Jump to content
×
×
  • Create New...

Recommended Posts

29 minutes ago, Ikar said:

Did the girl turn out to look different than you thought? It's your call, but if you enjoyed your time with her before (which you did according to your entries) and still think she has potential as a person, you could give it a second chance and perhaps meet her in person, to gauge her energy. You already gave this issue enough energy to derail your whole next day and made yourself think that your life is shit, whereas this option I am thinking of seems at least remotely constructive.

It's not salvageable. I was fat fished. She didn't promise she was skinny or anything so I don't want to accuse her of that, but it was still quite a surprise to me the difference in a photo and person. I don't want to hurt her feelings. I feel bad about this whole situation. This was not typical of a normal dating site. It was more to meet friends and talk to people online and we kind of flirted and started sharing photos after 1 month of talking. So I've technically only known her for 1-2 weeks and I'm just disappointed I guess. 

I will not be doing that ever again. The only thing I can have with her is friendship at this time. I also don't think it would be fair to say I'd date her if she lost 100 lbs because that's kind of cruel. She'd deserve someone better than me if that was the case. But that's where it stands. I'm not fat shaming for any morons out there either (not you, Ikar, just anyone reading this who gets offended somehow). I'm just stating a fact that I'm not attracted to that body type. 

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 2.3k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

I failed my exam today that I studied for months and waited 2 months for the grade. A passing score would have seen me become a project manager and receive a substantial raise.  I'm disappointed.

Today was decent. I woke up late again and made breakfast, went for a 2 hour walk, made food, watched TV, had therapy, had my online date, and then sculpted in Blender for about 2 hours. So far t

Today I'm 104 weeks or also 2 years on my journey free from gaming. I can't believe it's been this long. I feel like a different person and don't really have the words to describe how much this means

Posted Images

It's amazing the level of mental illness that the internet helps thrive. Catfishing is ridiculous. I've never been straight up catfished but have definitely gone out with women who used a pic from 10 years ago as their dating profile photo. I think most people, and especially women whom generally aren't as attractive as men as they age, prefer to think of themselves as their usually more-fit 20 year old selves. Not me because I'm a far better person now than I was even 5 years ago but I understand the compulsion. Still, thinking of yourself as that person and actually pretending to be that are a lot different.

You're definitely not offending me. I have a very well documented opinion on massively overweight people. I don't think fat shaming does anyone any favors (and like addicts, shaming fat people actually causes them to get worse) but talking about it online regarding someone who isn't involved in the conversation isn't the same as ridiculing someone to their face. There's a reason most people feel disgust toward morbidly obese people. Still, it's always better to befriend someone and show them a better way to live than to call them names and punish them for what is usually not in their control.

I'm also not of the opinion that dating someone you're not attracted to simply because you get along is a particularly fantastic idea. You shouldn't have to jeopardize part of your happiness just because someone with a decent personality can't control themselves. Coming from someone who used to drink 18 bottles of Corona and play video games 12 hours every day... I wouldn't respect anyone who dated that version of me.

Edited by ceponatia
  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry you're feeling sour about work. I hope something good can come of it all. Like you get a different job or your job improves somehow. I know what it's like to have a hard time at work and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I'm lucky now my supervisor is relatively chill and my work isn't too bad. Occasionally something whack happens, but most of the time it's good. Sorry you got fat fished. Dating is a struggle. Good luck with it.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, ceponatia said:

It's amazing the level of mental illness that the internet helps thrive. Catfishing is ridiculous. I've never been straight up catfished but have definitely gone out with women who used a pic from 10 years ago as their dating profile photo. I think most people, and especially women whom generally aren't as attractive as men as they age, prefer to think of themselves as their usually more-fit 20 year old selves. Not me because I'm a far better person now than I was even 5 years ago but I understand the compulsion. Still, thinking of yourself as that person and actually pretending to be that are a lot different.

You're definitely not offending me. I have a very well documented opinion on massively overweight people. I don't think fat shaming does anyone any favors (and like addicts, shaming fat people actually causes them to get worse) but talking about it online regarding someone who isn't involved in the conversation isn't the same as ridiculing someone to their face. There's a reason most people feel disgust toward morbidly obese people. Still, it's always better to befriend someone and show them a better way to live than to call them names and punish them for what is usually not in their control.

