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TheNewMe2.0's Journal - A Better Life


TheNewMe2.0
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2 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

Day 140 NF 6 Np 94 Med 80

positive post: I’m alive, I’m well fed and I have a job.

today was heck. I went on a walk with my mom and she got us lost by forgetting her phone in the car. I’ve been upset every time I take a walk with her for the week. She’s always walking too long getting us lost saying something to upset me. It’s heck to deal with. Idk if I can handle taking walks with her I may stop altogether soon if things don’t improve. 
 

Im grateful we got back to the car, for turkey sandwiches, pasta, rice, heaven, god, therapy, groups, shoes and socks.

I smiled at a tree

I accomplished not swearing out loud today.

God bless

Erik

@Alexanderle @Marek thanks for advice guys. I’m working on eating healthier and cutting sugar entirely. 

Sorry to hear she is getting lost and being mean.  Do you have a phone to bring to potentially avoid this situation? Have you talked to her about what she says is being mean?

Good job not swearing today. I swore yesterday and it wasn't worth it. Keep up the good work. 

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Day 141 NF 7 Np 95 Med 81

Positive post: I worked out, I ate healthy and drank a liter of water.

I also drew some hands. Working on anatomy drawing is chill. I don't mind it too much. I just kind of wonder if my drawing skill is going to get better or not. Maybe more tutorials on face and body will help. I want to get the portrait part down first so I'll try to get more on manga faces/portraits. Idk. I'm gonna try not to over think it and just do a tutorial each day if possible. Giving walking another shot today. I hope it goes well. Gonna do bodyweight rows on a bar at the park. I like going as much bodyweight exercises as possible. I just like it more than weights. It's less tiring and the muscle stays on your body longer when it's built through calisthenics. Still I have to deadlift for my back so that might be the only free weight exercise I do. Which is pretty chill. 

I'm grateful for drawing, art, pens, pencils, crayons, markers, paint, paint brushes, artists, and people.

I smiled at Saiki.

I accomplished finishing work for the day.

God bless

Erik

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@BooksandTrees Thanks for your support. Yeah I talked to her before using I statements and she's been nicer overall. Yesterday I didn't say anything, but she apologized for getting frustrated. I had my phone, but my mom didn't have her phone. Then she was like, why didn't you make sure I had my phone on me. I said it wasn't my job to keep her phone on her. But, I could try to help her with that if she forgets again in the future. Her phone was the one we used to get directions so mine didn't have them when we got lost.

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Day 142 NF 8 Np 96 Med 82

Positive post: I watched a funny show, I drank tea and I colored with my new markers.

Yeah I'm trying to get into this drawing stuff. Even though I'm learning tutorials and can tell I'm getting better. I'm kind of like . . . idk aware that I'm probably not going to develop great portrait drawing skills this way. I guess I could lookup more portrait tutorials. Mostly I just look at anatomy/manga tutorials. Idk. I just showed my client a drawing and he said 'that's bad'. Which was disheartening for me. Makes me not feel good about drawing portraits of people. Eh. He has mental disabilities I guess can't expect him to be nice. Still I'm trying to train him to be. Hehe. God help us. I have so much more free time since CV. It's so awesome. Lol. I guess I could read and write poems more instead of just watching tv. Yeah my other client was getting all puffed up and implying I was inferior because I watch less tv than he does. So I condescendingly told him 'you watch a lot of tv.' Idk if that was really the most mature thing to say to someone acting like that who has autism. But man, I'm human I can only take so much before I just get too beat up and say something. 

I'm not that into tv honestly. I like doing hobbies or reading more. Shrugs. 

I'm grateful for the rainforest, giant ants, spaceships, ufos, aliens, probes, space age technology, futuristic devices, neon colors, and lighted up buttons that don't do anything.

I smiled at my post because I thought it was funny.

I accomplished finishing the work week.

God bless

Erik

 

the drawings of attack on titan

57A55C33-8B63-4E38-A2E7-9D8081E5654B.jpeg

Edited by Erik2.0
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2 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

Day 142 NF 8 Np 96 Med 82

Positive post: I watched a funny show, I drank tea and I colored with my new markers.

