Jump to content
×
×
  • Create New...

Recommended Posts

Hi friend!

Congratulations. I am so very proud of your almost 9 month game free accomplishment. This is huge. 
 

I am so glad you are writing poetry and haikus. Maybe you could share them here?

 

I am so very grateful for you. Have a beautiful day. 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 900
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

Hello, My clean date is 11/25/19. This is My Story.  It’s 11/14/19 and I decided to recommit to quit today after just thirty minutes of gaming. I was having a hard time dealing with the fact

Positive: I'm 1 year free of video games. Yes that's right. I have not played games for a year now. It's pretty amazing. I don't have much time so maybe tomorrow I'll put up a post where I tag ev

Day 270 NP 232 Np 223 Med 208 NF 108 Positive:  Yeah. You can see me celebrating 9 months clean there. In other news. Even though I'm down to 3mg risperdal I'm still sleeping 13+ hours a da

Posted Images

@Icandothis Hey, sure I'll see what I can do. Thanks for your support. I hope everything is going as well as it can on your end. 

Be Good to Me

I'm not sad today.

I think it's because I slept

better than before.

I don't like it when my mind

is so down it army crawls

across the wood floor.

I want love and happiness

all the time but it's

a long hard road to find it.

Still I search them one by one.

I keep on living.

Because you can't win if you

aren't alive. So,

here I am and maybe some

day we will be together.

In love, holding hands.

Unashamed of what we have.

And somehow we get along with each other. We

accept and work with us.

Day 268 NP 230 Np 221 Med 206 NF 106

Positive: maybe getting a bicycle today

Well. I'm thinking about getting a bicycle because I have to ride around forty minutes with my client twice a week and it's heck using their not so good bike they let me use. Bikes are so expensive to fix. Gah. I hope it just rides well for years with no problems. I figure the tube on the wheels will need changing every so often though. That'd be great if I could just ride it for a couple years without having to get repairs on it though. Yeah. Then it'd be worth it and I could even afford repairs on the bike at that point. Anyways after my 1130am meeting I'll go checkout the bike shop. Then see my client at 3pm. 

Life: I'm pretty sure I'm going to cut ties with my father. I just get a bad feeling every time we talk. I feel like I'm being made into a worse person and start acting like a jerk after our conversations. I don't like being a jerk especially to my mom who is pretty much the only person I care about being nice to. So I'm willing to cut off my dad to protect my relationship with my mom. He's not going to like it as my sister also cut him off. He will have no contact with either of his kids after today. But I think it's the best thing I can do for myself. Everyone has a right to stay or leave relationships. I feel bad and kind of scared. But I honestly don't have any better ideas for us. I just don't want to continue talking to him. I've given it a lot of tries, maybe four or five conversations with him that went consistently poorly. I just don't want to do this anymore. I'm going to text him something like, "I don't want to talk anymore for now. I'm sorry."

I smiled at my post

I accomplished making breakfast

I am grateful for Metamucil, my post, breakfast, dad, mom, bike, bike shop, client, today and meetings.

God bless

Erik

Edited by Erik2.0
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

@Icandothis Thank you very much. Maybe I can share sometimes. 

Day 269 NP 231 Np 222 Med 207 NF 107

Positive: new rugs nice.

We got this gigantic rug. It's like 7'x12'. It's sitting here under my feet now. Making the room nice. It has blue designs and is kind of asian looking. Because it's so large it makes me feel like I'm in a grand setting. A nice place. I applied to work at Aldi on the weekends as a Cashier. Hopefully I get hired. I could use the extra money and something to do.

Life: Ah, tv is not going well. I watched a show and it caused me really bad acne to watch it. I got like 5 new pimples from just one episode. This greatly deters my efforts to test and find new shows. But if I don't do this with tv then I'll be doing the same thing with books. Darn. I'm just screwed. Well. I'll carry on. Even though I've got a really bad lot so far as watching tv and reading books goes. My plan is still to try one show a day. Because I need shows to watch with other people. Maybe I can just watch 20 mins of a new show to test it. Not a whole episode.

I smiled at my phone

I accomplished finishing supervision.

I am grateful for my phone, rug, supervisor, supervision, money, job, hours, Aldi, backpack, and laptop

God bless

Erik

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 270 NP 232 Np 223 Med 208 NF 108

Positive: 

Yeah. You can see me celebrating 9 months clean there. In other news. Even though I'm down to 3mg risperdal I'm still sleeping 13+ hours a day and feeling lethargic all the time. In testing out tv shows I've developed acne from doing it. Which is highly discouraging for me in my search to find new shows to watch. The shows are causing acne. If I stop watching though, I'll have nothing to do. There is a small chance I can find shows that I can watch without acne though and that small chance keeps me going. I've applied for a weekend job at Aldi. It would be good to have something to do on the weekends and I could use the extra money too. I'm not completely sure I want to follow through with this idea. But, I really don't have much to do with my time otherwise. I just sit around rewatching tv shows on Netflix. Hopefully I figure something out. 

