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Everything posted by alphadax

  1. Hmm, not a bad idea. I'll look into it. I've read a number of self-help books but nothing specifically for therapy.
  2. Well, I've looked around several times but there are very few places accepting new in-person patients. It seems like all of the therapists in my area are booked solid. And I really don't want to do online therapy. I tried it and it just wasn't for me.
  3. "I wanted to quit gaming so that I could go out and experience life. I still feel like gaming is a great way to relax or add some competition and fulfillment into a relatively boring life. For me I feel like gaming was how I made my life more interesting." I think I still feel more or less the same as I did in this post. The truth is I struggled to maintain my distance from gaming after my detox ended. I wasn't able to completely replace the value that gaming provided with other activities. I was extremely bored and lonely throughout most of 2020. Eventually I broke down and went back to gaming to cope with this. Luckily I was able to get out of a bad roommate situation and I am living in a much better situation now. Currently I like my roommates, and I hang out with them a lot. Just like in college, my roommates are probably my only real friends here. Somehow I am still working from home though, so my social interactions are still limited. I look forward to doing activities with my roommates and going to the gym just to see other faces. I still struggle to find meaning in my career. I go back and forth between trying to quit and being grateful for what I have. For now I guess I'm lying low, trying to build up my finances so I can afford to make a change. I don't want to make the mistake of doing a radical change only to end up back in debt and more miserable than before. So I guess right now I am still gaming, but I also have a few other hobbies (running, gym, guitar) that I am passionate about. Never found a therapist so I guess I am back here again to journal my woes!
  4. Sleep: This habit is still going fine (more or less) but I haven't been tracking it as rigorously. Mostly I'm forced to keep it in check because of work. Exercise: Once the gyms opened back up I saw it as a great opportunity to build up a real exercise habit. I have to say this is probably the best thing in my life right now, and it keeps me motivated. I've been going to the gym consistently for the last 3-4 months. I've lost 15 pounds and I feel great. Actually before starting my gym habit I took up running, and that's been my main source of progress and inspiration. I ran my first 5K in September with a time of 33:35 (10:49 mile pace.) On Thanksgiving I ran my 2nd 5K with a time of 26:44 (8:37 mile pace.) I'm very proud of my progress and plan to continue in the winter. I've been running with a local group which has provided a lot of structure and inspiration. It will be interesting trying to run outside in the snow which I have not done before... But if I can run 5K in 28 deg. F weather then I think I can handle it. My goals are to complete a 10K in the next 6-12 months and hopefully improve my 5K time from the extra running (although not the main focus--just trying to improve my endurance for 10K now.) In the gym I've been running on treadmill and trying to incorporate some strength training into my routine. Once I'm in the winter running program I'll have 4 days of running and 2 days of strength training per week. I usually just alternate running and lifting days so I don't have to spend too much time in the gym on any given day. I'll have at least 1 full rest day per week and 1 quasi-rest day (light running.) I'm on a caloric deficit to lose weight so I'm just trying to retain as much muscle as I can. I've made a bit of progress on my lifts, learned some new exercises, tried a few group classes. I really enjoy going because it gets me out of the house and I can be around other people. Once I reach my goal weight / bodyfat percentage I will run maintenance for about 3 months to get used to my new weight. I still need to lose about another 10 lbs but I'm not really in a hurry, just enjoying the process. I try to lose about 1-1.5 lbs every week. Some weeks I don't lose any weight, and some weeks I gain weight, but I just try to keep the general trend going down. I can definitely see the results of my training which is nice. Gratitude: I haven't really kept up with this habit, but whenever I do take the time to think about and write down what I'm grateful for, it usually makes me feel better. Especially if I haven't done it in a while. So I'd recommend it at least once every couple weeks or something.
  5. Hello! I'd like to give an update on my life since the last post and comment on some of the goals I had here...
  6. Welcome. It's good that you are thinking about how you want to invest your time. It sounds like you have many different avenues to explore. Good luck!