Yeah I'm trying to get into this drawing stuff. Even though I'm learning tutorials and can tell I'm getting better. I'm kind of like . . . idk aware that I'm probably not going to develop great portrait drawing skills this way. I guess I could lookup more portrait tutorials. Mostly I just look at anatomy/manga tutorials. Idk. I just showed my client a drawing and he said 'that's bad'. Which was disheartening for me. Makes me not feel good about drawing portraits of people. Eh. He has mental disabilities I guess can't expect him to be nice. Still I'm trying to train him to be. Hehe. God help us. I have so much more free time since CV. It's so awesome. Lol. I guess I could read and write poems more instead of just watching tv. Yeah my other client was getting all puffed up and implying I was inferior because I watch less tv than he does. So I condescendingly told him 'you watch a lot of tv.' Idk if that was really the most mature thing to say to someone acting like that who has autism. But man, I'm human I can only take so much before I just get too beat up and say something. 

I'm not that into tv honestly. I like doing hobbies or reading more. Shrugs. 

I'm grateful for the rainforest, giant ants, spaceships, ufos, aliens, probes, space age technology, futuristic devices, neon colors, and lighted up buttons that don't do anything.

I smiled at my post because I thought it was funny.

I accomplished finishing the work week.

God bless

Erik

 

the drawings of attack on titan

57A55C33-8B63-4E38-A2E7-9D8081E5654B.jpeg

Nice. Just keep focusing on one thing at a time and enjoy the process/be patient with it. That voltorb I'm making is going on like week 3 soon and I feel so much better about it now than I did in March. I remember my friend did eye tutorials then noses, then mouths, e.t.c. then her portraits got really good after a year. 

This one is a major step up from previous ones. It has more dimension to it I think than previous drawings. Like it looks more 3d than 2d.

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I think regarding the creativity, it is important to allow yourself to be bad at first, be patient and then later work on something really up to the point, where we are finished. That would be, when there is nothing more to add within our capabilities to improve it. But the titan is pretty good @Erik2.0

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@BooksandTrees @Alexanderle Thank you both for your support and feedback on my drawing. I am doing tutorials for the first time and it seems to be helping. I hope I can find more that will help me get better. I mostly look at this guys page for drawing manga which includes some anatomy. Since I look at a lot of manga vids I don't really spend much time looking at portrait stuff. Maybe that'll come too in time. 

Day 143 NP 106 Np 96 Med 82

Positive post: chilled with mom today, went for a walk and did some rows. 

I changed my counter back to no porn. I kind of just lost my conviction to not masturbate. Before I felt it was the Christian thing to do. But, now I don't feel so strongly about it anymore. So I'm kind of like. Maybe it's better if I just abstain from porn because it's too addictive for me. It was nice walking with my mom. She's going back to work crazy hours so I'm not going to get to see her much starting next week. It's okay I'll cherish the time I do get with her. At least I'll see her sometimes. Today was a full day off. I love my days off. Ahhh 🙂 . I worked with some markers on a boruto drawing and it turned out all messed up because I don't know how to use or choose markers yet. Still I learned which two in the pack are best for drawing light skin after doing it with one that made him look too tan. That's okay though. I can still learn a lot about how to use markers apparently. I like having drawings with some color to them so hopefully using them works out for me. 

I've been doing just calisthenics for working out. It's going okay it's just really hard to do pull ups right now. I'm just not good at them yet. The only weightlifting I do is a deadlift. I was wondering if I could replace that with a wheel pose and Superman's. But, it's going well so I figure if it aint' broke don't fix it. I'll just keep going with what I'm doing. I started feeling super hungry today, I think because I spend so much time at home. The walking helps with that. Yeah it's nice to have a day where I don't freak out over anything. It was a pretty chill day. I found a bunch of anime shows to watch so I think I'll be pretty happy with those in the coming weeks. 

I am grateful for my home, food, kitchen, yam noodles, green beans, chicken, soup, my mom, Gamequitters, and medication.

I smiled at my mom. 

I accomplished doing a markers tutorial.

God bless

Erik

This is like my second time using markers so uh, hopefully progress will happen with the coloring.

image.jpg

Edited by Erik2.0
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4 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

@BooksandTrees @Alexanderle Thank you both for your support and feedback on my drawing. I am doing tutorials for the first time and it seems to be helping. I hope I can find more that will help me get better. I mostly look at this guys page for drawing manga which includes some anatomy. Since I look at a lot of manga vids I don't really spend much time looking at portrait stuff. Maybe that'll come too in time. 