I smiled at my yoga mat

I accomplished getting up

I am grateful for yoga, my yoga mat, getting up, 9 months clean, lowering risperdal, chopsticks on sale, Aldi, new job possibility and mom fixing car windshield.

God bless

Erik

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 271 NP 233 Np 224 Med 209 NF 109

Positive: I tried out a church.

I tried out a ton of churches back at my old city. Realized I just didn't fit anywhere and gave up. Now I'm trying a couple churches again. Yeah, we'll see how it goes. I'm still doubtful that I'll find anywhere that I fit to attend. Still in some ways it was nice to attend a service. They gave me a free bible which is cool.

My mom will come back around two today and I'll hopefully find something to do with her. Maybe go thrift shopping. I'm watching shows again. The only show I've found that I fit with is She-Ra so far since I started searching again. I have a few shows qued up to try but I'm not too hopeful honestly. I'd say I hit at like a 1/20 rate with shows if that. So I'm used to not finding a fit, it's like a miracle happens when I find a show that fits. I cooked dinner since the girls left. Which is nice. The house is so nice and quiet now and I don't have to deal with the discomfort of them walking in and out of the kitchen. Yeah it's bliss.

I smiled at she ra

I accomplished going to church

I am grateful for church, new city, old city, she ra, trying places, trying shows, beef broccoli, girls leaving and Sunday.

God bless

Erik

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 272 NP 234 Np 225 Med 210 NF 110

Positive: I lowered my meds.

So I'm now on 2mg risperdal. In four weeks if all goes well I'll be on 0mg risperdal. It's a sleepy road to 0 for now. I'm still sleeping 13 hours a night. I hope that in the next few days I'll lower back to 11 hours a night. That would be awesome and mean that I could get up early enough to go for walks in the morning with my mom which would be great. There aren't a lot of good places to walk for us unfortunately. There's just this park nearby where people play basketball and soccer. But I kind of don't like to be reminded of those sports that I can't play anymore. So it's not the nicest experience for me. I really hope that my sleep goes down now that I've lowered my dose by 1mg. Also I hope that my acne gets better from lowering it. I felt like my skin was worse due to the increase in medication. It's strange that decreasing the meds isn't putting me back to where I was in terms of sleep. It's like the meds semi permanently altered my ability to sleep less than 13 hours. We'll see. I figure my sleep will most likely improve once I've gotten completely off the mood stabilizer. And hopefully my mood stays stable too. 

Life: I still get acne from trying out tv shows. Just from testing shows to see if they'll work for me I get acne from it. It sucks, but I guess it's the price I pay to watch television. I'm reading a poetry book called Aphrodite Made me Do it. It's really good. I like finding poetry books to read even though they're short. Other than that I can kind of read self help books or mindfulness books (kind of the same thing). I dunno maybe I could transition off of tv and into books. Forget about tv completely. Might be better for my skin. Or lowering risperdal could fix my skin up well enough that I don't get acne anymore from tv and can watch it. That'd be cool. I was hoping the same would happen with basketball which also caused me acne and I'd be able to play again. But I feel like it's a long shot and highly unlikely. It's more likely things will just continue as they are even after the med change. Probably the only change will be a slight improvement in my skin and sleep schedule.

I smiled at my mom

I accomplished sending a work summary to a colleague

I am grateful for risperdal, getting off risperdal, psychiatrist, mom, bupropion, sleeping less, having better skin, tv?, books, and myself for enduring life.

God bless

Erik

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

All the best with the lowering of medication. It will be great if you can lower your sleep and still feel rested. I think that it might take some time for your sleep to get back to what it was before meds. But I am sure once the levels of meds in your body lower you will be able to sleep less too. What kind of tv shows are you trying these days? 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

@Marek Hey good to see you. Hope everything is going well. I hope so too with the meds. It would make sense that lowering them will allow for less sleep and still feeling well rested. Maybe it'll just take a while to take effect I don't know. I try like one show per day and almost always I'm 'allergic' to the show. That's just what I call it when I can't watch shows because I feel uncomfortable. So far the only new show I've found that I can watch is She-Ra on Netflix. It's a pretty good show too so I'm glad I found it. 

