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7 minutes ago, MuMuMelon said:

I'm not sure what it was but I couldn't sleep at all last night. The weird thing was that I was exhausted when I went to bed. Did a bunch of exercise throughout the day, did some breath work in the afternoon, yoga in the morning. I was tired but as soon as my head hit the pillow I was wide awake. Nothing on my mind. Just tossing and turning all night. Think I got about two hours of sleep the whole night. That was soooo frustrating

This pretty much summarized my sleep last night even though I did everything right with shower, meditation, no screens, cool room, dark room, e.t.c. sometimes it just happens. 

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Day 51

Chill Wednesday. Since I can't really do much until I get my taxes sorted (should have what I need in ten days) I've just been exercising, reading, cooking and meditating for most of the day. Did a bit of reading also. Currently, I'm on Discord playing D&D with a few of my IRL friends. This is something we started doing during the pandemic but we haven't had a chance to play in about two months. Not really a D&D guy but it's a fun diversion. Just nice to hang with my friends for a few hours. 

I called my employer earlier today to let him know the situation and he sounds cool with it. Thank goodness. Getting this stuff sorted is going to be such a relief. 

Also, visited one of my friends earlier. We went for a walk and had a nice conversation. It was good to see him as he has a very busy lifestyle. 

It's been a good day. No game cravings....although, I woke up this morning from a dream where I was in an arcade. It was modern but I was playing a game called Operation Wolf. That was a game I loved when I was kid. In my dream I was marveling at how they had a copy in such good condition. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until I woke up. I had a chuckle when I woke up.

Outside of that no game cravings. 

Things are good over here. Hope things are good for you all too!

 

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Day 52

Woke up this morning with a pretty great solitaire card game idea in my head. Not sure if I was dreaming about it or not but it was the first thing on my mind upon waking. I rushed to my notepad and wrote the idea down before sitting down to meditate. Meditation didn't come easy today but when I finally settled into things I felt like I went pretty deep. After an hour I got up and went back to bed for an hour or two. 

When I got up I headed to Hamilton (about an hour away) to visit my Dad and my brother. Didn't get up to too much. Helped my Dad move a TV stand into his apartment. After that we grabbed some food from a Thai restaurant and sat down to eat it at my brothers place. We ate outside and chatted for a bit. Nice weather. 

When I got home I looked into my tax stuff and found out that I'll have what I need to get back to work on the 31st. I wish things would move a little faster but I'm glad I have some actual information for a change. Things are looking up in that regard. 

Chatted with my wife for a few hours and now I'm feeling pretty tired. The last three days my sleep patterns have been all out of whack. Not sure what's up but I do not like it. Hopefully tonight I can get a good nights rest. 

Talked to my brother today about quitting vids. He still doesn't really understand it. He was like "why don't you just play in moderation"? I was like, that's a wonderful idea in theory but I simply am not capable of doing that. I know myself. He was talking about how cool the PS5 is gonna be and all that. I was like, I know, trust me. I'm well aware of how cool all of these new games and consoles look. That's how I know I can't play them. Just the thought of playing them gets me excited. It's sad. I wish I could simply play a few games here and there but I know that I can't. 

I have an addiction. I understand that. Video games are just off the table for me for the rest of my life now. I know that my life has improved as a result. I can see it and feel it. My mind is clearer. My decisions making is more thought out and methodical. I still have so much to learn (and unlearn) but I'm excited at the prospect now. I feel better. My wife views me in a better light. People who don't see me all the time might not get it but they don't see the time that I've dumped into playing video games. They don't see the money that I've spent on the library of games and consoles. If they did I think they would understand. That's all fine though. I also don't need my friends and family to treat me as though I'm recovering from something. It's enough that I've told them. If they don't get it that's cool. I know me. And I know that I can't temp myself. I can't allow myself to break anymore. I've cracked too many times in the past. I want to be bigger then an addiction to video games will allow me to be. And these days, I really feel like I'm growing.

I wish the same for everybody here. Keep growing. 

 

 

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Day 53

Slept in today for a change. I'm used to getting up around 5 but I woke up at nine today. I'm sure the crappy sleeps I've been getting the last 3 days helped. 

