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Deku

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Everything posted by Deku

  1. As detailed in my introduction post, I've quit gaming as of today. I'll use this journal as a means to center myself and keep from relapsing. Uninstalled Runescape and League of Legends, and deleted my accounts. Spent the rest of today watching Hunter x Hunter and thinking about my goals for the upcoming semester. So far what I have is: 1. Attend all classes and get a 4.0 GPA 2. Go to the gym at least 3 times a week 3. Read a book related to the medical profession every two weeks 4. Post here every day, and spend 10-15 minutes daily browsing the posts of others. Finish working through Respawn. 5. Find a part-time job on campus 6. Find one (or two) meaningful volunteer activities Started working on goal 3 today by checking out "Being Mortal" by Atul Gawande and reading the introduction. That's all for today. Going to try and get some shut-eye before hitting the books in the morning.
  2. Deku

    Journey to my white coat

    I think it's the 10th day now since my relapse? I see why people count days now on their journals... Life's been pretty good of late. I met with my Hematology professor and he RAVED about my resume and transcript--in his opinion, with a good MCAT score and stellar letters of recommendation I actually have a pretty good shot of getting in med school. He also asked if I wanted to be his TA for Hematology next Spring (though I unfortunately had to decline). It's incredible to hear all these things because the man is a department legend, professor emeritus and most importantly a former medical school admissions committee member. After our talk I can just make out a light at the end of the tunnel now--it's very faint, but it's there.
  3. Deku

    Journey to my white coat

    Hey guys, it’s been a while. I’ve been pretty busy and stressed out of late, but fortunately I haven’t gone back to gaming in a while. So I think I’m almost at a week now. A couple interesting things that have happened since my last post: -I passed my test to move on from beginner to intermediate bible study, so I’ll be hanging with the intermediate seminar starting Monday. I’m excited to start learning about the actual story of the Bible now! -My Hematology professor (who is a former doctor and an actual legend in the Bio department) called me up after class to talk about my career goals. He thinks I’d be a great doctor and offered to help me out along the way. I’m meeting with him Tuesday at 9 am—so a fat part of this weekend is going to be spent working on my resume in advance of our meeting.
  4. Deku

    Journey to my white coat

    Zero. I relapsed today--somehow convinced myself that I could afford to play one game, now feeling super stupid. >_>
  5. Deku

    Journey to my white coat

    Looks like my premed dreams aren't done just yet. I got a 61/70 or 87, which wasn't a very good score, but it was good enough to be second in the class and only a couple points shy of first. I've been given another chance, and I won't let myself down this time. I am going all out on the course material from here on out, and I'll hit that second exam with everything I've got. Whichever person got the 63, know that I'm coming for you.
  6. Deku

    Journey to my white coat

    @Phoenixking well said, although there certainly are people that are incredibly successful and productive even in their older years (see Bill Gates and Warren Buffett). Though those guys think and operate at such a high level that I don't think they could be called human anymore... I've been making really good progress with hospice volunteering in the last month. My assignment is to provide companionship and assistance for an elderly woman (we'll call her L) with terminal cancer on Wednesday mornings while her daughter (J) attends a class and runs errands. It was really awkward at first, but L has really warmed up to me over time and actively looks forward to our visits now. J has grown to trust me more as well; she used to always ask one of her sisters to come over as well during my visit but now she lets me spend time with L alone. L's dog is also quite friendly to me despite normally being aggressive to strangers; in the past few weeks he's jumped into my lap quite a few times. I feel really good about the decision to do hospice volunteering this semester. It is definitely a significant time commitment, but being able to spend time with L and her family has really shown me a different side of medicine than the one I'm used to. I've spent so long learning about the human body and the various biochemical mechanisms that keep us alive, but it's only through this opportunity that I've learned that medicine is about treating people, and not biological models. The decisions that physicians make have to be tailored to individuals and their idiosyncracies, and those decisions have real consequences on lives and families. It was really a great revelation to have and one that would serve me well if I ever became a doctor. We'll find out if that's still the case when the Hematology exams come back tomorrow though >_>"
  7. Deku

    Journey to my white coat

    Got every point (including the extra credit question) on my Neurogenetics midterm for a total of 155/150. Let’s go! I highly doubt Hematology went that well though...
  8. Deku

