BooksandTrees Posted January 31, 2020 Posted January 31, 2020 45 minutes ago, DaBest said: Day 279 No VG - 279 days, no sports news - 0 days, NF - 6 days, SOB - 6 days, NNO59 - 0 days, NIA1030 - 4 day, NLAF - 5 days, NSOC - 5 days, Meditation - 0 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 1 week. First day of a four-day weekend went okay. Post-it helped. Took care of some anxiety-tasks early and felt accomplished. Then I binged a bit on the internet because I was bored. Then I used the post-it to get back on track. Interestingly, I felt very tired after getting off the internet even though I got a full night's sleep last night. Maybe it's because I'm getting so stimulated sitting in front of a screen. I don't know. Hit physical therapy and a networking event after. Actually stayed for the whole three hours of the event and enjoyed myself. Felt a little stifled at times, but I was okay. Still, I feel like I could do a better job connecting with people and having more fun. More to work on. Tomorrow gets another post-it. Woo. Find some enjoyment this weekend. Would you ever schedule a massage for this weekend? It might be rewarding physically and mentally. I feel your frustration at work and wanted to say some of the stuff I've struggled with for a year is finally hitting some major developments. I think things change for good for the people who need it and I'm hoping your work life improves as well. 1
TheNewMe2.0 Posted February 1, 2020 Posted February 1, 2020 That''s great your post its' are working so well for you. Are you doing physical therapy to heal something? 1
DaBest Posted February 1, 2020 Author Posted February 1, 2020 Day 280 No VG - 280 days, no sports news - 1 days, NF - 7 days, SOB - 7 days, NNO59 - 0 days, NIA1030 - 5 day, NLAF - 0 days, NSOC - 6 days, Meditation - 0 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 1 week. @BooksandTrees, I do a ton of self massage and stretching for mobility. I wanted to go into the city but got derailed a bit today. I'm going tomorrow and I'll likely hit up a restaurant that interests me. Work life is doing better, maybe in part to improved confidence. @Erik2.0, I agree! Back problems, mostly from sitting too much. It's gotten better the past few weeks, and hopefully my last session will be in two weeks. --- Weird day. Had a terrible night's sleep last night. MULTIPLE instances of sleep paralysis and nightmares, floating sensations, the whole shebang. Finally read up on the thing since it's happening a lot more often now. It's probably in part because a) I started sleeping on my back more, which correlates with instances of sleep paralysis and b) I had ONE FREAKING BEER at the networking thing yesterday, and alcohol disrupts my sleep, which in turn messes with REM sleep. Last time this happened was the last time I had a beer, too. I hardly drink, and this would be an awesome excuse to not drink. "Hey why aren't you drinking?" "Oh, it just causes freaky nightmares where I feel pure evil and I wake up and can't move, and often start hallucinating." "Oh." I did a bad job of following my post-it today. I did a bunch of stuff around the house, and did things related to my key items, but I ended up avoiding all of the major stuff today. Some of that was in part to getting a late start to today, and having my plan from yesterday blown up quite early. Nonetheless, better than many of the zero days I was having on my weekends. For example, instead of social skills (re: actually reading/practicing/salsa dancing), I ended up listening to a podcast on childhood trauma and addiction with Tim Ferriss and Dr. Gabor Mate. This was actually a great podcast and I highly recommend anyone to listen to it. A lot of it was in sync with what I read in Unhooked recently. I'm going to try and focus on this some more with my therapist, as some recent conversations I had about my father felt particularly unburdening. Oh, and my house is a lot cleaner today, so that's good too. I closed a lot of "open-loops" that I hadn't taken care of for months if not years. Anxiety is dumb. Last big portion of the day, was going to salsa dancing. Not actually salsa dancing, just driving to the parking lot. WTF? First factor was that I was running late, but ironically this is better than last week where when I was running late, I didn't attempt to go. I could've jumped in halfway through the classes, but to be honest, I really just was hating myself so much in that moment. I felt worthless and incompetent, and I felt stressed that I promised myself I would stay after for free dancing, the lack of structure which scares me. Also, in free dancing, if I suck, my brain equates that with I suck completely at life and am worthless. Not rational, I know. If anything, I wasn't expecting those feelings to be so strong when I drove up. Getting through the class portion is way easier. So what am I going to do better tomorrow? 1) Get up earlier. 2) No Internet. 3) Get OUT earlier. It's hard to go from zero-to-sixty socially after staying home all day. 4) Follow the anxiety on the post-it. 5) Go salsa dancing, and be prepared for all the emotions that will come with it. 1
TheNewMe2.0 Posted February 1, 2020 Posted February 1, 2020 I got low back pain too. Got any recommendations for exercises to do for it?
