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Thanks @Icandothis I'm happy to share my journey with you and hear about yours as well. I'm glad that my posts have a positive effect on you. That makes me happy. Hopefully this job works out well and I'm able to leave my old job for it relatively soon.

Positive: Another week begins

I feel little more refreshed this week than I did last week so that's good. Even though it's only 27 hours working six days feels like forever before I make it to Sunday and have my day off. Oh well. I'll do my best to enjoy the time off I have each day and be really careful about what I do so as not to stress myself out at all. Last week was really stressful so I'm trying my best to not have that happen again. I'm kind of tired of eating this big cheesecake from Costco. Now I just want to eat our ice cream but we gotta get through the cake first. I think this means I like ice cream more than cake. 

I smiled at my doll

I accomplished starting to return a pet turtle (I don't like having pets)

I am grateful for @Icandothis my doll, returning turtle, my journey, posts, positivity, new job, old job, new week, payday in 3 days, 27 hours of work

God bless

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Hello, My clean date is 11/25/19. This is My Story.  It’s 11/14/19 and I decided to recommit to quit today after just thirty minutes of gaming. I was having a hard time dealing with the fact

Positive: I'm 1 year free of video games. Yes that's right. I have not played games for a year now. It's pretty amazing. I don't have much time so maybe tomorrow I'll put up a post where I tag ev

Day 270 NP 232 Np 223 Med 208 NF 108 Positive:  Yeah. You can see me celebrating 9 months clean there. In other news. Even though I'm down to 3mg risperdal I'm still sleeping 13+ hours a da

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Positive: Still loving my three shows that I watch on repeat. 

Yes the reruns of the flash, supergirl and Dcs legends are great. I'm amazed that I'm still into them the second go around. If I don't find new shows which it seems I probably will struggle a lot to find new shows well I may end up watching all of these three some 50-70 times before I die. That would be pretty ridiculous if I kept watching them for my whole life. But whatever we'll see who knows. Maybe they'll come out with more superhero shows I can manage to watch. Go CW go. May the CW never die and keep producing superhero shows at least for my lifetime. CW empire. My acne is taking forever to clear up. It has made me completely stop trying new shows because this batch showed up when I watched some of a movie. Yes this is the gripping reality that I live in. Acne coming from trying new shows and not being able to watch them anyways. It's pretty nuts. But whatever I'm blessed to have the few shows I do. I honestly have no idea what I'd do without them because they take up a majority of my free time that I don't spend exercising or eating. 

I smiled at our wooden buddha decoration

I accomplished eating ice cream?

I am grateful for buddha, ice cream, wood, sculptures, flash, supergirl, Dcs legends, fridge, fridge 2, and my sweater

God bless

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@codepants Nice idea. That would be some legit ice cream.

Positive: Got a new client

So now I'm up to 33 hours a week but I'll be back down to 27 after next week. This is sort of an issue as I have to do a lot of schedule fitting to get everyone in. Actually I don't know. The hours they're giving me are a total mess and not looking good. Yeah the new clients location makes this assignment god awful. I'm going to be getting home at 710 and having to sleep by 735. So I'll have 25 minutes approximately to eat and wash off at night. That's going to maybe not be possible. But I'll try. Otherwise I can just change my client to Telehealth instead of in person so I can have time to drive to the other client. Yeah maybe I'll just do that. This is too much hassle for me to have to work till 710 at night just so a client can see me in person. I'm moving him to Telehealth. 

I smiled at my supervisor

I accomplished getting a new client

I am grateful for supervisor, new client, money, hours, new job, short commutes, switching to Telehealth, better hours, sweater, and new day.

God bless

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You're an LPC? How many hours do you need to bill to get benefits?

I started as an LPC-IT (in training) in July and am only billing at most 10 hours a week right now... I don't feel imposter syndrome, exactly, but it's hard not to feel some ambivalence about having such a small case load having worked for 3 months. I'm a little worried I'll get fired. But the no-call, no-shows usually aren't my fault... it's often that they can't figure out the paperwork online, because they don't have printers or fax machines, because who on Medicaid can afford a printer or a fax machine? COVID sucks.

