TimeForChange

It's been 44 days since I posted. I can't remember exactly what happened but I ended up having a few extremely stressful days in a row leading to me making some bad decisions and the first thing I did to cope was watch youtube. From there the lack of sleep kicked in and opening up my journal to write was the last thing I wanted to do. On the flip side, I ended up paying for a Life Time Subscription to Freedom.to on October 7th and have playing around with blocks since then. It has been helping a ton getting me back on track and is much hard to bypass/modify. However there have been a few days it hasn't worked and required a phone reset to start working. One of those days however, I didn't reset my phone and watched youtube instead. Right now I have following items blocked from 5AM to 11:50PM every day. I also have a second schedule blocking Spotify and other non essential apps after 8:30PM because I would find myself looking at the weather network or listening to a podcast instead of sleeping etc. The great thing about Freedom is that it syncs on all of my devices. I only have my cable box to deal with but hope to cancel that and return the box soon. Some other big news is that today is my second day ever taking medication for ADHD. Ever since I started to day trade, I have noticed so much about my psychology and it's led me to believe that I probably have had pretty bad ADHD most of my life. I talked with my Doctor about it a while ago but just like everything else I ended up putting it off until a couple weeks ago where I followed up and got a subscription. I also plan to start some sort of therapy and am waiting for a referral at the moment. I am not sure if yesterday was a placebo effect but my house is now more organized then it has been in a while and even though we had a lot to do I felt organized myself.

I don't really watch cable at all. I had it paused for a while but you are reminding me I need to fully cancel it now. I'm glad you have managed to stay away from youtube 🙂

It has been 5 days since I posted last Sunday. I found the beginning of the week pretty difficult. I felt almost like I was developing a cold for a couple days and felt really tired even though I was going to bed earlier. I ended up taking a couple afternoon naps after work and going to bed at 8PM a couple nights because I couldn't focus on anything. Although I wish I had more energy and got some important tasks done instead I can consider this a win because in the past I would have turned to YouTube and not gotten the sleep I needed. It feels like I am starting to get over this feeling of fatigue but it's slow. I have been able to stay away from YouTube all week which is good but those first days of the week when I was really tired I found myself turning to podcasts a lot more then I have in the past. I would also turn to news or anything on my phone including swiping on dating apps to fill that void of not having YouTube when I was tired and stressed. Yesterday though, I cleaned up the apps on my phone and added more blocks to try and help with this habit and found myself looking around my phone and realizing there isn't much left and putting it away. Now that YouTube has been cut out for 9 days other things are starting to become my focus like sleep and general phone/computer usage. For my sleep I can see and improvement over the past 3 weeks in terms of getting to bed earlier and waking up earlier but it is taking some effort. I used to use a bright light on an alarm to get me out of bed and I think I will set that up tonight. In terms of general phone/computer usage I have also been making improvements I feel. One of the best things I have done with my computers is shut everything down at the end of the work day/evening to create a hard stop and kind of ritual where I tell myself I won't be looking at them until the next morning. I have felt a lot lighter without these distractions available at night. It's also helped me make sure I am more productive because I can't tell myself I will do it later tonight so I hope this can be a new habit I carry forward.

Congrats on the good day. I think the new format is great. I like your idea of readjusting your sleep. I find that's the single biggest factor in a successful day for myself. And congrats on writing in your physical journal. I started one July 19th but stopped writing in it Augusts 16th. Not sure if you are the same but the longer I go without doing something I know I should, the more guilt I feel, and that guilt actually in a way keeps me from doing that thing I need to do. I end up doing this with texts a lot and have some messages I have been meaning to reply too. You've inspired me to get a physical journal entry in today and send out those texts I've been meaning to reply too.

I hope it works out for you and your partner.

