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Gaming the System 006 - James' First 30 Days As a Digital Nomad in Thailand!

BooksandTrees

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10 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

. I like socializing with a few people and I'm learning I don't want to date right now. I've been pretty happy for the past 2 weeks. 

Honestly I believe your in the right mind to deny being best man. Best man to me in a sense is someone who is your best friend and someone you can get real with. So I think your doing the right thing there. 

I went back to catch up on some of your posts and I get about the shut in type people. It's hard seeing friends or friends who you thought would be better be glued to there screens but I see it as we are the ones who broke free. I know its just a single post but it's one of my favorites especially that I feel like it goes with the section I quoted with 

A reminder to the single people, stay strong! https://imgur.com/gallery/xvBcN3R

Anyway though, friends are just like what they say about finding a partner. There are plenty of fish in the sea but sometimes it takes a bit of effort to reel in the one. You got this man and take care of yourself!

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14 hours ago, Tzen1 said:

Honestly I believe your in the right mind to deny being best man. Best man to me in a sense is someone who is your best friend and someone you can get real with. So I think your doing the right thing there. 

I went back to catch up on some of your posts and I get about the shut in type people. It's hard seeing friends or friends who you thought would be better be glued to there screens but I see it as we are the ones who broke free. I know its just a single post but it's one of my favorites especially that I feel like it goes with the section I quoted with 

A reminder to the single people, stay strong! https://imgur.com/gallery/xvBcN3R

Anyway though, friends are just like what they say about finding a partner. There are plenty of fish in the sea but sometimes it takes a bit of effort to reel in the one. You got this man and take care of yourself!

I agree. The one thing I'm liking is that I'm not getting brutally depressed about all of this right now. For some reason I'm letting a lot of these stressors go and acknowledging that they're not my problems, my fault, or require me to care. I'm more positive and confident. For some reason this has really clicked with me this week. 

The idiot at work and my family isn't even bothering me either. I think the exercise, hobbies, and schedule I've created has really helped. I'm also trying to socialize less with the people I dislike. It's interesting that I'm now 3 weeks into this mindset and I usually change each week. It's making me wonder if I even need medication for depression.

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20 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I'm going to tell that guy tonight that I'm not being his best man. Fuck this. I am tired of doing things for the sake of others at my expense. Fuck that.

I agree with you, man. Do it because you want to or because you enjoy and value the friendship and you want to give something back. All of your relationships should be bilateral, not unilateral. 

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I'm kind of tired of feeling sick. I have stomach issues every day with diarrhea each morning and sometimes twice per day. Lots of fatigue. A lot of people think it's stress. Idk. 

The only thing really stressing me out is that bachelor party I think. It really took a lot out of me. 

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I'm now past 44 weeks without gaming. I'm getting into that 11th month soon. I have been without stomach ailments for the past 3 or 4 days for the most part except for tonight unfortunately. I'm finding that it's mostly stress induced. If someone or some decision stresses me out I'm going to the bathroom. I think this is the result of years of stress coming to a point. I'm also torn about whether to get this colonoscopy in 2 days and I'm nervous about it. 

I've found that I really like boxing and rock climbing during the week. It's allowing me to move and be active. I have no goals with them either. It makes me question the hobbies I've wanted to do because I've tried to develop goals before doing a hobby and those goals crush me. I don't even want to do those hobbies at all. I want to, but I don't want to. I think I'll eventually go to them.  

I think that's why I enjoy boxing and rock climbing. I really enjoy just being myself, going there, forgetting my stresses in life, and being part of a nice community. I love it. I spend 3 hours there and can't believe the time went by that fast. I feel better, socialize more, and just enjoy how I feel so present in my day afterwards.

