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Tzen1

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About Tzen1

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  1. Tzen1

    Tzen's Journal

    @fawn_xoxo I thought about taking up chess again. Learning the strategies and actually investing time in learning to play but I'm concerned that playing online with people would be borderline gaming. So I'm still investigating and reading the hobby page as well. Day 23 Today was another hard but eye opening day. We were planning to work on the house but instead my wife and I sat down and had a long discussion over multiple things. I don't want to give details but gaming has impacted a lot of our marriage and hi came to the conclusion that; I was putting gaming first instead of my wife. I wasn't picking up jobs and I would lie just to play games. My brain has been so washed that I have been using games as an escape and it has turned me upside down on how I view life. I think I have a lot longer to go on beating this but I realize now on how bad it really was. Getting back home I started to feel like my normal self. It might take a bit longer to get back to my is self but I'll get there. Anyway back at the house to do actual work tomorrow and the start of being a better husband. -Cheers Tzen
  2. Tzen1

    Tzen's Journal

    Day 22 Today was a pretty rough day. No work at the house and depression set in hard today. Did some grocery shopping but spent the rest of the time on my phone and doing nothing. Just one of those days that I need to push through. It will get better. -Cheers Tzen
  3. Tzen1

    Tzen's Journal

    Sorry for these combined days we've been putting some extra hours at the house we are working on and I come home tired. Day 20 Wake up and not much time for routine it was one for a long work day. Had some small breakfast and it was off to the races! Worked at the house for the majority of the days and I thought of something that was going to be hard to get out of my head for gaming. Music, I am a big fan of some of the scores that composers make for some games. Dark souls, Zelda, and rocket league to name a few. I caught myself doing a quiet whistle of one of my favorite pieces, file select from Mario 64. I don't know if music will ever leave my mind because the composer in some games make some of the most beautiful music. Other than that though coming is always hard as well because that little crave to play something after a long day just seems so rewarding to treat your self. But just relaxing and hanging with my wife has been a lot better as I feel like I'm not a stone wall anymore. After some tea it was off to bed. Day 21- Week 3 DONE! While not in a rush this morning it was nice to read the news and semi wake up all the way. Another long day at the house. Not so much gaming music going on as it was non stop busy. On the way home though it's hard to find that replacement as a reward or something to relax after a long day. The thoughts pass eventually but it's still tough to push through. Other than that small crave the media side is slowly getting better. I'm beginning to think the media side is what drove me to my bad spending spree behind my wife's back. Always needing the latest and greatest and have that "hot game" coming out. Nothing for cosmetics just the thoughts that a game is on sale so I need to buy it or that game is going to be one of the best it looks like so I need it even if I don't play it. It's crazy to think how much media can influence the mind in the gaming world. Also a "what if" coming in but if I didn't watch or care for the media side of gaming would I be different? Well it's time to relax with a cup of tea again and off to bed. Thanks for reading though the long post have a great day everyone. -Cheers Tzen
  4. Tzen1

    Tzen's Journal

    Day 19 Today was an extremely long day. Woke up early and got to working early at the house. Spent a good amount of time there but man he cravings were high today. I had to block a hard ad that I really wanted to see for the monster Hunter world doc. But I didn't give in blocked it as soon as I saw it like I normally do for anything game related and moved on. Doesn't mean it wasn't hard though. Getting home in the evening I was beat. Had leftovers and it was off too bed. Tomorrow is another long day take care everyone. -Cheers Tzen
  5. Tzen1

    Tzen's Journal

    Day 18 Thanks for the post @goodvibes I browsed a lot on that link the other day when I saw you link it to someone else's journal it's got some good stuff in there. Morning routine was a bit hard after a bad nights sleep. Just wasn't tired and felt uncomfortable all night. Getting up was rough but it was time to get a move on to the house and keep working on it. Afterwards out to eat with family one more time and then head to the store for some supplies. All in all a decent day. Just routine until we finish the house and move in. Some gaming thoughts and craves today seemed a little bit more active today but nothing that can't be tackled. Anyway have a good one. -Cheers, Tzen
  6. Tzen1

    Tzen's Journal

    Day 17 (writing on day 18) Another busy day with the house. Waking up was on a different scale today. While I feel somewhat in control still of not playing games the one time my mind gets to roam free is in my dreams. After sleeping for 10 hours I had a mixed dream of in real life scenarios and the game monster hunter world and boy was that a trip. After waking up my brain was rattled but I got past it and continued on with my day. The normal day so far of wake up, house, come home sleep has helped be consistent for now. But my sleep is still a bit difficult as an empty mind of not playing games leaves it for more space of other thoughts. Been battling these nighttime ramparts of though bombarding my head. There are no bad thoughts in case I was misleading. It's more like Wikipedia were I follow the rabbit hole and my mind can't stop it unless I really focus on stopping my mind. Anyway, on to the next day. -Cheers, Tzen
  7. Tzen1

