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@BooksandTrees That trail sounds good to me. I really love walking, especially if I'm able to go with my mom. It feels refreshing and clears my mind to get to get outside and walk around. 

Day 191 NP 154 Np 145 Med 130 NF 30

Positive post: I got up earlier today, I took meds and read.

It's always nice when I get up on time and have time to post to the forums in the morning. It just feels like a better start to my day. I also had time to read my bible and meditation book. the Bible was saying faith without works is dead. So the belief in something isn't worth anything if you don't back it up with works. Like how we can believe that quitting gaming is good for us, but we have to actually quit too to make that belief worthwhile. The meditation book was about opening up to experience whatever we're feeling. Even pain can become less painful by just opening to feeling it. Staying with the feeling will eventually help it lessen. I think that's really helpful for dealing with cravings to game. Just allowing ourselves to feel the cravings and staying with that feeling until it passes. I've been taking my meds regularly and that's been a good thing. I still sleep 12.5 hours a day, but beggars can't be choosers I guess. At least I'm relatively sane compared to before meds. Although before meds I only needed 8 hours sleep. 

My eyes have been flickering and it's preventing me from falling asleep right away after I watch a lot of tv. I'm planning to move the tv farther away and lay on my back which I think might help. I have so many issues. It's kind of overwhelming at times. I don't even know what to do with myself or my time. Hopefully it gets better and I find things to do. Tv doesn't bother me much etc.

I smiled at my mom

I accomplished feeding myself

I am grateful for water, water bottle, sweater, keys, chapstick, table cloth, table, paint, Walter, cards and pen.

God bless

Erik

I did a six months post: 

 

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1 hour ago, Erik2.0 said:

@BooksandTrees That trail sounds good to me. I really love walking, especially if I'm able to go with my mom. It feels refreshing and clears my mind to get to get outside and walk around. 

Day 191 NP 154 Np 145 Med 130 NF 30

Positive post: I got up earlier today, I took meds and read.

It's always nice when I get up on time and have time to post to the forums in the morning. It just feels like a better start to my day. I also had time to read my bible and meditation book. the Bible was saying faith without works is dead. So the belief in something isn't worth anything if you don't back it up with works. Like how we can believe that quitting gaming is good for us, but we have to actually quit too to make that belief worthwhile. The meditation book was about opening up to experience whatever we're feeling. Even pain can become less painful by just opening to feeling it. Staying with the feeling will eventually help it lessen. I think that's really helpful for dealing with cravings to game. Just allowing ourselves to feel the cravings and staying with that feeling until it passes. I've been taking my meds regularly and that's been a good thing. I still sleep 12.5 hours a day, but beggars can't be choosers I guess. At least I'm relatively sane compared to before meds. Although before meds I only needed 8 hours sleep. 

My eyes have been flickering and it's preventing me from falling asleep right away after I watch a lot of tv. I'm planning to move the tv farther away and lay on my back which I think might help. I have so many issues. It's kind of overwhelming at times. I don't even know what to do with myself or my time. Hopefully it gets better and I find things to do. Tv doesn't bother me much etc.

I smiled at my mom

I accomplished feeding myself

I am grateful for water, water bottle, sweater, keys, chapstick, table cloth, table, paint, Walter, cards and pen.

God bless

Erik

I did a six months post: 

 

This is great. I noticed I have a similar issue falling asleep after certain tv. If it's YouTube I can't sleep, but if it's a general tv show I'm all set. I think it's because I don't have to think about the tv show. 

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I know that for some people the blue light blocking glasses help but I try to avoid any screens at least 30 min before sleep. Any screen activity seems to be able to disrupt my sleep. Even bright light these days, I usually keep my lights dim in the evening so if the lights in the hallway are on, it can make it harder to fall asleep. Do not worry, with time you will find new things that you will enjoy. You can try watching different genre on tv, I started watching more documentaries, and it is a nice change of pace compared to anime and other shows. 

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On 6/5/2020 at 11:04 AM, BooksandTrees said:

This is great. I noticed I have a similar issue falling asleep after certain tv. If it's YouTube I can't sleep, but if it's a general tv show I'm all set. I think it's because I don't have to think about the tv show. 

