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DaBest's Journey For Self-Discipline

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Day 293

No VG - 293 days, no sports news - 2 days, NF - 4 days, SOB -  3 days, NNO59 - 2 days, NIA1030 -  2 days, NLAF - 4 days,  NSOC - 17 days, Meditation - 3 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 3 weeks, no settings changes - 2 days.

Got more sleep last night. Going to bed earlier tonight too. 

Work was busy today. A little stressful too. 

Hit all my habits today. Makes me happy.

I'm going to clean up a bit and go to bed.



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Day 294

No VG - 294 days, no sports news - 3 days, NF - 5 days, SOB -  4 days, NNO59 - 3 days, NIA1030 -  3 days, NLAF - 5 days,  NSOC - 18 days, Meditation - 4 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 3 weeks, no settings changes - 3 days.

Hit all my habits today. Noice.

Work started out a little rough but ended well today. We had a very dicey situation which thankfully we were all able to come to agreement on a path forward. I feel better now. When I was meditating last night this thing was on my mind the whole time. I'll actually be able to sleep somewhat comfortably this weekend. 

I also barely made it in time for my improv performance tonight. Was very much in my head and we did a new format which I had not practiced. The show was very clunky, but it wasn't catastrophically horrible. Afterwards, we went to a bar, and pretty much just hung out for almost four hours. It was actually really nice and we had some kinda deep conversations. I felt oddly open and connected. I also need to start taking this improv thing a little more seriously. 

No internet tomorrow. A little sad and a little happy about that. 

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Hey I’m happy for you getting closer to your improv team and forming good habits. No internet makes you love books it’s great ....after you get over feeling bored or whatever

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Day 296

No VG - 296 days, no sports news - 0 days, NF - 0 days, SOB -  1 days, NNO59 - 0 days, NIA1030 -  1 days, NLAF - 0 days,  NSOC - 0 days, Meditation - 0 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 0 weeks, no settings changes - 4 days.

I messed up. 

Saturday started out well enough. Got ready for my day. Went out for a thirty minute walk and I felt really energized. I then went to find a social event I could attend earlier in the day that would help loosen me up for more social activities later at night, where I am still a bit stuck in my head. I then spent around 12 hours doing everything but that on the computer, finding anything to distract me. 

Sunday morning was a bit more of the same, but I did go to improv practice, though I was fashionably late. I'm still happy I was there for as long as I was though. It got me out of the house and with some friends--it got me out of my own hell. Home is hell.

My brain still loves the surge of dopamine from the internet and finding things to get lost in. Dopamine + escapism + depression = love of escapism.  I'm also a bit stressed from some work I have going on this week. I want to hide from some of those things and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. I'm just feeling overwhelmed in general. 

I've stopped embracing the suck as much as I could, and I also don't put anything in this unstructured time which is something to really look forward to on my Saturdays, or at least something to get me out of the house and socializing early on, which is also less stressful to get into. So I'm going to make a few adjustments for next Saturday:

1) I'm unplugging my router on Saturday morning. I'll still have my phone if I absolutely need internet, but I also have the smallest data plan possible so the possibility of abuse is way lower.

2) I blocked a ton more sites on my laptop and phone. Also, for the one time I legitimately unblocked YouTube on my phone a few weeks ago as I was doing "emergency" car repairs, I forgot to re-block it. That's fixed.

3) Again, I added a challenge to some of my blocker settings. Actually, I just added a few more. More steps between me and insanity.

4) Looking to see if I can attend a physical CGAA meeting.

5) Found events on Saturday morning/early afternoon for the next four weeks. In the future, I'm going to have to make time to do these searches after work. 

My biggest problems right now are fixing the unstructured time, giving myself social things I can look forward to, and maintaining consistency with confronting fears. This should help that.

Oh, and I also tried to manage some examination of past traumatic events this weekend once everything went off the rails. Found some empathy and a lesson in there I didn't really expect. 

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