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BooksandTrees
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Small rant:

I keep running into attractive women on the dating app who love video games, but when I was a game addict I never saw them. Fuck that's annoying. 

Maybe it's some sort of message from a higher power saying gaming is bad for me personally.

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I had a buddy ask me to play games today. We hadn't played in a while and he didn't know that I had quit. He lives in the city I moved to and it sucks because this is the first time in a while where anyone I know in real life has asked me to play games. Usually I would just play with myself or internet strangers because I didn't know anyone else who was into the same games as me.

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My last date was in 1992 and it was blind date.
Actually that's the only date I've ever been on.

Edited by Toro
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1 hour ago, alphadax said:

I had a buddy ask me to play games today. We hadn't played in a while and he didn't know that I had quit. He lives in the city I moved to and it sucks because this is the first time in a while where anyone I know in real life has asked me to play games. Usually I would just play with myself or internet strangers because I didn't know anyone else who was into the same games as me.

Sucks how that works out usually. Oh well lol. Just keep doing your thing.

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29 minutes ago, Toro said:

My last date was in 1992 and it was blind date.
Actually that's the only date I've ever been on.

I haven't really enjoyed many that I've had so I can't really say you've missed out on much, but who knows what the future holds.

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Today was decent. I woke up late again and made breakfast, went for a 2 hour walk, made food, watched TV, had therapy, had my online date, and then sculpted in Blender for about 2 hours.

So far this vacation is going well. I spoke with my therapist today about art and hobbies in general. I told him that I felt like doing the 3d sculpting for 3-12 hours per day and I was worried I'd be treating it like video games. We both agreed that I took the vacation to relax and recover from burnout after the past 4 months of work. This is the time to relax. So I am going to stick to my plan of 2-4 hours of 3d art, 1-3 hours of writing, 1-2 hours of exercise, and relaxing the rest. I'm already starting to feel a lot better emotionally. I do have urges to watch porn and game a bit, but I'm past that I think. I just want to recover and feel good. 

The online date was very boring. I wasn't super attracted to her and I felt like she wasn't interested. She has no hobbies and just works all day and night. I don't find that interesting. I want someone attractive who has hobbies like art, climbing, bike riding, tennis, etc. Someone who cooks, etc. I just didn't find her interesting. I won't worry too much about it and just say it's not gonna happen.

I wanted to post a progress picture of a Pidgey I'm sculpting. It's the first thing I've ever sculpted, but I enjoy it much more than polygon hard surface modeling:

image.png.b5d97a232848ec6652d2964d273ee1fe.png

It is going to be finished by the end of the month and I'm going to animate it to kick sand at people and be annoying. It's going to be one of the minor components to a major video I plan to make later this year.

Today I'm grateful for my therapist, apartment, family, friends, and vacation.

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4 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:

I haven't really enjoyed many that I've had so I can't really say you've missed out on much, but who knows what the future holds.

Well that's a relief. ^^
Actually I'm a very jealous person and get really twitchy, so decided it was probably best not to pursue a relationship. Once I made the decision the relief was amazing - not having to worry whether someone likes you or whether you're making a suitable appearance /impression.

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Good progress on your pidgey. I deal with gaming cravings too. Just got to let them be and they fade away is my strategy. Hope the vacation continues to go well.

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Thanks for the positive comments on my Pidgey.

I wrote about 12 paragraphs today about an argument my mom forced on me today, but deleted it. I don't feel it's good to share that publicly. It actually felt good to precisely detail out my emotions in a constructive essay format today, but I think it would draw a lot of questions and comments to me that I don't want to talk about and don't feel others are qualified to ask/suggest. So I deleted it. I do feel better now though and am ready to write my book for about 1 hour today.

I'll update you guys with some 3d modeling progress later today as well. I am thinking about maybe making a development log on my YouTube channel. We'll see.

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22 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Small rant:

I keep running into attractive women on the dating app who love video games, but when I was a game addict I never saw them. Fuck that's annoying. 

Maybe it's some sort of message from a higher power saying gaming is bad for me personally.

