Jump to content
×
×
  • Create New...

Dear Diary...


BooksandTrees
 Share

Recommended Posts

34 minutes ago, Amphibian220 said:

You said “my work ethic is too much” Do you mean by this persisting on doing something even when you are extremely tired?

Yes only because it's my job and my responsibility and I don't want to lose my job. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A few months back you commented that certain colleagues at your work were relaxed about not hitting targets at work. Were these particular workers relegated to lower level positions etc? 

When this sort of thing happens like you have described, it is hard to withstand old patterns of behavior for coping with tiredness and stress. It tells me that new coping habits have to be much better developed. They have to be ingrained and easily accessible when something gets you down.

i think from your posts, the worrying about work actually takes away some energy before you even start. Is it just the nature of the work that it puts a lot of pressure on you or could you find a way to do it in a more time efficient way so to say?

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Amphibian220 said:

A few months back you commented that certain colleagues at your work were relaxed about not hitting targets at work. Were these particular workers relegated to lower level positions etc? 

When this sort of thing happens like you have described, it is hard to withstand old patterns of behavior for coping with tiredness and stress. It tells me that new coping habits have to be much better developed. They have to be ingrained and easily accessible when something gets you down.

i think from your posts, the worrying about work actually takes away some energy before you even start. Is it just the nature of the work that it puts a lot of pressure on you or could you find a way to do it in a more time efficient way so to say?

 

 

 

Impossible to change. I don't want to discuss more detail about work on here. Sorry. I'm just burnt out. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Today started out rough because I got very little sleep. I still got on at a normal time for work and got everything done. I finished a project that really pissed me off last week so hopefully I'm good for the time being. 

After that I wanted to waste the night and be depressed but I actually managed to meal prep,  do laundry, do the dishes, and pay my bills. I still want to take a shower but it's pretty late and I don't feel like it.

I'm slowly coming out of this funk. Just one thing at a time and then I start building momentum. I just gotta do a few more tasks this week and I'll be caught up outside of work. 

I haven't watched porn in a day again. Who knows. Therapy tomorrow. Should be good. 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hands-on work is certainly the best way to stay away from bad habits in my life, I think you're on the right track. When I'm alone in my room with nothing planned, I've pretty much already started gaming.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is the earliest I've gone to bed in 2 weeks. It feels strange but I think we just go through cycles here and there. Work has been so stressful but they're doing their best to assist me with my deadlines so I'm not angry. 

It's just crazy how it hasn't stopped. I watched a long hockey game today, talked to my therapist, and cleansed myself. 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think I've destroyed my sleep schedule. Working from home makes it easier to just have whatever schedule you want. 

I'll try to rehab the sleep schedule but idk. I've been watching porn a lot lately. I don't like it but I also don't care at the moment. I'm not really sure what to do. I just feel like this isn't a safe time to date and I'm in the mood I guess. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

17 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Working from home makes it easier to just have whatever schedule you want.

Agree. I'm sorry you lost your sleep schedule, but just do your best going to bed earlier.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm so tired today. I socialized with my neighbors after work, talked to people on the phone, and made dinner. It was a much more peaceful night. Now I'm watching hockey. I'm getting lots of cravings for porn and video games but I'm trying to stay on top of both. 

This virus has presented more stress than normal and also more boredom and fewer stress outlets. It's challenging but not impossible.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm getting tired tonight at a good time again. I went out of my home today to do some errands and had a lot of fun driving in the sun and listening to music. It really boosted my day. I had trouble sleeping last night even though I took a shower, meditated, and relaxed. I didn't watch porn or anything. I think maybe my body or mind was waiting for porn and it kept me up. 

I talked to my therapist about the pressure I put on myself with hobbies and I'm really going to try and stay vigilant this weekend with my schedule. I'm going to start studying again for my exam this weekend and also do just 1 hour of art per day on Saturday and Sunday. 

I cooked again tonight and got stuff done at work. I also am watching hockey now before bed and relaxing again. 

I think the mantra now is to be patient and communicative at work, get out of the house more often, do hobbies for fun and not extra money, and just slow down a bit. It's time to just enjoy patience in life and the quiet when I have it.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi friend, 
 

Are you doing ok? I am so sorry for everything that you are going through... and wish I could just make things better. 
 

Life is so tough right now... and you have so much on your plate. You are doing such a good job navigating everything from work to family to friends to your test to taking care of yourself to... the list goes on and on. 
 

I am so proud of you.  We are all in this together... hoping you had a really good night sleep and a wonderful morning. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 hours ago, Icandothis said:

Hi friend, 
 

Are you doing ok? I am so sorry for everything that you are going through... and wish I could just make things better. 
 

Life is so tough right now... and you have so much on your plate. You are doing such a good job navigating everything from work to family to friends to your test to taking care of yourself to... the list goes on and on. 
 

I am so proud of you.  We are all in this together... hoping you had a really good night sleep and a wonderful morning. 

I'm doing a lot better this week compared to last week thanks. I've been sleeping more, being more productive at work, and relaxing more outside of work.

Thank you

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Almost done with the week. It's gone a lot better overall. I'm sleeping a lot more this week than last. I expected to be exhausted this week. I've only watched porn once this week as opposed to like 15 last week. I think that also depleted my energy. I had some phone calls with friends and family this week as well. I have a call scheduled tomorrow. I plan on studying for 2-3 hours on both saturday and sunday and trying to set aside time to watch a movie, read, and do some 3d modeling.

I think I can do it. I've been very happy to be watching sports again. It's really improved my life during the quarantine. I missed them a lot. The weather has been better as well and not as humid although this weekend it's going to get hot again. I really enjoy the 75 degree weather over the 90-95 degree weather that we had for most of june, all of july, and most of august. What a shitty summer on that front.

I'm thankful for my medication, but I think it does make me tired sometimes. I don't know, maybe it doesn't. Sometimes I'd get depressed when I'm tired and it would set a chain reaction. Now I just relax and know the day is over. It's interesting.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am annoyed because my stomach is really bothering me tonight. I haven't changed my diet or anything. Just something bothering it. I didn't watch porn or stay up late or do any bad habits. Just frustrating. 

I'm just praying to be healthy and safe. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just posting again since I'm not feeling well and just praying. I'm trying so hard to remember if I didn't prepare my food safely or wash a dish correctly before eating on it. I haven't left my home in 2 days and haven't eaten outside of home in a month. Just wondering what I did wrong. I'm so tired. I'm so very tired. I am unsure if I will work tomorrow. 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Man you should see your GP and do a blood test. Hope you get better soon.

With regards to relaxation, i can say that listening to the sounds of the ocean, seagulls and whales works very well.

Edited by Amphibian220
  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I made it. I fell asleep around 5 or 6 AM. I woke up at 9 without any stomach pain or nausea. I considered taking anti nausea pills but wanted to save that for an extreme emergency. Today is going better so far. 

Thanks

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share