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MuMuMelon's Diary


MuMuMelon
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Day 140

Good day today. Did an hour of meditation in the morning followed by a 2 minute cold shower. (I've been working my way up from 15 seconds - trying to build up my tolerance so that in the future I can try doing an ice bath). 

Headed to work and listened to some audio files from actualized.org. Leo, the guy who runs the site, has some very insightful and useful information. It's been good to listen to while I drive. Makes the commute go by very quickly.

Work went needlessly late today and as a result I missed my meetup breathwork session. It's too bad as the host is very good and does a great job of keeping us focused. Instead, I did four rounds of Wim Hof breathwork and an hour of Yoga. My yoga sessions are getting more intense now and I've noticed that postures and positions that gave me trouble before are getting easier and much smoother. 

There's a lot of chatter online and through my friends about the PS5. Sure sounds like a cool machine but boy am I glad I'm not buying one. I might still be at a loss for what I want to do with my life but I know I'm working towards something. I wouldn't be able to say that if I was still playing video games. My mental state is much better then when I was gaming. I'm more confident and just more aware of what's going on around me. 

Here's to quitting! Wishing everybody here all the willpower they need to quit and stay quit!

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Day 141

Another solid day. Meditation in the morning followed by a cold shower (2 minutes of icy cold). Headed off to work. Today that involved me driving around the city, and helping out with moving furniture. Oh, the film business is truly glamorous. 

Finished around five and then headed home. Did a short yoga session followed by a Wim Hof breathwork session. After that I played a board game (Century - Golem Edition) with my wife. That was fun. We haven't played a board game in a while. I like board games. I get the fun of playing a game but I feel no real attachment to the games or a desire to play them again right away. 

Not much else to say today. 

Later all!

 

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On 10/2/2020 at 2:20 AM, MuMuMelon said:

Day 94

I've been tired when I get home from work as this is my first week back in a while. As a result I have missed a few days of posting. 

Still on the quit train. Still doing my daily meditation. Just about finished the 2nd version of Taking Shapes (the board game I've been working on). To be honest version 2 hasn't required too much work. I had already done some playtesting and tweaking in the past so I was nearly finished already. Still, version 2 took a little brainpower but it's nearly complete. I'll post some photos soon @royal panda. Once this final version is complete, I'm going to write up an instruction manual and then put the files up on the Gamecrafter. For now that's about all I can do. Making board games isn't cheap and I definitely cannot afford to have anything mass produced. For now, I would be happy if I could sell a few copies and bring some smiles to peoples faces. Also, once this game is done I can get to work on making some more. Down the road though I would love to get more copies out into the world. 

I really hope everybody is doing well and keeping their chins up during this most bizarre year. 

All the best. Stay off the vids!

Hello, may I ask if game creation causes a cycle of impulsive thinking after you are finished with that activity or you forget it and it serves as a healthy stimulating activity for you?

in my case, after I got off the games I would work on game designs just on paper but it would induce uncontrolled impulsive thinking over the game. So i avoid this activity nowadays.

Edited by Amphibian220
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Hello @Amphibian220.

I do not experience compulsive thinking after working on a board game. If anything I'm not nearly as mentally invested as I'd like to be. I generally don't feel compulsive about playing or creating board games. I've been procrastinating on finishing my first game. It's nearly 100% done but I keep pushing aside the last few steps. 

When I was deep into the creation phase I did end up thinking about it often but I was happy to do so. The thoughts were usually different ideas and changes that could be made. I never felt that the thoughts were obtrusive. When the creation phase was at an acceptable spot I just moved on. My big problem is continuing to think the idea through to the end. 

 

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Day 142

Pretty tired at the moment. Just wanted to take a few minutes to share some good news. I was in a bit of a bad place mentally for the last decade or so. I was neglecting life and just gaming my time away. While I was ignoring my life I ended up ignoring some friendships as well. Including a childhood friend. Somehow, over the years I had completely neglected him. I thought I had pretty much neglected things into ruin.

However, a couple of days ago I wished him a happy birthday on Facebook and as a result he reached out and contacted me. We talked tonight and caught up. It was really great to talk to him. He invited us up for a visit when covid restrictions lessen. (whenever that is).

It was a really nice feeling to talk to him again. 

Have a great night everybody! 