Well on the bright side girls like that still don't want to date gamers from my experience, lmao. I know lots of gamer girls and they're all dating guys who are totally technologically illiterate and hate gaming. Makes sense, I'd want to be with someone who had somewhat different interests from me. Probably because any woman who had identical interests to me would be completely deranged like I am. Haha

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Today was kind of null. I did some research on my book and how I'd like to write it. I think I'm going to try writing a test chapter or two. It has two main characters and I was experimenting with points of view. There are three options I am going between. I have both in first person, one in first and one in third with the rest of the people in the story, or both in third person.

The reason I don't want to do both in third person is because I want the reader to develop a personal connection with at least one of the characters to make the story more impactful. So I've eliminated that one. I'm interested in making the antagonist a first person at the very least because I want the reader to be emotionally impacted by what the antagonist is doing in the story. I want them to feel a little disturbed by the events. The protagonist I'm torn because he could fit into either situation. I want the protagonist to be solving a mystery about what the antagonist is doing. I want the reader to be horrified about what the antagonist is doing so I think if you had a personal view of what is happening then I think it will be very surprising. Then once it goes back to the protagonist trying to solve something you have this feeling in the back of your mind that the protagonist is in for a world of hell.

I'm just unsure whether I make the protagonist's view a first person experience as well. It's a difficult thought because I either want the reader to fall in love with the mystery of the open ocean, similar to how viewers fell in love with Amity Island during Jaws until the shark struck people. In Jaws, you follow Chief Brody, but also follow events in the town and everything else. So I could have the protagonist be in third person with the rest of the crew of the ship they're on. 

The other argument is you could follow the protagonist and absorb his love for the open ocean and escapism of it all. You experience all of the joy, hardships, dialogue from his point of view and become startled by the events going on. It's going to take some thinking. I know the advice is write a chapter in each perspective, but I think I need to do some more brainstorming first before writing.

I'm feeling a little sick today and hope I feel better in the coming days. I experimented with something and it is going exactly how I thought. I don't feel well after masturbation with the meditation. I took 4 days off of it and felt better. I tried it last night and feel bad today just to see if it was masturbation related or stress. It's purely masturbation related. I think I need to take 2-4 weeks away from masturbation and give myself time to heal. 

This is embarrassing to talk about, but who gives a shit? I'm just being honest. I have an issue and need to stop doing it.

I'm feeling better after my argument with my mom earlier. I also think I'm going to discontinue talking with the most recent girl I had a video chat with. She was really boring.

I also spent another few hours 3d modeling and am enjoying it a lot. I'm really starting to get more comfortable with it and feeling lots of freedom in life.

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unknown.png?width=889&height=677

Today I'm grateful for my computer, food, family, friends, and the community here.

 

Edited by BooksandTrees
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7 hours ago, ceponatia said:

Well on the bright side girls like that still don't want to date gamers from my experience, lmao. I know lots of gamer girls and they're all dating guys who are totally technologically illiterate and hate gaming. Makes sense, I'd want to be with someone who had somewhat different interests from me. Probably because any woman who had identical interests to me would be completely deranged like I am. Haha

I just think it's unreal. The women on these apps all play either Overwatch or RuneScape and say it with such confidence and fear of humiliation. Like, I played RuneScape from 2004-2018 and met only a handful of women over the game, some of them fake catfishers, one very attractive almost girlfriend, and that's it. Now on these apps I see at least 5 women a day who are avid gamers. 

I asked my friend about this on my walk: What if I had ended up dating a gamer? Would I still be a gamer today and not care? Sometimes I feel like I quit gaming because I lacked purpose in life. Like, if I gamed all day and worked all day and then died. On my death bed I'd just be known for engineering and then gaming with people I don't know in real life. What's the point? If I had a girlfriend and children while doing it I might play less and be more responsible, but like, would I care? Would they?

I know a lot of people on here are in relationships with gamers and they have different perspectives. It just remains interesting. 

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The only good masturbation is no masturbation. Haha. I've been having trouble with thoughts of sex lately actually. still not masturbating though. I think it's healthy for me.

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I went to the doctors today for my vertigo and dizziness issue along with pain from masturbation. They did a battery of tests on me, which was appreciated. I failed the vertigo test instantly lol. The very first part of the test I failed. So I was diagnosed with stress induced vertigo. Then they did a psych analysis on me and gave me 2 additional therapists to see. One for sexual addiction and the other for cognitive behavioral therapy due to traumatic abuse and neglect from my family and ex girlfriends.