Rolled out of bed and cooked up some oatmeal with Rasperries and peanut butter. After that I went for a walk. I stopped to do some meditation out in nature for a change but it didn't go so well. Since it's not the most secluded place I couldn't really let go. That's going to take some practice.

Got home and then meditated for an hour. Fully relaxed. Could have gone longer but felt that was enough. 

Cooked up a light pasta lunch and did some searching around for a campsite to go to on Monday and Tuesday. Found a place nearbye. My wife can't make it but a friend of mine is going to come along. Should be nice and relaxing. 

Folded a bunch of laundry. Got prepared for a breathwork class I'm attending tomorrow. This is like the first semi-public event I've been to since Covid. I'm really looking forward to it. Its definitely out of my comfort zone but I think that's good. I need to meet nee people. 

It takes place over most of the day. I imagine I'll be pretty tired by the time I get home.

Not much else happened today. Pretty chill.

Night all. 

 

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This is a post for yesterday

Day 54

I went to a breath work/meditation workshop that was out of town yesterday. I'm kind of an antisocial guy. Well, I guess a better way of putting it is that it's hard for me open myself up to new people unless I feel completely at ease. Usually, this comes after I've met somebody a few times. Sometimes it happens right away, if that person opens up to me in a trusting way. However, I find that it can't be me first. Somebody has to show that they are willing to accept me before I can open myself up to them. 

The workshop itself was a wonderful experience. We did various forms of meditation and breath work. The breath work itself is quite a challenge. It's like exercising very hard but without doing the exercise. You are breathing to the full capacity of your lungs and then quickly releasing and you repeat this for minutes at a time. In a sense you are making yourself hyperventilate. We did about an hour of these breathing exercises and then meditated in various forms throughout the next couple of hours. It really felt like all the meditation I've been doing up to this point was practice for this very moment. The breathing exercises allowed me to go much deeper into my meditation. Sometimes I would get lost in the experience, at another point I could hear two, high-pitched frequencies in the room (that I could recognize as being outside myself), and a few times throughout the session (Sometimes for just a few seconds at a time) I could feel the connected energy of the people in the room. 

When the meditation ended everybody was invited to share their experiences of the day. I was too awkward to really open up but I did my best. I've been invited to join a facebook group to talk about the experience. I would very much like to give my thoughts and I know I would do a better job explaining them in writing then with just my words.

When I got home my wife was very upset. Throughout the day she had worked herself up into a frenzy, worrying about our tax situation. I did my best to let her speak and when I found moments to jump in I did my best to give reassurance. I really believe that things are going to be okay and I tried my best to pass those feeling on to her. I know this is a stressful time. I just don't want it to overwhelm her. She already works so hard. I don't want her to have added stress in her life. Truthfully, she deserves a vacation of any duration of her choosing. 

Through all this talking I realized I was mentally and physically exhausted from the day. I tried very hard to focus on my wife and stay present in what she was dealing with. However, after an hour or so I realized I was fading. I apologized and let her know that I definitely wanted to discuss these things with her but I was just beat from the day. She understood and I went to bed. Didn't have the best sleep as I was pondering the day and really feeling what my body was going through, but whatever I got was much needed.

I am grateful that I quite playing video games. Having done so is opening up so many avenues in my life that didn't exist or I wasn't paying attention to. I am grateful that my wife and I are still capable of connecting in an open, honest and loving way. I am grateful for the changes in myself, that I'm more open to hear her and want to connect with her more deeply. I'm grateful that I've allowed myself the freedom to just let go and see where life takes me. These new experiences, like meditation and breath work, have brought so much positivity to my life, in all aspects. Also, I am incredibly grateful to still have this feeling of growth. I feel like it could be very easy to go down dark paths and reflect on all the time I have wasted in my life playing video games. I'm so glad that I can see the bright side and know that this is just the beginning of a new life. One where I am far more conscious of the path I choose. 

On a final note, I can't recommend meditation enough. I hope everybody here gives it a real, solid attempt at some point in their lives. The sooner the better. 

All the best for all of you!