I was wondering if Supergirl was keeping me up or maybe if it's watching on the tv vs my computer screen. But I definitely have been struggling after watching lately a little bit. 

@Marek Thanks for the ideas. Maybe those glasses or different genres will help. I'll try to stop with the screens 30 mins before bed . I think that's a good idea. 

Day 192 NP 155 Np 146 Med 131 NF 31

Positive post: I slept a lot, I helped mom do yard work and journaled.

Yeah today's my day off so I slept in. I was in bed about 13.5 hours which is a mind blowing amount of time. But I was resting the whole time so I can't really say it was a bad idea. I helped my mom set up some sand bags to prevent flooding yesterday. It was raining pretty hard while we did it so it was a wild adventure. I successfully did some weighted squats after which I'm happy about. I've been avoiding squats because it was hurting my back, but now I'm just going shallower on the reps and it seems to be working. Hopefully I'll get to continue with those and maybe even bench some day. I've been keeping a paper journal. I think I might switch to laptop because even though it's on a screen it's using less resources. I don't really want to have to keep buying more paper journals when I can just type out my thoughts here on my laptop. I wrote some poems yesterday too on here. That was sort of nice. I guess it still feels weird doing hobbies. Like I'm just not used to them or maybe it'll always feel a little weird. 

I smiled at the trees

I accomplished setting up sandbags

I am grateful for squats, trees, sandbags, life, purpose, meaning, gratitude, journals, kindness, and royalty.

God bless

Erik

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12 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

I guess it still feels weird doing hobbies. Like I'm just not used to them or maybe it'll always feel a little weird. 

I agree. It used to be so automatic to just play games, watch porn, or play a sport. Working on a constructive hobby like music, writing, animation, etc. takes thought and effort and there's some apprehension to it because of so many emotions like fear of failure, fear of stress, fear of work, etc. Maybe that feeling never goes away. Maybe it's something we need to adhere to and welcome.

I remember having that thought whenever I was building with legos. I'd have all of the pieces in front of me and felt so stressed trying to get that initial idea. Once I started putting pieces together I found calmness and intrigue. After completing something I could play with it and I had no thoughts about it. I'd just rush home to play with my creations and observe them. It was no stress at all. Pure enjoyment. Sometimes I craved the excitement of building something. Maybe we just escaped these thoughts when we gamed or watched porn.

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@BooksandTrees Yeah, like these feelings are a normal part of life that we were escaping before. So maybe they're even a good thing in a sense. I'm trying to spend some time doing hobbies and resist just watching tv. It's difficult though. I feel like I forget I even had hobbies and just think about tv. Well, I'll get better with practice. 

Day 193 NP 156 Np 147 Med 132 NF 32

Positive post: I read, wrote a poem and juggled. 

I got this book on 'manga techniques to create your own anime'. I thought it was just a drawing book, but they try to teach you to animate your own show, or so they claim. So far it's just been a bunch of history on anime really. It's kind of funny because I just wanted a book that'd help me draw. Reading it is alright though. It's interesting to find out that Astroboy, Gigantor and Speed Racer were three of the first major anime to like make it in the business. That anime was originally Japan copying American cartoons and now anime is being reabsorbed back into American animation. That there's a category called Seinen which targets adult populations. Etc. I wrote a poem called always tired as I'm often tired. Today I don't feel too bad because I got 13 hours of rest and I didn't watch too much tv yesterday. Writing the poem made me feel more okay with how my life is. Like it's not so bad somehow. I ate dinner with the girls. That was really hard and uncomfortable, but it's good to do once in a while to like keep the peace. I juggled three balls until I got tired. Which was like a minute or so. I didn't much feel like doing tricks because I don't like having the pick up the balls after I drop them. Maybe I could just juggle three balls for endurance. I wonder how hard it'd be to learn five balls. Today I hope to write a poem, read more and do yoga. I did 20 minutes of yoga and 20 of meditation yesterday which is stellar for me. So I'm happy about that. I hope I'll be able to get to doing more yoga now that I don't walk because it's so hot outside. 

I smiled at my calendar of Korea.