Day 143 NP 106 Np 96 Med 82

Positive post: chilled with mom today, went for a walk and did some rows. 

I changed my counter back to no porn. I kind of just lost my conviction to not masturbate. Before I felt it was the Christian thing to do. But, now I don't feel so strongly about it anymore. So I'm kind of like. Maybe it's better if I just abstain from porn because it's too addictive for me. It was nice walking with my mom. She's going back to work crazy hours so I'm not going to get to see her much starting next week. It's okay I'll cherish the time I do get with her. At least I'll see her sometimes. Today was a full day off. I love my days off. Ahhh 🙂 . I worked with some markers on a boruto drawing and it turned out all messed up because I don't know how to use or choose markers yet. Still I learned which two in the pack are best for drawing light skin after doing it with one that made him look too tan. That's okay though. I can still learn a lot about how to use markers apparently. I like having drawings with some color to them so hopefully using them works out for me. 

I've been doing just calisthenics for working out. It's going okay it's just really hard to do pull ups right now. I'm just not good at them yet. The only weightlifting I do is a deadlift. I was wondering if I could replace that with a wheel pose and Superman's. But, it's going well so I figure if it aint' broke don't fix it. I'll just keep going with what I'm doing. I started feeling super hungry today, I think because I spend so much time at home. The walking helps with that. Yeah it's nice to have a day where I don't freak out over anything. It was a pretty chill day. I found a bunch of anime shows to watch so I think I'll be pretty happy with those in the coming weeks. 

I am grateful for my home, food, kitchen, yam noodles, green beans, chicken, soup, my mom, Gamequitters, and medication.

I smiled at my mom. 

I accomplished doing a markers tutorial.

God bless

Erik

This is like my second time using markers so uh, hopefully progress will happen with the coloring.

image.jpg

Dude, I really love the color on this. Are these from the new markers you were talking about? They're way more vibrant than normal markers. That's nuts.

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@Erik2.0 Good job on the drawings mate! They are awesome, I especially love the Giant titan. Good to see you enjoying your hobbies and other activities besides gaming, I feel like that was the thing which I have struggled the most over the last few days. 

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@BooksandTrees Yeah they're Ohuhu markers off amazon. They're made for art so I guess they are more vibrant than normal markers. I noticed the color on them looked really nice too. My mom was super stoked on my drawing having color now it made me happier with my purchase. Also, coloring takes days! It makes me want to work more at getting the pencils better looking because I know I'll be coloring for a long time. 

@Marek Thank you too. I took months of trying hobbies until I figured out that I could enjoy drawing. Now I draw and do some poetry too. It's nice. Between those, working out, reading and eating I can go pretty much all day without watching TV. It's pretty cool. I still like to watch some anime though, haha. I'm a lot more comfortable doing art than watching tv though. 

Day 144 NP 107 Np 97 Med 83

Positive post: I walked 15,000 steps, I did a pretty nice drawing although the mouth smudged a bit (T.T), and we got lights put into our house.

My mom's doing some construction on the house to put lights in the ceiling which is awesome. My micron pens for inking manga drawings are working really well. I was using a regular pen to draw earlier today and realized how much better the microns are. You can draw a line with them for yards and it won't have any empty spaces/skips. Really grateful for my art supplies. I didn't drink my normal liter of water, maybe just barely, but a little less than usual. I guess it's because I was in my office all day avoiding being around the construction. They'll be done tomorrow so it's all good. They're doing a good job installing lights in the ceilings downstairs. Now it's so much more well lit. 

I love how my mom always tells me she loves me. It's really nice. Just throughout the day she'll tell me, 'I love you.' It makes me feel better and close to her 🙂❤️ . I'm thinking about inking and coloring that titan drawing, but if it comes out bad I'll be devastated because the pencils came out so good on it lol. Maybe I'll just keep it as is. I could draw another one and color that? Anyways. Working out is going okay. I'm doing weighted squats and bodyweight lunges for legs now. Bodyweight squat was hurting my back. So that means deadlift, squat and bodyweight exercises. I got up to three sets of 4 pull ups today. An increase of one rep across the board. Yeahhhh!!! Ahhhhh. Haha. Doing push ups hurt my shoulder which is no good. I'll try to do some band work and a lot of arm circles on push day. I've been thinking about doing yoga at this studio once CV is over. But, things are going pretty well with me right now with the calisthenics and walking. Maybe it's one of those if it aint' broke don't fix it scenarios. Like maybe studio yoga won't workout if I try it. Also it takes up free time which is super precious of course. 