Edited by MuMuMelon
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Day 57

Missed a few days there. Monday and most of today I was out camping. Went to a place called Guelph Lake. Wasn't the greatest spot to camp but it was still pretty nice. Had an interesting run in with some skunks at night though, so that was kinda freaky. I had just put the fire out but the weather was so nice I decided to stay up and just relax for a bit before I went to bed. Dozed off for five minutes or so and when I woke up I was surrounded by skunks. One of them was behind me and I could tell that I startled it. It took up a defensive pose and was getting ready to spray me. The one in front of me walked right up and started smelling my shoe. After a minute or two they both ended up wandering away but those were a long two minutes. After that I slowly got up and into my tent. To safety. That would have sucked so much if I'd got sprayed right as I was planning on going to bed. It was also light's out at the campsite so I would have had to suffer in silence. Everyday is an adventure I guess.

Today, after my friend and I made coffee and had some breakfast, we went for a hike on a trail in Guelph. Even though Guelph isn't exactly considered an "exotic" place to travel to it was still nice to just check it out. The trail we went on wove through a pretty large forest. It was nice. 

The trip was interesting for me as well as I ended up going with a friend I used to game with. He asked me about why I quit and all that. I explained where my head is at and he seemed to understand. He, like everybody else, wondered why I couldn't just game here and there, like only on weekends. I had to explain to him that this isn't just something I feel like I'm spending too much time doing but something I have a compulsion to do, like whether I really want to or not. In a way, talking to people I used to game with helps solidify why I quit in the first place. Having to answer questions about why I quit really makes me process it even more. I appreciate having that opportunity. It was also great to see that my gaming friend could just be a regular friend. I was really happy when he decided to go camping with me.

I didn't get the best sleep last night and I've had a long day of getting out in the sun, so I'm pretty tired. Going to pack away my camping stuff and put the stuff I took out of the car to make room for the camping stuff back. After that I'll probably do a little reading, plan my day out for tomorrow, meditate for a bit and then hit the sack.

Hope everybody is feeling good today!

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Day 58

Feeling tired today. Didn't get up to too much. Started my day with some meditation to help me relax. After that I went for a walk and really tried to focus on my life and what I want out of it. To be honest I'm still not really sure. I'm just glad I've brought meditation and physical activity into my life. I really feel like it's making me feel better while simultaneously giving me less time to think about playing video games. Not that I do think about them too much these days. Most days they are not on my mind at all. Just every once in a while I get an acute craving. These craving always seem to pass fairly quickly at least. 

Outside of cooking the meals, doing the dishes and bringing the garbage cans back around I really haven't done much today. It was a lazy day. I spent a lot of it just thinking. 

Guess I need to get some sleep so I'm going to head off to bed shortly.

Have a great night all you ex-gamers! 

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Day 59

Another day of not much. Meditated and went for a walk in the morning. Did some laundry after that. 

Honestly I just didn't get up to much. I very much need to start planning out my days a little better. I know I'll be going back to work soon but I'd still like to be more in control of my own scheduling. I've been giving myself the freedom to just quit and take life as it comes and so far it's been working. Now though, I think I need to seriously focus on some new hobbies besides meditation and yoga. These have been great and I intend to continue with them but I need to add some more hobbies to the loop. I picked up some classes on Udemy earlier but I really haven't been studying much. Time to start sorting that out. 

Also, I have a board game that I've been working on that I really need to finish.

Anyway, off to bed. 

Tomorroe it's time to be more disciplined. 

Take care all. Keep it up!

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9 hours ago, AbjurationWizard said:

Hey Mu! 

Why do you feel the need to do even more than what you already do? Meditation and Yoga are fantastic already. Do you feel like they don't fill out your time well enough? 

Hey @AbjurationWizard!

I'm just feeling like the only thing I'm accomplishing is quitting video games. Don't get me wrong. I'm damn proud of myself for doing this and I feel better about myself everyday. However, I'm also 44 and I'm really feeling what not doing much of anything for most of my life feels like, and frankly, I hate it. I so so wish I had come to these conclusions sooner. That gaming was eating up all my time, my best years. 