I accomplished doing yoga.

I am grateful for Korea, yoga, markers, laptop, mouse, mousepad, pen, paper, journal, poetry, juggling and lovingkindness.

God bless

Erik

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Day 194 NP 157 Np 148 Med 133 NF 33

Positive post: I juggled, I did yoga and I wrote a poem.

So I've been doing more than just watching tv lately which is a good thing. I got blue light glasses, but they didn't seem to work for me. I felt nauseated after using them. I juggled a lot yesterday. It was going well, but I realized I've got to juggle in the mornings outside because the ceiling is too low to work on five balls. That's the only time I could possibly comfortably get out there. I my back was hurting yesterday from the juggling which concerned me. So I guess I might try to take it easier today. I also hurt my hamstring trying to stretch too hard at yoga. Yeah I don't know how to describe it, but I tend to get injured easily so I've got to be extra careful with everything. And generally not push myself or I can get hurt. It's kind of boring to not push yourself. But oh well, better than being injured. I wrote a poem which was nice. Writing poems is sort of cool. I have been writing sonnets. I sometimes write 'freestyle' which is basically do whatever you want. But I kind of like sonnets more and poems with structure because they're harder to do. You have to count syllables and make lines rhyme. I'm back at another work week. I've got to ask my boss to help me out somehow because I don't meet the 30 hours a week requirement as my client is in the hospital. So . . . They can't really fault me because I'm doing everything I can do meet hours requirements. But they might fire me anyways which isn't fair to me, but I can't do much about it. So I'm asking if something can be done about the situation.

I hope to keep on with my hobbies. I'm going to try to bench light weight today and see if my wrist/shoulder hold up. 

I smiled at the birds.

I accomplished drinking water. 

I am grateful for paper, pencils, mom, god, Jesus, ths, MacBook Air, screens, non-screens, and myself.

God bless

Erik

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Day 195 NP 158 Np 149 Med 134 NF 34

Positive post: I worked out, my hamstrings okay and I still have a job.

Okay so forget bench, dumbbells for life. I almost hurt my wrist seriously again trying bench. My hamstrings feel okay now and for now I still have a job. We're seeing if something can be done to ensure I keep my job while I go below 30 hours this week. Maybe I can use PTO to make up the difference. Watching shows with clients was pretty chill today. It's pretty nice that that's part of my job even though it is a lot of screen time. Reading my anime book makes me want to try to write scripts, but I kind of doubt that'll pan out for me because fantasy writing/non-fiction writing didn't work already. Why would a script writing work it's practically the same thing. I guess I can try though, whatever. I'm checking out four books on drawing manga from the library. Hopefully I find something useful in there. I felt bad juggling in the backyard this morning because my housemate was out there doing yard work for us. So I just staying inside. I imagine she'd be thinking, how come you're out here juggling while I dig holes? This is your house! I'm just difficult to get to do yard work compared to her I guess. She does a lot more in general I think than I do. It's been a good day 🙂 I'm still writing poems each day and getting some exercise. I hope to do some yoga today. I'm used to wearing shorts now that it's 90 degrees outside. 

I smiled at life.

I accomplished reading a little.

I am grateful for anime techniques the book, getting the love you want, manga, artists, life, love, play, the time I have on earth, my housemates for giving my family money and cooking etc, and avocado.

God bless

Erik

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@ceponatia Thanks for commenting. Yes, dumbbells for life club, haha. I keep my hands facing toward my torso the whole rep no rotating the wrists. I find that's the easiest on my body and most possible to continue with. 

@BooksandTrees Thanks, I'm doing my best to find something to do hobby wise. I know it's a lot better for me than just sitting around watching tv. I just got three books on how to draw manga so I'm hoping I find some useful tips in there. I'm apprehensive about trying to write scripts as writing has been a dead end for me. Still I'm going to try checking out a book on it and give it a try. Poetry is chill. I could use another format or two as I mostly just write sonnets. It's nice to get my feelings out in an artistic way. 

Day 196 NP 159 Np 150 Med 135 NF 35

Positive post: I juggled, I worked and I hung out with mom.

