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Icandothis journal


Icandothis
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Hi All-

Thank you so much for everyone who has sent love/light/hope to me. I know this sounds crazy... but I can really truly feel your love and prayers. 
 

This treatment is making me very sick and  feel very terrible. Thank you friends for continuing to hold a light for me... when everything seems so dark. 
 

I started my 3rd treatment today, and will be receiving a continuous chemo infusion until Wednesday. I would be deeply grateful for any prayers or loving intention. Again, thank you. 
 

I hope you each just have the most beautiful day. 

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We are all collectively going through a crisis.  I am challenging myself to find beauty in the everyday. 
 

Here is a picture of an orchid I bought for my sweet friends... who have shown such huge love to me. Notice the yellows, oranges and purples. Up close this flower glistens and radiates joy. 
 

 

874AD5DA-591B-470D-A5DF-D96145624B4A.jpeg

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1 hour ago, Icandothis said:

We are all collectively going through a crisis.  I am challenging myself to find beauty in the everyday. 
 

Here is a picture of an orchid I bought for my sweet friends... who have shown such huge love to me. Notice the yellows, oranges and purples. Up close this flower glistens and radiates joy. 
 

 

874AD5DA-591B-470D-A5DF-D96145624B4A.jpeg

Very warm colors indeed! I hope your 3rd treatment went well. Wishing you lots of luck and strength.

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Hey all,

Yesterday was awful. No energy, I could not get out of bed. My whole body felt horrible. I cried a ton. It’s just not fair. I was so angry and frustrated and in pain. My whole chest was on fire. My body felt like lead. Just in deep deep despair. Day 3 is always the worst day. 
 

But here we are, a new day, and I feel better. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. Made it thru treatment 3.  9 more to go.... sigh. 
 

So my new plan... is to take 1 class this fall. I suppose remotely.  Then once I get thru this treatment to start applying for jobs again in the winter.  
 

I have been working with a ton of social agencies hoping to get help during this treatment.  Still going to counseling which is a huge plus and still loving acupuncture. 
 

Recently I have not had a lot of words: so these are the words of a close friend. Remember Ahimsa.... Do no harm. Let this be your guide as you move gently thru this life. Be kind to this earth and all beings. Cultivate compassion at every turn. 
 

This beautiful plant friend with scents of sweet orange and bergamot. 

C7CB0F01-6E26-45D6-9195-30881EB4E54B.jpeg

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5 hours ago, Icandothis said:

Hey all,

Yesterday was awful. No energy, I could not get out of bed. My whole body felt horrible. I cried a ton. It’s just not fair. I was so angry and frustrated and in pain. My whole chest was on fire. My body felt like lead. Just in deep deep despair. Day 3 is always the worst day. 
 

But here we are, a new day, and I feel better. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. Made it thru treatment 3.  9 more to go.... sigh. 
 

So my new plan... is to take 1 class this fall. I suppose remotely.  Then once I get thru this treatment to start applying for jobs again in the winter.  
 

I have been working with a ton of social agencies hoping to get help during this treatment.  Still going to counseling which is a huge plus and still loving acupuncture. 
 

Recently I have not had a lot of words: so these are the words of a close friend. Remember Ahimsa.... Do no harm. Let this be your guide as you move gently thru this life. Be kind to this earth and all beings. Cultivate compassion at every turn. 
 

This beautiful plant friend with scents of sweet orange and bergamot. 

C7CB0F01-6E26-45D6-9195-30881EB4E54B.jpeg

You're doing great. I'm still proud of you. I'm sorry for your pain and wish I could help. I wanted to share with you a flower I took a picture of. The bees can represent your children and the colors can represent your energy and warmth. 

20171008_144735.jpg

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15 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

You're doing great. I'm still proud of you. I'm sorry for your pain and wish I could help. I wanted to share with you a flower I took a picture of. The bees can represent your children and the colors can represent your energy and warmth. 

20171008_144735.jpg

Oh wow!! That is the most beautiful flower. 
 

Thank you so much for sharing. 

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I am trying to show up here... just as I am.

