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Icandothis journal


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Thank you.

I am still very much lost in this world though.  At least in the present moment, there is peace and sanctuary and love.

 

I have my next round of chemo tomorrow. I am not sure which is worse... the huge dose of steroids... that makes me feel amped out; or the chemo.... which makes me feel absolutely shattered. Ugh. Just 4 more rounds. 
 

Today is beautiful. Spending time with kids. Enjoying just relaxing and hanging out. 
 

Have beautiful day friends.

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1 hour ago, Icandothis said:

Thank you.

I am still very much lost in this world though.  At least in the present moment, there is peace and sanctuary and love.

 

I have my next round of chemo tomorrow. I am not sure which is worse... the huge dose of steroids... that makes me feel amped out; or the chemo.... which makes me feel absolutely shattered. Ugh. Just 4 more rounds. 
 

Today is beautiful. Spending time with kids. Enjoying just relaxing and hanging out. 
 

Have beautiful day friends.

Don't feel lost. You're on such a tremendous journey and you're doing a great job navigating the difficult course. Your kids and peers in this community are so thankful for your presence and love. 

Good luck in your chemo tomorrow and remember we're all rooting for you. You make all of our lives a better place and we appreciate you so very much. 

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Thank you friends. Your encouragement means so much to me. And I feel like I have a whole family at the infusion clinic. None of us want this to be part of our story... but well... we are here. And we are here together. 
 

We are all here together. 
 

Made a little tiny simple goal of getting outside everyday. This morning I got up early, and went for a walk. It was so beautiful. The squirrels and birds were so happy! And I saw a rabbit on the path!!! I hope this is my rabbit friend from last March... who sat and stayed with me... while I was pouring out such heavy tears.

Feeling super hyper/wordy from Day 1 treatment.. so I will end it here. I believe the picture below is Hawthorn Berries. 
 

Sending love. 

4811CD5B-55AF-48EA-B95B-677062631123.jpeg

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6 hours ago, Icandothis said:

Thank you friends. Your encouragement means so much to me. And I feel like I have a whole family at the infusion clinic. None of us want this to be part of our story... but well... we are here. And we are here together. 
 

We are all here together. 
 

Made a little tiny simple goal of getting outside everyday. This morning I got up early, and went for a walk. It was so beautiful. The squirrels and birds were so happy! And I saw a rabbit on the path!!! I hope this is my rabbit friend from last March... who sat and stayed with me... while I was pouring out such heavy tears.

Feeling super hyper/wordy from Day 1 treatment.. so I will end it here. I believe the picture below is Hawthorn Berries. 
 

Sending love. 

4811CD5B-55AF-48EA-B95B-677062631123.jpeg

Good job on your treatment! I'm so proud of you. Bunnies are cute as well. This one visited me a few days ago on my deck.

20200918_153511.jpg

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On 9/22/2020 at 6:33 AM, BooksandTrees said:

Good job on your treatment! I'm so proud of you. Bunnies are cute as well. This one visited me a few days ago on my deck.

20200918_153511.jpg

This bunny is so cute. I feel like they come out and visit us. Thank you for sharing. 

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Hi friends,

Things are going well. Girls doing good with online learning. Baby doing good in preschool.  
 

Starting my next round of treatment. They have become so rotten... I cannot fully recover before starting again. Only 3 more. 
 

I have been getting out into nature daily. 
 

I read this wonderful book,  “Jesus and Buddha as brothers”, by Thich Nhat Hanh. It has helped me understand that it’s not either or, but both and. Above all is to be in the here and now.  To hold each other with love compassion and understanding. 
 

And I have been sitting. Breathe in. Breathe out.  With each breath I return home. I return home. 
 

Sending peace my friends. 🌸

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3 minutes ago, Icandothis said:

Hi friends,

Things are going well. Girls doing good with online learning. Baby doing good in preschool.  
 

Starting my next round of treatment. They have become so rotten... I cannot fully recover before starting again. Only 3 more. 
 

