Ending the Loop

[Ikar 1897]

On 2/5/2023 at 4:49 PM, Pochatok said:

Kind of is happening now! I stopped worrying about applying all my charisma skills to each conversation. That helps with feeling fully present and loving, acceptful of the people I'm talking to, which is nice. Only having 1-2 hangouts feels much less limiting if I take into account all the other times I interact with folks throughout the week- during lunch breaks, at events, etc. .

I understand what you're saying about applying charisma. I meet a few new people every now and then and today I actually met my girlfriend's sister and her boyfriend for the first time. I felt zero pressure to make a good impression and so I was free to be genuinely myself.

Yes, we can prepare for a job interview or for an exam at the uni (and we should), but in the end, people either like us or they don't.

On 2/5/2023 at 4:49 PM, Pochatok said:

Honesty: When it comes to a few of my relationships, or actually most of them, I find myself not communicating certain things. Sure, I don't say some because they're simply odd, but also I am not allowing myself to be more vulnerable. I am afraid of rejection of any sort- it's so much easier to simply try to have a good time rather than take a risk to expand and deepen this relationship, right? Q for next W: How have I challenged myself to be more open and vulnerable within my relationships?

That's an interesting remark, as I oftentimes have problems myself with identifying how strongly I feel about certain people and what impact they have on me. That means that sometimes when I'm confronted about that by someone, I have mostly nothing to say.

Anyway, do you have some benchmark(s) on how you want your relationships to be?

[LostRiver 137]

On 2/5/2023 at 10:49 PM, Pochatok said:

Habits: Every time I am experiencing any stress, be it from difficulty focusing to sleep deprivation, I notice unwanted behaviors coming back. Desire to venture into social media and other depths of internet grows, I scratch my body more often, and eat when I am not hungry. This creates a loop of stress

If you have not tried anything, you can try my stuff! I have this "method" which I learnt from a nurse in Gaming Addicts Anonymous

Actually this is quite close to what you have discovered by yourself. It goes like this:

- Stop and identify: your stress can be natural and even a healthy defence mechanism to help you against exhaustion. So when you feel uneasy, stop and try to see what and why you are feeling? Are you tired, bored, lonely, etc

- Acknowledge: I used to throw tantrums or just start daydreaming or just straight up start using/ bingeing (games, tech) when I feel upset. Of course, the ramifications of such coping mechanisms are dire. So now if I can just sit there and feel life crap, I'll take it. Just sort of relish why you are feeling like so and have a "you" moment 'cause it is how feel, not an addiction-enduced sensation.

- Get grounded: but then again it's a feeling/ a thought of some sort. Until you act, a thought is just a thought. It will go away. After giving myself some space, I usually think of something practical or just grab something to remind myself that I can still live in this moment without using or making a fuss about how I feel.

Example: As I have been an addict for 15+ years, I have a lot of grief. At work, whenever I mess up or things do not go my way, my mind often dial it back to all the years I spent in addiction, effectively paralyzing me from continuing working. However, The tables across from me (literally 3 meters across) are full of young dudes. They are loud, they are rowdy and at our table we can always hear them laugh or joke.

It used to piss me off and I tried to push those the feeling of getting pissed away via denial or some negative egotistical affirmation (they are not that loud, they are just kids, bunch of pricks, I am tougher than this, I work hard so I can keep my job while they will not, etc). Sometimes I can ignore them that way but then I feel beat up, like I was in a fight.

Now when they get loud, I stop and identify how I feel ( wow they are really annoying me, I am stressed and getting upset)

I acknowledge my feelings ( they are really loud, I should be upset. And also I'm so stressed cuz I need to finish my task on time. I kinda hate them too for being able to have fun while I have to focus like this). I do not take my thoughts any further cuz I might actually get angry with them . To end this step I just sit for a second or take a small break just to do nothing and breath

Then I get grounded by quickly reviewing what I am doing and how much time I have left, and go back into it.

I have practiced this for some time and it feels great! Plus I do not have to game or use tech or daydream to escape anymore 😀.

 

Anyway, so glad you are consistent with your journal and your progress. Thank you, I learnt a lot from your writing!

[Pochatok 563]

Woah, been almost three weeks.

It has been quite intense- I have not allowed myself to pause enough, simply putting in more and more work into my schedule. The last 5-6 days I've been working nonstop (except for occasional hangouts and food breaks) from 8am to 9pm. I'm actually enjoying it, but also I feel like there are a lot of really important things I'm missing from my life with such a schedule.

I hope to journal in a more regular fashion later tonight. 

Po ❤️

[Pochatok 563]

On 2/11/2023 at 8:43 PM, LostRiver said:

If you have not tried anything, you can try my stuff! I have this "method" which I learnt from a nurse in Gaming Addicts Anonymous

Actually this is quite close to what you have discovered by yourself. It goes like this:

- Stop and identify: your stress can be natural and even a healthy defence mechanism to help you against exhaustion. So when you feel uneasy, stop and try to see what and why you are feeling? Are you tired, bored, lonely, etc

- Acknowledge: I used to throw tantrums or just start daydreaming or just straight up start using/ bingeing (games, tech) when I feel upset. Of course, the ramifications of such coping mechanisms are dire. So now if I can just sit there and feel life crap, I'll take it. Just sort of relish why you are feeling like so and have a "you" moment 'cause it is how feel, not an addiction-enduced sensation.

- Get grounded: but then again it's a feeling/ a thought of some sort. Until you act, a thought is just a thought. It will go away. After giving myself some space, I usually think of something practical or just grab something to remind myself that I can still live in this moment without using or making a fuss about how I feel.

Example: As I have been an addict for 15+ years, I have a lot of grief. At work, whenever I mess up or things do not go my way, my mind often dial it back to all the years I spent in addiction, effectively paralyzing me from continuing working. However, The tables across from me (literally 3 meters across) are full of young dudes. They are loud, they are rowdy and at our table we can always hear them laugh or joke.

It used to piss me off and I tried to push those the feeling of getting pissed away via denial or some negative egotistical affirmation (they are not that loud, they are just kids, bunch of pricks, I am tougher than this, I work hard so I can keep my job while they will not, etc). Sometimes I can ignore them that way but then I feel beat up, like I was in a fight.

Now when they get loud, I stop and identify how I feel ( wow they are really annoying me, I am stressed and getting upset)

I acknowledge my feelings ( they are really loud, I should be upset. And also I'm so stressed cuz I need to finish my task on time. I kinda hate them too for being able to have fun while I have to focus like this). I do not take my thoughts any further cuz I might actually get angry with them . To end this step I just sit for a second or take a small break just to do nothing and breath

Then I get grounded by quickly reviewing what I am doing and how much time I have left, and go back into it.

I have practiced this for some time and it feels great! Plus I do not have to game or use tech or daydream to escape anymore 😀.

 

Anyway, so glad you are consistent with your journal and your progress. Thank you, I learnt a lot from your writing!

Hey, thank you so much for sharing! I've been attempting a similar approach for many months now, so seeing your perspectives on it helps greatly 🙂 It's fascinating how different the "triggers" are for both of us, but how the same grounding and acknowledgement exercises are able to put us back in balance hehe