Jump to content

Listen to Cam and James Discuss eSports In Episode 2 of Gaming the System!

Phoenixking

Maintenance of the PhoenixKing

Recommended Posts

Day 14. "A big change incoming" 

12 pushups & 24 situps per day - Still going strong, haven't skipped a single rep.

So Elien has moved in. The experiment commences! I have yet to clean the living room/kitchen because we've both been away all weekend. I had a freelance gig I had to attend to and she tagged along for the ride. I had to host a small music festival, loads of fun. Got me just over 400 bucks in 1 weekend. Pretty happy. I'll easily make the end of the month with this. I was supposed to drive back and forth but in the end she booked us a really fancy hotel. The room was 200, but we got it for 90 because of last minute discounts. Split in 2, it was cheaper than driving back home and returning. And it allowed us to explore the city a little bit. Turns out, there was a food festival going on! I even visited my old coffee place where I used to barrista! A lovely weekend, big time. Lots of spontaneity and adrenaline.

I have 15 days to write my radio programme. I haven't jotted a single letter down so far. I'm both terrified and excited. I work well under pressure, though. I'm making cleaning my place up my priority right now, and there's still some comedy to write. But I'm sure that after a few days I'll be fully absorbed by the radio programme. If I don't get started this week, I might be in trouble. But then again, I am home all day, every day. I have way more time than I used to.

I was a bit worried about money until a day ago. Now that I figure I'll make it to the end of the month, I'm feeling pretty happy. Though I can still feel my brain going through detox. But that's only normal. I'm only 2 weeks in.

Recent highlight: Accidentally stumbling upon the food festival with my girlfriend and making a great date out of it.

Budget status: I still need to get back into the habit of noting my daily spending. But with this new gig I did, I should be fine for now.

My one goal for the next 24h: Clean this place up and finish that task finally. And maaaaaybe get some more things done. But the cleaning is the minimum I want to try and achieve.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, Phoenixking said:

Day 14. "A big change incoming" 

12 pushups & 24 situps per day - Still going strong, haven't skipped a single rep.

So Elien has moved in. The experiment commences! I have yet to clean the living room/kitchen because we've both been away all weekend. I had a freelance gig I had to attend to and she tagged along for the ride. I had to host a small music festival, loads of fun. Got me just over 400 bucks in 1 weekend. Pretty happy. I'll easily make the end of the month with this. I was supposed to drive back and forth but in the end she booked us a really fancy hotel. The room was 200, but we got it for 90 because of last minute discounts. Split in 2, it was cheaper than driving back home and returning. And it allowed us to explore the city a little bit. Turns out, there was a food festival going on! I even visited my old coffee place where I used to barrista! A lovely weekend, big time. Lots of spontaneity and adrenaline.

I have 15 days to write my radio programme. I haven't jotted a single letter down so far. I'm both terrified and excited. I work well under pressure, though. I'm making cleaning my place up my priority right now, and there's still some comedy to write. But I'm sure that after a few days I'll be fully absorbed by the radio programme. If I don't get started this week, I might be in trouble. But then again, I am home all day, every day. I have way more time than I used to.

I was a bit worried about money until a day ago. Now that I figure I'll make it to the end of the month, I'm feeling pretty happy. Though I can still feel my brain going through detox. But that's only normal. I'm only 2 weeks in.

Recent highlight: Accidentally stumbling upon the food festival with my girlfriend and making a great date out of it.

Budget status: I still need to get back into the habit of noting my daily spending. But with this new gig I did, I should be fine for now.

My one goal for the next 24h: Clean this place up and finish that task finally. And maaaaaybe get some more things done. But the cleaning is the minimum I want to try and achieve.

Big steps. Good luck with the move in and I hope things go well. Maybe you can set a reminder during the day to track your spending in your google calendar?

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 15. "You are allowed to panic." 

12 pushups & 24 situps per day - Still going strong, haven't skipped a single rep. Might up this to 13/26 one of these days.

I ran into a bit of a wall last night. I was pissy, emotional, easily aggravated. We were spending our first evening together at my place and it was clear that I was angry about something, I just couldn't figure it out. She asked if it was something she did, I said it wasn't. It was small things at first. Her leaving lights on and exiting rooms. Having to spend 20 whole minutes waiting for her to come back from selecting her outfit for the day after, only to realize she still had to iron her clothes, ... I'm rather well organized nowadays. I used to be chaotic like that too. So it bugged me because I just wanted to have some peace and quiet and sit down and watch The Boys (holy shit, so good, go watch it).