    Tzen's Journal

    I'm going to combine day 15 and 16. Day 15 A slow start day that ended up being very long. Slept in that morning because it was our day off from the house but still had other things to do. Realizing I was meeting family later I forgot that I was planning to mow the lawn. While mowing is hot work in the summer time I oddly enough feel good after I finish. After getting done and cleaning up I met with family. My mind is doing better about not drifting off and thinking about games but I do find myself wondering what's going on in the gaming world. Meeting with family ran late into the evening so when I got home it was prep for bed and straight to sleep. Day 16 Started off with a bad nights sleep. Woke up with some worrying enough to go to the doctor for. Got checked out and everything is ok but sometimes the mind like to take it way our of proportion. After the office visit it was grocery shopping and some light work at the house. Coming back home a little late we decided breakfast for dinner and made some eggs and a small amount of bacon. I don't know why this is but not playing video games seems to be easier than not looking up media or watching twitch. It's very interesting to me about why I crave gaming news. Why do I need to know what the latest updates or new videos that are coming out. It still baffles me to know how wrapped up i was in the gaming world that everything else just blew right by me. -Cheers, Tzen
  8. Tzen1

    Tzen's Journal

    @NannerZ I need to start, my wife reads a bit before bed so maybe it's time to join her. Also need to get a lower watt bulb; the one in my lamp currently is pretty bright. Day 14 TWO WEEKS! I know I'm writing on the morning of day 15 but the house wore me out yesterday. It was more work than just sand and paint yesterday and it feels like I just did a long workout. Morning routine is the same reading the news and catching up on stories from around our little planet. House work was long and tedious but a lot was done. But the hard part was when I was getting back home. The urge to play a game yesterday was pretty high after a long and tiring day. The original way to reward myself was to relax with some games, but not this time. After resting for a bit I did some studying for my test and then enjoyed a nice cup of tea with my wife. As nighttime came around I was really beat from the day and fell asleep pretty fast. Anyway on to day 15 and the beginning of week 3. -Cheers Tzen
  9. Tzen1

    Tzen's Journal

    Day 13 Today was a long day. Morning routine of reading the news. I'm starting to feel like one of those old people with a newspaper but it's working for me. Afternoon was filled with painting today really worn out. Came home made a quick dinner and after some late shopping for supplies it is now time for some sleep. Sleeping however, is still on the hard side. One thing gaming did was help drain me mentally and I could sleep a bit better. But now, I feel like my mind wanders easier at night because there isn't that stimulation anymore. Also the dreams are very vivid again. Felt like I broke my streak a second time with smash bros on the switch but again it was just a dream. Hopefully these things will pass. But I need to start looking into something that will mentally stimulate me while laying in bed or get used to the fact of not having that anymore. Tomorrow is two weeks! -Cheers Tzen
  10. Tzen1

    Tzen's Journal

    Thanks Fawn and I started to do that now but it's impressive how many places have my email for games. Day 12 I know I'm writing this the morning of day 13 but as yesterday was July 4th in the U.S. it was a long day. Keeping up the habit of reading the news in the morning I'm slowly starting to learn more and more about this little planet of ours and keeping up with what's going on. After going over to the house and putting some work in it was time to clean up and get ready to see some family. Game thoughts have been almost none still but gaming news and media is still a bit on the tough side. On the way home my wife and I had a nice chat over how I'm doing and right now, im stuck in the middle. I don't feel sad yet, I don't feel happy all the way yet. I feel like I'm stuck in a grey area or neutral feeling if that makes sense. After getting home we watched the end of some fireworks our city was putting on and it was off to bed. It's getting a bit easier bit by bit but my goal is to beat September until the end. While my 90 days stop midway in September I know a lot of games I wanted to play come out during this time. I want that month to push me even further and challenge everything I have learned to make it to the end. -Cheers Tzen
  11. Tzen1

    Tzen's Journal

    Day 10 and 11 I'll be combining these two days due to the attempt to fix my sleep schedule yesterday. Day 10 was rough after going to bed at 3:45 am I woke up after 3 hours of sleep because how else do you fix a sleep schedule. But that day was just tiring. Worked at the house came home watched some YouTube (binging with babish) and ate sonic while my wife was out. As soon as she got back we climbed into bed and I was out like a light. Thoughts for games that day were zero as my mind was too tired. That brings us to today. I'm glad too say that things are improving on thinking about games. I'm still getting gaming ad emails because once you sign up your there forever. But I can delete those no problem and any ads that come my way I can block and move on. After working at the house me and the wife decided to try pho for the first time today. The food part of pho was eh ,but man the broth, I could drink that all day it was so good! Coming home it's downtime with some Bob's burgers and prep for freedom day tomorrow (July 4th). Here is to hopefully going to sleep early tonight and waking up at a decent hour. -Cheers Tzen
  12. Tzen1