I also wanted to say that I think I'm making good progress. All of these life goals I had took so long to incorporate. I started by just sleeping at the same time each night and waking at the same time each day. I then brushed my teeth each night and each morning. I then ate 3 meals a day. I then cleaned after myself in my apartment and took a multivitamin. I then signed up for boxing and did rock climbing once per week before that. I'm slowly adding all of these things into my life and I think it's just a slow snowball effect that just needs to take place. Once I get my routine for these exercises I'll then be more comfortable and be able to work on these other hobbies I want to do.

This is just one of those things that I need to be patient with.

 

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14 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:

also torn about whether to get this colonoscopy in 2 days and I'm nervous about it. 

Odd thing to quote I know. In hindsight, if your over 30 or 35 it's good to get a colonoscopy done every 5 to 7 years. Also, if you do get it see how much an endoscopy would be as well; same doc and what not just the tube goes through the other hole. If your under 30 and getting it then it depends more up to you. Stress does wonders to the body I know first hand. All my stomach pain, thinking I have appendicitis, urine pressure and amount, all stress and hypocondria. Everything was in my head. But from what you were saying about your symptoms sometimes it doesn't hurt to get the ole tubes checked out. 

Edited by Tzen1
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7 minutes ago, Tzen1 said:

Odd thing to quote I know. In hindsight, if your over 30 or 35 it's good to get a colonoscopy done every 5 to 7 years. Also, if you do get it see how much an endoscopy would be as well; same doc and what not just the tube goes through the other hole. If your under 30 and getting it then it depends more up to you. Stress does wonders to the body I know first hand. All my stomach pain, thinking I have appendicitis, urine pressure and amount, all stress and hypocondria. Everything was in my head. But from what you were saying about your symptoms sometimes it doesn't hurt to get the ole tubes checked out. 

I hear you. I had the endoscopy and it came back fine. They said I had minor inflammation in my esophagus and said they'd do a colonoscopy as a final check to get a good evaluation. They believe it's all stress causing this to me. It's something where I just need to keep eliminating stressful things from my life. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be amazing at my job, quit my job, create a cartoon, get my job back, meet a chick. get healthy, find friends, find the purpose of life, get my masters degree, get my bachelors degree, etc. I've done most of these now so it's just up to removing additional stressors and just relaxing more. Accepting that I can watch TV for an hour or two. Quitting games makes you think you need to be productive all of the time, but now I just appreciate down time. There's no downtime in gaming, but there is down time in TV and reading.

Years of that stress has crippled me and I'm tired of it. I'm also a hypochondriac and it's terrible. 

Edited by BooksandTrees

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10 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:

Accepting that I can watch TV for an hour or two. Quitting games makes you think you need to be productive all of the time, but now I just appreciate down time. There's no downtime in gaming, but there is down time in TV and reading.

Years of that stress has crippled me and I'm tired of it. I'm also a hypochondriac and it's terrible. 

Man that has to be the hardest lesson right now. To appreciate the downtime and that it's ok to watch tv or read and relax. I feel like that my day has to be full of anything to be productive. 

Due to video games I actually had no idea that what I was feeling for so long was stress. When I stopped gaming my mind flooded with my hypocondria because it was empty and filled the void. I wish there was a easy solution to all of it. But the hardest thing was to accept that nothing was wrong with me and just relax. I also tried antidepressants again for 2 days per my doc but the side effects are just too much for me it hits me day 1. After stopping my brain just resets, I don't really know how to explain it. But coming to terms that nothing is wrong is damn tough but possible. Hang in there man answers will come to you. 

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I'm 45 weeks without gaming now. I think something I've noticed is that I have been saying "no" to things more often and it has made me feel better. But it's tough when you schedule new hobbies and activities. The boxing gym I attend makes me feel like I should spend 3 hours there doing a full workout. I don't really have time for it and I don't get there in time to do that anyways. I also don't want to do that every day of the week. 

Mindfulness is something that has been a developing cornerstone in my mental health improvement. I'm learning what comforts me when I'm mentally stressed or physically stressed. I'm learning whether I need to relax and listen to peaceful music (I love atmospheric drum and bass) or whether I need to do boxing or something like that. Mindfulness has also made me realize that once my mind is clear of clutter I want to be creative. 

