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NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened

Mhyrions journey


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Last Saturday I had the whole diploma ceremony thing. What should've been a joyful event was overshadowed by a severe headache and ended in tears because of the pain. I stayed in bed the rest of the weekend, everything was too much to handle. Fucking hormones.


It's silly, now I have the space to do whatever I want, the thing I feel most important right now is to clean and organize my home. I'm so fucking houswifey (for lack of better words xD).. I feel the clearness of my mind is directly linked to the clearness of my place. Right now it's still a bit chaotic. Besides organizing, I feel a bit lost right now. In a week the exhibition is over and I have no place to go and hang around with peers. I need to fix that or I'll -in all probability- fall into the trap of nothingness. A part time job would be great. I already updated my CV and applied for two supermarket jobs. This week I want to check out other big store chains and my regular employment agency too. Getting ready for a lot of rejections. Woo.


Everything goal and system related is a bit fuzzy still. What are my goals? What are the systems? I have been eating healthy for 6 days now, -on exception on dinner with friends, but that's total legit-, and I am quite proud. I will focus on consistency with this. I am not entirely sure whether my idea of healthy is actually healthy, but common sense often goes a long way. No soda, no junk, no to go foods, lots of veg, fruits and water. I hope this will go a long way to getting me more healthy and energized. Exercising is going less smooth. Exercising with a severe headache is not a success, today my back hurts with every step. I also feel like I have no clue what I am doing. This body, muscles, everything, it kinda feels like an alien device to me. I have been happy with my body being able to hold a mouse and keyboard, besides that I have desired little of it. Now I have many small and big goals for it, and I am not sure how to reach it. My back and neck hurt a lot, I still have a bit of a 'gamer' hunch I want to get rid of. I have no stamina to speak of and I want my energy levels up. I want my belly fat reduced and while. I. am. at. it. -and feeling like I can do anything now that I am graduated- I would love to lose two clothing sizes before my sisters wedding (that's in a year..). In any case, consistency has to be there first. I am logging my eating and exercise habits right now, to see where I am now and what I can improve.

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Could you ask a gym employee for help? I just joined the gym and told the lady in charge that I was a complete newbie beginner. And she designed a nice custom work out with days, machines, reps, and sets. It really helped me out.

Thanks for the suggestion. I've been thinking about it and looked up the gyms nearby, but the prices are quite high, none are open early in the morning (the time I prefer to exercise), and the real reason: gyms and the people in it are just scary to me.




No soda: 10/10

No junk/to go: 9/10 (-1 = dinner with friends)

Exercise: 8/10 (-2 = sick days)


I have reached the part of detoxing unhealthy living where I am quite grumpy, bored and dissatisfied. Honestly, eating healthy bores my brains out of my skull. I need to find my way in this. I tried to make eating a bit more inspiring today with a nice salad, and it did turn out nice. But compared to the high sugar/salt things I am used to… Gah. Pizza cravings. Pizza cravings. Pizza cravings. My body still thinks this is a temporary situation that will be resolved any hour now. Surprise mofo, we gon be eating healthy the rest of our life. Still, I like making salads and yogurt drinks and such. It's a nice way to pass some time in between things and in the evenings.


Exercise gives me a nice jolt of proud- and accomplished-feeling afterwards. But it feels like a chore all the way before that and during it. I don't understand how people can go all out on sports. See, maybe if the long term results are in, I might feel more motivated. But it will be a while before anything shows. I looked up some beginner fitness schedules (without machines, that is), and I can't do half of the exercises suggested. That just makes me want to give up here and now. Which will accomplish exactly nothing. I think most of my frustration stems from not understanding my body and how to control it. My body remains a mystery to me that seems hard to unravel. That's what you get for ignoring it for most of your life.


If detoxing unhealthy living is anything like detoxing gaming, then the most important things right now are: stay consistent (even if it seems useless as fuck), don't stay inside and alone all day and don't forget to like/love myself.

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The good news is that once your brain has rewired to only eating healthy, you don't have to put any more effort into it as you will only crave healthy food and think junk food tastes terrible and makes you feel bloated. I don't know how long it will take, doubt it would be 90 days, but it will be worth it in the end! 

The one part that they have in common is removing yourself from the environment. With gaming we uninstalled our games or disposed of our machines all together, and with eating it would be not going to where the junk food is and go to salad bars or supermarkets instead (although supermarkets still have it, bad example maybe).

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@Mettermrck Thanks for the support!


The good news is that once your brain has rewired to only eating healthy, you don't have to put any more effort into it as you will only crave healthy food and think junk food tastes terrible and makes you feel bloated. I don't know how long it will take, doubt it would be 90 days, but it will be worth it in the end! 