Juggling is alright. I think my stamina may have improved as I'm getting a little less tired from it. My body doesn't seem to want to do the trick where you catch a ball on the back on your neck anymore. Probably too many back injuries in my lifetime. It'll be a while till it cools down eh. That's alright. I can just work on three ball tricks inside. I could probably juggle in the garage if I was willing to move the car for it. That's a lot of work though haha. Works been going well enough. Thank God. I went on a drive with my mom yesterday and we hung out on a pier. It was nice to be by a large body of water and go for a walk. Very soothing. I got a picture of myself just in case I ever go back to the misery that was dating sites. Part of me would rather die single than be subjected to the discomfort of being on those sites again. It just stressed me out and made. me feel depressed as well. That might be the stronger part of me that doesn't want to do it. Still on that grind/quest to spend time on hobbies a little more often and tv a little less often. It's going alright. I wish I didn't have all these limitations, but I'm doing the best I can to work with them. 

I smiled at 3 below (show on Netflix).

I accomplished putting away clothes and making breakfast.

I am grateful for mom, the pier, ocean, lakes, people that are kind to me, money, blessings from God, my life, water and my laptop stand.

God bless

Erik

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@Erik2.0 Dumbbells are great. It requires a bit more control but it does not force your hands into such an unnatural position. As books said it is great that you are finding balance in hobbies. In fairness that's probably needed, considering that gaming was able to fulfill so many need simultaneously. Dating sites are not worth it, it just feels like a social media on steroids where you keep on trying to make people like you based on your profile. It sucks that it is harder to meet people in real life these days but even that will change with some time.

 

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Day 197 NP 160 Np 151 Med 136 NF 36

Positive post: I juggled, I read and I worked out even though it was hot.

Juggling was going well yesterday until I lost a ball. That's too bad. It just rolled away somewhere. It's difficult for me to keep pursuing things. I'll do them for a bit then just fall off. I guess now I'm a bit more persistent because well, there's nothing else to do, nowhere else to go. I can't give up and hide in gaming anymore and I've got a limit on my tv watching. . . sort of. I keep my personal tv time at 2 hours or less per day. It still feels like I wake up craving tv, but maybe I'll get used to doing things first then watching later and not have such bad cravings. It was super hot in my garage so I only deadlifted and did sit ups. It was making me light headed to workout in there. I hope the gym opens up soon. Can't wait to get some AC'd workouts in. Readings been good. I finished 'The Here Now Habit'. It was on mindfulness and made me feel good about meditating. Although I tried the many practices it recommends I'm pretty set on the one I've got for now. Not trying to change it unless something better comes along. 

I read some poems by the author of Milk and Honey. They were pretty good. I might read their book. Looking through my old history on Hoopla I saw The Stone of Tears by Terry Goodkind. Ah . . . to read fiction again. I might just give it a try even though the results have been dismal every time I tried fiction again. Maybe this author, this book will somehow slip through the cracks of the defenses my mind has against reading this genre of books. I'll feel comfortable and at ease reading them.  But probably the opposite will happen and it'll just be a waste of 1/10 borrows I get per month. 

I smiled at Supergirl.

I accomplished finally getting out of bed on my own.

I am grateful for fitness, health, wellness, friends, fire, light, water, earth, love, heart, Captain Planet, and Hadji.

@Marek Good points on dumbbells. I could probably use a more controlled motion while using them. When it comes to hobbies we can have a lot of them because gaming took up so much time, one hobby couldn't possibly cover all of it. Well, most hobbies anyways. I hope meeting people in person becomes easier. It'd be nice to meet someone in real life and not on sites.

God bless

Erik

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23 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

I got a picture of myself just in case I ever go back to the misery that was dating sites. Part of me would rather die single than be subjected to the discomfort of being on those sites again. It just stressed me out and made. me feel depressed as well. That might be the stronger part of me that doesn't want to do it.