After she'd went to bed, I confessed that I felt guilty. She was going to bed and I was staying up and it was making me go crazy. It didn't feel right. 

I had some sake, watched some more of the series, calmed down and spent a while conversing with myself why I was so upset. 

And then it hit me.

I'm uncomfortable because now she's going to see every little ugly side of me. I will no longer be able to hide the dirty little secrets that I still struggle to fully accept from myself. How much alcohol I drink. How late I go to bed and how late I wake up. How much time I spend on the computer. How anal I am about being somewhere on time. I'm terrified of showing these sides because I still haven't fully accepted them myself. But now I can't hide. It's going to be out there soon. She's going to see it. And that scares me a whole lot. Enough to be very, very uncomfortable.

So it's probably a bit too soon to move in together 😛 But I'm totally giving this my all. And it's an experiment after all, we've talked about this. If it fails, it fails. It's a win-win. Either we're ready for it and that's a good thing and we can start planning to find a cool new appartment. Or we learn that we're not ready and we'll still love each other and it will help us grow as a couple. And I know she has those dirty, ugly secret sides too. And I know she'll love me despite my shit and I'll love her despite hers. It's just that this is some sort of speedbump I need to get across. 

I'll have a talk with her tonight about all of this. We'll be fine. I just need to say it out loud, I guess.

Recent highlight: The entire appartment is completely spotless!

Budget status: I am happy that the gig paid so well. I can breathe for a while. Now to get that welfare money sorted out.

My one goal for the next 24h:Go shopping and do my daily routine. But also finish some to dos. The biggest one would be to get some words on paper for my radio program.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 16. "Roaring to go." 

12 pushups & 24 situps per day - Still going strong, haven't skipped a single rep. Might up this to 13/26 one of these days.

Talked things out with the girlfriend. Everything is fine now ^^ I guess we just needed to put things out there.

Got a haircut today and made a video to add to my resumé by QR-code. I've also laid out the basic story structure for my radio show. I'm hoping to get some more work done today/tonight. I stayed up til 4 am. I keep going to bed later and later. But I notice that I'm being incredibly productive. Shit's getting done pretty quickly. I also had a phone call about my welfare money coming in. Look like I'm set for this month and the next unless something really major happens.

I'm feeling more and more energetic lately. I've been really getting more shit done. If I'm allowed to work on my own terms and on my own rythm, I can do some pretty cool things. My place is spotless, fresh food in the fridge, I sleep 8 hours on average, I do my workouts and I'm feeling happy, positive, and I look pretty. Beard is well kept, clothes are stylish and fashionable. It seems I really deed need some recovery. I still have about 13 days to go for my radio show needs to be finished but I'm feeling very positive about life right now. 

Recent highlight: Finished the story structure on the radio show and discovered I'd be getting my full paycheck for this month as if I were to have worked like normal. 

Budget status: Come next week, I'm going to start saving more. Apart from actually important bills like water or groceries, I'm only going to give myself an allowance of 50 bucks per week for stuff like theater, drinking, eating out or anything of those sorts.

My one goal for the next 24h: Try and get the first dialogues written for my show, current working title is 'Fake News'.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 21. "Three weeks." 

13 pushups & 26 situps per day - Only didn't do them once, but caught up in the morning. Amped it up to 13/26.

Living together with another person quickly shows you their ugly sides. I've never felt so naked or annoyed by little things. Like the way she vaccuums or does things in my kitches. I'm very self-reliant and selfsufficient. I had to be, I was thrown into the deep at a young age. She has the opposite. Her parents had trouble conceiving, lost her twin brother in utero and her sister has a heart condition. Her parents are véry doting, helicopter-type people. They've never considered their kids as fellow adults. They even tried sending her 26-year old ass to her room a while back when she was visiting. I think she's never been able to make decisions straightforwardly because her parents always took that responsability away from her. Now that she's older cutting through problems is a weakness of her because her parents never allowed her to grow that muscle. 

I was tired, she was tired. We fought again. Well, it's more like we went between being snappy and sharp and feeling bad and being loving again. We talked about it before we went to sleep and cleared it all out. On the one hand it's not a pleasant process. On the other, it proves that we can go through stuff and talk it out, every single time. I feel like there's a good base here, despite all these little flecks of frustration.

Recent highlight: Nearing the first deadline of my radio show. It's coming together nicely but still requires a lot of work.

Budget status: This is the first week where I'm limiting myself to a 50 bucks allowance each week (apart from important nescessities). I'm going to try and save to get a new laptop.