The one part that they have in common is removing yourself from the environment. With gaming we uninstalled our games or disposed of our machines all together, and with eating it would be not going to where the junk food is and go to salad bars or supermarkets instead (although supermarkets still have it, bad example maybe).

I think I am already rewiring. Woo! Thanks for your support!



No soda: 12/12

No junk/to go: 11/12

Exercise: 10/12


I am starting to notice changes. It might be purely psychological. I am going to enjoy it either way. Last couple of days I have a lot of energy left in the evenings. I don't really know what to do with myself. Today I went out and did some gardening to spend some of the extra energy. I already went for an hour long walk and did a lot of household stuff among other things. I still have energy left. Madness. Also, apples taste super sweet, like wow. I didn't notice apples were so darn sweet up till now. Besides that, I feel less insecure about my body. (Although this is always fluctuating.) Not that there's any change to see yet, but I feel confident knowing I am working on what I don't like (and at least I won't get fluffier living like this).


I am keeping track of exactly what I eat right now. It's a bit tedious, but it gives a lot of insight. I also read up on what nutrient does what, but I would like to learn more. Furthermore I made a list of exercises that will improve my upper body strength, especially my back and neck. I felt a bit uncoordinated so I want to complete these sets every day starting tomorrow. I will probably have to experiment a bit as I try things out. As a side goal I want to learn how to do a proper push up, because I learned it's an exercise that will use a lot of muscle groups and that sounds… efficient. Besides that, it kinda looks cool. I guess. I am thinking fit things are cool now. Who am I? :P

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No soda: 17/18

No junk/to go: 15/18

Exercise: 15/18




Things achieved this week:

-cleaned the entire house thoroughly

-painted a room + radiator

-created a home office in one the rooms that will no longer be rented, also making our bedroom no longer multi-purpose and crammed

-got rejected for two jobs

-tidy the garden

-went to therapy

-scheduled a job application for a supermarket job. Sadly, it will only happen in three weeks, but it's a good back-up plan if they decide to hire me and I haven no prospect on another job by then

-having an identity crisis (on going)


Things I want to do more:

-apply for jobs. Wondering whether applying for jobs in the middle of summer is any good though, considering holidays and such...

-get move-ready: organize aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall the stuff. What amount of stuff we have collected in 6 years. My, my.



Things I want to do better:

-don't binge on junk food (schedule eating better)


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No soda: 21/22

No junk/to go: 18/22

Exercise: 18/22




Having a streak of bad mood days, I'm feeling very fragile. Didn't do much, but also didn't do anything rash or stupid. Most simple things I tried I gave up on or failed at. (I cried yesterday because I failed, after failing many things that day, to peel a mineola. And that was just it. I ruined the mineola I was looking forward to. How am I supposed to do anything with myself when I can't coop with fruits? Geez.) I managed to continue eating healthy, although that is mainly because I didn't go outside much. Exercise is difficult enough to keep up when feeling happy, doing that while feeling like this.. I don't how to motivate myself. I am looking forward to having more data points on my weight so I can see what are monthly fluctuations and what is actually weightloss.


I'm grateful for:

-having the most patient hubby in the world

-having the cat for company during the day

-a clean and spacious house

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I schedule eating rigidly. I'm one those who eats the same thing repeatedly. Some of that's based on my budget but also prevents any uncertainty and a temptation to overeat. Great job on the soda! I know how tough that can be!

As a cat person myself, I completely understand your gratitude. ?

I am one of those persons who is bored out of her mind after eating the same in a row twice, hehe. So I get to be creative with the healthy choices there are.
Also, cats <3


Now is a good time to eliminate a lot of stuff, I cut down about 40% of my things pre- and post- move which made the new apt feel even more beautiful.

40%! I think that's inspiring! I also think my home looks also so much nicer and clearer now all the stuff is out of sight or indeed gone.


You look courageous as you're ok after the job rejections. Keep it up!



Alllllright, feeling better again.

Been working on freecodecamp the past two weeks, don't think I mentioned it here yet. It is both fun and challenging. I like having something more beta on my hands I guess. I am making a tribute page now, I try to put in as many things I learned thus far and learn some other basics as well. I can't get jquery to work on codepen, not sure why. But besides that, I made a beau-ti-ful page thus far. In the end, I hope this will make me a bit more interesting for the job-market.


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  • 2 weeks later...