DaBest Posted February 2, 2020 Author Posted February 2, 2020 Day 281 No VG - 281 days, no sports news - 2 days, NF - 8 days, SOB - 8 days, NNO59 - 0 days, NIA1030 - 0 days, NLAF - 1 days, NSOC - 7 days, Meditation - 0 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 1 week. @Erik2.0, the first thing is diagnosing it. Back pain can be caused by a lot of stuff. For me its a mix of having tight hip flexors, especially my psoas, having a slightly narrowed disk in my lumbar spine, and having hellishly tight hamstrings, all thanks to sitting. Check out the YouTube channel for Upright Health, and Becoming a Supple Leopard by Kelly Starrett. That's a great place to start. For me, I do a ton of stretching, massage, and squats and RDL's tend to help long-term, after my muscles loosen up again. --- Turnaround day. Full night's sleep. Cleaned up some more, but went straight on my computer for "research." I shouldn't have done this and broke my no internet Saturday promise, like I am now. Nonetheless, after this bit, and a slight bit before salsa dancing (I WENT), I was pretty diligent with this today. The end results of that were: 1) I felt really tired, despite all the sleep. Chalked it up to depression. Took some mini-naps. 2) I had my radio on almost all day. 3) I had more time to focus on the post-it tasks. 4) I went to the gym for the first time in three weeks. Went for a very light upper body workout to see how messed up my right hand is. Turns out it still is, and I'm hoping starting up again with light weights will break up whatever scar tissue or damage that may have occurred when I hurt it. The pain seemingly died down with some time. 5) I read a book. Woo. As far as Saturdays go, this went much better than some ones I have been having recently. Could've gotten more done and could've stayed off the internet completely, but this was much better than usual. Next week, I'll try to stay off it more. The nerves were down a bunch this week compared to last. I also went to salsa dancing tonight and went way beyond my expectations. I showed up late, but was still on time since it started late anyway. Nerves going into it were MUCH lower tonight, probably because I wasn't on my computer as much and I got out of the house beforehand. The gym endorphins probably helped too. I did reasonably well during the class, and probably followed along the best I have to date. The kicker to this whole scenario was that I promised my therapist I'd stay an hour for free dancing after. I didn't...I stayed for thirty minutes...but I asked FOUR women for dances, which blows my old record out of the water (same for time as well). I also got FOUR dances. Funny how that works. One of the big things I noticed from other people was their own social anxiety or personality and not taking that as a reflection on me. It was kind of eye opening to pay attention to that. Not sure what got me thinking about that, but it was on my mind on the drive in, to an extent. It's an important reframe which took a lot of pressure off me. Today was better. I am posting today because I'm just really happy right now that I did the scary thing, and I just want to have this memory here for myself for later. 3
DaBest Posted February 3, 2020 Author Posted February 3, 2020 Day 282 No VG - 282 days, no sports news - 3 days, NF - 9 days, SOB - 9 days, NNO59 - 0 days, NIA1030 - 1 days, NLAF - 2 days, NSOC - 8 days, Meditation - 0 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 2 weeks. @Erik2.0, caveat emptor. It really depends on WHAT is causing your back pain. If it's weak hamstrings and glutes, they will help. If your hamstrings and glutes are already strong then it won't help you much. If your back pain is caused because your hamstrings are too tight, then these may actually worsen things. For me, mine are both weak and short. So RDLs in the short term can really mess with my back if I don't address the DOMS afterwards, but generally as things have gotten stronger (in between workouts) I feel better. Also, I am obviously not a doctor or a physical therapist. So take everything I'm saying with a grain of salt. --- Enough's enough with checking the news in the morning. Started picking up this bad habit recently. I'm cutting that out tomorrow. Stayed up late last night. Got up late today. Didn't get all that much done because of it. Went to improv practice. The new coach is really helping out our team a bunch. Got groceries and watched the Super Bowl after. Called home. Kept it chill tonight. Back to work tomorrow.