Unreal.

So now I have 3 therapists, 2 doctors, and need to refrain from masturbation for at least 1 month. Jesus christ.

The issues are basically:

  1. My family sucks and abused me for my entire life of 29 years...etc. I mentioned that already.
    1. Dealing with their stress and trauma
    2. Potentially block communications with certain people
    3. Recovering from repressed trauma and not hiding it within games, porn, masturbation, junk food, anger
  2. Recovering from girlfriend abuse.
    1. Same stuff as above
    2. Also trusting new women not to abuse me
  3. Work stress
    1. Setting limits on amount of time worked per week
    2. Not taking responsibility for delegations until I get paid like a project manager
    3. Handling normal stress
    4. Figure out if I want to take the licensure exam or if I want that responsibility in my life
  4. Hobbies
    1. Although I have career goals in my hobbies I can't put undue stress on myself
    2. I currently try to do too many hobbies at once, make a job out of all of them, and make a career so I can leave engineering. Once I start writing, I feel like I'm falling behind on animation and vice versa and start to yell at myself and freak out.
    3. If I have spare time I criticize myself for not working on hobbies to get a new career.
    4. If my work isn't amazing I think I'm a failure and get mad at myself because I need it to be amazing to get a new career.
    5. I freak out at how difficult things are to learn because I'm rushing the learning curve to get a new career sooner
  5. Spare time
    1. I can't handle relaxation and exercise. They don't help me get a new career immediately and I think they're wasting my time. 
    2. I can't relax because it's a waste of my life and I need to make progress
  6. Other people
    1. I think people are so stupid. I get so stressed out talking to other people. I hate how others put in minimal effort in life and just carry on. I think they're disappointments and utter wastes of life. I hate associating with them. I really hate stupid people.
    2. This website has been a test because I've surprisingly been able to help many people and welcome the advice of others. I still find it difficult to give people advice sometimes on this website because I'm impatient. I am trying though. I think that might make me come off as stern or too direct on giving advice so I apologize if I do that.
  7. Uncertainty and Anxiety
    1. I finished my cartoon show pitch and it's ready to show to Cartoon Network or another network. The issue is I don't have a degree in animation, art, or writing. That means they might not let me be the full producer of the show because, rightfully so, I don't have the experience to handle something on a network.
      1. My fear is that I put years of thought into my cartoon and some network takes it, changes it, and I get paid minimally while the network makes millions off of my idea. How much money do you think cartoon network has made off of Adventure Time? or Regular Show? The creators of those shows each have about $2 million. Sure, that's a lot, but I bet you Cartoon Network made well over $200 million from that show, ad revenue, merchandise, and other things. I don't really want that. It's tough. I'd like to speak to somebody in the industry so I'm not wasting time. Maybe I'm over thinking it.
    2. This leaves me very uncertain and depressed. If I quit my job again I most certainly can't return to it. They already took me back after 1 month because of my mother being a cunt. I'd have to go to another company to do the same thing and be unhappy again. I don't know anymore. 
    3. I feel like I'm destined for greatness. I think I'm funnier than anyone I've ever met and I think I'm creative and have purpose. I don't think my purpose is making projects come together. I think it's for motivating others, making people laugh, creating art, expressing myself, and being a leader of a community. I take pride in being the leader. I want to be in charge. I enjoy being the central figure. I become a central figure everywhere I go whether it's a video game, on this forum, at work, sports teams I'm on, hobby groups I run, etc. I'm meant to be a power house of a figure.

We'll see what happens. I'm thankful for the community here for your support and friendship.

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Hi friend,

 

Thank you for sharing so much here and letting us be part of your story.  I am so sorry for the amount of trauma and abuse you have experienced. That is horrible, and unimaginable. 
 

I am glad you are getting the care you need now. The therapists will be able to help you process all these events and move though them. And if they don’t, just move onto another therapist. Sometime we just have to find the right fit. 
 

You have helped so so so many on here beat their gaming addictions. You do have the ability to have empathy and understand others.... more then you give yourself credit for. 
 

Sending joy my friend. I know you don’t like that statement... but that’s all I know how to say from afar. 

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8 minutes ago, Icandothis said:

Hi friend,

 

Thank you for sharing so much here and letting us be part of your story.  I am so sorry for the amount of trauma and abuse you have experienced. That is horrible, and unimaginable. 
 

