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Deku

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About Deku

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  1. I loved it for the most part! Obviously the cinematography was beautiful and Joaquin Phoenix's acting was fire, but I also really liked the overall message. I do feel that we as a society have really failed to help the mentally ill, and the movie did a good job of reflecting the lack of empathy and assistance for those kinds of people. How about you?
  2. Aw crap, missed a bunch of days on here again. Wonderful! I'm just going to transcribe put up the raw notes that I have for each day so that I can catch myself up quickly. Day 10: Went to a rodent aseptic surgery class, left work early and got lunch with friends. Went on a night hike of Mission Peak with my parents, and did med school stuff for a few hours afterwards with the help of caffeine. Overall a fun day! Day 11: Spent a day with my dad and watched Joker. Also watched the new episode of My Hero Academia. Day 12: Spent the whole day working on medical school stuff. Took a break to watch the niners absolutely stuff the Rams! Decided that I would like to run a triathlon and spent some time today on the internet looking up training plans. I think working towards an entry level race could be a viable project that I could do during this period of time if hiking proves to be too big of a time investment.
  3. Day 9 Went to the talk on AML for 90 minutes, read a paper about humanized mice for another 30 minutes, and did data analysis for the rest of the time I was at work today. I gotta say the 4 hour rule has really saved me at my workplace. I used to be so bored and painfully not busy every day, but now that I have to read papers and practice skills I'm finding that my knowledge base has significantly improved--and with it, my interest in the lab's work. Still having trouble going to sleep on time, and haven't worked out at all this week. Both things to improve on for the future. But I would tentatively call this week a win!
  4. @Phoenixking LMAO! Point taken. Since I'm trying to get a nice letter of recommendation and potentially employment at this lab while I apply to med school I do feel that I need to make sure I'm at least being useful. But I also definitely think that you're right in that I can't ask for too much work. Gotta really thread the needle there and find the right balance I guess. Day 7 was a pretty good day at work. I spent my four hours running some experiments, and went to dinner to celebrate my grandmother's 94th (!!!!!) birthday. Not a whole lot done but at least no relapse happened. I didn't drink enough water or get enough sleep either, so overall a below average day. Day 8 I woke up feeling completely wiped due to not having enough sleep the night before. The temptationto take it easy and stay home was overwhelming, but I got myself out of bed, did a good hygiene routine and made it to work on time. I consider that a victory in itself! Today was largely spent analyzing the data from yesterday's experiment, which was...tedious. I wish I learned more when my mentor was still here and asked her more questions. Luckily she's just a quick email away. Going to a talk about the role of stem cells in Acute Myeloid Leukemia tomorrow at the literal crack of dawn. Should be fun!
  5. Hey man! I read your whole journal at work today and it was definitely an enjoyable one. You're just a day away from 3 weeks now, which is huge--congrats on that! In regards to your procrastination--I'm super self conscious, so one thing that's helped me be productive is working in an open space outside my house (coffee shop, library, etc) where other people can see my computer screen. With all those judgey eyes watching me I just can't bring myself to go on Youtube or watch anime, even if I really want to. Either way, best of luck! Dealing with the urges is never easy, and personally for me it's something I'm still learning how to do. But just know that if you can find a way to keep yourself busy and push past it, there is something greater waiting on the other side. Rooting for you!! Also, crash bandicoot? Spyro?? Damn those are names I have not heard in a loooooong time 😂
  6. Day 6 My work at Stanford continues to be extremely light. Yesterday I had an idea about how to give myself more work, but unfortunately that didn't end up panning out. So it's back to my usual routine of finding 4 hours of stuff for myself to do. I will say that I'm finding working for myself to be a LOT harder than doing things for someone else, but at the same time I'm finding an odd sort of satisfaction in it. It's really difficult to be self-motivated enough to fill in my own schedule, but it's definitely nice to learn a skill or finish a paper and realize that I was the sole reason that managed to happen. I dunno, just something I've observed. Stuff I managed to do today: -I read a chapter of Being Mortal on the train today. -I read a paper about different kinds of humanized mouse models that can be used to study AML. It gave me a lot of background about the mice we're going to be using. -I found more work for myself to do--awesome! -I made some good progress on the personal statement. I believe that the framework is in place, but I need to fill in the blanks now. -Got plenty to eat and drank enough water.