I really didn't want to write tonight. Sunday's are the toughest for me after I drop my daughter off at her moms. I had a great weekend where we visited family, went to a local social event and spent time with the neighbors. I am very grateful for all of it. However, the constant feeling of being on the go followed by the abrupt change of pace and mental shift when I arrive at home alone can be very difficult for me. I've known this but very rarely do I reflect on it or write it down. I usually drown everything out with whatever media I can get my hands on either starting in the car with a podcast/music or turning on the TV as soon as I get in the door and sometimes not even moving from that spot till I realize it's way to late and I have to get to work in the morning. For food I often won't eat or just finish whatever snacks I have left over in the house. Sometimes it's something more productive like coding a strategy or doing some back testing on my trading but it's used as an escape and isn't healthy when I just walk in the door, go to my computer and sit there hours past when I should have been asleep. Tonight I felt more prepared mentally but it was hard. I ended up sitting in my car in silence for 10-15 minutes before even going inside. I came up with a rough plan on what I needed to do and ended up doing it. Managed to clean up and get some chores done downstairs before moving upstairs. I ended up having to take another 10 minute break in silence before finishing up most of my list and sitting down to write this. I had a lot of thoughts pop into my head that I hadn't thought about for a while when I was sitting there. As for YouTube today is day 5. Currently showing a 57% drop from last week. Doing a lot better then last Monday, that's for sure.

I don't have time for a big post at the movement but I just wanted to note I avoided youtube yesterday but I found it hard. I found myself at one point browsing news which almost led to a video but I didn't get past the add and closed that all down. I went to bed before 9PM yesterday but slept in till 6. I was so tired for some reason last night.

I'm new here. Your photos are incredible! Looking forward to seeing your photo wall and hope your day turns around 🙂

I think for someone addicted youtube and consuming content, cleaning those records in silence is a big accomplishment and something to be proud of. It sounds like soon you will find a project or something productive to fill these voids with and you won't have this problem any more. Or maybe that's something you could put some thought towards, whether or not there are any big goals you have for life and things you can start to do to work towards achieving them. It might be uncomfortable to tell them you are taking a break from drinking but probably the right thing to do. Most of this will be uncomfortable at first I think. I don't have any insight here. I have lost most of my friends over the past 3 years so this isn't an issue for me lol. If they are good friends I don't think it will be a big deal and may help you in the long run. Congrats on having a good day 🙂

It sounds like you are making really good progress and building a strong habit of gardening. It also seems like getting out and being social is really helping. Keep up the good work!

DAY # 2 (I am writing this from Day 3 and trying out a template) Time I woke up: 4:00 AM Time I went to sleep yesterday (6th): 9:30 PM (But took at least 1 hour to fall asleep) Physical task: I went for a 3km jog/walk. It felt good. I started running almost 7 weeks ago and in my first months did over 50km but the past couple weeks have only found time once a week. Mental task: None Projects: Worked on my Trading Strategy Miscellaneous accomplishments: ~ Ran the dishwasher in the morning before work. Cleaned up the kitchen. ~ Went for a run ~ Had a productive day at work ~ Weeded some of my lawn ~ Didn't watch any youtube although the urges where pretty strong. Summary of Day #: Today started off much better then yesterday. However I found myself reaching for my phone so much in the morning. I ended up putting it out of reach around 7:30AM. I also ended up putting a block on youtube because even though I haven't watched anything this morning, I found myself just reaching for my phone and opening it out of habit... I added a message of F*ck you! to the pop up that appears when the app alerts me that the app is blocked. I ended up having a pretty good day and found some free time after work to get in a jog before my daughter was dropped off. I ended up making my 4000 step goal for the day. Near the end of my 10 hour work day before I went for my run I was starting to have real focus and stress issues where I found my self constantly going to my phone and really had the urge to open up a video. This happened automatically a few times but luckily the simple block I put on it stopped me every time. The stay free app counted 28 attempts on my phone. I feel like this is very important. Especially when constantly consuming content we never get this feeling. Although I didn't focus on this yesterday I found I only listened to 2 episodes of the morning brew podcast but I almost constantly had music on while I was working and when I got up. Looking back I did this to not feel like I was alone in the house and avoid that quit/bored sensation mentioned above. I now have my daughter till Sunday (Sleeping now) and none of this is a real problem when I am with her. The real test every week will be Sunday evening after I drop her off and I am alone in the house again. These are really great ideas! I will keep cold turkey in mind and maybe download it this weekend just to have ready at my disposal. Maybe start with hard blocks 1 day at a time or start using it for Sundays when this is the hardest. But as a re-read that why wouldn't I just block for a week or a month at a time.. lol. I really like the idea of the kitchen time container. I had never heard of that. I could think of a few things to put in there including some casting devices which cannot easily block youtube. It is quite amazing! Thanks for the support.