The good news on groups is. I'm pretty much ready to go try out poetry group. I don't think I'm ready to handle anime club because I get really uncomfortable with a lot of anime. I can't just watch anything unfortunately. God might change that, but for now it's not looking like a viable option to watch random anime someone else chooses. And there weren't any drawing meetups last I checked. So poetry meetup. Yeah. I've been doing Senryu's which are like long Haiku's following the format 5-7-5-7-7 syllables. They're a nice way to get my thoughts out each day. I do couplets and shakespearian sonnets too. Those have a lot of rhyming. I dunno. I guess I like the Senryu the most. Sorry for having so much Christian stuff in my post I don't denounce or judge anyone for having different beliefs. It's all good. Here's my poem:

Thoughts on a Sunday

Mom's chicken soup, yum

Drawing art slaving away

Only a short time

And I'm already tired

Just like when I watch TV

I don't go for long

But slowly increasing strength

Like with my poems

My pen writes a little more

For the glory of my king

Believe in Jesus

And you will go to heaven

Good enough Christian

I always ask my purpose

To love, to heal and to help

Still living is odd

I was so used to dying

Living feels weird now

Thank God good things came for me

Bless my parents and my job

And my one friend too

I hope her soul mate thing works

That I find my own lover

 

 

FBE3152B-7273-459F-B80C-03C960F07132.jpeg

Edited by Erik2.0
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23 minutes ago, Erik2.0 said:

@BooksandTrees Yeah they're Ohuhu markers off amazon. They're made for art so I guess they are more vibrant than normal markers. I noticed the color on them looked really nice too. My mom was super stoked on my drawing having color now it made me happier with my purchase. Also, coloring takes days! It makes me want to work more at getting the pencils better looking because I know I'll be coloring for a long time. 

@Marek Thank you too. I took months of trying hobbies until I figured out that I could enjoy drawing. Now I draw and do some poetry too. It's nice. Between those, working out, reading and eating I can go pretty much all day without watching TV. It's pretty cool. I still like to watch some anime though, haha. I'm a lot more comfortable doing art than watching tv though. 

Day 144 NP 107 Np 97 Med 83

Positive post: I walked 15,000 steps, I did a pretty nice drawing although the mouth smudged a bit (T.T), and we got lights put into our house.

My mom's doing some construction on the house to put lights in the ceiling which is awesome. My micron pens for inking manga drawings are working really well. I was using a regular pen to draw earlier today and realized how much better the microns are. You can draw a line with them for yards and it won't have any empty spaces/skips. Really grateful for my art supplies. I didn't drink my normal liter of water, maybe just barely, but a little less than usual. I guess it's because I was in my office all day avoiding being around the construction. They'll be done tomorrow so it's all good. They're doing a good job installing lights in the ceilings downstairs. Now it's so much more well lit. 

I love how my mom always tells me she loves me. It's really nice. Just throughout the day she'll tell me, 'I love you.' It makes me feel better and close to her 🙂❤️ . I'm thinking about inking and coloring that titan drawing, but if it comes out bad I'll be devastated because the pencils came out so good on it lol. Maybe I'll just keep it as is. I could draw another one and color that? Anyways. Working out is going okay. I'm doing weighted squats and bodyweight lunges for legs now. Bodyweight squat was hurting my back. So that means deadlift, squat and bodyweight exercises. I got up to three sets of 4 pull ups today. An increase of one rep across the board. Yeahhhh!!! Ahhhhh. Haha. Doing push ups hurt my shoulder which is no good. I'll try to do some band work and a lot of arm circles on push day. I've been thinking about doing yoga at this studio once CV is over. But, things are going pretty well with me right now with the calisthenics and walking. Maybe it's one of those if it aint' broke don't fix it scenarios. Like maybe studio yoga won't workout if I try it. Also it takes up free time which is super precious of course. 