  7. Day #82-87 Greetings. I did go back through my old posts, but I realize now that I never spelled out my reasons for quitting gaming in my own forum. Although I've hinted at it in other posts. I wanted to quit gaming so that I could go out and experience life. I still feel like gaming is a great way to relax or add some competition and fulfillment into a relatively boring life. For me I feel like gaming was how I made my life more interesting. It wasn't always that way. When I was a kid I think gaming was more just a way to have fun and distract myself when I wasn't doing anything. But there was always something planned down the pipeline, so I couldn't play games forever. The problem is when you're an adult or a college student away from home, no one is planning things for you. YOU have to decide for yourself what to do with your life. This transition happens almost immediately and without anyone really talking about it. You think you are free, but if you are introverted or socially awkward like me, you realize that this can be a soul-crushing level of freedom. The freedom to not have to do anything. The freedom to play as many games as you want. When your life goals are tied up in a game, that game IS your life. It gives you a sense of purpose. Something to look forward to. Something to challenge yourself and test the limits of your abilities. That's is what gaming became for me. Without realizing it, I no longer had any goals in real life. All of the goals I really cared about were in a video game. I think this happened because I transitioned from the familiar environment of highschool where I did have goals into college where my old goals no longer mattered. Working part time and living away from campus prevented me from fully transitioning to the college life. My first year was this awkward limbo between highschool and college commitments. During my second year I decided to cut ties with my old highschool commitments to focus on my college education. But with that decision all of my old social ties vanished instantly, and I was left with nothing. I was lucky enough to join a couple events during that time where I met my former roommates, who were really my only friends throughout college. I had tried a few clubs like ping pong, men's group, electronics club, atheists club etc. but I always gave up after a couple meetings. I didn't feel like I belonged. In fact, I've always struggled with having a sense of belonging. I've never quite felt like I fit in anywhere. So I guess I have just felt terribly alone for so long that I feel paralyzed. Today I imagined how nice it would be to have a family or a group of people in this house to eat breakfast with and go explore the world. If I think about doing something by myself it just feels meaningless, but if there was someone to share it with it would be worth it. I guess this forum has become my therapist. I never imagined I would talk about stuff like this on here. Anyway have a nice Saturday.
  8. Day #81 Still feeling kind of lost today. I was productive last night and got some shopping done, but then today I didn't know what to do with myself. I did read for a couple hours and finally finished a book I had been reading for a while. I'd like to read more often. I have another book I can start this week. I've only been living in this place for a few weeks now, but it seems like I might have higher standards for cleanliness than everyone else. My philosophy is basically to clean as I go. I don't know why this isn't more common because it's so simple and easy. Just clean up right after eating or cooking anything. It only takes 5 minutes and it keeps everything spotless. Then you don't have to deal with the dread of a full sink of gross dirty dishes. Also why do some people leave food on their plates in the sink? It takes two seconds to just scrape it in the trash. Or maybe just finish your damn food. I don't really feel like having this conversation with my roommate right now, because I doubt he will change, but it might need to happen at some point. It's not a big deal right now since I'm working from home, it's fairly easy for me to just clean up for everyone when I make my own food. But if I was gone for even a couple of days, I would come back to an absolute mess. I'm pretty sure my cold is coming to and end so I'm looking forward to playing tennis again sometime this week. Happy Sunday everybody
  9. Day #76-80 I guess I have 10 days left in my 90 day detox. I haven't posted in a few days... I don't really have an excuse; I just didn't feel like I had anything to say. Journaling was starting to feel like a chore rather than something that I wanted to do. I didn't want that so I stopped for a while. In some ways it's the same for gaming. When I have quit games in the past, it was because they weren't fun anymore. They started to feel like more of a chore or a burden than something enjoyable. I have been sick since Sunday apparently as well. My symptoms are nothing serious (yet) so fingers crossed I don't have covid. I finally got tested today but I won't get the results for another week at least. Luckily all I have been doing is working from home and watching anime anyway, so it hasn't affected my life too much. Gaming has crossed my mind more since I've been sick and stopped journaling. I've considered ordering another controller and playing again. It's funny. It doesn't make any sense. I feel like I was so adamant that I would change, that I would be different. I thought it was the end for me, that I would never play games again. I wonder what changed in my brain where now I suddenly think it would be a good idea to go back. What did I even quit games for in the first place? What have I been doing all of this time? It's hard to change when the current environment is almost forcing people to stay inside. And environments shape our habits more than we'd like to admit. Sometimes I wonder how much control we really have over our own destinies, when something as simple as a piece of fruit or a bag of chips on the counter can change our behavior. I have no idea what I'm going to do tomorrow. That's fine for now. At some point I want to look back through my old posts, because I feel like I've lost sight of my goal. Happy Friday everybody.