DaBest Posted February 4, 2020 Author Posted February 4, 2020 Day 283 No VG - 283 days, no sports news - 0 days, NF - 10 days, SOB - 10 days, NNO59 - 0 days, NIA1030 - 0 days, NLAF - 3 days, NSOC - 9 days, Meditation - 0 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 2 weeks. I stayed up very late last night for no reason. Kinda did similar tonight too. Got to work late. Not ideal. I'm gonna turn my computer off now. 1
Amphibian220 Posted February 4, 2020 Posted February 4, 2020 DaBest, Do you track the time you spend on devices? TV, PC and smart phone. i want to hit the target of 30 mins a day plus no daydreaming at all.
BooksandTrees Posted February 5, 2020 Posted February 5, 2020 20 hours ago, DaBest said: Day 283 No VG - 283 days, no sports news - 0 days, NF - 10 days, SOB - 10 days, NNO59 - 0 days, NIA1030 - 0 days, NLAF - 3 days, NSOC - 9 days, Meditation - 0 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 2 weeks. I stayed up very late last night for no reason. Kinda did similar tonight too. Got to work late. Not ideal. I'm gonna turn my computer off now. New day tomorrow. Get back into your schedule. It's not worth staying up late. You got this. 1
DaBest Posted February 5, 2020 Author Posted February 5, 2020 Day 284 No VG - 284 days, no sports news - 0 days, NF - 11 days, SOB - 11 days, NNO59 - 0 days, NIA1030 - 1 days, NLAF - 4 days, NSOC - 10 days, Meditation - 1 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 2 weeks. Today was weird. Came in and had to do a very last minute preventative maintenance for someone, which took more than half my day. Kinda killed my plans and productivity from recently, but it had to be done. I was a little grouchy today because of that and the lack of sleep. Internet usage today was better, but still not ideal. Didn't go on before I left the house. Checked some news at work (stupidly). Was more on track when I got home. Meditated last night and will do some more shortly before going to bed.
DaBest Posted February 6, 2020 Author Posted February 6, 2020 Day 285 No VG - 285 days, no sports news - 1 day, NF - 12 days, SOB - 12 days, NNO59 - 0 days, NIA1030 - 2 days, NLAF - 5 days, NSOC - 11 days, Meditation - 2 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 2 weeks. Went to bed at a reasonable hour last night. Felt good today. Work was okay today. Not as productive as I would've liked. Kept getting distracted by people. Tomorrow I need to start making myself scarce again. I did win a job award worth a couple thousand dollars though, so that was nice. Ironically, I'm not over the moon because of the money. Means money isn't my priority right now. Good to keep note. I did check some news while at work. This has been decreasing over the past few days though as I get back into my routine. Gonna go stretch for a bit, meditate, and go to bed.
DaBest Posted February 7, 2020 Author Posted February 7, 2020 Day 286 No VG - 286 days, no sports news - 2 day, NF - 13 days, SOB - 13 days, NNO59 - 0 days, NIA1030 - 3 days, NLAF - 6 days, NSOC - 12 days, Meditation - 2 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 2 weeks. Stayed up late last night working on a spreadsheet to help me figure out my true weak points as a person, in order to determine an ultralearning project. Most of these weak points are things I've been avoiding for years, so I think there's value to this. Finished it up today, it's pretty elaborate. It's hard to quantify subjectivity. Work was okay today. I got through a lot of small items. It's weird how the stress just dropped off like a cliff. I felt lost at one point today. It was weird. Still checked news at work a little bit. I recognize the irrationality in checking early. The news will compile by the end of the day. Just relax.
DaBest Posted February 8, 2020 Author Posted February 8, 2020 Day 287 No VG - 287 days, no sports news - 3 day, NF - 14 days, SOB - 0 days, NNO59 - 1 days, NIA1030 - 0 days, NLAF - 0 days, NSOC - 13 days, Meditation - 3 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 2 weeks. So far the work week went reasonably well. I also audited last year's paystubs and found out I'm owed a bunch of on-call pay that my boss forgot to put in. It's kind of laughable. This week was very profitable. I also avoided going on the news outside of my window today. Finally. I stayed up late almost every night this week including tonight. Tonight has been a bit of sleep procrastination and internet bingeing since I won't have it tomorrow. I'm going to get a good night's sleep now, get up, write my post-it, and go from there. It will be nice to get away from the computer for a bit. 2
DaBest Posted February 8, 2020 Author Posted February 8, 2020 On 2/4/2020 at 4:22 AM, Amphibian220 said: DaBest, Do you track the time you spend on devices? TV, PC and smart phone. i want to hit the target of 30 mins a day plus no daydreaming at all. Sorry, I didn't see this. My phone tracks itself. I'm cognizant of it but I don't pay it too much heed unless it goes up or down an hour a week. I use it a bit for actual work things, but I've still gotten it down by about 1-1.5 hours a day since starting up on this journey again. I don't track PC time (it's still high), and I don't have a TV so I don't waste more time there. Good for you on your goals. Those goals are good to fight escapism.
