Jump to content
×
×
  • Create New...

NEW VIDEO: Psychologist's WARNING About VIDEO GAMES

Dear Diary...


BooksandTrees
 Share

Recommended Posts

1 hour ago, OptimisticMalcontent said:

If you're 30 years old and the average life expectancy is 82 years, then you have 52 years to practice. You don't have to make huge time investments, just consistent and incremental improvements. 

Yes, it's usually good to force yourself to go out, when you're just feeling a little bit lazy, but when you're running ragged it can be a good idea to power down a bit and let yourself recover.

You're not lazy, you're human and you're going through a lot right now.

Thanks. I think it's just so easy to be miserable. I feel so accomplished because of my job and my steak of nearly 90 weeks without video games. I just still feel misery at times and miss the easier days. 

I miss cartoons and gaming all day. I'm just not in balance right now. 

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

But I don't. I don't trust women. I've been on dates and just see their eyes like a shark. I just feel like they want me and I'll be abused again. The only place i feel safe sexually is watching porn now. 

I think the main point here is not that you don't trust women, but that you don't trust yourself to choose one. Not all women are sexual predators looking to abuse you OR asexual (if I were to fill in the other extreme). You need to find a way to forgive yourself for the few poor choices you made in the past, so you can focus on the abundance that is offered to you now.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I think I'm going to be attending more quantitative therapy sessions with more therapists after today and considering medication. 

Find what works for you. There are so many options approaches. 
 

I am glad the quantitative therapy seems to be going in the right direction.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think I'll be getting an anti-depressant soon and I will also be potentially going to outpatient therapy where I can spend 8 hours a day in therapy groups for 2 weeks dealing with sexual addiction, sexual abuse, and anxiety disorder. I'm scared, but I'm doing it. I'm so miserable right now. I think it's mostly the lack of sleep, but i'm beat.

I'm just wondering if I got 3 weeks of good sleep if I'd be feeling this bad. But the fact that i've been asking that same question for several years indicates that it's not possible in my current condition.

I don't know.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm feeling slightly better, but my mom stressed me out again today by showing up without asking permission to show up and I had an anxiety attack, which has left me exhausted again. I'm choosing not to get angry because I can't take it. I just wanna relax.

I'm nervous about telling my job that I need to have a 2 week mental therapy session, but I'm sure they'll be supportive. I'm just worried that they'll think I'm weak and never promote me. I'll see what happens.

I don't want to write on this website as much anymore because it's taking too much of my time and feels like a job. I am struggling so much that it just becomes a burden to keep up with everyone and try to help. I know that sounds selfish, but I gotta think about myself for the next couple of months. I'll probably go back to 1 post per week on Saturdays unless I have a bad anxiety issue and need to post.

I'm trying to calm down. I'm trying to be productive at all times. I try working, then exercising, then cooking, then writing here, then make my cartoon, then date women, then write a book, then other hobbies.

It's too much and I'm getting overwhelmed.

I unfortunately had to tell my friend I need to put a pause on production of the cartoon I have been dreaming of making. I get stressed out because I want to work on it, but I'm not talented enough as an artist to contribute. So when he works on it I get stressed out because I feel like I'm not being productive and I start beating myself up and being mean to myself. So I asked if we could stop and he understood.

I feel guilty because he's taken a liking to the cartoon as well. I just feel like a failure because I have to postpone it again...just terrible. I just know I'm not ready for it right now. I know he could technically work on the art while I recover and by the time I'm better we'd have most of the show made, but that's unfair on him and it's unfair to my mind. 

I need more activities that have an ending. I like porn and masturbation because it's easy, there's an ending, and it's enjoyable. All of my hobbies are writing books, creating a cartoon, etc. It takes forever to learn and the reward doesn't come for years. 

I have found the right hobbies that make me happy, but I am not ready to attempt my goals that I set for myself. Real cartoon shows have hundreds of people working on them. 2 people is  a tall task. It's also taking up all my time and I'm not enjoying life. Sometimes you need to enjoy life. I'm not enjoying life and it's killing me.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

@BooksandTrees There is no point in worrying over the things you mentioned. This undermines you more than it would have otherwise.