  10. Day #75 Don't know what happened last night, but I woke up around 6:00 which worked out great because I was able to get to the grocery store before the crowds showed up. Maybe I should wake up earlier from now on and exercise or something.
  11. Day #74 Somehow I fell asleep without even realizing it. When I woke up it wasn't even 12 am yet, so I have no idea how long I was asleep. The last thing I remember was that it was about 5 o'clock and I was eating dinner. When I woke up I was in bed with my daytime clothes still on. I hadn't made my journal post yet and it didn't feel like I had brushed my teeth. I don't know what's going on but clearly I've messed myself up from watching anime all day. I think it can kind of destroy your sense of time. I'm a little freaked out because I woke up from some kind of nightmare as well. I wasn't even sure I was actually a wake for a while since it was so early on my phone and I didn't remember going to bed. I guess I'm just going to try going back to sleep.
  12. Day #72 Not much to report really. Yesterday I hung out with some people which was nice. Today it rained all day and I felt pretty drained so I watched anime all day.
  13. Day #71 Tired and past my bedtime, so I'll check in more tomorrow. Overall, I'd say a good day today.
  14. Day #69, 70 Forgot to post yesterday, I thought about it but I was tired so I just went to bed. Tennis went well. I was hitting the ball much much better than last week, so I am proud of myself for that. I think it came down to a few main things: confidence, footwork, video learning, and breaks. For confidence, once I got a few good shots in I was really feeling myself and realized that what I was trying to do was working. I had been watching a lot of tennis YouTube videos to see how the pros play, not to try to copy them but just to get a feel for what they look like on the court. I noticed that footwork played a huge role. I tried to stay light on my feet (on the balls of the foot, split step right when the opponent is getting ready to hit the ball) and I felt much more relaxed and quick on the court. I also analyzed their shots--the biggest thing I learned is called the "unit turn." Basically when you are prepping to hit the ball, you want to turn your shoulder parallel to the ball, kind of "coiling" your body so that you can release that energy into the swing. Everything you do in the preparation stage helps to give you power in the swing. Also the height of your racquet and the way you step into the swing can impact how efficiently your force is carried over. Finally, this clinic had more players so it was a bit slower paced than the last one, which gave me a bit more time to recover. Tomorrow I may be doing something in the evening, so I'm going to try getting in some tennis conditioning during the day / after work. I have a few drills I can try, then maybe go out for a run. Work is going well so far, I am pretty happy with it. Random thought: I noticed with dinner tonight that the food I cooked didn't taste quite as good as when I made it last time. Part of this can be explained by the fact that I accidentally dumped in way too much sugar... It also could be that last time I cooked it fresh same day, while this time I cooked it about 3 days later. Who knows. But it was still good. When I play tennis I don't feel like gaming. Tennis is so much fun. Good night
  15. Day #68 Can't wait to play some tennis tomorrow. Had scheduled to play with someone today but they cancelled. As a result I was extremely antsy today. I didn't know what to do after getting my groceries for the day. Highlight of the day was probably chatting virtually with friends and family. I was also able to take a stroll around the neighborhood during that time. I miss just going on walks. I hope I can make those a regular thing again while the weather is still good. I think it is really important to go outside and just walk around. I don't know why. It makes me feel good, like I did something productive. It's better if you're actually going somewhere like school or a park or work. I never really talked with somebody on the phone while just walking around, but I did today and it was great. Would highly recommend. I looked up some tennis videos to keep me occupied today. I notice a lot of pros actually start their stroke from higher up, and always turn their shoulders all the way. I probably need to start taking lessons again from a high level player. I think there was a lot of stuff I was taught as a kid that was more old-school and outdated. And stuff I probably didn't care about or understand because I was just a kid. But as an adult I want to get better and see improvement. Problem is lessons are expensive! But I think tennis is something I really want to do, almost something I need to do right now to keep me sane and healthy. I also looked up some conditioning drills I can do at home. I'm thinking about getting a jump rope. I don't know why but it seemed really cool and super useful for tennis. Did you know you can spend hundreds of dollars on a jump rope?? I didn't. Apparently it makes a big difference. So now that's put me off from jump roping lol. I'll probably start with bodyweight stuff, walking, and damn son I need to start running as well probably. At least until I can afford to play tennis 3x a week then I can use that as my weekly exercise lol. A bit rambly but I'm feeling good right now and ready to start the week. By the way, sleep is still fine. I don't really feel the need to explicitly report on it anymore. It's the exercise I really need to work on. Although... I have been having some shoulder soreness and I think it could be due to the bed being kinda hard. So I may be looking at a mattress foam topper or just a new mattress once I have some mulahlah. Common theme here. In the meantime I am trying to stay sleeping on my back.