Did you get your 27 hours quickly or was it built up over time?

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@codepants I'm not an LPC I guess you could say I'm an LPC in training but my title is Resident in Counseling. I'm doing intensive in home work so I don't do the regular outpatient office work like you're doing. I hope I can figure out a way for clients to do paperwork online through their phones or laptops. That's a big hurdle to make them print everything out when they can't even use the library printer due to covid. I built my case load up over about 1.5 years. It's a lot slower for me because guys can only work with guys no guy girl pairings allowed. So I get like half as many client opportunities. I'm currently transitioning to a new job where I'll be doing outpatient like you. Once I've built up enough hours doing that to leave my IIH job I'll do it, that's the plan. I guess it takes a lot of time to build up hours. 10 in 3 months does sound kind of slow but it's not easy to get client retention. Good luck getting more hours, sounds like you're doing the best you can. Are you getting supervised towards your license? I'm supposed to finally start supervision 11/1. It's a real mission to find a supervisor who has the same license you're going after that you actually like to supervise you. You're lucky if you've got one.

Positive: Meditation is going good

I almost forgot to write a post because my reply was so long. So meditation is going well. I've been doing 14 minutes every morning and then I do a few deep breaths with prayer hands at heart center. It's been feeling really good or at least bearable. I'm enjoying the meditation and leaning into it. One of my old classmates contacted me today possible seeing if I wanted to try being friends. I didn't get a good feeling from her though. It was like she was flirting with me but had no intention of dating me (had a boyfriend at the time). It reminded me of my old friend snow who seemed to be trying to get me to like her while having no interest in me romantically. Basically just wanting to lead me on endlessly to be a jerk to me is how it seemed/felt. I really don't want to get into another situation like that so I'm kind of thinking I won't respond to my classmates text. I feel like she's just gonna do the same leading on thing that snow did to me and I really just didn't get a good feeling from her when we talked last. She's cute though and kind of nice/interesting to talk to. Just can't get over the feeling she's leading me on. Don't wanna deal with that feeling again. Not worth it.

I smiled at my flash doll

I accomplished eating waffles

I am grateful for flash, doll, waffles, syrup, cheese, LPC, supervisor, Li, RIC, IIH, clients.

God bless

Edited by TheNewMe2.0
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Ah, it makes me feel a lot better that it's been 1.5 years for you. Even if you can't work with women... which like... what??? Is it a lot of trauma work? Or a liability thing? I can kind of see it if you were in-home alone with them, but I'm assuming they do background checks... that's rough. And frustrating.

Yes, I'm getting supervised towards my license. My supervisor and I haven't really been jiving though. I think he's starting to get that he can't just lecture me all the time, that I actually need support, but... it's been rough getting going. I guess I am lucky though, supervision is provided by my organization. Glad you're starting soon; though, does that mean you've been working the past 1.5 years and not having it count towards licensure? 😑

Thanks for the reply!

It's good you can recognize that feeling of being led on. It took me years to figure out. When I finally turned someone down because they wanted to be friends, but have a date-like relationship... it was hard at first. I used to give people the benefit of the doubt. But it feels a lot better now. I still give them the benefit of the doubt, but I'm not sacrificing my own emotional energy to do it.

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@codepants Oh also I get benefits if I work 30 hours for 13 consecutive weeks averaged. I never made that it over that bar and now am starting a new job elsewhere. They're just concerned the women will accuse me of rape or something and I could get in trouble like that. And yes I have worked 1.5 years and it didn't count one hour towards licensure. I just couldn't get a supervisor on board with me and didn't understand what to do to make it happen until now. Sucks but what can you do. You're welcome for the reply. Relationships can be tricky as they don't always appear to be what they really are and people never admit to leading on. I think I'm making. the right call to dodge this one.