My one goal for the next 24h: Get the story actually written out. It's all in my head, but I need more words on paper to show the producers I can deliver. I've already gotten some story elements for the other 8 episodes, but the first is finished. I just need to actually write it >.>

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 22. "Whatever you do, just don't ..." 

13 pushups & 26 situps per day - Got new exercises from my physical therapist yesterday. My body stil aches. I hope that doing these daily will make me stronger and more fit. I can already notice a slight improvement here and there 🙂 

I was up late again last night. I didn't really have anything major to do. I just didn't want to go to sleep. I feel like I was panicking, like I couldn't calm down. My belly ached, my head hurt and was ringing. It felt as if I was so oddly terrified of going to sleep. Fearful of not being able to blissfully lie down and calmly drift off. Which is kind of ironic because I was basically panicking that I couldn't be calm enough. I took a lot of effort, but I fell asleep after a while. It's now clear to me that I should probably keep a different rythm and being a night owl isn't all that great. I'm going to try and go to bed with my girlfriend now and wake up when she does too. It might make things better, or not. But it's worth a try.

I still feel rather conflicted. It's hard to be kind to myself right now. It's like alot of joy was slorped up. I think it's my brain battering its cage, looking for a fix, angry that it can't get what it's been used to for years. I hope to turn this day around and pick myself up a little, but I'm afraid it's not going to be easy. I'm going to try not to binge any series or watch any anime. Doing my exercises and cleaning up a bit around the house are the first things on the list, those should help. And there's a cool podcast about Wolverine that I'm going to listen to.

The radio programme is proressing. I just hope I'll be ready by the 20th. It seems that I'm going to have to make it a serious priority for now. Working on it daily would be good. I just hope I going to be able to muster up the energy and keep the flow going.

 

Recent highlight: I played a wizard character at last night's D&D-session. I was filling in for somebody. Was lots of fun to be the host for 7 people. I like having guests.

Budget status: Saved about 5 bucks last week so this week I have 55 to spend. I might cap this at about 100 or something and try to funnel everything above an allowance of 100 to my savings account.

My one goal for the next 24h: write at least 10 minutes of my radio program. If need be, just 5 words and 9 minutes of staring at the screen.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 23. "Why is this so hard? I tought I had this." 

13 pushups & 26 situps per day - Body is coming along nicely. It hurts, sure. But my therapist says I should be proud that I'm kicking ass. I'll be able to return to Krav Maga in a few weeks. 

Writing the radio show is hard. Damn. I started doing more research and got hooked on Wolverine, The Long Night. What a podcast! Suddenly I realize that I'm in way over my head. I can write jokes and be funny, do some voices but I am suddenly very humbled by it all. But still, I'm willing to press on. I have 1 week left to finish everything. I feel like it's doable. All I have to do, is just keep plugging away at it. I hope...

My sleep pattern is kind of fucked right now. It's messy and chaotic. Makes sense if you think about it. It's not easy as pie to switch from going to sleep at 4 am to doing so at 10 pm. Once again, just keep plugging away at it.

I notice something had changed in my brain. I hunger less for porn or erotic images. It's waning. Slowly but surely. I'm still a ways off from 90 days, though. I might go 90 days without sugar or maybe without alcohol after this. We'll see. Either way, it seems that I'm really trying my best, failure after failure after succes, to become a better human. It's just that sometimes the road is steeper that I had thought and that can be a bummer.

Recent highlight: Discovering the Wolverine podcast, holy shit.

Budget status: My new resumé got me a gig this weekend. I'm readying my paperwork to reel some cash in. It's looking like it's going to be a healthy month. Unexpected nice surprise!

My one goal for the next 24h: Write for at least another 10 minutes.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It’s always nice to see that you’re getting better every day. And congratulations on the new gig! Your radio show sounds like an interesting project, and I’m sure it’s much better than you think it is. You’ll have to let me know if it ever makes it onto the air so I can tune in!

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 8/14/2019 at 7:18 PM, Deku said:

It’s always nice to see that you’re getting better every day. And congratulations on the new gig! Your radio show sounds like an interesting project, and I’m sure it’s much better than you think it is. You’ll have to let me know if it ever makes it onto the air so I can tune in!

Thanks man! The next 2 days will probably be quite stressful. But I'm sure I'll manage. I like what I do and am eager to make the best out of it. Nobody expects me to be a radio wizard on day 1. It's going to be in Dutch, though XD I've been told it will air live and then, because it's a radioplay like 'War Of The Worlds', it's going to be brought out like a podcast. So I'm sure you might be able to get it if you were so inclined.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 27. "Business vs pleasure" 

13 pushups & 26 situps per day - Been losing a bit of weight. Because of how busy I've been and how tired I've been and how late I arrived at home, I missed a day, the first one. And yesterday the second one because I was so tired. Today I'm writing like a maniac to get my deadline, so I might lose another day to that. I hope to reset this habit soon. 