I'm also not of the opinion that dating someone you're not attracted to simply because you get along is a particularly fantastic idea. You shouldn't have to jeopardize part of your happiness just because someone with a decent personality can't control themselves. Coming from someone who used to drink 18 bottles of Corona and play video games 12 hours every day... I wouldn't respect anyone who dated that version of me.

I agree. I'm just gonna end the whole thing and set my sights on people I mesh well with but I'm also attracted towards. I am not gonna settle. I want a girlfriend and wife who is sexy and knows how to turn me on. That's so alluring and important to me and I want to be sexy and know how to turn her on in return. I don't want a pity relationship. If I get along with a girl because we have similar hobbies but I don't find her attractive then she's instantly friendzoned for me.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Today was good. I spent about 5 hours 3d sculpting. This pidgey is coming out really well so far. I'm learning a lot, but I'm also picking it up extremely fast. I think I am a natural at sculpting. I'm really enjoying it. I'm just listening to music and mindlessly making the pidgey come to life. I'll upload some pictures of it eventually. I might start making development logs on YouTube to record my progress and continue to generate viewers.

We'll see. I would need to learn screen capture software and stuff so I think I might just keep it simple and make my pidgey for now. If I can finish the model this week I might actually be able to finish my large video earlier than end of January. We'll see. I do have to study after vacation ends.

The good news is I'm finding myself being mentally restored from the 3d sculpting. It's so pleasing and enjoyable. I'm really at peace when I do it.

I think I'd like to do a weekly development log video series on YouTube with my progress and potentially make a Patreon account with it. I'll experiment with this later this week and see if it stresses me out. 

I spent the past hour kind of going through my old photos from my past life. I feel like my life is so much smaller now. I just work and sleep and try to do some hobbies. It's hard not to regret or miss things. I miss throwing my cookouts and parties with my friends. I miss getting beers with my friends and trying new flavors of them. A lot of my friends have drinking problems now and gave up drinking. I never had an issue with it fortunately. I also remember playing video games with these friends and just having fun, but unfortunately in this instance I had the video game problem and can no longer live that life. I saw this girl I almost dated who was and still is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life. It's depressing. I'll never meet a woman as beautiful as her and it's a tough pill to swallow. Like Charlize Theron. I wasn't good looking enough probably, but my personality and sense of humor got me close.

It sucks being alone I must say. I like living alone though. I guess it's just one of those things where I was never happy. I look back at those times thinking I was happy, but I was in grad school, miserable, hated working in the city, trying to change my life, and hiding my depression in video games. I've come a long way.

I think we're all missing our friends in the United States right now just because our country hasn't handled the virus pandemic well aside from New York and Massachusetts. 

I won't live in the past though. It's fun to reminisce, but I was still lonely back then. I am happy that I'm no longer blinded by video games. I'm happy that I've made great improvements with porn addiction recovery. I'm happy that I live in a beautiful home alone and am enjoying the nature setting. I'm happy that I am finally enjoying and working on my creative cartoons after trying to work on them for 5 years and just playing video games instead. I'm happy I've lost all my weight and kept it off. I'm happy I've cut stressful friends out of my life. I think I just miss my former best friends. I also wish they didn't have bad effects from alcohol and I wish i didn't have bad effects from gaming. But these things shape us into who we are today. I'm a better person today and overall I'm happier. I'll find love eventually and I'll find friends again. I'd advocate and say I have better friends now than I did then and a much better career.

Edited by BooksandTrees
  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

It's not salvageable. I was fat fished. She didn't promise she was skinny or anything so I don't want to accuse her of that, but it was still quite a surprise to me the difference in a photo and person. I don't want to hurt her feelings. I feel bad about this whole situation. This was not typical of a normal dating site. It was more to meet friends and talk to people online and we kind of flirted and started sharing photos after 1 month of talking. So I've technically only known her for 1-2 weeks and I'm just disappointed I guess. 

I will not be doing that ever again. The only thing I can have with her is friendship at this time. I also don't think it would be fair to say I'd date her if she lost 100 lbs because that's kind of cruel. She'd deserve someone better than me if that was the case. But that's where it stands. I'm not fat shaming for any morons out there either (not you, Ikar, just anyone reading this who gets offended somehow). I'm just stating a fact that I'm not attracted to that body type. 