 

Today is ok. Just doing simple things. I have to pay rent. Go to bank. Eat. Spend time with kids. 
 

I need to fill out ROI for DHS. 
 

If I look at everything as a whole it is very overwhelming, so doing my best to concentrate on 1 thing at a time. 
 

Another plant friend.

DFB57FD1-F391-4F14-95D2-666440B4B52C.jpeg

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1 hour ago, Erik2.0 said:

Nice pictures of plants. Flowers are nice creations. I liked your friends words too. Sending you love and hope.

Thank you friend. You are a beautiful being. Wishing you are joyful day. 

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“When after heavy rains, the storm clouds dispersed. 
 

Is it not that they wept themselves clear to the end.”

 

Tears are the most powerful medicine. 
 

I found this beautiful being looking down at me during my walk. His big eyes stared straight into my soul. 

C5004D92-7AA4-4CB2-8A9A-93D41D2AC403.jpeg

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10 hours ago, Icandothis said:

“When after heavy rains, the storm clouds dispersed. 
 

Is it not that they wept themselves clear to the end.”

 

Tears are the most powerful medicine. 
 

I found this beautiful being looking down at me during my walk. His big eyes stared straight into my soul. 

C5004D92-7AA4-4CB2-8A9A-93D41D2AC403.jpeg

He's beautiful! I love birds and I've never seen an owl in the wild before! So lucky.

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I talked with my counselor this morning. That was nice. 
 

So I went for a walk at a local park and found this little beauty. The smell is simply amazing. At first I thought it was honey suckle, but it’s not. It’s the most blissful aromatic flower. Hints of honey, lavender, orange.  It was blossoming in a tree. 
 

Does anyone know this flower? I am going to try and identify it. 

893FB40D-5868-4DA0-BCBF-1162CDD584E2.jpeg

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I found it! This flower was from a Linden tree. The tree blooms between mid June and early July. 
 

The flowers were covered in bees, which the trees are known for. 
 

Yay!!! I guess I actually feel joyful today. 

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On 6/29/2020 at 5:10 AM, chiliflavor said:

Nice quote, very inspiring!
Hoping for your quick recovery. Get well soon, @Icandothis😊🙏

This stuck out to me as well and I find it to be quite true. I've met a lot of addicts both virtually and through peer recovery programs and one common thread they all have is lack of any positive support system.

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7 hours ago, Icandothis said:

I talked with my counselor this morning. That was nice. 
 

So I went for a walk at a local park and found this little beauty. The smell is simply amazing. At first I thought it was honey suckle, but it’s not. It’s the most blissful aromatic flower. Hints of honey, lavender, orange.  It was blossoming in a tree. 
 

Does anyone know this flower? I am going to try and identify it. 

893FB40D-5868-4DA0-BCBF-1162CDD584E2.jpeg

Sounds like a good smell. I think that's great you had a keen eye to find it on your walk. Can you plant it where you live? 

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Wish you all the best to get through this hard time.

I once read a quote that god can't make the pain and weight we carry disappear. But he can give
us the strength to carry it. Wish you this strong connection to something greater to help you get
through this hard time.

Sending you all the love you need to find hope.

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Today I have acupuncture. This treatment is through a non profit that provides eastern medicine to those with physical illness. I am so very grateful for the organization. Grateful to my caregivers who see me.... really see me. They hold my wrists and listen to my pulse and listen to my body. 
 

Thank you all for being here today. I am so happy to each one of you in my life. 
 

This is a quote from my prompt journal. I thought it was beautiful. 

D4364953-8F38-4BAA-BB8D-D4C5B9BC6B0C.jpeg

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I wish that your condition improves today and in the days to come and that you will have a fighting spirit. May the strength come to you from where you don’t expect. May God be with you.

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On 7/8/2020 at 1:20 PM, Amphibian220 said:

I wish that your condition improves today and in the days to come and that you will have a fighting spirit. May the strength come to you from where you don’t expect. May God be with you.

Thank you friend for the beautiful prayer. It means so much to me. 
 

You are a gift.  May the God of hope fill you with joy as well. 

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