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About Deku

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  1. Almost a week since my last post, but the great news is I haven't relapsed back to League of Legends or Runescape. I do need to get a lot better at writing in my journal though. It's the morning of Day 9 now, and since I've had a lot more time recently I've been going to the gym a lot more regularly, usually in the early morning when it's the least crowded. I went three times in the last week, which is probably the most I've gone since starting my journey on Gamequitters. I joined an online community on Facebook for working out, and it's really helped me get my questions answered and stay
  2. Welcome to the community! Hope it helps you achieve whatever goals you have regarding gaming and life. Best of luck on your journey!
  3. Seconded. Hope everyone's safe.
  4. Thanks @Avnat Netzer. It's great to know I'm not the only one that has struggled this much with this problem. It's the morning of Day 4 and I'm still working on fixing my god awful sleep schedule. When I was in the thick of it I would regularly sleep at 4 or 5 in the morning, and at this point even going to bed at midnight is a very difficult task. At this point I honestly think that pulling an all nighter and just hard resetting my circadian rhythms might be the fastest and easiest solution. On day 2 and 3 it was really difficult not to relapse. I ended up going for a really long (7
  5. Thanks everyone for the kind words. It really is great to be back. Like many other detox Day 1's today was my big cleanse--throwing out the trash, washing dishes, doing laundry, and importantly removing all traces of games from my computer. I agree completely that I made it way too easy for myself to relapse last time, so I set up multiple layers of security (uninstalling, deleting accounts, unsubscribing from youtube and setting up multiple extensions to block relevant sites) to make it as hard as possible for the relapses to happen again. I've got some goals for what I want to do in th
  6. Hey guys. As many of you know, the last journey didn't go so well. Actually, it went pretty well for almost a year, and before suddenly completely reversing course and turning into a humongous dumpster fire. The support I've received since then from so many members of this community has really been overwhelmingly positive, so first off thank you so much to everyone who reached out, and sorry for dropping off the face of the earth. I was so incredibly stressed back then, and looking back I think the whole Stanford thing ending might even have been good for me. I just wish that I handled my
  7. Fuck guys it’s over. I’m so sorry. Got removed from my internship a few days ago and the shock still hasn’t really worn off yet. The reason was because of all the mistakes I’ve made, and all the days I missed (due to playing games). With that I lose so much. Two letters of rec and a ton of time at the very least. I don’t really know what to do now. I still want to keep fighting to get into medical school, but...I just don’t know if I can do it anymore. I’m just so disappointed in myself for blowing this golden opportunity. I spent the last year setting all this up for myself beautifu
  8. Day 2 It's going to be a corny one because I really need to pump myself up right now after a pretty difficult period of time. Thanks for bearing with me. The situation at work is starting to become really, really bad. Now that my mentor's on maternity leave I've had to run a lot of her experiments by myself, and I clearly am not ready for such a responsibility. As a result I've really bungled the data collection of a lot of experiments that took months to set up. I'm sorting through the mess right now but...it doesn't look good. I really need help, but I'm honestly too scared and emb
  9. Day 1 My mind was so restless last night that I just couldn't go to sleep, and by the time I finally drifted off it was just after 2 in the morning. When my alarm woke me up at 6 I was so tired that all I wanted to do was quit my job, quit my life and just go back to sleep again. I'm really glad that I managed to find the discipline to put on some clothes and get some exercise in before going to work. That's huge. I'm going to need a lot more of that strength going forwards. Today was a rough day at work. It was my first time running flow cytometry by myself and I had all kinds of is
  10. Day 0. Again. Oh boy, what can I say. I just can't seem to get anyting going. I just lost another week to gaming, and it was so scary this time. I barely went to work, and I hardly ate, drank, or slept for 9 whole days. It was just like college all over again. I really felt like I had no control over myself at all. I really hope that this is my final relapse, because this is it. My med school dreams are literally hanging by a thread right now--I'm not doing well at work, I haven't volunteered in almost a month, and I haven't made any progress on my personal statement or exam prep in
  11. I loved it for the most part! Obviously the cinematography was beautiful and Joaquin Phoenix's acting was fire, but I also really liked the overall message. I do feel that we as a society have really failed to help the mentally ill, and the movie did a good job of reflecting the lack of empathy and assistance for those kinds of people. How about you?
  12. Aw crap, missed a bunch of days on here again. Wonderful! I'm just going to transcribe put up the raw notes that I have for each day so that I can catch myself up quickly. Day 10: Went to a rodent aseptic surgery class, left work early and got lunch with friends. Went on a night hike of Mission Peak with my parents, and did med school stuff for a few hours afterwards with the help of caffeine. Overall a fun day! Day 11: Spent a day with my dad and watched Joker. Also watched the new episode of My Hero Academia. Day 12: Spent the whole day working on medical school stuff. Took a
  13. Day 9 Went to the talk on AML for 90 minutes, read a paper about humanized mice for another 30 minutes, and did data analysis for the rest of the time I was at work today. I gotta say the 4 hour rule has really saved me at my workplace. I used to be so bored and painfully not busy every day, but now that I have to read papers and practice skills I'm finding that my knowledge base has significantly improved--and with it, my interest in the lab's work. Still having trouble going to sleep on time, and haven't worked out at all this week. Both things to improve on for the future. But I
  14. @Phoenixking LMAO! Point taken. Since I'm trying to get a nice letter of recommendation and potentially employment at this lab while I apply to med school I do feel that I need to make sure I'm at least being useful. But I also definitely think that you're right in that I can't ask for too much work. Gotta really thread the needle there and find the right balance I guess. Day 7 was a pretty good day at work. I spent my four hours running some experiments, and went to dinner to celebrate my grandmother's 94th (!!!!!) birthday. Not a whole lot done but at least no relapse happened. I didn't
  15. Hey man! I read your whole journal at work today and it was definitely an enjoyable one. You're just a day away from 3 weeks now, which is huge--congrats on that! In regards to your procrastination--I'm super self conscious, so one thing that's helped me be productive is working in an open space outside my house (coffee shop, library, etc) where other people can see my computer screen. With all those judgey eyes watching me I just can't bring myself to go on Youtube or watch anime, even if I really want to. Either way, best of luck! Dealing with the urges is never easy, and personall