen as an artist is maybe not for me in the long run, but I am beginning to put together a final portfolio. The plan is to spend the next 2 months or so updating it to the absolute best of my abilities while continuing to apply for jobs. If, after all that, I still can't find work as an artist, then I can put down my pencil with a clean conscience and start looking for other career paths. So these past two days I've been doing character lineups from my DnD campaigns as a sort of warmup, and I've pleasantly surprised myself with the results. Off to a good start! I attached one of them below. I also decided to get rid of my iPad. I've been using it to watch videos in bed and it's really affecting my sleep hygiene. I also spend just way too much time watching Youtube videos on it. The intake was already bad, but it's increased now that I don't have games to play so this seems to be a habit I'm going to have to break as well. It's going to be really tough, as I've fallen asleep to some sort of video/noise for most of my life. But I have to change. Man didn't sleep with iPads and cellphones in bed for most of human history. I'll adjust. I can't believe in a week I'll have been free of videogames for a month already!
  22. DAY 21: Wow three weeks. It's funny, it feels like it's been a long time, and also not so long. 😄 Today was a really weird day. I think I managed to be pretty productive but I have been very tired and had a huge emotional slump this evening. Not really sure what that's about. I guess sometimes you just feel bad. I still have doubts about my career, my life prospects, etc. I know I just have to keep trying and improve myself and my habits every day, one small step at a time.
  23. This is really important in my experience. Cam recommends a book called 'The Slight Edge' which is kind of about this idea, that small tasks you perform every day are really important. 'Easy to do, and easy not to do', is how he puts it in the book. Like brushing your teeth. It's easy to do, and easy not to do. But do it every day and you have healthy strong teeth your whole life. Forget to do it every day and you get gum disease, bad teeth, and painful visits to the dentist. Journalling has been one of those habits for me that has made a big difference. Writing things down makes me feel better and helps me process my emotions, and in hindsight I can look back and learn interesting things about myself. So yeah! Keep checking in and you might be surprised by the results.
  24. Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time right now Catherine. Just remember you have a community here to support you. This tough week of yours will soon be over, and you'll have made it 7 days without games during that time. That's a real achievement! Don't forget to pat yourself on that back for that. Celebrating even small milestones is really important.
  25. Gratitude is a really small practice that I've found brings a lot of benefits to life. I'm glad Cam brings it up in the course. I'm really grateful for my parents, who have let me move in to save money while I'm trying to get my life sorted out. At my age, it feels very embarrassing but the reality is that it's allowed me to have the time, energy and space to begin this transformation in the first place. I'm grateful I live in an age where information like this course, and communities like this, are so easily accessible. It's amazing that all of human knowledge is at our fingertips these days. You basically have no excuse not to learn something new every day. Likewise, with this community, I can seek support here at any minute I need it. If you were an alcoholic in the 1930s reaching somebody else in your moment of crisis was probably nowhere near as easy as it is today. I'm grateful that it's spring now in Europe! Damn, I needed the sun for an energy boost and the excuse to go outside while detoxing. Great timing! 😄
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