Positive: I made lunch yay

I remembered to make lunch as today will be a long one. 

I smiled at birds

I accomplished making unch

I am grateful for lunch, birds, turkey sandwich, new client, old client retention, finally getting supervised, apples, bananas, rug, and hair,.

God bless

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Positive: new job starting t minus two weeks.

Once the new job starts I'll slowly be reducing hours at my current job. I'll stop working a 3 hour block and make that available to the new job to fill. Once it's filled I'll repeat the process until I am completely working the new job with no old job hours. I'm excited and even somewhat desperate to drop some of my hours. There are some clients that are long commutes or have unchill parents to deal with that I'm eager to drop in favor of the new job hours. I hope the paperwork isn't too difficult at the new job. My nails have gotten long it's time to cut them. Maybe tomorrow on my day off and a little today I'll do a bunch of stuff. This is the longest I've gone without putting my clothes away. I just left the laundry on the floor and the clean clothes in the bins. Gotta try to put those clothes away first thing after washing them in the future. I did clean my bathroom though so that's good. It's difficult to stay on top of that one for some reason. I guess because it kind of grosses me out sometimes. I'll wear gloves next time. 

I smiled at last day of work for the week

I accomplished getting up

I am grateful for morning, last day of work week, getting up, chill parents, laundry, clothes, pillowcases, avoiding unapproved shows, the same three shows I watch every week, and me.

God bless

PS memorize your clean dates it can help to remember them while struggling with cravings.

Kind of TMI follows

Spoiler

I humped my mattress and came the other night. I didn't know if I count this as masturbation or not. So I'm just saying this time it doesn't count but if it happens again it counts as masturbating. It's important for me to keep trying to not think about sex. Once I do it's a slippery slope to masturbation.

 

Edited by TheNewMe2.0
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Positive: My mom and I are leaving good enough alone with the tv setup.

We were trying to get a recliner in my room and put the tv there. Or get a bigger tv. But my mom asked that we leave good enough alone and just work with the current setup. I have a decent couch and a 40" tv. I can probably last for years on this setup so. We'll try to just leave it at that. Though it would be tempting to try for a bigger tv on black friday. 65" yeah. Get a new stand for it so it fits better. hmm. We'll see.

I smiled at the leaves

I accomplished washing dishes some thing I don't do enough during the work week due to time constraints

I am grateful for leaves, dishes, washing, clothes, laundry, doing laundry, carved furniture, stools, pots and mom who I'm going on a routine trip to Costco with. That's mostly what we do, go hiking go Costco . It's okay.

God bless

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Positive: things are good with my mom

I was starting to get a little uncomfortable with my mom last week. But then we went on a long drive and hiked at a park over the weekend and I felt better about us. It made me want to hang out with her more even. So I'm glad things are good with my mom. 

I got a t-shirt that says STAR labs on it like they wear on the flash. When I had a flash shirt before I Felt like people were staring at me in a villainous way like they didn't like that I was repping the flash. I know it might be a symptom of my schizophrenia but I was getting paranoid. I'm going to see how this shirt works out and maybe think about getting a flash shirt again. Because I would like to rep one of my favorite shows. 

My client with the difficult mother went to rehab so I don't have to go see him for over a month. Phew what a relief. He's the first one on my list for dropping clients once the new job starts. So I might get to drop him before ever having to see him in person again. So that's great. Hopefully hours come steadily at the new job. It would suck to be in a drought. 

I smiled at God and America

I accomplished being patriotic

I am grateful for god, America, patriotism, star labs, flash, supergirl, Dcs legends, mom, hanging with mom being good, and clean air.

God bless

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Positive: I'm allowed to befriend clients.