    Journal - No More Runescape

    Fuck yeah! Above average is a fine grade and phenomenal progress from where you were before. Let's go!!
  9. Deku

    Journey to my white coat

    I actually think you bring up a good point. I've been in this rut recently, and I think a large part of that is that I've just tried to do too much at once. 13 credits while teaching 2 classes, attending bible study, volunteering at hospice and training for Rainier is a nightmare, and I just can't seem to find a second to breathe right now. I don't know if it's all the brain power I'm using every day or the fact I'm not eating enough, but I can sleep super early and still feel completely exhausted the next day. Because of this exhaustion and the stress from all the stuff I have to do I can feel myself falling behind on every commitment. It seems like I'm doing all the things I need for medical school, but nothing particularly well. I'm starting to realize that I do have a limit, and that limit was exceeded long ago. There are some absolute beasts in this world that can seemingly reach for the heavens while carrying the entire weight of the world on their shoulders. I don't think I'm one of those people.
  10. Deku

    Journey to my white coat

    I'm actually not joking. It doesn't seem like much, but in a class without many points in the gradebook one exam can determine my entire grade for the semester. And if I can't even get an A in a medical class at state school, then I really don't feel like I'm strong enough to even think about competing for a spot in medical school.
  11. Deku

    Journey to my white coat

    Yikes, that exam did not go well. From self correcting I know I got at least 5 or 6 out of the 70 multiple choice questions wrong. It's a bit frustrating because I could have and should have done a lot better, but my train of thought literally imploded on some of the more difficult questions. Ah well. I guess I can still be a scientist if the med school dreams don't pan out.
  12. Deku

    Journey to my white coat

    Got an exam in Hematology tomorrow and I’m actually pretty worried about it. I’ve gone to all the classes, done all the readings and reviewed my notes, so I’m not in a bad spot per se, but this class is known as one of the hardest the school has to offer. I don’t know what to expect, but I suppose I’ve done all I can at this point to prepare. I’ve done my due diligence to learning the material. I don’t need to cram so I can get a solid 7.5 hours of sleep tonight. The rest is all in destiny’s hands now.
  13. Deku

    I'm glad

    You can do it! What are you planning to do with your time now that you’re not gaming?
  14. Deku

    Journey to my white coat

    Finished all my Hematology readings. All that's left now is a frenzied review of all the content before Thursday. Went to a resume building/cover letter/interview workshop today, and found it mind numbingly boring. Whoever thought a workshop comprised of 2 hours of lecturing and no actual workshopping would be a good idea ought not to be planning these things. I also made a quizlet set of all the various biblical terms and scriptures for our exam in March, and shared it with as many people in the class as possible. I've gotten to the point where I actively dread attending that class, but I must not let the current rough patch kill off my desire to learn the scriptures. I haven't had an amazing day in quite some time. Lots of stuff keeps happening and my schedule is so busy I don't really have time to just breathe and take it all in. I'm not worried, though. I know that if I just keep my head down and keep working hard, one day I'll realize I've made it through whatever this is. I just have to have faith.
  15. Deku

    Mohammad's Journal

    Interesting technique—I think I’ll definitely try it sometime 🙂 Thanks!
  16. Deku

    Gaming -> 1 On 1 Time With God

    Amen! All this stuff you've typed about what you've learned reminds me of the following verse from Hosea 4:6 Those without the knowledge of the scriptures can't become children of God, and I'm so glad you are taking the necessary steps to bring yourself closer to Him. Your detailed post really shows how focused you were on taking in the words of your pastor. Speaking of which, kudos to him for pointing out so many good nuggets in the bible--how the leper disease is meant to be a symbol for sin, and how Jesus tells us to place our faith above the worldly concerns of life through the let the dead bury their own dead verse. I wish I could've been there!
  17. Deku

    Journey to my white coat

    It's been quite an uneventful few days, which is strange because every day is so busy I feel like I don't have any room to breathe. When I get home I'm usually too pooped to do anything so I've been sleeping early A LOT recently--on my phone it says my average bedtime is something like 9:10 pm. Had an exam last week for Neurogenetics, it was okay. I thought I did okay until I compared answers with everyone else. Turns out I'm either going to be setting the curve or absolutely failing the class (It's okay though, since the lowest test is dropped). Hematology exam next Thursday as well, so I'll have to work hard today for that. Still have two short chapters of reading to do.
  18. Deku