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Been trying to get into the habit of taking cold showers too. But so far, I can't stand more than 10 seconds and I need a lot of mental buildup to even dare start the whole spiel. I can't even last 10 whole second without screaming! It's so cold and unpleasant. How did you start out and how did you build that up?

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On 11/19/2020 at 12:27 PM, Phoenixking said:

Been trying to get into the habit of taking cold showers too. But so far, I can't stand more than 10 seconds and I need a lot of mental buildup to even dare start the whole spiel. I can't even last 10 whole second without screaming! It's so cold and unpleasant. How did you start out and how did you build that up?

Hey @Phoenixking, I was finding taking cold showers to be just brutal at first. I learned that's there is an easier way then to just jump in to a cold shower. Start with your usual warm shower and then gradually start to make it colder. All the while take long slow deep breaths. Keep doing that until you get the water as cold as it can get. Once the water is at it's coldest try to stay in for a set amount of time. I started off with 15 seconds. Every week I've been adding an additional 15 seconds. 

When you do the showers that way you don't shock your body with the icy cold water. 

Hope that helps.

 

Edited by MuMuMelon
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On 11/24/2020 at 4:28 AM, MuMuMelon said:

Hey @Phoenixking, I was finding taking cold showers to be just brutal at first. I learned that's there is an easier way then to just jump in to a cold shower. Start with your usual warm shower and then gradually start to make it colder. All the while take long slow deep breaths. Keep doing that until you get the water as cold as it can get. Once the water is at it's coldest try to stay in for a set amount of time. I started off with 15 seconds. Every week I've been adding an additional 15 seconds. 

When you do the showers that way you don't shock your body with the icy cold water. 

Hope that helps.

 

Waw. Thanks! That's a great tip!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Day 168

Hard to believe it's been five and a half months since I stopped playing video games. In a way gaming seems like a distant memory, but I realize it really hasn't been that long. I played video games when I was a kid. I played video games as a teenager. I played video games for my entire adult life. Compared to that, five months is very short. Still, I feel very accomplished having finally put that addiction aside. 

I really don't have all that much to say. I work full time, often 6 days a week. 

My usual daily routine is... get up and meditate for an hour, go to work for 8 - 12 hours and then come home. Do some Yoga. Either an hour long routine or a 20 minute session (on recovery days.) Do some Wim Hof breathwork or alternate style of breathwork. Watch a little TV (Mandalorian is amazing!) Often by 10:30 I'm falling asleep. I usually go for a hike on my free days. Every once in a while I play a board game with Adrienne (or a solitaire game is she's not available). 

I haven't had a ton of time to complete the board game but that will come soon. I'm going to have a couple of weeks off before I go back to work next year so that'll give me some time. 

Sometimes I really don't feel like I do much at all. Like all I do is exercise and meditate and not much else. Then I remember that it's 2020 and I remind myself to be happy with where I'm at. 

I hope everybody is doing good during these topsy-turvy times. 

All the best!

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7 hours ago, MuMuMelon said:

Hard to believe it's been five and a half months since I stopped playing video games. In a way gaming seems like a distant memory, but I realize it really hasn't been that long. I played video games when I was a kid. I played video games as a teenager. I played video games for my entire adult life. Compared to that, five months is very short. Still, I feel very accomplished having finally put that addiction aside

Congratulations on the 5 and a half months of being free from games! What a milestone! Best wishes for the future 

 

Jason

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  • 3 weeks later...

Day 188

Haven't had too much to say lately. I've had a couple of days off to relax. I've been suffering from a bout of self doubt these past two weeks or so. I really don't know what to do with myself or what direction to head in. I'm nearly 45 and I barely have any direction in my life. I feel like I'm just at the very beginning of changing my life around and working towards my true goals but I'm still not exactly sure of what my goals are. I feel like I'm on the cusp of realizing what I want out of life. It's bee a bit of a struggle since I quit playing video games. On the one hand I'm so glad to rid of the addiction but in a lot of ways my life was so much simpler then. I never allowed myself time to think about my happiness or what I wanted out of life. I just buried my head in the pixels and never bothered to acknowledge reality. Not there is just so much reality. Again, I'm not complaining. This has just been a whole new world for me. 

Anyway, I'm very happy to be video game free in 2021. It's a nice way to start the year.

Hope everybody here stays strong, keeps quit and has a wonderful beginning to 2021.