Up until a couple of days ago I was satisfied with just quitting gaming, smoking and weed. Now though, I just wish I was more accomplished...at what I don't even know. That's part of the problem with this video game addiction. I've been playing them for so long that I don't even really know myself. I thought of myself as a gamer for the majority of my life. I don't want that anymore but I don't know what I want period. I know that I'll get to a point where I can see more clearly, I just wish it would come sooner. I've been drifting through life up until this point, doing whatever came easiest. I barely thought about my job, friends, family, etc, but I sure did focus on gaming. Playing, watching reviews, reading about the next new thing....nearly all my time and mental energy I put into gaming. 

The meditation and yoga are fantastic. I'm very glad I've taken the time to understand and learn them and I intend to continue that journey for the rest of my life. I just have a desire to make up for lost time. 

Thanks for checking in.

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2 hours ago, MuMuMelon said:

Hey @AbjurationWizard!

I'm just feeling like the only thing I'm accomplishing is quitting video games. Don't get me wrong. I'm damn proud of myself for doing this and I feel better about myself everyday. However, I'm also 44 and I'm really feeling what not doing much of anything for most of my life feels like, and frankly, I hate it. I so so wish I had come to these conclusions sooner. That gaming was eating up all my time, my best years. 

Up until a couple of days ago I was satisfied with just quitting gaming, smoking and weed. Now though, I just wish I was more accomplished...at what I don't even know. That's part of the problem with this video game addiction. I've been playing them for so long that I don't even really know myself. I thought of myself as a gamer for the majority of my life. I don't want that anymore but I don't know what I want period. I know that I'll get to a point where I can see more clearly, I just wish it would come sooner. I've been drifting through life up until this point, doing whatever came easiest. I barely thought about my job, friends, family, etc, but I sure did focus on gaming. Playing, watching reviews, reading about the next new thing....nearly all my time and mental energy I put into gaming. 

The meditation and yoga are fantastic. I'm very glad I've taken the time to understand and learn them and I intend to continue that journey for the rest of my life. I just have a desire to make up for lost time. 

Thanks for checking in.

It’s natural to feel that your best years are behind you, I feel the same way and I’m 28, how silly.  In reality, I think our best years are in the future.  It’s not so much about the ideal/typical ‘golden’ years, but how you live your life moving forward that could create some amazing years.  We can always reflect on the past but never on what lies ahead.  Time is a weird thing.

I don’t know if you’ve heard of David Goggins, but he says that he’s more physically fit at 46 than he was when he was young and he was a Navy Seal.  Age is just a number.  Hope this helps, I’m trying to grasp it myself.  

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Thanks @Average_Guy,

I'm really doing my best to keep my head above water with this one. You are right of course. I do feel like I'm living a better version of myself these days, and I don't always feel like I've wasted my youth or anything like that. Just sometimes it hits me pretty hard, especially when I find myself doing something I enjoy that I could have been doing years ago. Yeah, I know, there's no sense living in the past. Like I said, I'm doing my best to accept what is and live in the moment. Some days are better then others.

Thanks for that. Did make me feel better.

 

 

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Day 60!

I've been having a rough past few days but I'm still proud of this milestone. I'm positive this is the longest I've ever gone without video games in a very, very long time. It's been an exciting ride so far. I've had my ups and downs but mainly ups. I've been finding new interests and a new understanding of myself. I'm still in the thick of things but I have a lifetime to improve and evolve. I'm still very confident in my ability to kick this habit once and for all. 

These days my struggle is filling my time. I need more new hobbies. I'm working on it. I think I've found a few things that I'll enjoy long term but I'm also pretty fickle. One day I'm into something and the next not so much. I'll try to be patient with myself while I figure things out. 

I wanted to add that I'm very grateful for people responding to my journals or messages. It really does make things easier. Thanks everybody. 

Have a great night!

 

Edited by MuMuMelon
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Day 61

Another day of cooking meals, exercising and just figuring things out. I started adding some a Wim-Hof breathing exercise to my daily routine. That exercise, unfortunately, involves cold showers. Only starts with 10 seconds and goes up another 5 seconds every day, so not so bad.

Not a crazy day but a good one. Sometimes less is more.

Night all. 