  16. I think the author makes some good points. It is true that people who prioritize experiences and free time over money and possessions are happier on average. So it is easy to fall into the trap of using all of that free time for leisure. However, you should also spend some of that time setting a good foundation for your future and the person you want to become. I don't believe that gaming 6 hours a day is really sustainable if you want to have a family or a good social network outside of gaming.
  17. Day #67 Decent day today. I wish I did more exercise, but I'm working on that. I should be playing some tennis the next two days. It's raining hard right now. It's interesting to watch from my window. There's a different feeling viewing rain from inside versus actually being out in the rain. If you've never just stood out in the rain, you should try it. Kind of fun. Then you can pretend you're the protagonist in a cheesy romance film. I'd love to play some games right now, but I can't. So I still don't have enough activities to fill my time. Anyway, don't have much else for tonight. Signing off.
  18. Day #66 Well, I did make it to the park today. For some reason I still was putting it off. I had it on my calendar for 12:30pm, but I didn't leave until like 2:00pm. I told myself to at least go outside, so I literally just walked out the door and stood outside for a bit. Then after about 15 minutes of that I finally decided to go drive to the park. So I guess the lesson is, starting is the hardest part? I think when I am at home inside lounging all day it makes me not want to do anything. So getting outside can help change my mood. I did skateboard for a bit, but it was pretty dang hot out, so I stopped after a short while. The park was nice, not too crowded. I rewarded myself with some ice cream from a local shop. Have you ever tried red velvet cake flavored ice cream? I hadn't. Surprisingly good. After all that I was feeling pretty good about myself, so I went to the mall to extend my journey from home. Picked up a few things and plopped myself back down on the couch. Mission complete. But wait, there's more! I also decided to drive by a local tennis club and happened to catch someone on their way in. I learned a bit about the club and met some people while I was there. Not sure right now if I'll be back (it's a bit expensive) but at least I know where it is now. This weekend should be exciting. I was going to say "I don't really have anything planned" but then I thought why not do some planning right now? I'm thinking to get up nice and early and see if I can get to the farmers market before the crowds show up. Basically a day of cooking, cleaning and laundry until lunch. After lunch I might take a little hike somewhere.
  19. Day #65 Today was pretty good. Still enjoying the work from home life. Not sure what I want to do this weekend though. I'm thinking to take a day trip somewhere by myself and just explore the area, maybe go to a park and do some trails. Ok, after thinking about it, I think tomorrow I'm just going to go to a local park after work and see if I can do some skateboarding or just walking/running on the trails. Saturday will definitely be another cooking/cleaning day--scope out more local foods, do laundry, clean up around the house.
  20. Day #64 Pretty good day today. I felt a bit sore from my exercise yesterday, but I also felt like I had a lot more energy throughout the day. Tomorrow I will try to get some more exercise, I'm thinking I will try going to the local skate park. I haven't skated since I moved.
  21. Nice drum kit, can't believe it's that old. I always wanted to try kit but I only played snare and front ensemble in high school marching band
  22. I had a buddy ask me to play games today. We hadn't played in a while and he didn't know that I had quit. He lives in the city I moved to and it sucks because this is the first time in a while where anyone I know in real life has asked me to play games. Usually I would just play with myself or internet strangers because I didn't know anyone else who was into the same games as me.
  23. It's good to see how much you are writing and how much progress you have made so far. Good luck my friend