I'm still not scheduling time for myself to write, draw, create 3d sculptures or even clay sculptures. I'm not learning to animate on the computer or anything. I'm not angry about this, though. For the past year I've complained in my diary that I want to be creative, but get so anxious and stressed about being perfect at it. This anxiety and perfectionism comes from my efficiency drive during the day. When you have a set amount of hours to meet deadlines at work your mind is in gear. You're in a state where you need to function perfectly and get the task completed. Hobbies and creativity isn't like that. You need to plan things out, investigate your feelings and just think.

Thinking isn't efficient. Sometimes it's best to clear your mind and day dream a bit. Let your subconscious deliver things to your active thoughts that inspire you to create or plan something. When I get stressed I rant and do funny things that just come to me. I mix that with relaxing thoughts to music and my imagination takes off. I think of story plots, character development, artwork, podcast topics, everything. 

This is good and I need to take the next step.

The next step is to dedicate time to these thoughts. This circles back to the issue I had with getting anxiety and not being able to work on the hobbies when I have time - I already answered that, though. I've learned how to de-stress. One of the things I've learned over the past year away from video games is how to relax. I just don't practice it. I like exercising, socializing, listening to relaxing music, stretching, mindfulness, etc.

It's time to complete the routine. I've filled my schedule up with activities and that's been nice, but I want to structure my day to also allow me the mental levity to work on a hobby or watch TV and read. Mindfulness will help me decide which activity I want to do based off of my day and that will naturally turn into something where I know what hobby I want to do.

The stuff I've been putting off is my cartoon, 3D sculpting in blender, acrylic color pouring, writing some of a book, a funny YouTube video, and maybe a podcast. 

Now calm down. I'm not going to do all of these. That's what's adding to the anxiety issue. It's going to take years to do these things. My cartoon will take another year for a pitch. The book will take 2-4 years. Sculpting takes years of practice, but I want to do it. Acrylic pouring will take some time to develop. So it's just practicing once in a while and eventually I'll decide that I don't want to do one or two of them. I might not want to write a book. I have no idea. But being mindful will help me approach those decisions. Practicing will direct the decisions.

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Learning when to say "no" is very important. I both said "no" and got said "no" in the past three days, meaning I will not speak to these two people ever again.

I will live and I am fine with that. I cannot be friends with everyone, in fact, nobody can. Saying "no" also saves a lot of time for both sides. 

Good luck with your hobbies/goals and building good habits! Good downtime is as important as good uptime.

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On 9/4/2019 at 9:09 AM, Ikar said:

Learning when to say "no" is very important. I both said "no" and got said "no" in the past three days, meaning I will not speak to these two people ever again.

I will live and I am fine with that. I cannot be friends with everyone, in fact, nobody can. Saying "no" also saves a lot of time for both sides. 

Good luck with your hobbies/goals and building good habits! Good downtime is as important as good uptime.

It is important. Sometimes I get caught feeling guilty but I've gotten better. If I say no the people give me negative feedback, but if they say no to me nothing bad happens. So I just realized I can do that and not feel bad over minor things. 

I am enjoying the rock climbing and boxing. I met a girl climbing and I'm going to ask for her number. We get along well so I want to explore that. Thanks for the encouragement and I hope your relationships with these people don't hinder your development. 

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1 hour ago, BooksandTrees said:

It is important. Sometimes I get caught feeling guilty but I've gotten better. If I say no the people give me negative feedback, but if they say no to me nothing bad happens. So I just realized I can do that and not feel bad over minor things. 

I am enjoying the rock climbing and boxing. I met a girl climbing and I'm going to ask for her number. We get along well so I want to explore that. Thanks for the encouragement and I hope your relationships with these people don't hinder your development. 

Not at all. They were both people I just met. If it happens too often, I will try to think about it, but I believe they were the exceptions. Good luck with the girl!