I replied to your suggestion in my journal about why I am not using a blocker but I might have to reconsider. I'll be keeping an eye on this to see how you do. It's nice knowing someone else is going through a similar journey. It's nice your wife is involved with the process, I can see that helping you a lot! I also know this feeling. For me I would watch on my phone in bed instead of falling asleep even though I had to get up early for work the next morning. I go until I can't keep my eyes open and even then I would fight it till it was just impossible and only then would I turn it off. It makes for bad mornings and the whole next day is shot. Keep up the good work and I like the idea of adding netflix to that cold turkey app.

Hi FDR. That guilt is one of the worst feelings while watching youtube. I will do the same thing when I have something important to do. I will tell myself I'll just take a quick break before I get started and then it just never gets started. Then I think I might have well gone for that run or done something social which I had previously told myself I didn't have time for because I had more important stuff to do.. Congrats for being without it for 2 weeks. Have you found yourself finding any replacements for youtube during this time? I have found in the past I will listen to more music or podcast/audio books. I kind of want to cut out music/audobooks/posdcasts/news too. I have attempted to use blockers in the past. I have actually tried to quit youtube or build good habbits (differs a little every time) many times before. It will usually go really well for 2-4 weeks and I will see very good results. This has been going on for maybe 10 years now on and off. I once went almost a year close to 10 years ago and picked up a good workout habit. But I find as life gets more stressful it's becoming harder. I am a single dad and work long hours when I don't have my daughter and am trying to make a career change at the same time which is hindered by my youtube habit. The problem I have found with blockers is I always find a way to get around them. Or I find an excuse for why I need to get around them, like my daughter wants to watch something or my parents when they visit. I don't really feel like I can ask anyone in my life right now to handle a password like that and don't want to get my parents involved. As for this morning I work up at 4am and have had a much better start to my day before work. Last night I had my lights out and was in bed at 9:30. It took me a long time to fall asleep though. This is a good start.

I managed to go grocery shopping and clean my kitchen tonight. I also set up the stay free app on my phone and got it working so that it's tracking website usage and computer software usage across my phone and 2 computers. I created a group of apps and websites (youtube, dating apps, social media, porn etc) that I would like to cut out completely so I can use it as another bench mark for my success. The usage shown below is not accurate for the previous 14 days, that has just been tracking my app and not other platforms/websites. I had a very stressful day today and found that my addictions are very closely tied to my stress.

I felt this comment. It's generally when I am at my most stressed point and it's a hard thing to overcome because my brain just says what's the point of avoiding it, your day is already screwed up. F your goals.

Today has been a bad day. My total time watched for the day has gone up to 9 minutes. I could not concentrate all day at work. I wasn't productive at all and just feel down about myself in general. I have just over 3 hours before I have to go to bed so I am going to try and clean and get organized for tomorrow.

I have tried to quit youtube and failed so many times. I keep trying. Hope this is the last attempt for both of us.

I am not a gamer but I am addicted to youtube. I am going to try to keep this journal as a method of keeping myself accountable. I really want to improve my sleep and be productive with my time instead of watching youtube. Be Below is a screenshot of my last week of Time watched on Youtube. I will use this as a method of tracking my success. For sleep my dream is to be asleep by 9 and be up at 4. I am a morning person and my whole day is better if I get a good start to my day before work. I'll also try to post when I get to bed and wake up on here as another indicator of my success. Last night I went to bed at 11:30 after watching hours of youtube in bed and woke up at 6:00 when I am supposed to start work at 6:00.