Put simply, If you have a flat tyre and near empty gas tank and see a repair service on the road, are you going to regret a lot that you didn’t carry on driving for hundreds of miles, but stopped to fix your car? Absolute zero factor.

Your regretting and fears are unwarranted, you need to recover and come back strong, I’m sure employment law protects workers with health issues in your country, you can search regulations on the web. 

 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

@BooksandTrees There is no point in worrying over the things you mentioned. This undermines you more than it would have otherwise.

Put simply, If you have a flat tyre and near empty gas tank and see a repair service on the road, are you going to regret a lot that you didn’t carry on driving for hundreds of miles, but stopped to fix your car? Absolute zero factor.

Your regretting and fears are unwarranted, you need to recover and come back strong, I’m sure employment law protects workers with health issues in your country, you can search regulations on the web. 

 

You're right. This is my anxiety talking and making me uncomfortable. So I want to be healthy and make sure I'm doing this right. I'm worrying about things that haven't happened. Thank you.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I get so depressed at work it's not even funny. I just feel so unimportant and average here. That paired with demand to get work completed makes me feel like some unappreciated cog in a machine that's clearly replaceable. 

I didn't want to get up this morning so I hit snooze for over an hour. I think I do this for semblance of control in my life. 

I have no motivation to work today, again. I just want the day to end so I can have 2 days of peace for the weekend. 

I haven't been this depressed since last July when I moved to my old bad apartment. At least this one is good. 

I'm hoping for more help from my doctors in the coming weeks to help my mood. It's like I've become a different person in the past few months. My anxiety induced paranoia and depression is really making me feel bad every day. 

I got angry at seeing happy people today because I'm jealous that they're happy and I'm not. I know happiness is a choice. I just can't convince myself at the moment. I look forward to my therapy session. 

I don't want anyone's input on what I just wrote. I just wrote it for myself. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Today was unproductive again but I made better choices. Instead of taking a nap act lunch to escape from the day I chose to have a virtual lunch with friends and got a little work done after. I'm doing another virtual talk with friends again. 

I want to convince my mind that I'm ok and make the correct social choices. I can't stay indoors or be isolated anymore. I'm so social and need to support it. 

I will get better. I will change my mentality. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Today was much better. I talked with friends a lot and had a much better day. I feel less depressed. I don't even feel depressed to be honest. I feel hopeful. I have decided to stop trying to make 3d animation a second job. Life needs to be more enjoyable. I was torturing myself.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Today I'm 90 weeks without games. I'm a little tired today. I had a rough week. I feel a little better in general. I got to talk to some friends today and I got a lot of my chores done. I'm exhausted tonight after doing some activities. 

I just wish I had more fun things to do. I'm thinking of buying a bike. It might be nice to do stuff outside. We will see. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I just wish I had more fun things to do. I'm thinking of buying a bike. It might be nice to do stuff outside. We will see. 

That's exactly what I did. Bought myself a bycicle not so long ago, what a game changer! Rides outside the ever-moving city are the best.
This is truly good investment. I am cycling now almost on a daily-basis for atleast 2-hours a day exploring places I've never been before. Truly exciting!

There's an app I am using when I cycle called - Komoot, it has ready-built routes and also cycling spots shared by the komoot community. Neat stuff.

Godspeed!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 hours ago, Edz said:

That's exactly what I did. Bought myself a bycicle not so long ago, what a game changer! Rides outside the ever-moving city are the best.
This is truly good investment. I am cycling now almost on a daily-basis for atleast 2-hours a day exploring places I've never been before. Truly exciting!

There's an app I am using when I cycle called - Komoot, it has ready-built routes and also cycling spots shared by the komoot community. Neat stuff.

Godspeed!

That's great. I'm glad this worked for you. I'm a little nervous about the seat being uncomfortable on the genital area. I have had non bacterial prostatitis and worry it would trigger it. Maybe I just ride for 30 minutes and see if I need a different seat or slowly train myself. 