Up and down and up and down. Really, what point is there in writing about it anymore? Thinking about doing this for another 60+ years makes me go crazy. I decided not to be a rollercoaster, but here I am, being swept away on another wild ride. I do enjoy the ups tremendously, but the downs have been quite severe too and quite unpredictable. It doesn't seem to have a clear cause the past two weeks and that is quite confusing. Normally I could pin point a cause, most of the time my own inconsistency is to blame, but I seem to go down quite reasonless lately. I've had great productive days with relaxing moments in the sun with cat and husband, and still felt myself wondering quite meloncholicly the point of it all in the evening or going bat-shit crazy/frustrated over some other minor thing.


Besides being all up and down, life is pretty ok. I have even made some effort to stay socially connected, normally this would've starved out completely in summer. But not this time. I am making great process towards learning JS basics too and I am trying to make the bootstrap navbar work for me right now. 1-0 for navbar thus far, but I'll figure it out soon. The bootstrap grid and systems are starting to do what I want it to, which is a good start. (But the moment I put it inside a navbar it's all broke xD). Right now I am at a point that everytime I work with JS/html/css/bootstrap I learn something new, and that is satisfying. (I am reminding myself however, that it will not stay this 'instant'-rewarding). Furthermore, I've had a great relaxing birthday doing exactly what I wanted and none of the obliged family shit I usually feel bound to do. Went to an orchid/lori/butterfly garden together with my sister, her fiancee and hubby of course and in the evening pizza with wine and cardgames where my brother joined. That's so much better then having granny's over, whining about all your life choices and how you never call her (gee, I wonder why…). And I do love butterflies, beautiful, beautiful creatures. I used to collect them as a kid, although they are much less magnificent when pinned dead on a cushion of course. I am also falling in love with the succulents I got gifted. I already had one succulent and since I kept it alive for months in a row (to put this in perspective: all the former plants died because I forgot they existed until they dropped dead leafs on the table) I decided I was up for more. It's incredibly cozy and it makes me happy.

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I've had a bit of a lapse on basically everything. And of course I can start over again. And again. Aaaaaaand again. But I wonder what really drives me. I didn't even stay game free (like that should be easy by now), feeling so incredibly overwhelmed with some serious self-harm thoughts. Excuses, excuses, although still, playing a game has much less lasting effects compared to the things I was thinking of. I haven't had those thoughts so strongly in quite some time and I still can't handle those when they come. All my emotions seem very strong lately. Yesterday, feeling frustrated, I decided to sit in the sun to relax. But I couldn't enjoy it. At that moment, I really REALLY would've liked to smash my coffee cup in the wall. I honestly didn't know why I felt so angry, I seem to have a very short fuse lately and anything can 'set me off'. (It was somehow enjoyable to feel something else then frustration or sadness though) I feel like a mess and I don't know how to make it better. Living like this is exhausting and unsustainable. I am wondering whether this is progress from feeling nothing, and it is, but then it really isn't at the same time.

On a brighter note, I decided to identify my plants. Of the three plants I have, one is indeed a succulent, called a Jade plant. The other is a Creeping Turtle/Creeping Vine, and has semi-succulent leaves, but isn't quite a succulent. But it's easy to keep, and that's the most important thing. The other plant I have yet to identify, but considering the Creeping Turtle, I guess it's not a 'full blood' succulent either. (I am also really hoping it has a sort-of Asian theme to it's name, that would be cool) Nevertheless, I joined a succulent lovers group on fb and I am falling in love with all those beautiful, intriguing plants that are indeed succulents. But let's not get carried away, let's first keep the plants I have alive.

I also still enjoy my freeCodeCamp course. It's challenging and my brain likes some strain (I guess). It might also have been a cause of some of my strong emotions, but I am learning not to work while feeling frustrated and that defuses the situation quite profoundly.


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Up and down continued. I had an absolutely dreadful weekend. I ruined a job interview on Friday due to nerves, insecurity and a bad mix of honesty and bluff (too much honesty). I tried to hide from my excruciating feelings of self-doubt and hate with wine and games. Well, I succeeded to hide, but then you have to return to a sober state and you realize how much time you've wasted. I keep returning to the things I know don't work. Today however, I feel surprisingly happy and motivated. I have no clue as to what caused this sudden good mood.

I've ID'd my third plant, it is a succulent(yay!) and it's called a Crassula Smithii. It doesn't have any other fancy names unfortunately. It also doesn't look very content either, I hope I can keep it alive. I've replanted all my plants from their original plastic container and investigated further how to water and feed them correctly. There's quite a 'science' behind plant keeping.

Since I am in this motivated mood, let's set some goals to keep me from returning to shit that doesn't work. I'll make it a 30 day challenge.

Every day goals:

-no games

-no soda

-no alcohol

-home cooked meal

-outside activity


Every weekday goals:

-30 minutes of JS/html/css/bootstrap

-no junk food


30 day goals:

-read book

-get overview of expenses

-apply for 10 jobs

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