I get it. I was curious whether I guessed the reason right. You feel as if she lied to you about herself out of insecurity about her body, even though you didn't know at the beginning events would unfold the way they did. I'm in support of you trying to force the video earlier the next time. Nothing beats meeting/dating in person, though I understand that might be particularly risky in the US nowadays.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

The good news is I'm finding myself being mentally restored from the 3d sculpting. It's so pleasing and enjoyable. I'm really at peace when I do it.

Hooray. You sound so positive in your post. This vacation is helping you out a lot. I wish you could go on vacation more often. Makes me want to take a break.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Small rant:

I keep running into attractive women on the dating app who love video games, but when I was a game addict I never saw them. Fuck that's annoying. 

Maybe it's some sort of message from a higher power saying gaming is bad for me personally.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

I had a buddy ask me to play games today. We hadn't played in a while and he didn't know that I had quit. He lives in the city I moved to and it sucks because this is the first time in a while where anyone I know in real life has asked me to play games. Usually I would just play with myself or internet strangers because I didn't know anyone else who was into the same games as me.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, alphadax said:

I had a buddy ask me to play games today. We hadn't played in a while and he didn't know that I had quit. He lives in the city I moved to and it sucks because this is the first time in a while where anyone I know in real life has asked me to play games. Usually I would just play with myself or internet strangers because I didn't know anyone else who was into the same games as me.

Sucks how that works out usually. Oh well lol. Just keep doing your thing.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
29 minutes ago, Toro said:

My last date was in 1992 and it was blind date.
Actually that's the only date I've ever been on.

I haven't really enjoyed many that I've had so I can't really say you've missed out on much, but who knows what the future holds.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Today was decent. I woke up late again and made breakfast, went for a 2 hour walk, made food, watched TV, had therapy, had my online date, and then sculpted in Blender for about 2 hours.

So far this vacation is going well. I spoke with my therapist today about art and hobbies in general. I told him that I felt like doing the 3d sculpting for 3-12 hours per day and I was worried I'd be treating it like video games. We both agreed that I took the vacation to relax and recover from burnout after the past 4 months of work. This is the time to relax. So I am going to stick to my plan of 2-4 hours of 3d art, 1-3 hours of writing, 1-2 hours of exercise, and relaxing the rest. I'm already starting to feel a lot better emotionally. I do have urges to watch porn and game a bit, but I'm past that I think. I just want to recover and feel good. 

The online date was very boring. I wasn't super attracted to her and I felt like she wasn't interested. She has no hobbies and just works all day and night. I don't find that interesting. I want someone attractive who has hobbies like art, climbing, bike riding, tennis, etc. Someone who cooks, etc. I just didn't find her interesting. I won't worry too much about it and just say it's not gonna happen.

I wanted to post a progress picture of a Pidgey I'm sculpting. It's the first thing I've ever sculpted, but I enjoy it much more than polygon hard surface modeling:

image.png.b5d97a232848ec6652d2964d273ee1fe.png

It is going to be finished by the end of the month and I'm going to animate it to kick sand at people and be annoying. It's going to be one of the minor components to a major video I plan to make later this year.

Today I'm grateful for my therapist, apartment, family, friends, and vacation.

  • Like 8
Link to post
Share on other sites
4 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:

I haven't really enjoyed many that I've had so I can't really say you've missed out on much, but who knows what the future holds.

Well that's a relief. ^^
Actually I'm a very jealous person and get really twitchy, so decided it was probably best not to pursue a relationship. Once I made the decision the relief was amazing - not having to worry whether someone likes you or whether you're making a suitable appearance /impression.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for the positive comments on my Pidgey.

I wrote about 12 paragraphs today about an argument my mom forced on me today, but deleted it. I don't feel it's good to share that publicly. It actually felt good to precisely detail out my emotions in a constructive essay format today, but I think it would draw a lot of questions and comments to me that I don't want to talk about and don't feel others are qualified to ask/suggest. So I deleted it. I do feel better now though and am ready to write my book for about 1 hour today.

I'll update you guys with some 3d modeling progress later today as well. I am thinking about maybe making a development log on my YouTube channel. We'll see.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
22 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Small rant:

I keep running into attractive women on the dating app who love video games, but when I was a game addict I never saw them. Fuck that's annoying. 