    Tzen's Journal

    Day 9 Well, the sleep schedule is a little off right now but the journal must go on. Today started off a little on the rough side. The thoughts still want to invade my space of playing games it gets mentally exhausting sometimes. The crave also to hop on twitch, youtube some gaming channels, hell even check twitter for gaming news has been the toughest part about this detox. It's funny, seeing how bad social media can get for other people and I am thinking "I just watch games it's different". Well, here I stand working my way out of the pit that I dared not jump in. As the day went on my wife and I got some more work done on the house. We had our jabs at each other today but we always apologize in the end due to what we agree and disagree with. When we got home in the evening time I did have a small breakthrough. I noticed that I am spending more time with my wife again. Playing games for so long I reflected back on my marriage and realized that I have been distant even though she sits beside me every day. I was so sucked into looking at this little monitor every day that I didn't even realize how much I missed out on in my marriage. So many conversations we could have had and activities that could have been done, gone, because I was wrapped up in grinding for a game. After realizing this I started to feel, empty. Goes back to my entry from day 7 about what-ifs scenarios, well add this to the list. While my wife is still hurt from the lying I feel my connection with her is restrengthening little by little every day. Anyway, have a good morning/ day/night wherever you are. -Cheers, Tzen
  13. Tzen1

    Tzen's Journal

    Day 8 Pretty slow day today. Started off by having a dream I was playing banjo kazooie of all things it was so life like I thought I just ruined my streak already. Happily it was only just that, a dream. Woke up and read the news and some Reddit posts. After a breakfast made by my wife we went to go see her family for most of the day. It was nice to do something other than the house kept my mind off of "other things". When we got home I kept true to my last post and studied for awhile. The motivation was low but picking it up is the important thing. Back at the house tomorrow with more work! -Cheers Tzen
  14. Tzen1

    Tzen's Journal

    Day 7 One week is done, while this sounds like a small accomplishment I feel, nothing. Thanks for the tips fawn but that one line is what speaks the most right now. I have a test I can study for that will open up more job opportunities but the housework is taking a lot of my energy at nights (I left this line in because I want to go back and read this. I know it is just me making an excuse to not open my book and that's how much this addiction has affected me). I have been putting my mind into what I am going to do once we move in but the boredom right now, nothing can really hold my attention. I'm not a very artsy person but I thought of today of a drawing series I would be interested in making. The ideas are there and fill my head, but, it's clouded by this addiction. Today, at the one week mark, my mind flooded with what-if scenarios. What if I didn't play games in college, what if I didn't start buying those gift cards without my wife knowing, what if, what if... While there is nothing we can do but learn from the past it is important that we don't forget it either. We have made these decisions, if they stay bottled up tucked away in our heart then how do we advance as humans mentally? Once the move is over and we are in our house that is when I put all I have into the ideas floating in my head. The day went slightly different today. The morning routine seems to be doing wonders for me right now. Instead of reading gaming news the world news is slowly getting my attention. While I am happy I have conquered that small portion the rest of the day still loomed. We had my wife's parents come over to talk about some repairs that we didn't know much about and were relieved to hear they were minor. While the house still will continue to take up the majority of the afternoons the evening time is when the boredom smacks me in the face. It's funny, how little I touch my PC now that I'm detoxing from games. Most of the time now I turn it on to read and post on here or find prices on hardware for the house. Even right now as I am typing this I want to open a game and play it until I am tired and ready to sleep, but that's the addiction talking. I plan on trying to study tomorrow but my motivation right now is pretty low. But hey, baby steps am I right? Rome wasn't built in a day so why apply that to my mentality. I want to give a shout out to everyone who is posting their journals. It is really nice to read that we are all on the same boat but different paths and journeys. I am sorry that I don't do the "like" system I never was a big fan of social media or any of the gimmicks of it. But I wanted to note that I really do appreciate everyone's journal entries it's nice not going through this alone even if we are just looking at a screen with words on it. Anyway, onwards to week 2. -Cheers Tzen
  15. Tzen1

    Tzen's Journal

    Day 6 Man, I cannot believe it's almost been a week already. The cravings are still pretty rough what funny is that I want to play games but I really crave watching twitch and keeping up with the news more. It's been healthy to avoid everything but man it's hard. Mornings seem to be good waking up and reading the world news and getting into a habit of understanding what is going on in this little world of ours. Afternoons and evenings, man, there just so hard to not pick something up and play or watch. My mind thinks of all my memories and how great it is to play. But it is for the best. I'm grateful for Cam in setting all this up and I'm going to beat this 90 day challenge and more. Anyway I'm excited to be finished with week 1 tomorrow! Have a good night/morning/ afternoon everyone. -Cheers, Tzen
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