 

 

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8 hours ago, MuMuMelon said:

I've been suffering from a bout of self doubt these past two weeks or so. I really don't know what to do with myself or what direction to head in. I'm nearly 45 and I barely have any direction in my life. I feel like I'm just at the very beginning of changing my life around and working towards my true goals but I'm still not exactly sure of what my goals are. I feel like I'm on the cusp of realizing what I want out of life. It's bee a bit of a struggle since I quit playing video games. On the one hand I'm so glad to rid of the addiction but in a lot of ways my life was so much simpler then. I never allowed myself time to think about my happiness or what I wanted out of life. I just buried my head in the pixels and never bothered to acknowledge reality. Not there is just so much reality.

This is something a lot of people who have quit for several months to years faces. Gaming gives you an identity. Your username, your in game character or persona, your role or rank in the particular game, e.t.c can give you a vicarious connection to this idea of purpose in life. 

Once you lose your gamer identity you're just yourself in a world with much less magic and honestly much less immediate purpose. 

In games you have immediate goals to beat the game or acquire exp, or beat other players and teams, or defeat monsters and solve quests. 

In real life you make 3 meals per day, work 40 hours per week, sleep 8 hours per day, and have hobbies to keep you occupied during periods of boredom. 

Which one is more monotonous and boring? 

The combination of boredom in real life and a former manifest destiny from gaming leads us to build a desire to be extremely purposeful in real life and do amazing things. 

Unfortunately, it's just not the same and it's so easy to feel lost because any hobbies we do or hangouts with friends don't translate to the same emotional reward that we had during our video games persona.

I personally try to create scenarios where I have those purposes in real life. Instead of being a clan leader in game I picked up leadership skills at work, this website, and on adult sport leagues. Instead of being on a team mission to defeat another team I joined 3 sport leagues and go all out in them. I train my body to be better at them as well like training for a quest.

For quests and experience points I treat every new project at work as a quest and lead my team to victory. It sounds dumb but that's my mindset and my reward is better friendship with colleagues and financial compensation. 

I wouldn't get hooked on the idea of your true destiny. I did that and quit my job to create cartoons and I had no expertise or education in animation. My current job satisfaction is good and it provides me the independence to practice hobbies like animation so I get better at them. 

My main point here is video games make you feel like the main character or hero of the story. Unfortunately, you'll never be that important in real life because you're not a war hero, national leader, astronaut discovering a planet, e.t.c. 

You're a unique person because you're you. But don't let this internal destiny drive you insane. I went insane. Scale these feelings backwards a bit. Just because you're looking for more passion in life doesn't mean a radical life transformation. 

You already made the radical transformation by quitting video games. Not everything has to hold that same weight. Take your time and build your hobbies and passions through the comfort of your current lifestyle unless your lifestyle is very toxic. Otherwise I'd change jobs if work is toxic. 

Just my perspective after going though much of what you mentioned. I don't mean to say you're not as important as others, but video games make you more important than you actually are in real life and that causes former addicts to be too drastic in their approaches to quitting games and leading different lives. I promote being patient. 

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Thanks @BooksandTrees, I really needed to hear that. I very much appreciate your thoughtful response. 

I feel as though I've been going fairly easy on myself these last six months. I have started new hobbies that I truly enjoy and intend to continue. It's just that the last few weeks I've really been feeling out of sorts. I don't miss video games. I guess I miss how they made me feel. 

I'll just keep doing positive things in my life and trust that things will work out in the end. 

Thanks again for reaching out,

Mike

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1 hour ago, MuMuMelon said:

Thanks @BooksandTrees, I really needed to hear that. I very much appreciate your thoughtful response. 

I feel as though I've been going fairly easy on myself these last six months. I have started new hobbies that I truly enjoy and intend to continue. It's just that the last few weeks I've really been feeling out of sorts. I don't miss video games. I guess I miss how they made me feel. 

I'll just keep doing positive things in my life and trust that things will work out in the end. 

Thanks again for reaching out,

Mike

Don't feel bad about feeling out of it. We're still going to have our ups and downs. I recommend you search your feelings for how games made you feel and see what you're currently missing and see if you can rationally incorporate it into your life. 

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  • 1 month later...

Hello all! 

It's been a minute since I've been on. Most days I  just don't feel like I have much to add to the conversation. Today I have something to say though.