The good news on groups is. I'm pretty much ready to go try out poetry group. I don't think I'm ready to handle anime club because I get really uncomfortable with a lot of anime. I can't just watch anything unfortunately. God might change that, but for now it's not looking like a viable option to watch random anime someone else chooses. And there weren't any drawing meetups last I checked. So poetry meetup. Yeah. I've been doing Senryu's which are like long Haiku's following the format 5-7-5-7-7 syllables. They're a nice way to get my thoughts out each day. I do couplets and shakespearian sonnets too. Those have a lot of rhyming. I dunno. I guess I like the Senryu the most. Sorry for having so much Christian stuff in my post I don't denounce or judge anyone for having different beliefs. It's all good. Here's my poem:

Thoughts on a Sunday

Mom's chicken soup, yum

Drawing art slaving away

Only a short time

And I'm already tired

Just like when I watch TV

I don't go for long

But slowly increasing strength

Like with my poems

My pen writes a little more

For the glory of my king

Believe in Jesus

And you will go to heaven

Good enough Christian

I always ask my purpose

To love, to heal and to help

Still living is odd

I was so used to dying

Living feels weird now

Thank God good things came for me

Bless my parents and my job

And my one friend too

I hope her soul mate thing works

That I find my own lover

 

image.jpg

I think your eye art is coming along well. You can also scan your titan art and color over the scan. Or trace it. That way you keep the orginal. Good luck with the poetry group, but be careful with the virus. 

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@BooksandTrees Oh thank you. I'll keep those titan ideas in mind. I wasn't planning to go to group until the virus is over. It's too dangerous. 

Day 145 NP 108 Np 98 Med 84 NF 1

Positive post: I ate good spaghetti, I drew squirtle and I walked 9000 steps.

I'm actually kind of full from that spaghetti ooh. I'm feeling pretty dead today. These two 17 y/o girls moved into our house to ride out corona virus till school in like 3-4 months. It'll be an adjustment but we get money for rent so that's pretty awesome. I feel kind of overwhelmed today. I just want to go hide and sleep. I forgot to do my gratitude list yesterday I was so busy posting all that stuff. 

I am grateful for my clients, job, god, Jesus, Holy Spirit, folder, papers, paperwork, supervisors and forgiveness.

My supervisors are set to work with me to get me hours to license within two years. That's pretty fast. 

I smiled at my clients.

I accomplished squatting.

God bless

Erik

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Day 146 NP 109 Np 99 Med 85 NF 2

Positive post: I worked, saw my moms and drew stuff

I uh I’ve been more occupied because these girls living with us. I’ve been chatting with one. She talks a lot it’s hard to get away sometimes. Not the worst company tho. 
 

Im grateful for my mom money food Chinese food soy sauce ceramic plates bowls chicken rice green beans warmth love and family. My poor moms working a lot she’s lowering hours tho I hope to see her more.

I smiled at saiki

I accomplished drinking water

God bless

Erik

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Day 147 NP 110 Np 100 Med 86 NF 3

Positive post: I drew, I cooked and I worked.

Disclaimer: Sorry this post is kind of disturbing. If you were in my head you'd know it's that kind of place right now. I'd say I'm okay, but I don't really feel okay right now. I pray that things get better from here and continue to do so.

Oh Lord. These girls that moved in I feel have bad energy. That means I feel anxious and upset all the time that they're in my house which is always. I'm on the edge of losing it. I'm close to being suicidal again. It's a bad feeling. My mom screwed me over. I was happy and comfortable. Then she rented to two people because she wanted the money. We could have gotten by without it, but she was greedy. She chose money over me. 2000$ a month was worth more than keeping me happy and comfortable. Now I'm almost suicidal again and she's responsible. I'm responsible for myself too, but I feel helpless. I don't really feel like drawing now. I feel like all my drawings are crap and I have no skill and I'll never develop any skill at it. I don't even feel like I can color because it's too hard. I'm so miserable and I have no escape. I don't know how to get out of the darkness. Maybe I could start going to see clients at their houses. At least then I'd be getting out of the house. Idk if that would help my situation or not. I'll keep trying to do things that normally made me happy before they moved in and everything turned dark and miserable.

God made me so messed up in so many ways. Most people could handle having randoms live with them that don't destroy things and aren't loud. But I can't. The energy has to be just right. Or I go crazy. I don't even sleep right anymore. My sleeps gotten messed up from them coming.