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On 8/29/2020 at 1:18 AM, MuMuMelon said:

Thanks @Average_Guy,

I'm really doing my best to keep my head above water with this one. You are right of course. I do feel like I'm living a better version of myself these days, and I don't always feel like I've wasted my youth or anything like that. Just sometimes it hits me pretty hard, especially when I find myself doing something I enjoy that I could have been doing years ago. Yeah, I know, there's no sense living in the past. Like I said, I'm doing my best to accept what is and live in the moment. Some days are better then others.

Thanks for that. Did make me feel better.

 

 

One of the interesting things about bringing yourself down for things in the past is that it makes relapse more likely. Even regret is something your should just breathe through. I mean that literally, use it as an opportunity to breathe and meditate, even if just for 10 seconds. And congratulations on breaking your past limit with that 60 day mark! That's a big one. I remember when I broke mine with 14 days. That one was wild too.  

 

Wim Hof is cool. Which reminds me that James Nestor apparently has two books out on b r e a t h i n g . I think I will read the most recent one. 'Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art'. Also, if you are into meditation lately, I would check out 'Altered Traits'. I'm currently listening to the audiobook. Admittedly, I just started so I can't say how good it is, but it sure is promising. 

Have a good one! 

 

EDIT: If you would like a new hobby I'd honestly recommend reading. I'm not saying it will be your permanent solution, but people I deeply respect are inspired by books and learn all the time from them, so even if reading won't be THE hobby, you might find what you are looking for there. 

Edited by AbjurationWizard
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5 hours ago, AbjurationWizard said:

One of the interesting things about bringing yourself down for things in the past is that it makes relapse more likely. Even regret is something your should just breathe through. I mean that literally, use it as an opportunity to breathe and meditate, even if just for 10 seconds. And congratulations on breaking your past limit with that 60 day mark! That's a big one. I remember when I broke mine with 14 days. That one was wild too.  

 

Wim Hof is cool. Which reminds me that James Nestor apparently has two books out on b r e a t h i n g . I think I will read the most recent one. 'Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art'. Also, if you are into meditation lately, I would check out 'Altered Traits'. I'm currently listening to the audiobook. Admittedly, I just started so I can't say how good it is, but it sure is promising. 

Have a good one! 

 

EDIT: If you would like a new hobby I'd honestly recommend reading. I'm not saying it will be your permanent solution, but people I deeply respect are inspired by books and learn all the time from them, so even if reading won't be THE hobby, you might find what you are looking for there. 

Thanks @AbjurationWizard, I really appreciate the feedback. I have been reading but I wouldn't say enough to call it a hobby, but certainly more then I usually do. I'm on my second book since I quit and that's actually pretty good for me (I've never been a big reader). Still, i could definitely up my reading game. I know that many successfull people are big readers. Might check out that James Nestor book you mentioned when I get through my current book - The Secret Life of Plants.

Also, I've been doing my best to accept my situation. Most days I'm just happy to be free. Sometimes I have negative thoughts. I'm working on it. 

 

Edited by MuMuMelon
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Day 62

Kinda low key angry all day today. Just didn't really want to be around people or do much of anything. Still, I did my meditation and breathing exercises and went for a hike as well. I've been going through a course on Mindfulness. It's a Udemy class about focusing your attention on your emotions. It's been really informative and also plays nicely into all the meditation I've been doing. 

Hopefully tomorrow I'll be a little more relaxed. Just need to find an outlet to have some fun. I think I've been taking life just a little too seriously lately. I need to acknowledge that fun is harder to come by then usual these days (mostly because getting together with others is such a chore) and work towards adding more of it to my life in my own ways. Just need to figure out what those are.

Have a great night all. 

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12 minutes ago, MuMuMelon said:

Hopefully tomorrow I'll be a little more relaxed. Just need to find an outlet to have some fun. I think I've been taking life just a little too seriously lately. I need to acknowledge that fun is harder to come by then usual these days (mostly because getting together with others is such a chore) and work towards adding more of it to my life in my own ways. Just need to figure out what those are.

It's a huge challenge to have a fun outlet after quitting games and stuff. It took me 2 years and I found it through rock climbing and sports. Now that the virus is here I have a tough time. Just be patient and think about what you're looking for in a stress relieving activity. Is it socializing? Is it mindlessness? Is it easiness?