  7. @RB1 Thanks for your kind words friend! Really brought a smile to my face today. I know I've been in a bit of a rut recently, so the fact that people take the time to read and find nice things to say is just incredible. Thanks again 🙂 Day 5 Today started out as an incredibly unproductive day. I woke up late and spent way too much time eating, watching anime, catching up on youtube, talking to my parents etc. It was really demoralizing--I mean my back is pretty much against the wall at this point, shouldn't I be able to perform?--and for a few brief moments I even considered quitting everything, running away and living out the rest of my life as a lab tech. I'd have to live with my own failure forever, sure, but at least I wouldn't have to deal with the constant stress of my current life. It's corny, but what ended up getting me out of my rut was a motivational video on youtube--specifically Ray Lewis' 52 cards speech. I've listened to it so many times in the past, but for some reason it felt like he was speaking directly to me today. I could almost visualize how close the victory is now--just a few months of hard work away--and I realized how much of a pity it would be if I walked away at this moment. All I have to do is put my head down and bulldoze through all the stress of this period of my life...and it will all be downhill from there. After that revelation it was pretty easy for me to start writing, and within an hour I had finished the section that had stalled me for over a week. The pity is that I still have a little ways to go...but I think I can get it done tomorrow if I attack it with the mindset that I will get it done, no matter how much it hurts. Thanks @Icandothis for the tip btw--I made a text document and literally just started freetyping my thoughts out, and it really helped me get the creative juices flowing. 🙂
  8. A personal record is always a win! Congrats!!!
  9. Day 4 Starting with the good news--I went for a good run today, I drank enough water (been using this app to make sure I'm hydrated and it's honestly been wonderful), and I didn't relapse. Now for the bad news--today was much less productive than it should have been, as writing this essay is simply taking way too long. My writer's block is absolutely killing me; I would consider myself a decent writer but I cannot articulate why I want to be a doctor to save my life right now. Everything I write seems so corny and cliche, and just doesn't feel like me. It's a bit of a frustrating experience. I'm going to put in a good day of work tomorrow to see where I can get myself, but if that doesn't work I need to shift gears and start attacking the MCAT. Wish me luck guys, I'm gonna need it ._.
  10. TFW you run into someone who's the same age as you but has already accomplished your dream 😢 All jokes aside, welcome to the forum and I wish you nothing but the best of luck in trying to make it to the US!
  11. Congrats on making it to 50 weeks! I remember when I first started posting here your journal was in its early stages, so it's crazy to see how far you've come since then. It makes me feel a little sad because I feel like I could have been where you are if I had just stayed focused. You seem to have reached a point of mental clarity and self-contentedness that I'm still trying to find, and you do a lot of awesome stuff with your free time. I don't think you'll need it, but best of luck getting through the last two weeks. Hope I can get to where you are someday!
  12. @gtbC I usually hike through meetup, so it is with people, albeit a rotating cast of sorts. So it's great for meeting acquantainces and networking I guess, but not as good for making real friends. I totally hear you on the church thing. Being in a cult was a weird experience for sure, but there was no shortage of opportunities to keep myself busy and social. I definitely do miss having something like that in my life. Day 3 was a bit of a quiet day. I had a meeting with other people in my program in the afternoon, so I took a day off and went to the dentist in the morning. In said meeting we spent a lot of time sharing our experiences in our internships, and I was a bit dismayed to find that other people in my program are staying busy, learning alot, and overall are just having a blast in their respective laboratories. (While I've struggled a lot with making mistakes and finding enough work to stay busy). I'm a little disappointed with myself to be honest, and more than a little stressed out at the realization that if I don't work harder I am going to be left very far behind. Honestly I was a bit depressed so I went to bed really early last night, maybe around 8 or 8:30. It's the morning of Day 4 now, and I have a lot to do. I'm trying to wrap up at least the rough draft of my personal statement this weekend so that I can throw the entirety of my weight into MCAT studying and being useful at work. I've struggled a lot with productivity this season, so I've decided to start working in the open study area of my library again. Working there all the time was super essential to helping me get the grades I did last year, so maybe it'll help me out again in my time of need. At the very least I won't be gaming there knowing that everyone can see my screen.
