Pochatok Posted April 22 Author Share Posted April 22 Day 2 and 3 done. Still going well- stronger urges today, but simply thinking about it is a reminder that what I seek is love and compassion. Pornography never grants me those things. The urges are the strongest when I seem to be evading the present- in the state of "waiting". Today, I caught my urges peaking as I was waiting for lunch hour to begin. Why..? I don't even eat during lunchtime- I operate on my own schedule. Either way, any escapism desires are manifesting strongest in pornography these days- what I want to resort to, instead, is mindfulness- awareness, acceptance, and follow-through w/ the struggles and pains that drive my escapism. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pochatok Posted April 24 Author Share Posted April 24 Day 4 and 5 behind- excited to keep moving (on). Urges more significant today- I am a bit exhausted, and yet am not providing myself space of rest. I will continue to build the free world I want to live in. I can't stop, I don't want to escape and distract (again). If not now, when? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pochatok Posted April 26 Author Share Posted April 26 Day 5 and 6 behind - excited to begin seeing a significant continuity here. Right now, with all that's going on around the world (and US in particular), it's been light and easy, keeping myself away from escapist tactics. Yes, I am stressed, but because of how different the source and quality of stress is, I'm dealing with it differently. Simultaneously, I'm continuing to create habits that foster my spirituality. Crucially, however, I am still not working towards my passions. And I want to, dearly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pochatok Posted April 28 Author Share Posted April 28 Day 7 behind- a full week. Has not happened in a while, but I will keep this going. Proud of myself for changing so much. Dealing w/ a lot of personal hardships, but keeping together w/ some good habits- picking my face less, no gaming, etc.. I do want to acknowledge that social media and emotional distress took the place. Emotional distress seems to be addictive- it's comforting to feel sad and powerless, to me. So, gotta keep true to my discipline- exercise, ice shower, journaling, and planning my day out. Most importantly, not forgetting that God (future me) is always by my side. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pochatok Posted Sunday at 06:30 PM Author Share Posted Sunday at 06:30 PM Day 0 - a light, but still a relapse. It's all or nothing for this counter. However, this is not the sole measure of my growth. What matters is the change between the times the clock resets. Been in a very difficult place emotionally this whole week, seem to be struggling a lot with getting things done. Sleep deprivation due to work does not help much either, sadly. But, I will continue to strive for my best. There is no excuse not to do that- I want myself to be well. I want myself to be happy. I can't get there through relapsing and escaping in other ways. I must continue to meet myself where I am. Be kind ❤️ 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pochatok Posted Monday at 02:57 PM Author Share Posted Monday at 02:57 PM (edited) Day 1 - not relapsing today. I definitely need to back up my commitment w/ some reading- so I will read what I am already reading, just more. Caught myself wanting to order a new book... but no- there is no point! I have gotten so many to read through, already. Today, it is so important to take the time to re-learn focus. Last two weeks have been an increasing disarray, due to a variety of circumstances. Time to do better. Po Edited Monday at 02:59 PM by Pochatok 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pochatok Posted Thursday at 05:25 PM Author Share Posted Thursday at 05:25 PM Day 4. Still going well. My addiction now causes disgust, rather than complacency. glad to be here. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wheatbiscuit Posted yesterday at 01:54 AM Share Posted yesterday at 01:54 AM (edited) 8 hours ago, Pochatok said: Day 4. Still going well. My addiction now causes disgust, rather than complacency. glad to be here. I read once of a 'successful' mindset that we should consider ourselves as all the same (and with the same 24 hours per day). When I went to a theatre drama last weekend, I tried to imagine that I had no more unique energy than the actors and actresses, or vice versa. I scared myself for a bit then, thinking that they had to be taking drugs or something between their appearances on stage. That's probably more wrong as it remains much more of a guess than the things I've read about pornographic actresses (and actors, perhaps) going through to produce what has been out there for anyone to use at a whim. I think of the seemingly mere 10-20% of my day that I feel really unified and benevolent towards everyone I come across compared to simply feeling 'switched on' or 'of use' all of the time - but rarely my concentrated self. Which of them is right? Maybe I've just forgotten in the just 1-2 weeks I've felt under the weather how to get through the day, and after 3 weeks without gaming again. (Hey, Po, well done) 🫣 Edited yesterday at 01:56 AM by wheatbiscuit grammar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pochatok Posted 5 hours ago Author Share Posted 5 hours ago 21 hours ago, wheatbiscuit said: I read once of a 'successful' mindset that we should consider ourselves as all the same (and with the same 24 hours per day). When I went to a theatre drama last weekend, I tried to imagine that I had no more unique energy than the actors and actresses, or vice versa. I scared myself for a bit then, thinking that they had to be taking drugs or something between their appearances on stage. Imo, that is the myth of meritocracy, and quite plainly so. yes, we exist within the same temporality, but our privileges and abilities and experiences create differences that at times may be impassable. such a statement ignores disability, race, gender, and many other identity-based systems of separation and oppression. yes, a lot of things are technically possible for you . but that does not necessarily mean you actually can do those things. we all need to look to our strengths, and continuously work towards personal and collective liberation, cuz that's the only way towards actually becoming more 'all the same'. ❤️ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pochatok Posted 5 hours ago Author Share Posted 5 hours ago 22 hours ago, wheatbiscuit said: ere 10-20% of my day that I feel really unified and benevolent towards everyone I come across compared to simply feeling 'switched on' or 'of use' all of the time hey! imo, that's you simply being hard on yourself. people who appear at 100% simply don't criticize themselves. that's literally all it takes. it doesn't mean they're doing any better performance-wise. but they definitely appear although they are. i've been in that 10-20% the whole evening today. it has sucked. but as soon as i wrote the statement above, i felt ignited to do the right thing again. have you read 'courage to be disliked'? may be of help to you ❤️ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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