MuMuMelon

Day 84 I'm getting my thoughts and emotions under better control today. I woke up this morning with a strong desire to get my life in order. Last night I was putting together a life of things that I need to do and things that I want to achieve. Tonight I intend to elaborate on this list in much greater detail. It's about time that I sit down and really evaluate my situation and my level of happiness. I am super grateful to the members of this site for their insight and willingness to help others out. The advice I have received over that last few days has been very helpful and encouraging. My worry over having this new computer has lessened quite a bit. I'm viewing this machine as a tool to help me move forward with my life. Tonight I will strive to keenly be aware of my motivation levels. During the day my mind is strong and I'm committed to the ideas desires of the night before. Often though, I find that by the time the sun sets my motivation to push through with my daily goes tend to fade away. I don't like this about myself. It bothers me that I go to work for others and give them the best part of me throughout the day. When the day is over, and I need to make time for myself and my goals, i find I lack the desire to fight for myself and my future. Then, when I have a night like, (where I give in to my mental laziness), I deal with guilt and shame for having allowed myself to be weak when I need to be strong. My life isn't getting any longer. If I'm going to achieve big goals I need to make sacrifices with my time in order to achieve them. Nobody really knows how much time they have left. Not that I'm worried that I'm going to drop dead or anything. I just don't want to give myself any more excuses to not push towards my goals. Tonight, after work, I'm going to seriously consider my goals and put together a real, workable plan. No more excuses. No more bullshit. I need this in order to feel happy. I know it in my heart.

I can relate to this. During the day my motivation and drive is quite strong. However, when the sun sets I find that my motivation tends to fade away. The plans that I had during the day are often forgotten. I always wake up with the best of intentions but often I don't follow through with my plans. When the work day is done, even though I know that I should be working towards goals that will bring me happiness in the future, I find myself giving in to my desire to relax. I think I need to be harder on myself. Certainly I need to be more disciplined. Anyway, enough about me. The point I was trying to make it that I can relate. I wish you all the best in finding motivation and strength within yourself to overcome this issue.

@FDRx7, I'm looking into blockers as we speak. I just found one called Cold Turkey that sounds pretty good and doesn't require a monthly fee. I'll have a think on things.

Also, @Amphibian220, to answer your question. The grace period to fully return is 15 days. I will very seriously consider my mental state over the next two weeks. If I find myself constantly considering the gaming potential of this new machine, instead of what I purchased it for (video editing and music creation), then I may just have to return it. While I hate even having to consider that, I can't pretend that having a machine like this might come with repercussions. I will remain vigilant and aware. And thanks @Pochatok for the message. For better or worse, it's nice to know that somebody has experienced the same thoughts. I am very grateful for this site today!

Day 83 I slept on things last night and I'm feeling much better about it. I'm very glad that I decided to post last night. Thanks @Amphibian220 for adding your thoughts. I don't feel as though I'll need any serious blockers or a different operating system (I would have to relearn so much if I did). I just have to keep reminding myself, as I already do, that I must remain vigilant. When thoughts of gaming enter my brain I need to get them out of my head and onto this site. Or do some yoga or meditation. I have avenues to get my mind under control. I just have to be more conscious of how I use them. Take care everybody. I hope you all have a beautiful morning.

Day 82 I have an issue. It's Black Friday. I needed a new computer (My last computer is from about 7 years back) so I purchased a laptop today. I purchased a decently beefy machine to future proof me for a few years at least. As somebody who has never really gamed on a PC, I didn't really consider how I would feel when I got it home. I'm not going to lie. It's already occurred to me that this is the best video game console that I've ever owned. I hate that. I wish that thought never entered my brain. I considered not posting this. For a moment I considered abandoning this site, as I have in the past, and just giving in to the addiction but F that! I have to accept that keeping up with the modern world involves owning machines that are powerful tools, but also just happen to be capable of playing video games.

Thanks for the input @Amphibian220. I hadn't really considered the long term impacts of a jobs where the main tool is a PC. I will look into ways to minimize exposure to bad posture, eye strain and wi-fi emissions. I really appreciate the comment. This is an important consideration.

HI there @Aleksei Egorov! I think it's great that you have written a book on this subject. My finances are tight at the moment but when I get back on my feet I will certainly check out your book. I could always use further encouragement and insights into video game addiction.

Congratulations on 1 year free from video games! If you have any insights or accomplishments that you've learned/achieved throughout the year I'd love to hear about it.

Day 75 Started the day off with meditating and a quick yoga session before getting to work. Unfortunately we were only able to get a few hours of work in before it started raining. I've been doing my best to eat healthy and to eat within an eight hour window. I feel like this way of eating has been improving my energy and focus throughout the day. Of course, that could also have to do with the fact that I've been eating healthier as well. All in all, this trip to Montreal has been a great opportunity to get out of my comfort zone and focus on making changes in my life. For the next little while I intend to put more focus on researching remote work opportunities. While I don't mind physical labor, I'm not getting any younger. I think it's time I find a job that I can do at a computer. This may involve heading to night school or taking some online classes but I'm up for it. I'm currently in the question mark phase. In a way it's exciting to be here. Night all.