 

I've been postponing the writing often. I usually search for whatever needs doing, chores, etc... I do those first, so I'm spending my time rather productively instead of scrolling my phone mindlessly. But it's still procrastination. My deadline is this Tuesday. I'm a little bit scared. Or stressed. But I'm sure it'll be fine.

 

Recent highlight: Watching Chernobyl, in the middle of a blanket fort, with my girlfriend. Soooooo comfortable. I love my couch when it's pulled out all the way.

Budget status: It's going to be a good month. Had a few last minute bookings. I'm making 1500 before taxes from my freelancing. If I could improve this 1 more step and keep it up, I could do this full time. We're very much not at that point yet. But this is a step in the right direction.

My one goal for the next 24h: Write. Write like my life depends on it. Trigger some form of creative mania and lose myself in that madness and make an amazing product. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 28. "D-Day" 

13 pushups & 26 situps per day - I did my reps yesterday and I think I may have hurt my foot a little bit... I am seeing my physical therapist in 2 days, so I'm sure I'll be fine. I've hurt it before and after a day or two it all resets again. I just have to make sure I do my reps today and not lose my momentum.

Today has been quite productive. I'm trying to get into the habit of waking up when my girlfriend wakes up to leave for work. We had a breakfast date yesterdaymorning at 8, which gave us all of Sunday to do what we wanted. It turns out, sleeping 8 hours and waking up at a decent time really gives you a good feeling. It's like there's all these extra hours, all of a sudden. I might try to become more of a day-person than a night-person.

The deadline is tomorrow. I've gotten some feedback so I can write my second draft in a minute. Then I'll rewrite it and send the producers my third draft and hope that we can tape it. I'm rather nervous. Making 8 more episodes would be wild but also incredibly challenging. I also have my improv classes in less than a month and I haven't prepped anything yet. Add to that that there's freelance gigs all over my planner and by the end of the month, I might get taken off of sickness leave and thus would be forced to either continue my part-time job, quit and still grind my teeth and stress out for 6 more weeks or would have to find something else asap. I'd like to fantasize that I'd make the bills by freelancing and focussing fully on it. But I've been doing that for 2 months now and progress is slow. I'm scared that one day I'll have to admit that maybe this lifestyle just isn't for me. Maybe I need some help getting started somehow?

 

Recent highlight: Getting a meringue burner. I'm making a lemon cake this week. Crunchy bottom part, lemon cream in the middle and topped of with toasted meringue. Fuck I love cooking.

Budget status: Saved my first money this week using my weekly allowance. And also, my checkings account was looking okay, so I stashed another 100 on my savings account. I'm slowly trying to build up my accounts again.

My one goal for the next 24h: Get my second draft done. Do something else. Then get my third draft done and send it in.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 29. "Pound Cake" 

13 pushups & 26 situps per day - I hurt my foot, saw the physical therapist and it all worked out. He showed me, once again, that my foot is okay and that lots of it is in my head. Véry odd. I KNOW that it hurts and that I should be careful. And yet there I am, every time, doing the exercises with him in his practice. Such a mindfuck.

I made the deadline. Like a true writer, I finished my second draft and then let go. I wandered the city, ran some errands, got some ideas and finished my third draft based on those musings. Now we play the waiting game.

I spent the better part of the day cooking. Holy shit, I love cooking. Typical local dish with chicken broth and a bunch of veggies, cut julienne, and some cream. Meal prepped the hell out of it and now we have about 2 kilos of the stuff ready to munch. I also finished the dough for the lemon meringue pie that I'll be making tomorrow. It needs to rest for a night. 

I had a véry productive day. No series, no movies, no binging, no podcasts. Utter focus, all day long. It's wiped me out, though, but being as tired as I am right now makes sure that I'll sleep a lot better.

Recent highlight: Finishing the third draft while searching frantically for just the right songs to accompany the story. It's for radio, so the music is super important. Ended up finding a bunch of Westworld-style jewels.

Budget status: I may have gotten another gig on Thursday. It's like it's raining money all of a sudden!

My one goal for the next 24h: Make that lemon cake! And also prep for the D&D-sesson of the evening. I have some story to write and I might go out and get my world map printed ^^

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...