TheNewMe2.0 Posted February 9, 2020 Posted February 9, 2020 Great job making it to two weeks NoFap and staying in your media time window.
DaBest Posted February 9, 2020 Author Posted February 9, 2020 Day 289 No VG - 289 days, no sports news - 1 day, NF - 0 days, SOB - 0 days, NNO59 - 0 days, NIA1030 - 0 days, NLAF - 0 days, NSOC - 13 days, Meditation - 0 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 3 weeks. I'm struggling right now. My barriers and habits I've built up feel like they're crumbling. I walked past a GameStop yesterday and felt really drawn to it. Probably the most I've felt pulled towards gaming in months. Friday binged, which was bad. Saturday started off well enough--took care of some chores, took ANOTHER nap. Actually felt reasonably well. Didn't go out and instead internet binged, despite having successfully avoiding the internet for the first 3/4ths of the day. Felt like shit. Woke up this morning and binged again, and I have to sprint off to improv shortly. My thoughts are very negative right now. I can only think of how dominated my life has been by forms of betrayal...from my parents, from my "friends." I just want to not hate myself and be confident. I don't want to feel alone all the fucking time. I feel broken. I just want to hide and not get hurt. I'm just tired of all the pain self-inflicted and not. I'm still like the child I was so long ago and it sickens me. I need to go now. 1
BooksandTrees Posted February 9, 2020 Posted February 9, 2020 3 hours ago, DaBest said: Day 289 No VG - 289 days, no sports news - 1 day, NF - 0 days, SOB - 0 days, NNO59 - 0 days, NIA1030 - 0 days, NLAF - 0 days, NSOC - 13 days, Meditation - 0 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 3 weeks. I'm struggling right now. My barriers and habits I've built up feel like they're crumbling. I walked past a GameStop yesterday and felt really drawn to it. Probably the most I've felt pulled towards gaming in months. Friday binged, which was bad. Saturday started off well enough--took care of some chores, took ANOTHER nap. Actually felt reasonably well. Didn't go out and instead internet binged, despite having successfully avoiding the internet for the first 3/4ths of the day. Felt like shit. Woke up this morning and binged again, and I have to sprint off to improv shortly. My thoughts are very negative right now. I can only think of how dominated my life has been by forms of betrayal...from my parents, from my "friends." I just want to not hate myself and be confident. I don't want to feel alone all the fucking time. I feel broken. I just want to hide and not get hurt. I'm just tired of all the pain self-inflicted and not. I'm still like the child I was so long ago and it sickens me. I need to go now. It's time to reel it all in right now. You sound a lot like I did last month or two months ago when I was having my anger/depression meltdown. These naps are coming because of how much strain you're putting on yourself. I see your streaks besides video games are all at 0. I'm assuming it's because you've been going between multiple bad habits to try and escape the feeling of "failure" and "disappointment" with the other streaks not working along with the issues you've been mentioning over the past few months in your diary regarding work, friends, love, etc. I was doing the same thing. I was binging porn, eating like shit, hating my friends, hating my family, feeling betrayed, moving a ton, feeling alone, I isolated myself constantly, grew hatred for people doing things that I wasn't such as being happy, having love, smiling, doing hobbies, eating food, bathing, and much more. It's not worth it. Because of the broken streaks of your other bad habits you're going to be in an emotional riptide where you'll be fluctuating between extremes of depression, anger, and adrenaline to feel good from doing the bad habits back to anger to depression. This is why I say it's time to reel it all in right now. This is your moment to pull yourself out of it as you've hit a low point. Do not be ashamed of it, but rather use it as momentum to bounce to a higher point. Over the next week you need to give yourself permission to lower your standards besides video game addiction. Make sure you are eating 3-5 meals per day, getting 8 hours of sleep, cleaning yourself, drinking lots of water, and making it a point to see or call a friend or family member to reconnect for at least 30 minutes. Do your normal tasks at work and make it through the week, putting effort into those work tasks only. Don't think about broken streaks and don't think about failure or shame. Lower your bar a bit so you can at least pull yourself up. I've been able to pull right out of that bad depression, which you witnessed and spoke to me about, by doing those. Get out of your rut and then pull your way up with the right goals to set afterwards. Find your friends again or make new ones. Isolating yourself is going to make it worse. 2