Some dating apps can be really discouraging and alot of the time the apps are designed for one thing (Looking at you Tinder), but there are a few exceptions here and there. How are you with going out and meeting people? I'm soon to be in this position too (assuming lock down eases up) where I've got to look at my dating options and assuming woman still go out to pubs, I may be in luck. Otherwise it may be dating app for me 😛

2 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

I read some poems by the author of Milk and Honey. They were pretty good. I might read their book. Looking through my old history on Hoopla I saw The Stone of Tears by Terry Goodkind. Ah . . . to read fiction again. I might just give it a try even though the results have been dismal every time I tried fiction again. Maybe this author, this book will somehow slip through the cracks of the defenses my mind has against reading this genre of books. I'll feel comfortable and at ease reading them.  But probably the opposite will happen and it'll just be a waste of 1/10 borrows I get per month. 

What is it about fiction you find difficult? Is a particular type of fiction like fantasy/scifi/horror or is it just the concept in general? I ask as I read almost exclusively fiction with a few insightful exception reads like 'Deep Work' and 'Together is Better' to broaden the mind.

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Hi!

 

It’s good to read your posts again and I see that you are doing really well. Time spent next to nature is so valuable... I hope you get to spend more time on the pier and with family. 
 

Keep up the poetry.... you are a really amazing writer and have a creative gift. 
 

I also hear what you mean on dating sites. The one time I joined a dating site.... I met a man who ended up being completely fake; posted a stolen picture and basically lied to me. Those sites and apps are really demoralizing. I really hope you are able to meet someone tho. 
 

Sending energy. Have a beautiful day!

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13 hours ago, WillDonisthorpe said:

Some dating apps can be really discouraging and alot of the time the apps are designed for one thing (Looking at you Tinder), but there are a few exceptions here and there. How are you with going out and meeting people? I'm soon to be in this position too (assuming lock down eases up) where I've got to look at my dating options and assuming woman still go out to pubs, I may be in luck. Otherwise it may be dating app for me 😛

For the dating apps to work (regardless of what you're looking for) you need to put together a good dating profile. The skill you gain from being good at dating apps is how to build a good dating profile, meaning you can shoot photos that make you look good, but anyone whose passion isn't photography to an extent will have a hard time doing that. Similarly, I think going to pubs is a good idea if you enjoy meeting a lot of people and like to party, dance, play darts etc. But if not, going there just to pick up girls seems purposeless and I think it's better to find a hobby that fuels your passion, whatever it may be.

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Day 198 NP 161 Np 152 Med 137 NF 37

Positive post: I hung out with mom, I wrote poems and I journaled.

I attempted to walk with my mom but her leg was hurting so we stopped. We just sat on the porch eating fruit and chilling. Sometimes on our phones sometimes talking about things. It was kind of nice passing the time. I went and got a haircut. I decided I don't much care for haircuts as the socializing is awkward and I don't like paying. So I'm planning to start buzzing my head to save that extra time and money. My mom won't like the cut, but maybe I can deal with it. I don't care for long hair like she wants me to have. It sheds and gets everywhere. I wrote some poems which was nice. I feel like I'm getting my feelings out. Like it helps me process things that've happened or that're bothering me. I've been journaling recently on paper. It's nice. I get out a handwritten page of all my thoughts. It seems to be a good place to workout my plans for what I want to do regarding various subjects. It helps me figure out what I want to do and to do it. 

I'm on new medication now. The hope is that this new med will allow me to sleep less than the current 13 hours a day and still function well. Fingers crossed. 

I smiled @Icandothis post

I accomplished journaling

I am grateful for journals, poetry, gamequitters, Icandothis, markers, coloring books, medication, music, singing and guitars.

@WillDonisthorpe I don't go to pubs because I'm sober and prefer to avoid any temptations to drink. When I read fantasy I tend to get mentally unstable and anxious would be the best way to describe it. I don't completely understand why or how to change that. If I can. Yeah the possibilities of meeting women in person are slim if you're not on a dating app or the bar scene. I've done some approaching in person at like coffee shops. But, I didn't like it and stopped. 

@Icandothis Good to see you again too. Thanks for your kind words about my writing. I'll hope to get out and hike more often too. It's so nice to be out in nature when it's not crowded. I totally agree with you on the demoralizing effect of apps. I was on apps for like a month or two, met one person for a date and it didn't go well. It was pretty demoralizing. I hope I meet someone too. 