Maybe it's some sort of message from a higher power saying gaming is bad for me personally.

Well on the bright side girls like that still don't want to date gamers from my experience, lmao. I know lots of gamer girls and they're all dating guys who are totally technologically illiterate and hate gaming. Makes sense, I'd want to be with someone who had somewhat different interests from me. Probably because any woman who had identical interests to me would be completely deranged like I am. Haha

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

Today was kind of null. I did some research on my book and how I'd like to write it. I think I'm going to try writing a test chapter or two. It has two main characters and I was experimenting with points of view. There are three options I am going between. I have both in first person, one in first and one in third with the rest of the people in the story, or both in third person.

The reason I don't want to do both in third person is because I want the reader to develop a personal connection with at least one of the characters to make the story more impactful. So I've eliminated that one. I'm interested in making the antagonist a first person at the very least because I want the reader to be emotionally impacted by what the antagonist is doing in the story. I want them to feel a little disturbed by the events. The protagonist I'm torn because he could fit into either situation. I want the protagonist to be solving a mystery about what the antagonist is doing. I want the reader to be horrified about what the antagonist is doing so I think if you had a personal view of what is happening then I think it will be very surprising. Then once it goes back to the protagonist trying to solve something you have this feeling in the back of your mind that the protagonist is in for a world of hell.

I'm just unsure whether I make the protagonist's view a first person experience as well. It's a difficult thought because I either want the reader to fall in love with the mystery of the open ocean, similar to how viewers fell in love with Amity Island during Jaws until the shark struck people. In Jaws, you follow Chief Brody, but also follow events in the town and everything else. So I could have the protagonist be in third person with the rest of the crew of the ship they're on. 

The other argument is you could follow the protagonist and absorb his love for the open ocean and escapism of it all. You experience all of the joy, hardships, dialogue from his point of view and become startled by the events going on. It's going to take some thinking. I know the advice is write a chapter in each perspective, but I think I need to do some more brainstorming first before writing.

I'm feeling a little sick today and hope I feel better in the coming days. I experimented with something and it is going exactly how I thought. I don't feel well after masturbation with the meditation. I took 4 days off of it and felt better. I tried it last night and feel bad today just to see if it was masturbation related or stress. It's purely masturbation related. I think I need to take 2-4 weeks away from masturbation and give myself time to heal. 

This is embarrassing to talk about, but who gives a shit? I'm just being honest. I have an issue and need to stop doing it.

I'm feeling better after my argument with my mom earlier. I also think I'm going to discontinue talking with the most recent girl I had a video chat with. She was really boring.

I also spent another few hours 3d modeling and am enjoying it a lot. I'm really starting to get more comfortable with it and feeling lots of freedom in life.

unknown.png?width=396&height=676

unknown.png?width=889&height=677

Today I'm grateful for my computer, food, family, friends, and the community here.

 

Edited by BooksandTrees
  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, ceponatia said:

Well on the bright side girls like that still don't want to date gamers from my experience, lmao. I know lots of gamer girls and they're all dating guys who are totally technologically illiterate and hate gaming. Makes sense, I'd want to be with someone who had somewhat different interests from me. Probably because any woman who had identical interests to me would be completely deranged like I am. Haha

I just think it's unreal. The women on these apps all play either Overwatch or RuneScape and say it with such confidence and fear of humiliation. Like, I played RuneScape from 2004-2018 and met only a handful of women over the game, some of them fake catfishers, one very attractive almost girlfriend, and that's it. Now on these apps I see at least 5 women a day who are avid gamers. 

I asked my friend about this on my walk: What if I had ended up dating a gamer? Would I still be a gamer today and not care? Sometimes I feel like I quit gaming because I lacked purpose in life. Like, if I gamed all day and worked all day and then died. On my death bed I'd just be known for engineering and then gaming with people I don't know in real life. What's the point? If I had a girlfriend and children while doing it I might play less and be more responsible, but like, would I care? Would they?

I know a lot of people on here are in relationships with gamers and they have different perspectives. It just remains interesting. 

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

I went to the doctors today for my vertigo and dizziness issue along with pain from masturbation. They did a battery of tests on me, which was appreciated. I failed the vertigo test instantly lol. The very first part of the test I failed. So I was diagnosed with stress induced vertigo. Then they did a psych analysis on me and gave me 2 additional therapists to see. One for sexual addiction and the other for cognitive behavioral therapy due to traumatic abuse and neglect from my family and ex girlfriends.