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Day 63

Started the day off great. Meditated for an hour. Had a nice, healthy breakfast. Went for a hike. While I was on my hike I finished listening to the lectures from my Udemy class on Mindfulness. Did some dishes when I got home. Cooked up a nice lunch - veggie curry on rice. Joined a Meetup group online session and did some breathwork. Another great experience. After that I started up my second batch of kombucha (I started trying to brew my own 1 month ago). I won't know if it's really working until the end of September.

Then, after I did all that stuff, i just got insanely bored. I was surfing thr internet for a while until i got bored of doing that. I don't know what's going on. I feel like I've never been so bored in my life. I'm not thinking of relapsing or anything but I can't shake this boredom. Tomorrow, if the feeling strikes again, I'll read a book, start another Udemy class, workout....anything. I realize boredom is just a state of mind. I can switch things up. Just have to catch myself in that feeling and do something else. 

Night all. Keep your heads up. 

 

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19 hours ago, MuMuMelon said:

Day 63

Started the day off great. Meditated for an hour. Had a nice, healthy breakfast. Went for a hike. While I was on my hike I finished listening to the lectures from my Udemy class on Mindfulness. Did some dishes when I got home. Cooked up a nice lunch - veggie curry on rice. Joined a Meetup group online session and did some breathwork. Another great experience. After that I started up my second batch of kombucha (I started trying to brew my own 1 month ago). I won't know if it's really working until the end of September.

Then, after I did all that stuff, i just got insanely bored. I was surfing thr internet for a while until i got bored of doing that. I don't know what's going on. I feel like I've never been so bored in my life. I'm not thinking of relapsing or anything but I can't shake this boredom. Tomorrow, if the feeling strikes again, I'll read a book, start another Udemy class, workout....anything. I realize boredom is just a state of mind. I can switch things up. Just have to catch myself in that feeling and do something else. 

Night all. Keep your heads up. 

 

@MuMuMelonWhat a willpower! Going cold turkey with three addictions overnight!

The body is getting rid of nicotine pretty soon, that's why it is so hard to make it. Urges come in less than half an hour and keep on increasing as the substance level is getting lower. It is also the number one killer and the most addictive thing in short term. But after a while, 1-2 months the urges just disappear and withdrawal never leads to death. I'm struggling with quitting every single day. 

Alcohol is the second cause of death worldwide, it needs about 3-6 months of professional detox in hospital. The withdrawal symptoms can cause heart attack and death (I 've experienced delirium tremens several times). I had to make it at home. Relapse is very common even after decades, however the urges actually go away in half a year or more. Triggers can cause relapse.

Then comes everything else, games. You are doing very well, i've heard the word "boredom" in all types of addiction withdrawal. I've also experienced it, almost gone insane. I find it scary that game withdrawal is still causing vivid dreams and boredom for you, after 60 days. I haven't experienced this, only with alcohol, the most dangerous drug in my life. I've seen drug addicts, and I can tell that it is more horrible than alcohol. 

My thoughts are wondering, going off to bed.

Keep up the good job!

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Day 64

Just wanted to say thanks to @R. Daneel Olivaw for the kind words. I really appreciate it. Although to be honest, I have smoked weed on two occasions since. Once, when I was at a breath work retreat. It was actually a part of the ceremony. I was nervous at first but I felt fine afterwards. A couple of days later I went camping with a friend and smoked a joint. I really wanted to see how it would make me feel and to be honest I really didn't enjoy it that much and I haven't done it since. I never really thought that I was addicted to weed. I just know that it really fuels the gamer and nicotine addict in me. I'm glad to say that I didn't have that reaction the last time I smoked. I enjoy what it feels like to have a clear head and not be stoned all the time. I also really appreciate that since I've stopped smoking weed I can really remember my dreams. Like, there was a good 10 year span where I don't remember having any dreams. I'm sure that I did but I could never remember any of them. My dreams now might be weird or scary or whatever....I don't care. I'm just glad that I can remember them. 