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I'm now 46 weeks without gaming. I'm disappointed with how my dating adventure has gone so far because I don't think I'm ready to date. I'm disappointed that I even attempted it. I've only been out of my mother's house for 9 weeks and the thought of being tied down in a relationship disturbs me from the inside and I can't shake it.

I spent a week talking to two women and got their numbers and arranged dates. I began to feel stressed out by communicating with them. Not only that, but my dating profile is not a good representation of me. A reason for this is because I'm just starting to discover myself. I have been rock climbing for about 2 months, boxing for 3 weeks, and writing my cartoon off and on for a few months. My hobbies are developing but my lifestyle is still torn. Even after 46 weeks I still struggle to piece together an identity that isn't a gamer. I don't have cravings to play at all. I don't feel the yearn to go back. I just kind of miss having an identity. I miss getting excited to do activities. I get excited to rock climb, but I'm iffy about boxing. I don't totally love it, I just like doing it sometimes. I want to do something more funny and be around other nerdy people. I don't want it to be a stupid memefest thought. I want that fine grey area between meme morons and regular people.

I just want to create absurd art, host a funny podcast, make my cartoon, make a youtube video, and get excited to make things. 

I just haven't. I keep having to do wedding stuff for my friends or see family or do something stupid. I'm not actively planning things to do on weekends for myself. I want to plan a vacation or plan an activity for myself and not feel like I have obligations to do things with others.

Even with the dating profile I felt trapped. This one girl messaged me non-stop for 2 days outside of work. I felt stressed out trying to respond. I then talked on the phone with her for a few hours and had a decent date tonight. I just didn't feel like I was attracted to her and felt repulsed when she went in for a kiss. She reminded me of my old roommate and of another friend who unfortunately passed away from cancer a few years back. I'm afraid to break her heart or let her down, but in reality I've only known her 4 days. She's just pouring a lot into me and I feel very overwhelmed.

She's a good person I just think she's desperate in a way and I'm not ready to date in another way.

This was the first weekend I've had to myself in 6 weeks and I blew it on a stupid date. She even wanted to go on another date with me tomorrow. I'm canceling it and saying I'm not ready. I can't do this right now. I'm going through too much transition. 

So frustrating. Now I have to get suited for a wedding tomorrow. This shit doesn't end. I'm just aggravated. I won't go back to video games right now, but I'm disappointed at how long this process has taken me to start to find a life I enjoy. I know it's because of the stress I undertook with my old roommates, my mom, and my job dilemma - mostly my mom during 7 months of the 10 months so far. 

I have to persevere. Like I said, I'm not craving gaming at all. I just feel defeated in a way. I don't want to game again because of how empty it made me feel. I just feel empty now as well with less brain fog and less depression.

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1 hour ago, BooksandTrees said:

I'm afraid to break her heart or let her down, but in reality I've only known her 4 days. She's just pouring a lot into me and I feel very overwhelmed.

She's a good person I just think she's desperate in a way and I'm not ready to date in another way.

This was the first weekend I've had to myself in 6 weeks and I blew it on a stupid date. She even wanted to go on another date with me tomorrow. I'm canceling it and saying I'm not ready. I can't do this right now. I'm going through too much transition. 

I would positively describe it as desperation as well. I know, because I let that girl kiss me before. I am single now! I think you made the right decision here, especially given the fact you already feel overwhelmed.

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I can feel you about your recent dating life, except that the role is reversed and the guy (my most recent crush) was dating (now his ex).

4 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

She's a good person I just think she's desperate in a way and I'm not ready to date in another way.

This is also what my crush says to me when I actually told him my feelings for him. Even before that, I already knew that I was indeed desperate. Denials of those desperation though made me "blow up my bottle." I knew that this was all my fault and felt guilty because he was already in a relationship. From there, I learn that I have to be patient with any guy I want to date and try not to be too desperate over any future crushes.