Unreal.

So now I have 3 therapists, 2 doctors, and need to refrain from masturbation for at least 1 month. Jesus christ.

The issues are basically:

  1. My family sucks and abused me for my entire life of 29 years...etc. I mentioned that already.
    1. Dealing with their stress and trauma
    2. Potentially block communications with certain people
    3. Recovering from repressed trauma and not hiding it within games, porn, masturbation, junk food, anger
  2. Recovering from girlfriend abuse.
    1. Same stuff as above
    2. Also trusting new women not to abuse me
  3. Work stress
    1. Setting limits on amount of time worked per week
    2. Not taking responsibility for delegations until I get paid like a project manager
    3. Handling normal stress
    4. Figure out if I want to take the licensure exam or if I want that responsibility in my life
  4. Hobbies
    1. Although I have career goals in my hobbies I can't put undue stress on myself
    2. I currently try to do too many hobbies at once, make a job out of all of them, and make a career so I can leave engineering. Once I start writing, I feel like I'm falling behind on animation and vice versa and start to yell at myself and freak out.
    3. If I have spare time I criticize myself for not working on hobbies to get a new career.
    4. If my work isn't amazing I think I'm a failure and get mad at myself because I need it to be amazing to get a new career.
    5. I freak out at how difficult things are to learn because I'm rushing the learning curve to get a new career sooner
  5. Spare time
    1. I can't handle relaxation and exercise. They don't help me get a new career immediately and I think they're wasting my time. 
    2. I can't relax because it's a waste of my life and I need to make progress
  6. Other people
    1. I think people are so stupid. I get so stressed out talking to other people. I hate how others put in minimal effort in life and just carry on. I think they're disappointments and utter wastes of life. I hate associating with them. I really hate stupid people.
    2. This website has been a test because I've surprisingly been able to help many people and welcome the advice of others. I still find it difficult to give people advice sometimes on this website because I'm impatient. I am trying though. I think that might make me come off as stern or too direct on giving advice so I apologize if I do that.
  7. Uncertainty and Anxiety
    1. I finished my cartoon show pitch and it's ready to show to Cartoon Network or another network. The issue is I don't have a degree in animation, art, or writing. That means they might not let me be the full producer of the show because, rightfully so, I don't have the experience to handle something on a network.
      1. My fear is that I put years of thought into my cartoon and some network takes it, changes it, and I get paid minimally while the network makes millions off of my idea. How much money do you think cartoon network has made off of Adventure Time? or Regular Show? The creators of those shows each have about $2 million. Sure, that's a lot, but I bet you Cartoon Network made well over $200 million from that show, ad revenue, merchandise, and other things. I don't really want that. It's tough. I'd like to speak to somebody in the industry so I'm not wasting time. Maybe I'm over thinking it.
    2. This leaves me very uncertain and depressed. If I quit my job again I most certainly can't return to it. They already took me back after 1 month because of my mother being a cunt. I'd have to go to another company to do the same thing and be unhappy again. I don't know anymore. 
    3. I feel like I'm destined for greatness. I think I'm funnier than anyone I've ever met and I think I'm creative and have purpose. I don't think my purpose is making projects come together. I think it's for motivating others, making people laugh, creating art, expressing myself, and being a leader of a community. I take pride in being the leader. I want to be in charge. I enjoy being the central figure. I become a central figure everywhere I go whether it's a video game, on this forum, at work, sports teams I'm on, hobby groups I run, etc. I'm meant to be a power house of a figure.

We'll see what happens. I'm thankful for the community here for your support and friendship.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi friend,

 

Thank you for sharing so much here and letting us be part of your story.  I am so sorry for the amount of trauma and abuse you have experienced. That is horrible, and unimaginable. 
 

I am glad you are getting the care you need now. The therapists will be able to help you process all these events and move though them. And if they don’t, just move onto another therapist. Sometime we just have to find the right fit. 
 

You have helped so so so many on here beat their gaming addictions. You do have the ability to have empathy and understand others.... more then you give yourself credit for. 
 