So I looked up the laws for therapists where I live. And they said you have to wait two years before engaging in a sexual relationship with a client and you can be friends with clients after therapy although it's sometimes inadvisable. So that's kind of cool. I don't know if I really want to befriend any of my clients once I leave my job but it's good to know I can if I want to. I'm basically just living my life one day at a time and enjoying it as much as I can. Things are going well with my mom. I go to Costco with her and hiking sometimes although her body isn't doing so great at hiking. I enjoy watching my three superhero shows. I deadlift and that keeps my back from hurting while I sit on the couch. I am able to cook well enough to provide for myself. And I'm getting a new job that will supposedly pay more and give me much less commute time actually zero commuting as it's all online work for now. I'll also get to start supervision for licensure after not getting any for 1.5 years. So things are looking pretty good for me. I'm just biding my time till the new job pans out (hopefully). 

I smiled at GQ forum

I accomplished saying hi to our construction worker.

I am grateful for GQ ofc, construction worker, construction, new parts of the house, toilet, tv, couch, deadlifting, new job, knowing laws of therapeutic relationships, hiking, 

God bless

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Positive: my neck's less sore today

My neck has been sore for months since I watched tv at a slight angle. This morning it wasn't as sore as usual. So that's nice. I think I've gained six pounds in the past months. I was 181 and now I'm 187. That's pretty concerning. I think I'm going to keep trying to not eat desert. I think that's the main culprit for my weight gain. I just don't know if I can do it. I'll get some yogurt. That helps me not eat sweets. 

I do like my greek yogurt. Oikos brand zero sugar. 

I smiled at work eh

I accomplished putting on slippers

I am grateful for yogurt, greek yogurt, oikos brand, my tv, my neck being less sore, getting rid of desert, exercise, push up, pull up, crunch.

God bless

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3 hours ago, TheNewMe2.0 said:

tv at a slight angle

I noticed my computer was at a slight angle. Used a level and it turned out the left side of my screen was slightly higher than the right side of my screen. Used some flipbooks to level it out.

Edited by Bird By Bird
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20 hours ago, Bird By Bird said:

I noticed my computer was at a slight angle. Used a level and it turned out the left side of my screen was slightly higher than the right side of my screen. Used some flipbooks to level it out.

Nice. I just have to eyeball it with my tv screen. It's been going alright though. 

Positive: On The Flash season 2 

It's a good season. Spoiler

Spoiler

Wally is drag racing as he enters the West household. They're gonna pull him out of it eventually though. Iris just got hit with a shard of glass and is in the hospital. Barry lost 2% of his speed to zoom because Harry wells gave it to him. Even though I saw the series through once I don't really remember what's going to happen next. Then when it happens I'm kind of like, oh yeah this seems familiar. My client has seen it through like 5 times so he remembers everything. And acts like something's wrong with me when I don't remember. It's not the most pleasant thing to be around. But I let him know he's being a jerk to some extent and he tends to calm down some. 

I got a STAR labs t shirt. I thought it would be cool to have something referencing the show. But it's been giving me anxiety to wear it. I'm gonna try to wear it for a day and see how it goes. I dunno if I'll be able to keep wearing it and may end up just giving it away or trying to return it. Although amazon doesn't want worn clothing to be returned they might still accept it anyways. I just updated my Mac which took forever. I don't recommend updating it unless you don't have anything to do. I have some work to take care of this morning. Then I'm going for a hike and have a regular 3 hour Appt with a client. Just a normal day. Not much going on. I'm getting anxiety though so that's not good. I really might have to take off the shirt. Oh well, I tried. 

I smiled at Cisco Ramon

I accomplished filtering water

I am grateful for star labs, drag racing, Wally, the wests, cisco, beating anxiety, my Mac, table, atom, and stools.

God bless

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Positive: I'm not too tired.