Bad energy. Killing me. Save me. The only fate worse than death is this life right now. Maybe I'll move out and it'll get better. God help me. Amen.

I smiled at my client.

I accomplished reading.

I'm grateful for the slight edge, books, the Bible, markers, pencils, paper, people, what little I have left of my life, folders, plastic and metal.

God bless

Erik 

I tried calling an emergency number and they told me to call 911 and get checked in somewhere. I decided not to do it because I don’t want to lose progress at my job. I’m  just going to gut it out a little longer and hold on.

 

image.jpg

Edited by Erik2.0
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Day 148 NP 111 Np 101 Med 87 NF 4

Positive post: I finished work for the day, I drew and I talked to a prospective room for rent.

Today went a lot better after getting to talk to some people about how I was feeling yesterday. I'm still not really comfortable with my housemate but that's okay. I don't have to interact with her much and she's quiet at night for me specifically. I am looking at a place on saturday. The guy seemed okay on the phone. It might be a better environment for me. My mom is very intent on me moving out. So it might be a good time for me to move. I really hope and pray I find a good place for myself. Of all the places this one seemed the best. I didn't really have much interest in the other places. Maybe one, but I'd have to share a bathroom there. This one I'm looking at would be a master. 

I watched anime's Maid Sama and K-On! They both looked good. K-On! made me want to play guitar. But I already have too many hobbies. I can't even keep up with writing poetry and drawing. Let alone playing music. Man I really hope I meet someone. I have such slim chances of meeting someone to date in person because I just don't meet very many people. 

I like to draw pokemon for my clients because two of them really like pokemon. It's kind of a trigger for me to watch the show because it reminds me of playing the game. But drawing them doesn't seem to affect me. Makes me wonder about trying the show again. We'll see. I'm making it a practice to tell my mom and dad that I love them everyday after reading the slight edge. It recommends making 7 goals and creating a daily habit for each goal to make it happen. Yay. 

I smiled at myself in the webcam.

I accomplished getting through the day.

I am grateful for pokemon, my mom, dad, bible, pens, pencils, self, body, mind, spirit, love, and harmony.

God bless

Erik

Go Articuno!

698EC7ED-8858-4FD9-BABA-E3F20424D60D.thumb.jpeg.441bf6e828fe78bc7b5eedfc2df88a66.jpeg

Edited by Erik2.0
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4 minutes ago, Erik2.0 said:

@BooksandTrees Cool thank you. I don't really understand how to use these markers, but maybe I can learn eventually. Drawing has so much to it even when it's just manga.

I think it's about layering colors so you create gradients to display depth in your drawing. Like you find a point where the light is with respect to your drawing, then start layering with the lightest colors first and then slowly transitioning to darker ones as the light becomes less dominant on the shape of the figure. 

I'm probably wrong, but there are some good copic marker tutorials on YouTube.

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@BooksandTrees You're right about the coloring. I think it just comes down to picking the right colors to do the gradient thing with. Which I'm still trying out. I'm not totally comfortable with moving out. I was comfortable before people moved in. My mom's the one pushing me to move out because she wants me to be more independent. I'm not that comfortable being at home with the new renters though. Eh. I saw a place that looked good today, but I didn't get a good feeling from it. That can sometimes change, but idk getting locked in for a year when I didn't get a good feeling is kind of questionable.

@Ikar Thanks Ikar! 

Day 149 NP 112 Np 102 Med 88 NF 5

Positive post: I finished my work for the week just paperwork to finish it completely, I drew 3/4 angle kokomi (girl from saiki k anime) even though it's hard and I'm not good at it yet and I saw a place for rent.

Yeah on the not so good feeling from the place for rent. I guess that can change, but sometimes it doesn't ah....I'm checking out a new place tomorrow where hopefully it'll be a nice place with a good feeling. I think it might be a little off on the noise (super sensitive sleeper). I'm thinking the new place might be a so so place with a good feeling if I'm lucky. If I'm not then neither will have a good feeling 😞 . I feel more okay with my markers. They're non-refundable because you can't return flammable goods to amazon. Colored pencils I think do better with light colors. But I chose markers because my favorite youtube personality uses markers. Hah. So we'll see how all that goes. A starter colored pencil set is like 20$ so it's not a huge deal if I wanted to try those out too. So far my pokemon and attack on titan drawings have come out the best. Drawings of anime people are still a struggle for me although I think I might be getting a little better at them. All the tutorials and just trying to draw them using a picture as reference are sometimes frustrating. It's hard to tell if I'm even progressing. The one guy I met who was amazing at drawing dragonball until a go cart ran over his hand. (Sad story I know). Told me he would just draw one character like 1000 times. Then he could draw goku in any position. IDK what to do. I'm just going to keep trying to draw from reference and do youtube tutorials. What else is there. I could get a book on how to draw manga I suppose. 