It's good that you are holding your ground even if there are several unwanted approaches, especially from desperate girls. It is better to stay in the boat of singlehood for a while than to plunge into the stormy waters of desperate relationships. I hope that you are doing alright in your transition.

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@Lea and @Ikar thank you for the support. I messaged her today explaining that I feel bad about hurting her feelings, but I did not find a chemistry between us that would warrant future dates. She took it in a mature way and wished me good luck although she did not agree about the chemistry front. 

I just felt like she was so boring to talk to with stuff. We had no mutual interests. I love hockey, anime, superheroes, movies, fantasy/science fiction works, rock climbing, the ocean, birds, and artwork. She likes traveling, trail walks, exercise, and nothing else really. I just found that we were both kind of wanting to be in a relationship but had nothing to build off of in order to do it. We had no similar music tastes and our meal tastes were sort of similar. I was also not really physically attracted to her. She had great legs, but her appearance was very identical to a close friend of mine who passed away from cancer 3 years back and that put me off a bit. She had the same laugh, same face, same smile, same personality type. 

She was also very introverted so if I didn't control the conversation it didn't go anywhere and would lead to either an awkward moment or a desperation question to keep conversation going. There was no comfort in talking. I reiterate my notion that I believe there was an air of desperation surrounding the whole thing. My issue is I think I was initially interested because I have not had sexual relations with someone in almost a decade and that was pushing me into it. That's not fair to do to someone. If I had gone after her most private part of life for self interest that would have made her feel terrible and potentially really hurt her. I'm not interested in making someone feel that bad for my own self interest. Porn is there for a reason and I'm not making an excuse for it. I just don't want to go down that route of one night stands.

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My thoughts:

She feels chemistry, because she wants to force the relationship, even through desperation. I think nobody truly mature is going to kiss (or even accept the kiss) someone they know for 4 days. I do not think she does this consciously, but her actions speak for themselves

I think with the right values, two people can connect even if they have fairly different interests. It is something that brings some consistent stream of novelty into the relationship. Diversity and willingness to learn. My ex loved nature and I think I came to appreciate nature more when I was with her. When I was in Iceland, it reached the extent where I just laid outside for an hour in the grass, just relaxing and watching the ocean and I did that daily.

Sex is obviously a great lure to get into a relationship with someone, but building up the relationship purely on it consciously does not sound like a bright idea. It is good you are aware of it. I also discovered that my sex drive is greater than I thought, after my relationship.

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2 hours ago, Ikar said:

My thoughts:

She feels chemistry, because she wants to force the relationship, even through desperation. I think nobody truly mature is going to kiss (or even accept the kiss) someone they know for 4 days. I do not think she does this consciously, but her actions speak for themselves

I think with the right values, two people can connect even if they have fairly different interests. It is something that brings some consistent stream of novelty into the relationship. Diversity and willingness to learn. My ex loved nature and I think I came to appreciate nature more when I was with her. When I was in Iceland, it reached the extent where I just laid outside for an hour in the grass, just relaxing and watching the ocean and I did that daily.

Sex is obviously a great lure to get into a relationship with someone, but building up the relationship purely on it consciously does not sound like a bright idea. It is good you are aware of it. I also discovered that my sex drive is greater than I thought, after my relationship.

I agree with you. I'm very interested in having sex now and it's a distraction. I'm just very down about dating. I want to commit some time to figuring out my hobbies because I want to rule some out. I've already realized I'm not a huge fan of boxing so far. I want to do more artistic things and dedicate time to myself. I'd like to get a goal for a weekend and plan things out so I can look forward to doing things I want to do and not things someone else wants to do. A relationship is only going to force me into "let's do this for this weekend omg yes ok hehehehe yay" and it's some trendy fucking date. I just want to date myself a bit and figure out what I love and who I am. I haven't done that enough.

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The date I went on with the other girl on Monday was a lot better. She was much more laid back and easy to get along with. We ended up talking for 3 hours and had fun.