God bless

Erik

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5 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

@WillDonisthorpeI don't go to pubs because I'm sober and prefer to avoid any temptations to drink. When I read fantasy I tend to get mentally unstable and anxious would be the best way to describe it. I don't completely understand why or how to change that. If I can. Yeah the possibilities of meeting women in person are slim if you're not on a dating app or the bar scene. I've done some approaching in person at like coffee shops. But, I didn't like it and stopped.

Thats fair enough, avoid temptation if you feel at risk 🙂 
Oof, yeah. Avoid the genre if it causes anxiety. Completely negates the point of reading xD  

Agreed, daily life just doesn't really involve meeting new people it seems in modern times and its hard to know when to approach someone. Still. We'll get there xD

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Good luck with the new medication. I hope it solves your sleeping issue so you can gain more time and meditate again. Also, don't worry about dating right now. The threat of the coronavirus is too much. Just keep enjoying time with mom and focusing on yourself. You're doing great. 

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18 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

I've been journaling recently on paper. It's nice. I get out a handwritten page of all my thoughts. It seems to be a good place to workout my plans for what I want to do regarding various subjects. It helps me figure out what I want to do and to do it. 

I like it really much to write on paper. Its feels better for me compared to write directly on a pc. Plus, its keeps me separated from my pc. I even started a handwritten journal for myself. Like a 12-year-old kid. Haha

Good luck with your new medication!

 

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Day 199 NP 162 Np 153 Med 138 NF 38

Positive post: I journaled, I read a new book and I wrote poems for 15 minutes.

Journaling has been good. I'm like right on the verge of cutting off my only real life friend. Sadly. I just never felt good around her and there are some good times, but there are a lot of lows too. She always dates guys that aren't good to her and then is in a terrible mood or something happens and puts her in a bad mood. I'm just tired of riding the ups and downs of our friendship. It's too much strain on me to deal with her when she falls into her seemingly inevitable bad moods. I don't want to confront her anymore. I've done it too much already. Anyways that's what I wrote in my journal about. I'll see if I really block her so I'm not tempted to go back to that. I'm reading Buddhism made simple. Or something like that. It's a pretty nice book about the Buddha Dharma. Which just means Buddha's teachings I think. It's weird I'm a Christian, but the only Christian book I like is the Bible which I read everyday. Otherwise I like reading books people write about Buddhism. It makes me more positive and engaged in my mindfulness practice. And they often give good insight and philosophy on how to live a better life free from suffering. I set a timer and wrote poems for 15 minutes yesterday. It was a good practice. I was surprised that it went kind of fast. Like maybe I could go up to 25 minutes for a whole Pomodoro interval. I think I'm going to keep checking out books on poetry from the library as it's kind of nice to see what other people are writing about. No progress on manga drawing. I'm kind of discouraged from that for now. Supergirl has been a good show to catch up on. But like all shows it's come to an end as I reach the last episodes. I kind of wish for a really good show that has a ton of seasons so I could watch it for a long time. I guess Supergirl has 5. 

I smiled at my post

I accomplished getting organic turkey bacon. Let's hope it doesn't end up smelling after a week like the last batch.

I am grateful for turkey bacon, organic, strawberries, blueberries, oranges, bananas, my good health, my good mom, Helen, Books, willdonis and Kuymak

@BooksandTrees Yes I will do my best to enjoy time with mom and focus on myself. I've been meditating a bit more regularly with some 20 minute days. Thanks for your encouragement everyone. 

@WillDonisthorpe Yes I like your optimistic attitude. We will get there and find connections. Thanks for understanding my restrictions. I'm like a baby with allergies. I wrote a poem about it. 

Ooh Child:

You're the one 

You seem to fit

In a world where nothing does

I'm just meant for nakedness perhaps

So few things can I do

I'm like a baby with many allergies

I can't, I can't, I can't.

Oh, my daily rant

Someday I'll find one with whom I can

Things to do

and friends for me.

15 hours ago, Helen said:

Just remember the girls want to meet the boys just as much as the boys want to meet the girls. Love will find a way. ♥️♥️♥️

Thanks Helen. That's such a good reminder for us all. Love will find a way and I'll try to be patient, deep breath, love will come when it's time.