I made my own food today. I feel like not eating my housemates food and creating more degrees of separation between us makes me feel better mentally. I talked to one of them I'll call S and the other C. It was kind of uncomfortable but it felt a little more okay today because of the no food sharing and because my psychiatrist upped my dosage of risperdol. It makes me wonder if I could actually get comfortable here and then wouldn't have to move. It'll only be four months before these girls move back to their school and CV is over. Then if my mom's business is doing well again it could be just me and her living here again ^_^ . We have a housemate in the basement, but she's not so bad to deal with because she mostly keeps to herself unless the wifi cuts out. Then she flips out lol. Thankfully that isn't often. 

So yeah. I'm kind of up in the air about sticking out the next four months at my moms or giving moving out a try. My mom's often intent on me doing some idea whether it's school or reconnecting with my sister. Some of the ideas are good and work. Some are terrible and mess things up for me until I can undo them. Moving out isn't something I can undo easily. I'd hope to find a place that allows for like a six month lease agreement. I really don't want to get locked in for a year because I'm so skittish and sensitive. I have special needs! I even have a fear of exclamation points and emoji's so I rarely use them unless I'm feeling courageous. Just more proof that I'm kind of a special needs case.

I smiled at Teruhashi, the most perfect pretty girl. 

I accomplished tracking down a client for a session.

I am grateful for my housemates (forced gratitude), my mom, dad, the holy trinity, mother teresa, manga, the bible, my notebook, keyboard, and fingers

God bless

Erik

The good titan

 

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Edited by Erik2.0
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@Erik2.0 I would recommend sticking to a place that you have a good feeling about. I think it is easier to stay in a house which has a good vibe even though problems arise and they almost always do in rent houses. It is a lot easier to cope with that, at least that is my experience in living on my own. It is worth a try, I think. There is something satisfying about being in charge of your own place, but that is the scary part in the beginning too. I hope you find a place that you like. On top of that, living with housemates who you dislike is not great. I experienced it in my first year of Uni, and it was awful.

Good job on the drawings! I guess it is just as with anything ... practice makes perfect. But as you mentioned, there are books on manga drawing, which can be a great help. The question is just how much more impactful they will be compared to online tutorials. This next titan is marvelous too. You are great at those. I use pencils for my coloring book, and I like the fact that it gives me a lot more control over the saturation of colors compared to markers, I would say. But they are a lot more time consuming than markers; however, I have not used markers before I cannot really compare it. 

 

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@Marek Thanks for your support and liking my drawings. You're making me want to use colored pencils. They do offer more control. Markers soak everything in color relatively quickly. I'll keep trying markers though seeing as I have a set. I'll just have to draw more Pokemon haha. It's hard to color on one of my drawings when I know I'm probably going to mess it up so I have to do some drawings I don't mind coloring on. I really liked how your coloring book was coming along, keep us posted. I'm seeing a new place tomorrow and it looks promising. I hope that it works out. Or I find an even better place. I am uncomfortable with the people here now and would like to change that. I appreciate your empathy.

Day 150 NP 113 Np 103 Med 89 NF 6

Positive post: 5 months off games today, taking it easy, drawing is enjoyable. 

Yeah go me five months off the video games today. Woo hoo. It's been a long journey to here, and now I'm only one month away from six months. Anyways. There has been struggle and temptation along the path. Even last night I was thinking about watching the Pokemon show and it was triggering me to think about playing the game like I used to. I think I can handle drawing it, but not watching. And I'm okay with that if that's my limit. Life doesn't have to be perfect to be good. I'm happy today. I had a good talk with my dad. I worked out six days this week and have been cooking my own meals. If I find a place I'd look forward to shopping and getting to have more control over my food intake. 