I am glad you are getting the care you need now. The therapists will be able to help you process all these events and move though them. And if they don’t, just move onto another therapist. Sometime we just have to find the right fit. 
 

You have helped so so so many on here beat their gaming addictions. You do have the ability to have empathy and understand others.... more then you give yourself credit for. 
 

Sending joy my friend. I know you don’t like that statement... but that’s all I know how to say from afar. 

Thank you. I'm monitoring my health. I think I damaged myself and it's both humiliating and painful. I'm so angry at myself. I just hope it's minor and I can feel better tomorrow...or tonight. I appreciate the kind words. 

I just get very afraid of nausea since I'm very afraid of getting sick. So my anxiety rises and then I get more dizzy from stress induced vertigo lol. Dumb. I'm dumb. But I will pray and be vigilant and see what happens. 

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Today was emotionally draining and physically aggravating. I basically hurt myself during masturbation because I was so eager to feel escape and relief from real life frustration. This happened to me back in June and I kept repeating the issue until 2 or 3 weeks ago. But then I re-aggravated the issue and made it worse by doing it this week. It's so demoralizing and frustrating. I need to refrain from masturbation for several weeks now in order to heal.

Why would I do this to myself? It's so embarrassing. This is the second time I've had to go to the doctor's because of an issue from masturbation. It's so humiliating. It's not because I'm lonely or enjoy it. I do it because I can't fucking calm down from stress and don't deal with it well at all. I'm going to give these two therapists a shot and just come up with better ways of dealing with stress. 

I wish I could just sit at the computer and let my frustrations steep away in a world that means nothing, but I quit for a reason. I refuse to live a life that means nothing. Sure, you can be proud of your gaming accomplishments, but you're going to die one day and I'm pretty sure you're gonna look back at yourself talking shit to some 15 year old on Overwatch and regret spending your time doing that. Maybe you wonder about making a tv show, writing a book, becoming a martial artist, singing songs, or just making better friends and feel less loneliness.

Whatever it may be, I can't go back and refuse. Plus, I feel like I'm motivating others on this website by keeping my streak alive. I think I'd come off as a poser if I kept relapsing and giving people advice. You need to help yourself before helping others. 

I read that list I wrote back in the 500 days without gaming post and remember why I quit in the first place. I'm doing a good job. I need to have that sink in and appreciate the good job I'm doing.

Even though I was in lots of pain today and feeling sick, I still finished my 3d model of pidgey. All I had left to do was the tail feathers. 

image.png.254f84eb53d17561dd19e37bc35102fe.png

I'm going to spend some time tomorrow adding color to the model and making it look like the reference image on the left. I'll try to do that for the rest of the vacation I'm on. I honestly don't think it will take much time and I'll be able to rig the model to animate it to kick sand and squawk at someone. I'm almost done and think I'll get it done in a couple weeks.

I want to work with my therapist to be able to just enjoy working on my hobby. I think I just get in my own head. Like if I 3D model for 3 hours, watch a movie for 2 hours, watch a sporting event for 3 hours, rock climb for 3 hours, bike ride for 4 hours, that somehow feels like I'm contradicting myself because I think if you play video games for 2+ hours per day it's bad.

But I think it's about comparing the activities and their effect on us. I'm stimulating mental growth and less stressed out by 3d modeling. It's engaging and I can do it with real life friends. Same with rock climbing etc. 

I think it's just craving games sometimes and sometimes I still wish I could float around and shoot healing orbs at people or click on trees and mine them. But I'm past that. The other thing is I'd stop doing all those small activities for 2-4 hours at a time and I'd just play video games for 12-18 hours again and not work on my goals because I've done that before and I'm not stupid. So I think we just have more to do in life and I'm still learning that after 2 years almost.

Today I'm grateful for God for answering my prayers to help feel better. My fever is subsided and I am in less pain than earlier with less nausea. I hope it continues to improve. I'm also grateful to my artist community, my friends, the community here, my doctor, my family, my job for giving me insurance to help myself heal, and I'm grateful for myself for being able to finish modeling even in pain.