ElectroNugget Posted February 9, 2020 Posted February 9, 2020 Hey man. We've all been there. @BooksandTrees gave some amazing advice, which I could also afford to follow lately haha. I just wanted to pitch in and say that, for what it's worth, you're not alone in feeling like this. I know how hard it is, I've been there myself and I'm sure I will be again many times before the journey is over. You desperately want to change, but you find yourself in a ridiculous pattern that feels unbreakable, and so you beat up on yourself, and the pattern continues. It's really hard, but in these dark moments you need to try and give yourself some self-compassion, and space to be a bit hurt about things, without also coming down on yourself. And recognize that we are all struggling with stuff. You're human, and humans make mistakes. Therefore, it is only natural that you will slip up sometimes, and make mistakes that you regret. But the important thing is that you recognize that you're going to keep trying to change, and pick yourself back up. That's what matters in the end. Remember, the master has failed more times than the beginner has tried. These failures, while hard, are just a step on your path to the growth you seek. Don't let them defeat you. Stay strong and keep fighting. 2
TheNewMe2.0 Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 ya take care buddy you'll be alright. 1
DaBest Posted February 11, 2020 Author Posted February 11, 2020 Day 290 No VG - 290 days, no sports news - 2 days, NF - 1 days, SOB - 0 days, NNO59 - 1 days, NIA1030 - 1 days, NLAF - 1 days, NSOC - 14 days, Meditation - 0 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 3 weeks. Thank you all @BooksandTrees, @ElectroNugget, and @Erik2.0. I really appreciate the support, and it's all sound advice. I read your posts earlier this morning while I was at work and it was a good reminder to be an ounce kinder with myself. I can report it went a long way to helping me get back on the right track today and didn't completely derail my workday. --- Stayed up very late last night/this morning too. Slept in a little bit and showed up to work late. Otherwise, I was reasonably productive today. Discipline was better today too. Had therapy after. We post-mortemed the past two weekends that I had, because my unstructured weekends are usually the killers, and even when they are structured, it often falls apart. Writing this out now, I need to find a better way of organizing my weekends. The post-its have been helping to reduce overall anxiety, and the lack of internet on Saturdays helps me keep a bit of focus, but it doesn't do much for pre-conditioning my mindset to want to go out at the end of the day, nor does it make me feel confident in my abilities to be social and go out and take some risks. Maybe if I had a lower-stress social event to go to earlier in the day, it would make going out easier at night, where I put more pressure on myself. Not to mention I can put less pressure on myself and the outcomes. That said, the discipline has to be there, or else none of this will stick. I remember listening to a Jocko Podcast of some Russian troops I believe in Kosovo. The Russian troops got rocked despite their training and technological advantages. When asked when things started going wrong, one of the survivors commented "It started when the men stopped shaving." I will continue building these habits until they stick and how I view myself changes. Only goals for this week are getting a normal sleep schedule again and meditating more than I've been. Therapy was also weird because I almost cried again. I brought up the fact that I've been really angry whenever I thought about my father as of late even though he hasn't done anything recently. Talking about my father made me angry and sad at the same time. I'm a little surprised how much unresolved stuff is there. My mother was a raging alcoholic, who has now been sober for 15 years, yet there is far less pain thinking back on that compared to my father. I feel like I should say something to him for my own sake, because he's already proven incapable of understanding before, but I also vacillate on whether or not it's worth it, would go towards making a better relationship, or whether or not it would just be out of malice and spite. Again, thank you guys for your messages. It means a lot to know that we aren't all in this battle alone. 3
BooksandTrees Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 1 hour ago, DaBest said: Day 290 No VG - 290 days, no sports news - 2 days, NF - 1 days, SOB - 0 days, NNO59 - 1 days, NIA1030 - 1 days, NLAF - 1 days, NSOC - 14 days, Meditation - 0 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 3 weeks. Thank you all @BooksandTrees, @ElectroNugget, and @Erik2.0. I really appreciate the support, and it's all sound advice. I read your posts earlier this morning while I was at work and it was a good reminder to be an ounce kinder with myself. I can report it went a long way to helping me get back on the right track today and didn't completely derail my workday. --- Stayed up very late last night/this morning too. Slept in a little bit and showed up to work late. Otherwise, I was reasonably productive today. Discipline was better today too. Had therapy after. We post-mortemed the past two weekends that I had, because my unstructured