I smiled at this picture of a manga dude on my pen box.

I accomplished working out six days this week.

I am grateful for attack on titan, saiki, teruhashi, love, kindness, gratitude, faith, relaxing, taking it easy, and joy .

God bless

Erik

D3AA238E-F992-4026-BCD8-3F932E4474E4.jpeg

Edited by Erik2.0
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Day 151 NP 114 Np 104 Med 90 NF 7

Positive post: Meditation at 3 months, nofap at one week, got through the day. 

I don't really feel like looking for a place to move anymore. My mom said we can just rent to one person after august when the girls move out. And I can screen for the new person who moves in. It's so hard to find people I'm comfortable with. I don't know how long it'll take to find someone I feel comfortable letting live with us. Hopefully not too long and I'll find someone who is good enough. Honestly I feel like I could look at people forever and never find anyone I feel comfortable with -_- . 

I'm feeling kind of tired and just tired of everything today. I watched a lot of tv. I feel like watching more. Eh. I saw them sketching like portraits of people in saiki and was like, oh portrait drawing looks cool. Maybe I could do that. But that probably takes more art supplies and stuff like that. Reading books has been good in the mornings. I get around 30+ minutes of reading in. I guess I just don't feel much motivation to do anything today. I think the increase in medication and stress from interviewing places has kind of drained me. I don't really want to go back down dosages though. I was getting bad delusions. Such is medication life. 

I miss my mom. She's always working now. I go and take walks with her, but we don't get to hang much outside of that anymore. 🙂 Work week starts again tomorrow. I'm trying to work more and do a better job. Last week I forgot to log my hours as I did them and ended up getting in trouble at work. I just want to get through all my hours this next week smoothly. 

I smiled at my post.

I accomplished drawing something

I am grateful for my mom, life, breathing, saliva, food, water, shelter, sleep, down time, and jokes.

God bless

Erik

It took nine markers to color in a squirtle. mind blowing. Kudos to my brave experiment squirtle on the right 

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D9BFFC58-8E75-4AFD-8C6D-1476CE2EBC6A.jpeg

Edited by Erik2.0
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3 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

Day 151 NP 114 Np 104 Med 90 NF 7

Positive post: Meditation at 3 months, nofap at one week, got through the day. 

I don't really feel like looking for a place to move anymore. My mom said we can just rent to one person after august when the girls move out. And I can screen for the new person who moves in. It's so hard to find people I'm comfortable with. I don't know how long it'll take to find someone I feel comfortable letting live with us. Hopefully not too long and I'll find someone who is good enough. Honestly I feel like I could look at people forever and never find anyone I feel comfortable with -_- . 

I'm feeling kind of tired and just tired of everything today. I watched a lot of tv. I feel like watching more. Eh. I saw them sketching like portraits of people in saiki and was like, oh portrait drawing looks cool. Maybe I could do that. But that probably takes more art supplies and stuff like that. Reading books has been good in the mornings. I get around 30+ minutes of reading in. I guess I just don't feel much motivation to do anything today. I think the increase in medication and stress from interviewing places has kind of drained me. I don't really want to go back down dosages though. I was getting bad delusions. Such is medication life. 

I miss my mom. She's always working now. I go and take walks with her, but we don't get to hang much outside of that anymore. 🙂 Work week starts again tomorrow. I'm trying to work more and do a better job. Last week I forgot to log my hours as I did them and ended up getting in trouble at work. I just want to get through all my hours this next week smoothly. 

I smiled at my post.

I accomplished drawing something

I am grateful for my mom, life, breathing, saliva, food, water, shelter, sleep, down time, and jokes.

God bless

Erik

It took nine markers to color in a squirtle. mind blowing. Kudos to my brave experiment squirtle on the right 

5ED58BD7-197F-43D3-987D-D68F85D62069.jpeg

6F4FD45D-9A04-48AF-9A6C-2AB0366547B7.jpeg

D9BFFC58-8E75-4AFD-8C6D-1476CE2EBC6A.jpeg

I'm glad your living situation got better. It didn't seem like you wanted to leave. Squirtle is one of my favorites. I really love him. Don't worry about work. Just remember to set a reminder on your phone or email to log your hours next time. 

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  • stablish changed the title to TheNewMe2.0's Journal - A Better Life

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