Even though my sleep hasn't been so great lately. At least I'm not too tired. I'm also starting a new mood stabilizer Haldol to potentially replace my risperdol. If it works maybe I'll sleep less and feel more energy. I forgot to thaw my turkey bacon so I just ate leftover chicken today for breakfast. It was still okay although not as good as the turkey bacon. I have a lot of not so good thoughts that I think when I'm sort of sleeping at night. It's difficult to control them. I'll keep trying though. I can't handle eating my clients food. It keeps giving me stomach aches. So I guess I'll just tell them I have to eat at home. I can't keep coming home with stomach aches from eating their food. I wonder what's going on with it that it causes me this. Construction has stopped on our house for a couple of days. It's nice and quiet again. I was able to workout and did a 170lb deadlift. It was more difficult than usual as I took a week off. I don't like working out down there while they're in the room doing construction work. I'll probably give it a try though this week as I want to workout on Friday. I'm coming up on 11 months. 3 days away on the 26th. Pretty soon I'll be at 2 years sober 1 year game free. That'll be my best abstinence ever from games. Almost there as I think 2.5 years was my longest sober time. I feel like I'm getting my life together with this stint of abstinence and I would like to continue doing so. In more years of sobriety I could probably get a lot better with my life and everything. Finances relationships etc.

I smiled at the possibilities

I accomplished eating breakfast

I am grateful for potential, turkey bacon, breakfast, chicken even though it wasn't so good, pain free, life is good, deadlifting 170+, construction finishing, 2 years sober and 1 year game free coming up.

God bless

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Maybe your clients are secretly poisoning you... haha kidding. I hope you do get more energy from your new medication; that's a struggle I've had for about a year now. Back when my therapist thought I had depression I tried basically every anti-depressant on the market with no effect. Adderall seems to have "cured" me of my blues but the (huge) downside is that the second it wears off I am completely incapacitated. My psychiatrist responded to that with "well, if it wears off at 5 and you get off work at 5... that's fine?" um sorry I'm not the typical 39 year old dude who just wants to go home and fall asleep in front of the TV lol. I got shit to do bro.

Working out is another thing I have to get back into and you just reminded me. Thanks. Gyms are finally open. 🙂

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@ceponatia Hmm maybe it was the clients. I'm still trying mood stabilizers. I might try a new antidepressant too who knows. I'm trying gene sight which tests what meds are most effective for you to see what might work for me because I don't have any answers with the mood stabilizers for now. I get where you're coming from with feeling tired from meds. I just don't know if there's going to be any changes for me with sleeping less. I may be stuck at 13 hours a day forever if we can't find a replacement med. Sounds like you're staying with adderall too. I workout at home, it saves time which I don't have much of due to the sleeping.

Positive: last day of my work week

TGISaturday. Everyone's always saying TGIF around me but when you don't get off until Saturday it's not an encouraging acronym to hear. I'm planning to work only until 5pm and 2pm on Friday and Saturday for now. I want to get some extra time off on my weekends to Netflix and chill. I'm almost like a normal person aside from my inability to watch almost all shows, play any sports, read books, play board games or sleep less than 13 hours a night. Yay. Hmm well life is good anyways so it's okay. When I retire I'm going to have like nothing to do at this rate. But who knows maybe I'll have a lot of social contacts by then. Or my wife will be okay with watching my shows on repeat with me. I'm seriously planning to buy the DVD's for my shows when they stop being available on Netflix. I'm dedicated to the rewatching. It's just about all I've got aside from my job and my mom. And I do enjoy the shows. Watching them for the second time is making me feel more connected with the characters and I feel like their wisdom in pouring into my daily life. I like say things to people sometimes that are like what Joe West would say and I'm like woah the show is working. Is good.

I smiled at Joe

I accomplished putting on chapstick

I am grateful for mood stabilizers, antidepressants, sleep, TGIS, Netflix and, chill, books I can read albeit few, my shows, my show dvds, mom, job.

God bless

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@royal panda Thanks today will hopefully be good too it's my day off

Positive: GQ is still up.

@Cam Adair Okay I have major issues with this new layout that GQ has just applied. The text on our posts is now over to the left of the screen instead of being in the middle of the screen. This is very uncomfortable for me to be reading and writing on. I need it back in the middle. I'm glad GQ hasn't crashed or anything so I can still post to it and be helped in my gaming sobriety. But really i hope this new layout reverts back to the old one this is awful. It looks like it's oging to be raining today so I'm stuck inside. I guess that means I'll just do yoga and watch The Flash all day. Maybe mom will want to go to Home Depot or something and I'll go on a little trip with her. That'll be a good excuse to get off the couch. I tried meditating extra last night but my hip started hurting from the meditating on the cushion. So I'm planning to meditate at night on the couch if I feel like doing more.