I still just feel overwhelmed right now by life in a few ways. I think I'm still doing too much with my time. I took today off from work to have an easy day of focusing on myself. The past year has really bogged me down and it's rare that I have a good weekend to myself. I never actually plan anything for myself either. Something I noticed is that I get so busy during the week that I don't plan my weekends and then the weekend comes and I have nothing to do. The discrepancy between stress levels causes depression on both ends. Overwhelming activity for 5 days causes me to just want peace and to relax. The underwhelming loneliness on weekends causes sorrow and isolation. Both cause depression in different ways and feed off of each other. I have actually achieved unhealthy balance here - which is very interesting if you think about it.

I'm thinking of giving up boxing. I say this because it's a major commitment and not as stress relieving as I once thought. I feel guilty not going and it's always a hassle. Once I'm there it's ok, but it's kind of a pain and the trainers make you feel like you need to stay there for 3 hours at a time. That's a lot of fucking time and it just wears me out fast. I'd rather just enjoy life after work.

I'm thinking now that I just go to the gym "sometimes" and not feel the need to build a crazy schedule. My therapist suggested 10-15 times per month doing general full body exercises for 30 minutes a day - tops. Then after work I can play board games with friends or rock climb if I want. Maybe go for a walk. 

This change should also alleviate some anxiety deep within regarding hobbies. I wanted to exercise to destress after work so I could work on hobbies. What's actually happening is I spend 3 hours at this gym, take a shower, eat dinner, and pass out. I'm not actually even thinking about my hobbies. It's been a month since I've done my hobbies, which annoys me.

I'm starting to understand my body more and want that balance. I don't mind watching a movie anymore. I actually enjoy it. It's a great way to unwind my brain for a set period of time and not get addicted. I can do this once a week and just look forward to it. It's like I'm treating myself. 

One of my flaws has been thinking I need to fill all of my spare time so I don't play games. That's actually a successful strategy for beginners looking to quit gaming. Fill all your time and stay busy so you can't game. The issue is that is followed by burnout. Many game quitters relapse after 60-120 days because of burnout. Not all, but many. 

It's because we want to escape from all of the shit going on. You feel good after accomplishing so much, but one week comes where you're exhausted and some life events stack up on top of all the new hobbies and social activities you're doing and you crack. I'm just going to appreciate the hours of free time I have between activities. Sometimes you need to let yourself relax or talk on the phone. If you're still feeling motivated during that free time, then pursue that activity. 

For me, I need to cut out boxing. It's making my day too time constrained. They're only open from 3-8 PM. I get home from work around 6 PM and get there at like 6:30. They make me feel sttressed out for not going and then it's a huge hassle. I just want to fucking relax sometimes and not have a commitment lol.

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2 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

The date I went on with the other girl on Monday was a lot better. She was much more laid back and easy to get along with. We ended up talking for 3 hours and had fun.

Oh, great for you! You must have a fun time with her. Just make sure that you don't rush for a relationship with her.

3 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I still just feel overwhelmed right now by life in a few ways. I think I'm still doing too much with my time. I took today off from work to have an easy day of focusing on myself. The past year has really bogged me down and it's rare that I have a good weekend to myself. I never actually plan anything for myself either. Something I noticed is that I get so busy during the week that I don't plan my weekends and then the weekend comes and I have nothing to do. The discrepancy between stress levels causes depression on both ends. Overwhelming activity for 5 days causes me to just want peace and to relax. The underwhelming loneliness on weekends causes sorrow and isolation. Both cause depression in different ways and feed off of each other. I have actually achieved unhealthy balance here - which is very interesting if you think about it.

It is interesting to me as well since I rarely heard about this. I don't know if the following advice I am going to give is going to be helpful, but I suggest that maybe you can set a time range during the weekdays to relax and a few demanding activities and friend/family hangouts on the weekend. If you feel like boxing is too much for you, I agree with you that it is a good idea to cut it out. After all, each of us, as humans, has our own equilibrium to be maintained.