Edited by BooksandTrees
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15 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:
  • Work stress
    1. Setting limits on amount of time worked per week
    2. Not taking responsibility for delegations until I get paid like a project manager
    3. Handling normal stress
    4. Figure out if I want to take the licensure exam or if I want that responsibility in my life
  • Hobbies
    1. Although I have career goals in my hobbies I can't put undue stress on myself
    2. I currently try to do too many hobbies at once, make a job out of all of them, and make a career so I can leave engineering. Once I start writing, I feel like I'm falling behind on animation and vice versa and start to yell at myself and freak out.
    3. If I have spare time I criticize myself for not working on hobbies to get a new career.
    4. If my work isn't amazing I think I'm a failure and get mad at myself because I need it to be amazing to get a new career.
    5. I freak out at how difficult things are to learn because I'm rushing the learning curve to get a new career sooner

I'm in Forex for the past few months and I have to say one of the advantages of it is that I get to set how much I want to make and indirectly how much time do I want to spend on it. Sometimes it's ironic that I can make more the more time I am away. I'm still trying to grip the idea that it's my decision how much I want to make and how much time I want to spend on it. Compounding is a beast as well. I made my weekly % the last week on Wednesday, just to lose it by Friday. This week I made it by Wednesday as well, but I am smarter and I will stay off the charts until Monday.

The second business idea I currently put on hold focuses on building a firm for passive income over the span of several years. I want to do well in Forex (and perhaps have a few apprentices I could teach myself) first before I head into this though.

15 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:
  • I think people are so stupid. I get so stressed out talking to other people. I hate how others put in minimal effort in life and just carry on. I think they're disappointments and utter wastes of life. I hate associating with them. I really hate stupid people.
  • This website has been a test because I've surprisingly been able to help many people and welcome the advice of others. I still find it difficult to give people advice sometimes on this website because I'm impatient. I am trying though. I think that might make me come off as stern or too direct on giving advice so I apologize if I do that.

I sometimes think of this as well. I feel that most people could have it better if they tried at least remotely, but it seems that most of them just want to crash with their head into the same wall again and again. Then I become arrogant in my thoughts, which scares me as I know that feeling of superiority all too well from when I was gaming.

Regardless of that, I think I am a positive, forgiving and stable presence to others in real life and I take out that contradiction on myself in my spare time.

6 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

You need to help yourself before helping others. 

Even though it sounds paradoxical that I think do better in life than most (whatever I mean by that), this is the solution for me as well. I feel I let my emotions crash me from wall to wall too much lately and neither too much positive or negative emotion is good for self control. It's substituting the feeling of serene peace I used to experience more regularly before.

6 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I want to work with my therapist to be able to just enjoy working on my hobby. I think I just get in my own head. Like if I 3D model for 3 hours, watch a movie for 2 hours, watch a sporting event for 3 hours, rock climb for 3 hours, bike ride for 4 hours, that somehow feels like I'm contradicting myself because I think if you play video games for 2+ hours per day it's bad.

I don't think so, because you can have several such activities and you can juggle them through different days. Besides, there are only 24 hours a day even if you don't go to work 8 hours a day.

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I hope the therapists help. My therapist is kind of pushy and that's hard to deal with but I think she might be helpful. I'm not sure. That's awesome you're pitching a cartoon. I hope to watch it someday. I'd hope that you get to be involved and profit well from it too. That's cool that you're built to be the center of things. Socially I tend to befriend popular people, but I'm just a humble sidekick to their greatness. I'm kind of a do what it takes to get by at a job that's the best I could get kind of guy. My strength is just accepting what I'm given and working with it. Getting upset, demanding more and things like that just get me into trouble. So I always stay relatively passive and modest in what I'm doing. It's cool to know you and get to see all the stuff you're doing. It's amazing how many people on here you interact with. You are definitely a central figure on here. Wishing you healing and strength as you make these changes in your life.

Edited by Erik2.0
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8 hours ago, Ikar said:

I don't think so, because you can have several such activities and you can juggle them through different days. Besides, there are only 24 hours a day even if you don't go to work 8 hours a day.

This is what I struggle with most because I don't understand I can switch from one to another. I just get upset and question every choice I make. Logically, I could rest, animate for 2 hours, write for 30 minutes, exercise for 1 hour, watch TV for 1 hour, read for 1 hour, and sleep. 