@Kuymak Thank you. The new medication already failed unfortunately. But, that's okay. I'm gonna ask to keep trying new meds and see if there's anything out there for me. Otherwise I'm stuck sleeping approximately 14 hours a day. Like a bear. Yeah I really like the handwritten journal too. Let's keep at it.

God bless

Erik

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1 hour ago, Erik2.0 said:

Day 199 NP 162 Np 153 Med 138 NF 38

Positive post: I journaled, I read a new book and I wrote poems for 15 minutes.

Journaling has been good. I'm like right on the verge of cutting off my only real life friend. Sadly. I just never felt good around her and there are some good times, but there are a lot of lows too. She always dates guys that aren't good to her and then is in a terrible mood or something happens and puts her in a bad mood. I'm just tired of riding the ups and downs of our friendship. It's too much strain on me to deal with her when she falls into her seemingly inevitable bad moods. I don't want to confront her anymore. I've done it too much already. Anyways that's what I wrote in my journal about. I'll see if I really block her so I'm not tempted to go back to that. I'm reading Buddhism made simple. Or something like that. It's a pretty nice book about the Buddha Dharma. Which just means Buddha's teachings I think. It's weird I'm a Christian, but the only Christian book I like is the Bible which I read everyday. Otherwise I like reading books people write about Buddhism. It makes me more positive and engaged in my mindfulness practice. And they often give good insight and philosophy on how to live a better life free from suffering. I set a timer and wrote poems for 15 minutes yesterday. It was a good practice. I was surprised that it went kind of fast. Like maybe I could go up to 25 minutes for a whole Pomodoro interval. I think I'm going to keep checking out books on poetry from the library as it's kind of nice to see what other people are writing about. No progress on manga drawing. I'm kind of discouraged from that for now. Supergirl has been a good show to catch up on. But like all shows it's come to an end as I reach the last episodes. I kind of wish for a really good show that has a ton of seasons so I could watch it for a long time. I guess Supergirl has 5. 

I smiled at my post

I accomplished getting organic turkey bacon. Let's hope it doesn't end up smelling after a week like the last batch.

I am grateful for turkey bacon, organic, strawberries, blueberries, oranges, bananas, my good health, my good mom, Helen, Books, willdonis and Kuymak

@BooksandTrees Yes I will do my best to enjoy time with mom and focus on myself. I've been meditating a bit more regularly with some 20 minute days. Thanks for your encouragement everyone. 

@WillDonisthorpe Yes I like your optimistic attitude. We will get there and find connections. Thanks for understanding my restrictions. I'm like a baby with allergies. I wrote a poem about it. 

Ooh Child:

You're the one 

You seem to fit

In a world where nothing does

I'm just meant for nakedness perhaps

So few things can I do

I'm like a baby with many allergies

I can't, I can't, I can't.

Oh, my daily rant

Someday I'll find one with whom I can

Things to do

and friends for me.

Thanks Helen. That's such a good reminder for us all. Love will find a way and I'll try to be patient, deep breath, love will come when it's time.

@Kuymak Thank you. The new medication already failed unfortunately. But, that's okay. I'm gonna ask to keep trying new meds and see if there's anything out there for me. Otherwise I'm stuck sleeping approximately 14 hours a day. Like a bear. Yeah I really like the handwritten journal too. Let's keep at it.

God bless

Erik

Sorry about your friend bothering you. I get the feeling she's leaning on you emotionally to vent her frustrations, but not accept your advice, which is signs of a one sided friendship. I'd address these to her in a calm and fair way before blocking her. I think straight blocking her will feel good initially, but you might be hoping she chases you and apologizes, but I guarantee that does not happen. It rarely does. If her boyfriend blocked her it would be a different story.

Nice poem.

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@Erik2.0  I think friendship should be about fun and of course support through tough times but if it is just support but not much fun that isn't right.
Do you have a Church to go to also? Mine is online at the moment but I have met good friends at Church. We have a 15 min zoom meeting before Church which isn't much but it is nice to see other human beings during lock down. 

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  • stablish changed the title to TheNewMe2.0's Journal - A Better Life

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