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6 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Something I noticed is that I get so busy during the week that I don't plan my weekends and then the weekend comes and I have nothing to do. The discrepancy between stress levels causes depression on both ends. Overwhelming activity for 5 days causes me to just want peace and to relax. The underwhelming loneliness on weekends causes sorrow and isolation. Both cause depression in different ways and feed off of each other. I have actually achieved unhealthy balance here - which is very interesting if you think about it.

When I was addicted, the normal 5/2 workweek was alright for me. The real hell began when I was idle for more than a week. I dreaded vacations, because I just got decimated by the thought that I would just game through all of it, because what better was there?

I actually feel like the experience you are having is fairly common among people in general. Myself, though I hated my jobs back then, they kept me away from just gaming all day long and gave me a greater purpose than one I could actually create for myself. Being employed without a plan sucks less than being unemployed without a plan and I learnt that the hard way.

I think that is what is gonna happen to you if you stay stressed too long - you'll either just be constantly in a fit of rage about something, or you'll just grow apathetic. I do not think any of that is healthy to perform for some 40 hours a week consistently.

6 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

One of my flaws has been thinking I need to fill all of my spare time so I don't play games. That's actually a successful strategy for beginners looking to quit gaming. Fill all your time and stay busy so you can't game. The issue is that is followed by burnout. Many game quitters relapse after 60-120 days because of burnout. Not all, but many. 

Oh yeah, I have had that feeling too, but sometimes some days are slower and you nail just the basic stuff and some days are faster and you nail twice the stuff you normally do. And sometimes you just decide to take a break from it all for a few months and find it hard to get back into the old track. We gotta relax somehow as well.

Edited by Ikar
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I think I'm in denial about my hobbies and interests. I keep telling people I'm interested in writing books, cartoons, and animating along with website stuff. But I don't attempt to work on them at all and all I want to do is socialize with friends after work, play board games, rock climb, watch TV, and relax. When I have a weekend coming up I just like to do outdoorsy things and enjoy life.

I think I have this urge to do something incredible and create this major art piece or something. But the desire to do it and the pressure coming is just terrible. The only thing I would want to do is make a funny podcast with friends. The cartoon dream is very stressful and I'm not wanting to ever work on it.

I'm just wondering if I just think these things will be a good idea etc. The amount of work that goes into all of these things is ridiculous. They're all full time careers. I don't want to do that right now. Am I just putting all of this pressure on myself for no reason? I'm 46.5 weeks free from games and have not created a single thing. I've boxed and rock climbed more than the cartoon. I started the cartoon idea in 2016 and I have a script I wrote in 2019 in 16 hours. The rest I've just put off. Do I really want to do it? I don't like doing things alone and miss the social aspect of board games and video games. That's why I play sports with friends and go out wtih them.

Other news, I have a date on Sunday and had a good talk with that girl tonight. She's nice to talk to and I'm getting more comfortable with her. Who knows, maybe this turns into my first girlfriend in TEN YEARS. Who knows?

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I didn’t read a whole lot of your story, but there are two things that stood out that may be helpful.

I get two impressions fairly quickly. 

One is that you tend to overthink a bit. That contributes to your anxiety or stress. I am a thinker too. Analytical to a fault. Rock climbing and boxing helps you manage your mind. It’s okay.

Two, this over thinking sometimes has you being too hard on yourself to achieve or attain. Contentment is something you seem to discover when you sort of lose yourself in living in the now. 

I think dating and having this perspective from a good female is going to totally be a great opportunity for growth as well as companionship. 

Best wishes. Keep up the great work.

Edited by 30_yrs_of_gaming
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There's a nice article about dreams here.

Reading the article, I also got a thought that there is a meta-dream (that likely most people share) of having a "good life", but indeed you cannot have a "good life" without all the struggles that you actually have to love in order to get it - eating well, having tough talks from time to time, exercising, feeling well at a job etc. I also think those examples are just universal.

Good luck with the date!

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