Sending joy my friend. I know you don’t like that statement... but that’s all I know how to say from afar. 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
8 minutes ago, Icandothis said:

Hi friend,

 

Thank you for sharing so much here and letting us be part of your story.  I am so sorry for the amount of trauma and abuse you have experienced. That is horrible, and unimaginable. 
 

I am glad you are getting the care you need now. The therapists will be able to help you process all these events and move though them. And if they don’t, just move onto another therapist. Sometime we just have to find the right fit. 
 

You have helped so so so many on here beat their gaming addictions. You do have the ability to have empathy and understand others.... more then you give yourself credit for. 
 

Sending joy my friend. I know you don’t like that statement... but that’s all I know how to say from afar. 

Thank you. I'm monitoring my health. I think I damaged myself and it's both humiliating and painful. I'm so angry at myself. I just hope it's minor and I can feel better tomorrow...or tonight. I appreciate the kind words. 

I just get very afraid of nausea since I'm very afraid of getting sick. So my anxiety rises and then I get more dizzy from stress induced vertigo lol. Dumb. I'm dumb. But I will pray and be vigilant and see what happens. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Today was emotionally draining and physically aggravating. I basically hurt myself during masturbation because I was so eager to feel escape and relief from real life frustration. This happened to me back in June and I kept repeating the issue until 2 or 3 weeks ago. But then I re-aggravated the issue and made it worse by doing it this week. It's so demoralizing and frustrating. I need to refrain from masturbation for several weeks now in order to heal.

Why would I do this to myself? It's so embarrassing. This is the second time I've had to go to the doctor's because of an issue from masturbation. It's so humiliating. It's not because I'm lonely or enjoy it. I do it because I can't fucking calm down from stress and don't deal with it well at all. I'm going to give these two therapists a shot and just come up with better ways of dealing with stress. 

I wish I could just sit at the computer and let my frustrations steep away in a world that means nothing, but I quit for a reason. I refuse to live a life that means nothing. Sure, you can be proud of your gaming accomplishments, but you're going to die one day and I'm pretty sure you're gonna look back at yourself talking shit to some 15 year old on Overwatch and regret spending your time doing that. Maybe you wonder about making a tv show, writing a book, becoming a martial artist, singing songs, or just making better friends and feel less loneliness.

Whatever it may be, I can't go back and refuse. Plus, I feel like I'm motivating others on this website by keeping my streak alive. I think I'd come off as a poser if I kept relapsing and giving people advice. You need to help yourself before helping others. 

I read that list I wrote back in the 500 days without gaming post and remember why I quit in the first place. I'm doing a good job. I need to have that sink in and appreciate the good job I'm doing.

Even though I was in lots of pain today and feeling sick, I still finished my 3d model of pidgey. All I had left to do was the tail feathers. 

image.png.254f84eb53d17561dd19e37bc35102fe.png

I'm going to spend some time tomorrow adding color to the model and making it look like the reference image on the left. I'll try to do that for the rest of the vacation I'm on. I honestly don't think it will take much time and I'll be able to rig the model to animate it to kick sand and squawk at someone. I'm almost done and think I'll get it done in a couple weeks.

I want to work with my therapist to be able to just enjoy working on my hobby. I think I just get in my own head. Like if I 3D model for 3 hours, watch a movie for 2 hours, watch a sporting event for 3 hours, rock climb for 3 hours, bike ride for 4 hours, that somehow feels like I'm contradicting myself because I think if you play video games for 2+ hours per day it's bad.

But I think it's about comparing the activities and their effect on us. I'm stimulating mental growth and less stressed out by 3d modeling. It's engaging and I can do it with real life friends. Same with rock climbing etc. 

I think it's just craving games sometimes and sometimes I still wish I could float around and shoot healing orbs at people or click on trees and mine them. But I'm past that. The other thing is I'd stop doing all those small activities for 2-4 hours at a time and I'd just play video games for 12-18 hours again and not work on my goals because I've done that before and I'm not stupid. So I think we just have more to do in life and I'm still learning that after 2 years almost.

Today I'm grateful for God for answering my prayers to help feel better. My fever is subsided and I am in less pain than earlier with less nausea. I hope it continues to improve. I'm also grateful to my artist community, my friends, the community here, my doctor, my family, my job for giving me insurance to help myself heal, and I'm grateful for myself for being able to finish modeling even in pain.

Edited by BooksandTrees
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.