Day 74 I've been getting my bearings while in Montreal. I've only been here a few days but so far things have been great. I spent my first day wandering around downtown and doing some shopping. The last two days I've been doing renovations with my friend. Although work is the main reason that I came here, I am also using this time to make some changes in my life. I have been paying close attention to what I eat and (most importantly) how much sugar I consume. I'm working towards a nearly 100 percent sugar free lifestyle. Also, I've cut out almost all caffeine by replacing my coffee with raw cocoa. I find this gives me much more energy and it has numerous health benefits. I'm maintaining my Yoga and meditation practices while I'm here and I intend to continue doing regular breathwork sessions as well. I use the Meetup app and I've noticed that there are some local board game groups around town. The next opportunity I get I'm going to force myself out of my comfort zone and hang out with some complete strangers. Should be fun. So far coming to Montreal has been very nice. I get to spend some time with one of my oldest friends and experience a whole new city for a couple of months. At first I wasn't sure how I would feel when I got here but now I'm just trying to soak it all in. Two months may sound like a long time but I know that's it's going to blow by before I know it. Take care all you quitters. Keep up the great work!

I'm glad that you've found yourself here. It sounds like you are aware that some changes need to be made. Congratulations on taking the leap!

Day 65! I haven't added to my journal in a little while so here I am. Life is moving pretty fast for me these days. The actors strike is still going on but, fortunately for me, my friend asked me to come to Montreal for two months to help him with the finishing touches on a building he's been renovating. I leave for Montreal on November 12 and I won't be back until mid January. I think this will be a very nice change of pace. Hopefully the film industry will have it's act together by the time I get back. I'm really not missing the video games these days. It's like a burden has been lifted off my mind. When I was playing video games I wasn't just thinking about them while I was playing them. I was watching videos, reviews and podcasts about the industry. I was thinking about video games when I was at work. They really took over my mind. I'm very happy to say that this currently isn't the case. I know I can never really let my guard down but I feel like I'm in a good place right now. I wish everybody here clarity of mind and a lack of desire for video games. Have an awesome day all!

Day 57 My last few days have been really nice. On Friday I went up to my good friends cottage for the evening. The next night I visited some friends for a Halloween party. Sunday I nursed a mild hang over (haven't had one of those in a quite some time). Today was a crazy good day for me. I've been out of work for a few months and things have been getting tight. Fortunately a friend of mine recently asked me if I'd visit him in Montreal to help him with some finishing touches on his building. He has been gutting an old bar for the last few years and now it's nearly finished. Fortunately I have time to help. This should be great. I get to work with one of my oldest childhood friends and when I'm not working I'll be in Montreal during the winter. It's going to be awesome! If the strike ends up coming to a close then I'll return to Toronto to get back to work. In the meantime I plan to enjoy what life brings my way. This is such a nice change of pace from last week. My mood has improved significantly. I've noticed that exercising more has really helped my mood too. Today is the first day in a while that I've felt so positive. As for the video games, I haven't been missing them. These days I don't really think about them much. However, I do notice that trying to get into new things is a bit of a challenge. Nothing provides that dopamine hit the way video games do. I keep myself busy with meditation and exercise but I know that's not enough. I plan to lean harder into learning my synthesizer and also into completing the online classes that I started. There's plenty for me to do. I just have to push myself to do it sometimes. That's it for today. I'm grateful for this site and the people on it. I hope you all find whatever it is you're looking for.

Day 53! These past 7 weeks have been both tough and enlightening. Between quitting video games and a regular meditation practice I have been achieving a much greater clarity of mind. I wish I could say that that meant I was calm, focused and rational....but that would be a lie. These days I am just much more aware of myself and my actions. I find myself questioning the things I do and the thoughts I have. A couple of days ago I was stuck in traffic for over four hours throughout the course of my day. I'm not proud to say this but I was raging like a damn monster for most of that time. Like, completely raving like a lunatic. It was a sad state of affairs. I'm not completely sure why but it happened. I had zero control over my emotions. And as somebody who has been meditating for a few years now, I struggle with the fact that I could so easily lose control of myself. What's worse...I'm aware of what I'm doing now. Like, I see myself from the outside but I'm still unable to reign myself in. Sometimes I wonder if I even want to. It's possible that having all this free time away from a major distraction has given me time to analyze my life. Not sure if I'm loving what I'm seeing. On the bright side I've been hitting the gym regularly, started taking a weekly yoga class (while continuing to do yoga at home a few times per week as well), and I continue to practice meditation nearly everyday. I know that there is so much more that I could be doing with my life. Honestly though, it's been a bit of a mental struggle just to do what I've been doing. I know that sounds defeatist but I'm really trying to focus on my health and mind for the next little while. At least while this strike continues to eat away at my finances. Well, that's it for today. Take care everybody. Enjoy the day!