That sounds exhausting though and I'd rather do 8 hours of animation, but that's also exhausting and not as fun as playing RuneScape for 8 hours. I'm not going to relapse, but that's just my thought process.

I'm hoping the therapist helps me figure out a better mindset.

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23 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:

This is what I struggle with most because I don't understand I can switch from one to another. I just get upset and question every choice I make. Logically, I could rest, animate for 2 hours, write for 30 minutes, exercise for 1 hour, watch TV for 1 hour, read for 1 hour, and sleep. 

That sounds exhausting though and I'd rather do 8 hours of animation, but that's also exhausting and not as fun as playing RuneScape for 8 hours. I'm not going to relapse, but that's just my thought process.

I'm hoping the therapist helps me figure out a better mindset.

I couldn't do anything other than sleep for 8 hours straight to save my life, except for sleep. Even when I worked in the warehouse, the tasks at least changed from time to time. The time I can fully immerse in something by myself is about 3 hours at maximum, then I need to relax/eat/drink or otherwise divert myself.

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16 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I wish I could just sit at the computer and let my frustrations steep away in a world that means nothing, but I quit for a reason.

Maybe using a indoor bike? Trying to allow it instead of fighting it? 

What is helping me the most is trying to be aware what that feeling that is that I have and than
say to myself: "Ok this is what I am feeling. Hello [emotion] I know that you are here. What to 
you want?"

So compassion for that feeling.

Fighting never works, because the feeling is already there. It's only once we get an inner "it's ok to feel
frustration (or any other feeling)" we get out of this trap. 

Also the problem with static goals is that they sometimes don't fit our life. And it costs a lot of
enegry to something that we know is not something we are capable of today.

Maybe try to do some variations with every goal:

For animation it would be:

Mini: 10 minutes of animation
Medium: 30 minutes of animation
Elite: 60 minutes of animation

Every level is a win. On some days you can reach 10 minutes and 60 minutes are impossible (maybe because of illnes).
But you have the freedom of choice which level fits to you life everyday. So you never lose. And freedom is the 
most important thing. Freedom of choice. And not being a slave to high goals that have to be accomplished every day.

Life is too complicated to always hit 60+ minutes. Maybe something happens in life that you 
couldn't see and the static goal is impossible to reach. 

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15 minutes ago, Ikar said:

I couldn't do anything other than sleep for 8 hours straight to save my life, except for sleep. Even when I worked in the warehouse, the tasks at least changed from time to time. The time I can fully immerse in something by myself is about 3 hours at maximum, then I need to relax/eat/drink or otherwise divert myself.

See I'm the opposite. If I'm having fun I never want to stop what I'm doing and it always hurts me. I don't have a balance concept. 

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1 hour ago, mks said:

Maybe using a indoor bike? Trying to allow it instead of fighting it? 

What is helping me the most is trying to be aware what that feeling that is that I have and than
say to myself: "Ok this is what I am feeling. Hello [emotion] I know that you are here. What to 
you want?"

So compassion for that feeling.

Fighting never works, because the feeling is already there. It's only once we get an inner "it's ok to feel
frustration (or any other feeling)" we get out of this trap. 

Also the problem with static goals is that they sometimes don't fit our life. And it costs a lot of
enegry to something that we know is not something we are capable of today.

Maybe try to do some variations with every goal:

For animation it would be:

Mini: 10 minutes of animation
Medium: 30 minutes of animation
Elite: 60 minutes of animation

Every level is a win. On some days you can reach 10 minutes and 60 minutes are impossible (maybe because of illnes).
But you have the freedom of choice which level fits to you life everyday. So you never lose. And freedom is the 
most important thing. Freedom of choice. And not being a slave to high goals that have to be accomplished every day.

Life is too complicated to always hit 60+ minutes. Maybe something happens in life that you 
couldn't see and the static goal is impossible to reach. 

Those are good ideas. I have been trying variations of each idea you suggested. Unfortunately because of my injury I can't sit on a bike seat for a few weeks lol. But I will try yoga and walking for now.

I also feel better doing the progression of activities that you mentioned, but my issue is just starting it because instead of just starting an activity I think about not being good at it, not enjoying it, not reaching my goals, being a failure, and wasting time. I do this instead of "I really enjoy animating. Today I'm going to paint my sculpture because I'm done with it."

So I'm hoping my therapist helps with my behavior there.

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