weekends are usually the killers, and even when they are structured, it often falls apart. Writing this out now, I need to find a better way of organizing my weekends. The post-its have been helping to reduce overall anxiety, and the lack of internet on Saturdays helps me keep a bit of focus, but it doesn't do much for pre-conditioning my mindset to want to go out at the end of the day, nor does it make me feel confident in my abilities to be social and go out and take some risks. Maybe if I had a lower-stress social event to go to earlier in the day, it would make going out easier at night, where I put more pressure on myself. Not to mention I can put less pressure on myself and the outcomes. That said, the discipline has to be there, or else none of this will stick. I remember listening to a Jocko Podcast of some Russian troops I believe in Kosovo. The Russian troops got rocked despite their training and technological advantages. When asked when things started going wrong, one of the survivors commented "It started when the men stopped shaving." I will continue building these habits until they stick and how I view myself changes. Only goals for this week are getting a normal sleep schedule again and meditating more than I've been. Therapy was also weird because I almost cried again. I brought up the fact that I've been really angry whenever I thought about my father as of late even though he hasn't done anything recently. Talking about my father made me angry and sad at the same time. I'm a little surprised how much unresolved stuff is there. My mother was a raging alcoholic, who has now been sober for 15 years, yet there is far less pain thinking back on that compared to my father. I feel like I should say something to him for my own sake, because he's already proven incapable of understanding before, but I also vacillate on whether or not it's worth it, would go towards making a better relationship, or whether or not it would just be out of malice and spite. Again, thank you guys for your messages. It means a lot to know that we aren't all in this battle alone. You're in the right place. I don't know what happened with you and your father but I've had family trauma with both of my parents and finally got to a good point this year after almost 30 years of hating one or both. I think you just want to put it behind you and stop hating. Stopping the anger. You want love from them. Love you never had but know you can have it now. It's compromise because they'll never understand your hatred no matter how many times you explain it. Part of letting go is reaching forward for another thing to hold on to, which is love. Yes they'll piss you off again in the future. Mine still do, but a lot of hate has worn away from me as I've introduced them to my life again. There's less pain now.
DaBest Posted February 12, 2020 Author Posted February 12, 2020 Day 291 No VG - 291 days, no sports news - 0 days, NF - 2 days, SOB - 1 days, NNO59 - 0 days, NIA1030 - 0 days, NLAF - 2 days, NSOC - 15 days, Meditation - 1 day, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 3 weeks, no settings changes - 0 days. @BooksandTrees, I do want to stop hating, and I'll get there eventually, but I think these are just emotions that I've for the most part ran from. In a way, it's learning to stand up for myself years after the fact. I spent years of running away from him. I do want a better relationship with my father, and we have, ironically, with more distance. As long as I'm not calling him up randomly in the middle of the night calling him an asshole, I'm just going to just process what comes up at therapy. The only way to get over is through it. --- Well it's late. Bit of a binge. Accidentally had some sites unblocked. Fixed that and put in a challenge feature I didn't notice on one of my settings. I'm going to track how often I make these easier, if temporarily. Wanted to post to document while I had a moment of clarity. 2
TheNewMe2.0 Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 good job increasing the barrier to entry on net browsing. 1
DaBest Posted February 13, 2020 Author Posted February 13, 2020 Day 292 No VG - 292 days, no sports news - 1 days, NF - 3 days, SOB - 2 days, NNO59 - 1 days, NIA1030 - 1 days, NLAF - 3 days, NSOC - 16 days, Meditation - 2 day, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 3 weeks, no settings changes - 1 days. Thank you, @Erik2.0. Good news. It helped today. Didn't break any of my habits today. Some of that was out of pure desire to be disciplined. --- Today was weird. Slept in a little bit so I wouldn't crash on the ride in to work, but still got to work at a reasonable hour. Got very bad news almost right away, on top of all the other things I'm juggling. Handled the initial blow of the situation pretty quickly, but this will be a drag on me for a few weeks unfortunately. I'm good at handling crises, apparently...now if I only applied that to my life, haha. Like I said before, hit all my habits today and I'm going to bed at a reasonable hour once I'm done with this. Maybe I'll even go to the gym tomorrow. 2
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