    Journey to my white coat

    @Splitstep Thanks for your reply! First off, it's always fascinating to hear about how many nonbelievers go to a bible study session out of pure curiosity and end up hooked for life. It really is a testament to how fascinating and pure the word of God is. And second, thank you for being a student leader and doing the work that you do. You're giving so many people the opportunity to receive the gift of the word, and that in itself is awesome. A couple comments about what you wrote: Of course--if you look at the parable of the bags of gold (Matthew 25:14-23) God qualifies each of us according to our ability, and regardless of how much ability we have we can share in the master's happiness so long as we pay it forward. Remember the thorns in the parable of the sower? Of course I make learning the word a priority in my life, despite my commitments. You aren't a child of God if you let worldly duties and responsibilities overtake your desire to study the scriptures 🙂
  19. Deku

    Journal - No More Runescape

    Best of luck! I'm sure you did great!
  20. Deku

    Journey to my white coat

    Went on a tour of Amgen today, and had the nasty realization that I don’t think the life of a scientist is for me. It just doesn’t excite me the way medicine does, and I just know I’d live a rough and miserable life if I committed to a science career at a biotech company. I guess it’s white coat or bust for me then. Quiz tomorrow for Hematology. I spent a freakish amount of time taking detailed notes on the esoteric and horribly written textbook, with the help of some new gadgets I acquired over break (screenshots below). I hope it’s enough to get me a good mark on that quiz 😕
  21. Deku

    Journey to my white coat

    @Splitstep Thanks for the positive comment and pleasant surprise—I’m going through a pretty rough period of time right now and really appreciate it. I’m frankly surprised you read through all of my haphazard ramblings, but glad you enjoyed it. As to your question I don’t really know how to characterize my faith right now; I used to be hardcore nonbeliever because I took the bible literally and couldn’t buy into the worldly interpretations of its content, but now that I’m going to class and learning the meaning of the parables and hidden language I’m finding that my faith is slowly coming alive. I don’t know if you know the parable of the four fields, but I’m currently just trying to be the good field—providing the open and understanding heart for the seed to grow, and persevering through the many worldly concerns in my life. ‘ How about you? I’m always interested to learn about the faith of other people. :)
  22. Deku

    Journey to my white coat

    Got 3 quizzes next week, so I spent 9 hours studying today in the library/student center. Let’s go!
  23. Deku

    Journey to my white coat

    Honestly today was not that bad of a day. I mean yeah, I'm still kinda sad, but I got a wonderful 10 hours of sleep last night and felt incredibly refreshed. I also found one of my favorite sunglasses that were lost quite a long time ago. So all in all, not an incredible day but not an awful one either. I'll take it!
  24. Deku

    Journey to my white coat

    Fought off the desire to curl up in a miserable ball at home this afternoon, and instead went to the library and got quite a lot of schoolwork out of the way (homework for Neurogenetics and Grad Seminar, as well as readings for Hematology). So much stuff in my life is beyond my control, but I can at least do this to set myself up for tomorrow. I really thought about quitting bible study, but I decided to go back in the end. I'm not looking forward to it in the slightest, but what kind of a person would I be if I abandoned my faith after a tiny bump in the road? I think that would say far more about my character than losing the position of class leader.
  25. Deku

    Journey to my white coat

    Hey guys. The last week has been really hard. I lost my class leader position in bible study; they say they want to switch to a new rotating system and give everyone a chance, but I can't help but feel that it's because I haven't done a good job. Instructing for Immunology lab has been really rough, I'm not an instant learner and it's difficult to see something done for the first time, and then turn around and teach it to undergraduates without a whole lot of help or opportunity to practice. I also got rejected by another girl -_- adding to my extensive list of L's for the year. I'm tired. I wish I could somehow take a day off, curl up in my bed, watch my anime and just forget about the rest of the world. Without the leadership experience and recommendation letter from bible study it will be very hard to put in a competitive application for medical school, so I don't really know what I'm going to do know. Maybe I can just be happy with being a scientist. It won't pay well or anything but I don't know if it would be worse than my life right now, pinching pennies and burning the midnight oil for nothing.
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