I think the boredom stems from having too much time on my hands during this whole Covid thing. My schedule, like most peoples, in not remotely the same as last year. When I'm working that takes up most of my day. These days I just have to keep finding things to do to fill the time. I will likely be going back to work next week so it will be easier to fill that time. Still, that being said, I'm glad to have had this time. I don't think I would have come to these conclusions about my gaming addiction if I didn't have the time to really look at my life. In a way this pandemic is the best thing that's ever happened to me. That's weird to say but it's true. 

Today I didn't allow myself to get bored. I just powered through.

Started the day off meditating. Did some Yoga after that. Made some pancakes for breakfast. Then I drove my wife to the hospital for a check up. When we got back I joined in on a breath work Meetup Group session (very intense today). After that I cooked up some dinner - Schnitzel with potatoes and corn on the cob. Then I went for a good long walk and listened to a podcast on the history of Holotropic Breath work and started listening to some lectures on meditation (another Udemy class). When I got home I folded the laundry and searched around on Amazon for a Mahjong set (Been meaning to learn for a long time now). That brings us to now. Also, I've been starting to do some intermittent fasting - that just means I don't eat after five pm. Day three on that. 

I should be going back to work full time starting next week. That will be a nice change of pace. I intend to keep up with my meditation, yoga and breath work but I still feel that I need a hobby that I can truly sink my teeth into. I know I'm only two months into this change in my life and I should just take the time to deal with quitting. I just really feel the need to figure my life out. Up until these last couple of month I barely gave my life a second thought. Just drifted through. Now that I'm putting my mental energy towards figuring myself out and what I truly want out of life...I guess I just want the answers to come faster. I just need to be patient with that I guess. In the meantime I'll keep keeping myself busy. Trying new things. Reading. Learning. Whatever comes to mind at the time. Eventually something is going to stick.

Here's to figuring life out! It isn't easy but I guess it's not supposed to be.

Night all. 

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Day 65 

Good day today. Slept in. When I woke up I made some blueberry oatmeal with peanut butter - tasty. After that I did my meditation and followed that up with some Wim-Hof breath work. Relaxed for a bit  and then made some lunch. Then I went out for a hike and listened to some lectures of NLP for another Udemy class I'm doing. When I got home I took my wife out to pick up a few things around the city. Since then I've just been surfing the web. Not very exciting but at least I'm not feeling bored today. Now I'm going to sit down and learn how to play a new single player board game....not sure which one yet. I usually can't muster up the motivation to play a board game by myself but I want to start understanding game mechanics better. Down the road I'd like to make some games of my own. I have one nearly completed and I have another idea in the works. Still, playing other peoples games is the best way to learn. I don't feel guilty playing board games either. I don't ever feel the "hook" that video games have for me. I've always enjoyed board games but I never have a problem putting them away. Perhaps it's because they are too thinky? Not sure. 

Anyway, good night all. Hope things are going well and your staying off the pixels. 

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On 9/2/2020 at 4:43 AM, MuMuMelon said:

Day 64

I also really appreciate that since I've stopped smoking weed I can really remember my dreams. Like, there was a good 10 year span where I don't remember having any dreams. I'm sure that I did but I could never remember any of them. My dreams now might be weird or scary or whatever....I don't care. I'm just glad that I can remember them. 

I think the boredom stems from having too much time on my hands during this whole Covid thing. My schedule, like most peoples, in not remotely the same as last year. When I'm working that takes up most of my day. These days I just have to keep finding things to do to fill the time. I will likely be going back to work next week so it will be easier to fill that time. Still, that being said, I'm glad to have had this time. I don't think I would have come to these conclusions about my gaming addiction if I didn't have the time to really look at my life. In a way this pandemic is the best thing that's ever happened to me. That's weird to say but it's true. 

 

Afaik, we remember the dreams when our brain wants to tell us something really important. Dreams never lie. I'd suggest to write down to somewhere, before they slip away, for later consideration. My therapist told me to do this, and I forgot. Freud and Jung also got it right, for reference. Just to mention some reliable names from the science.

We need to fix this boredom thing somehow, this is common.

Have a nice day!

Edited by R. Daneel Olivaw
edited to fix quote
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