  13. Day 2. I was running late and forgot to bring Being Mortal onto the train today which was unfortunate, but on the bright side I did put in my 4 hours of labwork today. I did lab stuff for an hour, read a research paper about AML xenografts for 2 hours, and practiced mouse techniques for another hour. Did my first successful retroorbital injection today, that was awesome! Going hiking tomorrow night. Now that I've climbed Mt Baker and Mt Whitney it's become clear that hiking and the outdoors in general is taking up a increasingly bigger part of my life, to the point of becoming something that could realistically replace gaming as the backbone of what I do for fun. I really think doing one or two big objectives a year (on a similar scale to Baker and Whitney) would give me something to be excited about and work towards in my free time, and it would be financially feasible even with my pittance of a salary.
  14. Back to Day 1 again. It's so easy to not post on here when things aren't going well, and to be honest season 2 of this journey has been a real struggle. There hasn't been a whole lot to do at work recently now that my mentor is on maternity leave, so it's so easy to rationalize going home early. And when I'm there, it's just as easy to rationalize watching a movie or even gaming. Yesterday was a scary day because I didn't go to work and stayed home playing League of Legends instead. By the time I came to my senses the sun was already setting and an entire day had almost gone by. It felt like my college days all over again. My med school dreams felt incredibly far away. I talked to my sister yesterday. She's entering her second year at college, and is doing really well in her laboratory job, so I figured I'd ask her for any advice she had on how I could improve my situation at work. She helped me see that I have a really defeatist attitude right now in the workplace that's resulting in a vicious cycle--because there's not much to do I get less involved, and because I get less involved there's less to do, and so on. She suggested that I take advantage of this dead time to read papers and learn lab skills in order to increase my value in the lab, so that when work does show up I can hit the ground running. I think that's a great idea and I made myself the goal to go to work every day and spend at least 4 hours reading papers or learning skills. Today I spent a couple hours in the mouse room refreshing how to handle mice, and practicing a new technique for the first time. I'm absolute ass at it, but I scheduled time with the mouse technician for more practice tomorrow, so hopefully I improve in time. I'll go to a joint lab meeting for another hour to hear about another group's research project, and I'll spend another hour reading papers about AML xenografts. Four hours. Hopefully if I can keep up this productivity over the month of October I'll come out on the other side at least somewhat useful. I realize I never really made coherent goals for season 2, so here are just a few that I came up with at work today: -Go to work every day (except on hospice volunteering days) and spend at least 4 hours there doing labwork or learning skills/reading papers -Spend 40 hours a week working on medical school stuff (personal statement, MCAT) -Hospice volunteering at least once every two weeks -Running or working out at least 3x a week -Reading books about the medical profession on the train. I know which one I want to start with--Being Mortal by Atul Gawande. It's such a beautiful book about what it means to be a doctor in a world where most patients present with problems that are uncurable--such as cancer, chronic conditions, or simply just old age. It's one of my inspirations for becoming a doctor and I find myself coming back to it year after year. -Make time for friends--hang out with someone at least once a week to reduce burnout
  15. Looks like you're on day 20! Tomorrow will be 3 weeks. Hang in there! I love how you mention something that's beautiful each day. It seems that people are always so busy, and with all the stuff that happens in life I guess it's hard to stop sometimes and just smell the roses. Life can be a really awesome thing, even if it's just light passing through a spiderweb, so I'm glad you take the time each day to recognize that. 🙂 Edit: Day 14! I can't count LOL
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