Do you ride in groups ever from meetup or anything?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I took my first dose of prozac today. Idk what to think. I know it takes some time to sink in and see what the effect was. I'm relieved I'm not allergic or something. I'll keep taking it and record my symptoms. I'm very afraid of throwing up and have a terrible phobia of it. So I was nervous to take this. 

I must say I feel calm tonight. My normal thought patterns are here but I'm not overthinking or anything. I'm just in a room sitting on the couch feeling tired for bed. I'm snacking a bit for additional nutrients before sleep. 

Usually I'd be upset about work starting again tomorrow. But I'm not thinking about it. It's like I don't feel guilt about not being ultra efficient. I will just do the work and not freak out. I've never felt this calm. Is it a placebo? Idk.

I just don't feel anxious. There's no pressure in my head or gut that is telling me I should or shouldn't be doing something. 

Let me be clear that my senses are fine. Like I'm not touching hot frying pans by accident or something dumb like that. But with anxiety even when you try to relax your mind can't stop thinking and you get exhausted and start to panic. Then the exhaustion causes depression and then regret for thinking and then I watch porn to clear the thoughts. 

None of that. I'm just on my couch. A light is on. I'm drinking water. I'm fully aware of my thoughts. I haven't forgotten my career. I just don't have anxiety, tears, or emotional turmoil. 

Is this just a placebo because it's only one night?

I guess the control freak never truly leaves, but I feel fine. 

Today I'm grateful for my friends, family, food, apartment, and prozac I think. 

Edited by BooksandTrees
  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Is this just a placebo because it's only one night?

That's possible. But a calming effect is a nice thing nevertheless. How long should it actually take before it kicks in?

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

56 minutes ago, Erik2.0 said:

it can take effect in a day. Have you started therapy group yet?

Mine took effect within 4 hours and I haven't felt anxious at all. It's so strange. Normally I'd feel anxiety but now I feel a small head sensation and then I'm normal again.

No news about whether I got into the group therapy yet.

1 hour ago, Phoenixking said:

a calming effect is a nice thing nevertheless.

It is and it isn't. I've had anxiety my whole life and to just have it removed so fast has scared me. I still have the feeling of responsibility and doing my work and paying bills. But I don't have drifting thoughts about getting fired for no logical reason or being made fun for something. I don't think about dying. I can sit in a room and relax. I'm not regretting every step I take and feeling the need to plan every part of my day. I just exist and do things when I need to and want to. I'm on the second lowest adult dosage. It's insane. 

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I didn't sleep well last night but once again I have no anxiety tonight. I do need to relax a little before bed. It's warm. I might do a cold shower around half an hour before bed and read my book. Who knows?

It was too hot to exercise today. It's been about 100 degrees and 110 with humidity. No chance I'm doing anything in that weather. 

I'd like to start studying this week. Maybe for 1 to 3 hours. 

I also want to do blender for an hour as well. I'm happier for sure. I have therapy tomorrow to discuss my medication and feelings. 

I remain hopeful that I will find love this year. I'm not feeling depressed about it anymore and I want to avoid dating apps I think. I'm just not interested. 

So far this week is better than last week even with the similar start with no sleep. 

I took a cold shower tonight and got my air conditioning going earlier. I also watched porn over an hour before bed. I know I shouldn't be watching but I watched last night before bed and it was not good. 

Tonight I'll read then meditate. 

Today I'm grateful for food, friends, family, prozac, my job, and myself for doing ok. I'm also grateful to God for never getting addicted to drugs or alcohol and only gaming and porn. I can't imagine how difficult it is to quit those and think the people who do are transcendent people. 

I am watching porn less often than I was after the relapse. I'm trying. 

Edited by BooksandTrees
  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am so happy you found something that is working. It sounds like you are in really good hands. I hope the therapy goes well. You are looking at your health from all angles which is key. May you get encouragement, support hope and love from your counselors. 
 

Just keep doing one day at a time. We have to keep showing up exactly as we are and ask for the help we need. Just keep doing the next thing.  
 

Sending light and hope to you today. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

26 minutes ago, Erik2.0 said:

Sounds like the meds are going well. I'm happy they're helping.

Thank you. I hope so. I'm extremely tired today and slept for 13 hours last night. Reminded me of your sleep schedule. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share