I have been getting out into nature daily. 
 

I read this wonderful book,  “Jesus and Buddha as brothers”, by Thich Nhat Hanh. It has helped me understand that it’s not either or, but both and. Above all is to be in the here and now.  To hold each other with love compassion and understanding. 
 

And I have been sitting. Breathe in. Breathe out.  With each breath I return home. I return home. 
 

Sending peace my friends. 🌸

You're doing such a great job! I'm sorry the sessions have been getting harder, but it just means you're progressing so much. I'm so proud of you and sending you lots of love and happiness to help you heal. You're doing great helping your kids learn and stay on pace!

You are such a bright light in the community and my life in general. Keep up the strong spirits!

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This world has been feeling really big and scary lately. 
 

Reading this community’s post have brought me so much joy and happiness. 
 

Spending lots of time reading bible, listening to Dharma talks, focusing on my breath. I have been beyond exhausted, but determined to use what energy I do have as a service to the world. 
 

Sending love friends. Feeling so grateful for this safe and caring community tonight. 

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9 hours ago, Icandothis said:

This world has been feeling really big and scary lately. 
 

Reading this community’s post have brought me so much joy and happiness. 
 

Spending lots of time reading bible, listening to Dharma talks, focusing on my breath. I have been beyond exhausted, but determined to use what energy I do have as a service to the world. 
 

Sending love friends. Feeling so grateful for this safe and caring community tonight. 

Keep focusing on breath and warmth while you're resting. It's ok to be exhausted and sometimes you just gotta listen to your body and get some energy back. Sending you energy and love during your healing period and hope that you continue to find grace during this time.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi,

I played a song for you on my steel tongue drum today. It's not very good and follows no tune or notes. I just like the way it sounds because it's peaceful and happy. It reminds me of you because your life follows no specific path but you always find ways to be peaceful and happy. Sending love to you always. 

Matt

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi friends....

 

Its over.  600 hours of chemo is over.

 

I mean really....

 

600 hours of chemo infusions! This treatment has been unreal. There is no way I would have finished without all the love I have received... so thank you. 
 

Really thank you for your prayers and intentions and messages and love. We did it!!!!

 

People keep asking what is next... and all I know now is I am cancer free!

 

In 1 month I will have labs to test for tumor markers. Then in Feb, another CT.

 

Just for today, I am snuggling with my babies. And enjoying the beautiful fall trees.

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On 10/25/2020 at 11:19 AM, BooksandTrees said:

Hi,

I played a song for you on my steel tongue drum today. It's not very good and follows no tune or notes. I just like the way it sounds because it's peaceful and happy. It reminds me of you because your life follows no specific path but you always find ways to be peaceful and happy. Sending love to you always. 

Matt

Oh wow. Thank you. This is so beautiful, gentle and sweet. 
 

Your music is absolutely perfect.. and it’s such a gift to hear you play. Thank you for walking this journey with me and for being here.  

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4 hours ago, Icandothis said:

Hi friends....

 

Its over.  600 hours of chemo is over.

 

I mean really....

 

600 hours of chemo infusions! This treatment has been unreal. There is no way I would have finished without all the love I have received... so thank you. 
 

Really thank you for your prayers and intentions and messages and love. We did it!!!!

 

People keep asking what is next... and all I know now is I am cancer free!

 

In 1 month I will have labs to test for tumor markers. Then in Feb, another CT.

 

Just for today, I am snuggling with my babies. And enjoying the beautiful fall trees.

Congratulations! I'm so proud of you! I knew you'd beat it! This is the best news I've heard in so long. You are such a great person and so kind to others. You didn't deserve cancer at all and you most certainly deserved to beat it! I thought quitting video games was impressive, but cancer is another level or 40. 

I was so worried about you when you were away for the past few weeks and to read your news today I just can't explain how great it is to hear! I won't ask what's next. Just live for now and be you.

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