Seriously this new layout for Game Quitters is killing me. It's so much worse than the old layout. The text setup is all small and over to the left side of the screen instead of in the middle like it used to be. This is not good guys.

I smiled at @Icandothis

I accomplished meditating and stretching

I am grateful for GQ, meditation, stretching, icandothis, mom, home depot, yoga, flash, shows and clean rugs.

God bless

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2 hours ago, TheNewMe2.0 said:

I tried meditating extra last night but my hip started hurting from the meditating on the cushion. So I'm planning to meditate at night on the couch if I feel like doing more.

I had the same issue. Have you tried using a hard foam block from yoga practice? I sit on the block and it makes my hips and lower back. I can sit there easily now without pain.

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@Cam Adair Thanks Cam and Mods.

@BooksandTrees I didn't like using a block although I have some. I'm just gonna meditate on the couch once I go past 14 minutes in the morning. Glad the block's working for you though.

Positive: 18 hour week this week.

Not much work this week. It's kind of the calm before the storm as my new job starts next week and I have 9 more hours coming in with a previous client who wanted to continue therapy out of pocket. That'll be nice because I won't have to do any notes or paperwork for the client. It'll basically run like babysitting. I wouldn't even have to do interventions with him if I didn't want to. But I will because I know it helps him be a better person to meditate and do therapy worksheets.

I'm still enjoying The Flash as season two comes to an end. My mom, is not. She's all negative about my tv watching and doesn't think my tv disorder is 'real'. Typical mom crap. Oh well. I'll just avoid talking to her about my shows like I avoid talking to her about all my hobbies. She's just not interested and puts me down if I bring it up. She did want to read my poems but I don't know for some reason I Just don't feel like sharing them with her. Or anyone I know.

Yep gonna try to enjoy my Flash and chill time this week as I'll get more than usual. And i'm using up all my PTO as I'm anticipating leaving my company in the near future so I Want to use up all my PTO and get the money before I leave.

I smiled at my table

I accomplished posting

I am grateful for table, posts, client of the day, hours, low hours this week, PTO, calm, storm, new jobs, out of pocket client.

God bless

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Positive: I'm still alive

I got into a car accident yesterday. I was driving and couldn't see on a day two way narrow road. I accidentally drove the car too far to the right and the wheels went off the road and popped both right tires. They say there might be something wrong with the alignment now too. It's not good. It was a stressful night and I didn't sleep as much as I normally do and missed two doctors appointments because of it. Still all in all I'm glad no one was hurt. It was pretty dangerous out there. Takeaways are: always drive main roads even if it takes longer, don't go on long driving trips and never drive after work. Just sit at home to rest after already having to drive around. Yep. Okay maybe it's okay to drive to walmart only as it's next door to my house or Shell to get gas. But no trips to costco or any long drives 20+ minutes. I'm done driving as much as possible now.

I'm kind of frazzled and stressed from the accident. I still haven't totally calmed down yet. I hope watching tv goes well and fixing the car doesn't cost anymore than it already has. I feel kind of crappy from this experience. Also I have this thing where whenever I seem to have an interest in some girl afterwards I get mentally distracted by it and end up getting in accidents while driving or near accidents. It's happened a lot of times including this one. I think it might be a sign that I'm better off just not pursuing dating a woman ever. So maybe lifelong celibacy is in the cards for me. I just don't want to get in any more accidents it's not worth it.

I smiled at DC's Legends

I accomplished eating too much bread my mom made

I am grateful for legends, walmart, shell, walmart bread, short driving, main roads, not driving after work, mom for paying for repairs, blanket that's blue and sweater.

God bless

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