My brother and I live about an hour apart. He knows my situation as I have explained it to him in detail. Recently though he tried to convince me to get some online board games that we could play together online. I'm a little ashamed to say that I had to seriously think about it before I ended up saying no. Part of me really wants to play games with my bro again but I just can't. It took me a day or two of pondering whether I'd be capable of playing video games even in this capacity. In the end I realized that it would just be the doorway to playing video games once again. I miss hanging with my brother is that capacity but I just can't anymore. I'm not willing to throw away all this progress just to get hooked again by some online board games. 

I learned that I still have a serious weakness to video games. Yes, I decided to pass on playing but it took me two days to finalize that decision. Part of me was seriously considering it. It certainly doesn't help that I can't really visit anybody while in lockdown. Still, I'm staying strong. 

Hope everybody is staying strong with me.

 

 

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Stay strong ! I think you've made the right choice. It's not easy to say no, but you did it. This way, you reduce the risk to relapse.

Other people think it is not a big deal to play video games, but it is for us, it's one of our weaknesses. Like cigarettes, alcohol, gambling are a weakness for some people.

Try to find something else to do or share with him (funny videos, memes, etc.)

With more than 200 days, continue like that, you're inspiring.

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  • 9 months later...

It has been quite a while since I've last visited this site. Things have not gone well the last four months. My wife and I split up about four months ago. I moved out on my own not long after. It only took about a week before I became extremely bored and looked to video games to fill that void. At first I bought a Switch but I felt so guilty about it that I returned it the next day. I felt pretty confident in myself in that moment. 

However, two weeks later I went out and purchased one again. Not long after I bought a new Xbox as well. I didn't have a lot of time to play them as I was working a ton. I could at least hide my shame from myself because I was too busy to deal with it. However, as soon as I had some free time I was right back to gaming all day long and frankly, I wasn't even enjoying it that much. I packed up the consoles yesterday, deleted all my games and am back to no gaming. I'm not very proud of myself at the moment. I went for so long without playing that I was sure I was free of it, but as soon as I became sad, bored and alone I cracked. I guess the good news is that I wasn't really enjoying the experience like I used to. Something about it has changed. I don't feel the need or connection the same way as I used to. Thank god for that!

Well, I'm back to day 1. I'll be around. 

Take care all. 

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I'm glad to see you back but not under the circumstances you've been enduring. I'm sorry for the pain you've experienced but know you'll put in the effort it takes to emerge from this adversity stronger than before. 

Good luck. Success is measured by how high we bounce up after hitting rock bottom. 

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4 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:

Good luck. Success is measured by how high we bounce up after hitting rock bottom. 

I like this.  In a recovery meeting once we discussed setbacks and comebacks.  Many people shared that once you are setback there is an even greater comeback and we can use that momentum to propel us forward in life.

I have been off and on these forums many times myself and just recently started up again so thanks and we can get through this together.

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41 minutes ago, LevelUp450 said:

I like this.  In a recovery meeting once we discussed setbacks and comebacks.  Many people shared that once you are setback there is an even greater comeback and we can use that momentum to propel us forward in life.

I have been off and on these forums many times myself and just recently started up again so thanks and we can get through this together.

I'm glad and welcome to the community. That quote has got me through some difficult moments in life. 

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Thanks! I never thought that I'd start gaming again. It really felt like I was done with it for good. It was bizarre how easily I convinced myself to pick up the consoles. Such a ridiculous waste of time and money. 

I feel better already honestly. It just didn't feel right when I was playing. Like I was playing for the sake of playing. Most of the time the games weren't even interesting to me anymore. I don't know. The excitement just wasn't there. 

Still, for the last few months I was compelled to play them at any moment I had some free time.

Very glad this site exists. 

 

 

 

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Day 2

Bored but didn't play any video games. Plumber came over to look at the baseboard heater in my apartment. He's coming back on Monday with the part to fix it. Nice to know I'll have heat when things get cold.

Organized my bookshelf, meditated, and that's about it. I really didn't get up to much of anything today.

 

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Day 3

I have the day free today so I started off with an hour of yoga, an hour of meditation and 30 minutes of breathwork. After that I had a quick shower and now I'm having a protein smoothie while I type this up. Not feeling the shame that I was experiencing over the last few months so that's a good thing. Certainly pointing me in the right direction. Last week, I would have started my day off with xbox. Glad to be back on a healthy schedule. 

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