Day 273 NP 235 Np 226 Med 211 NF 111

Positive: my mom made stew

Last night I came home from work and had nothing to eat but a turkey sandwich. I'm glad I at least had that much, but I have gotten used to having a real dinner to eat every night. So I was pleasantly surprised to find my mom had made stew this morning. She doesn't really follow recipes that much. She just throws stuff together. But it usually turns out alright. I've gotten used to cleaning my water bottle first thing in the morning which is nice. Before it was a big chore for me. But now it's not so bad to clean it out and then I get a clean water source all day. I've been getting acne from watching shows and playing board games. But I don't want to stop doing those two things. I'm hoping my acne will improve from lowering meds and I'll be able to do shows and board games. I feel like I can't quit board games because it's the main source of entertainment at my job. They don't want us watching tv with the clients anymore. So board games and taking walks is pretty much it. Yikes. I might just have to deal with having some acne so I can play board games. Life is hard sometimes like this...

I smiled at my skin

I accomplished eating stew

I am grateful for home, work, turkey sandwich, apple, peanut butter, skin, stew, board games, shows and making due.

God bless

Erik 

 

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

@DaBest Yeah I have a skincare routine. Every morning and night I apply dermatologist prescribed creams and face wash. It's still not enough to keep my skin clear. They tried prescribing me accutane but it was causing too many side effects. This is like, as good as it gets basically. I think I have to stop watching new shows as often to try to prevent acne.

Day 274 NP 236 Np 227 Med 212 NF 112

Positive: I am getting supervised

Okay, it's great that I'm getting supervised for my RIC hours. But, my supervisor is a total witch. She's ridiculously strict and on my case about every little thing. I need someone a lot more laid back than her. So I'm going to try to email the masses and ask for supervision from a random therapist. I don't know if I'll find anyone in my 35/hour price range, but I'm going to try. And if I get no responses I'll increase to 50/hour. I don't think I'll go higher than that. Wish me luck everyone.

Life: I'm planning on testing a new show every other day now to try to decrease my acne. I'm sure it'll help but probably won't eradicate the problem. This is the price I pay for watching television apparently. 

I smiled at my water

I accomplished getting up despite wicked insomnia from stress after my supervision session

I am grateful for my water, getting up, what little money I have, being an RIC, getting supervised for my hours finally, the shows I can watch, moderation, my job, blankets and thermos.

God bless

Erik

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Day 275 NP 237 Np 228 Med 213 NF 113

Positive: I remembered to meditate.

I got up this morning stressed out about work and talked with my mom about it. We came to a good conclusion and I feel better about work going forward. After breakfast and laundry I realized I forgot to meditate. So I went ahead and did it. It was more difficult to meditate after doing things. The earlier I do it the easier it is because my mind is more clear I think. So I'm glad I didn't miss it and have to reset my timer. 

My clients are gone on vacation so that means I'm out of hours for now. They're riding me hard about getting my documentation and way I work to change. So I've got to shape up now. I have 4 hours of supervision a week. It's nuts. I get supervised like 1/3 as much as I work. Still I'm willing to try my best to work my job and keep my job. I want to keep going. I've been here a year. I might get another job on top of my current one so I'd be working two part time jobs. I'm not sure if it's a good idea to do it, but maybe it is. I'd have a lot more work hours and money coming in. Also at the other job I would be able to just come into an office and work instead of having to drive all over town to different clients houses for each individual session. That might be nice. 

I smiled at getting our Comcast line buried finally

I accomplished making a tomato breakfast sandwich

I am grateful for Comcast even though they're clearly flawed, tomatoes, breakfast, breakfast sandwich, mom, God, leg rest, backpack, lap table, and water bottle.

God bless

Erik

Also I'm thinking about ditching my timers on here and maybe keeping track of them just with some dates that I record in my page 1 first post. I dunno though these counters have worked well for me so far and I would be upset if I relapsed on any of them due to trying out a change in my methods of record keeping. I guess I could try it and if I feel like I'm tempted to do those things again I could reinstate the counter.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

Day 275 NP 237 Np 228 Med 213 NF 113

Positive: I remembered to meditate.

I got up this morning stressed out about work and talked with my mom about it. We came to a good conclusion and I feel better about work going forward. After breakfast and laundry I realized I forgot to meditate. So I went ahead and did it. It was more difficult to meditate after doing things. The earlier I do it the easier it is because my mind is more clear I think. So I'm glad I didn't miss it and have to reset my timer. 

My clients are gone on vacation so that means I'm out of hours for now. They're riding me hard about getting my documentation and way I work to change. So I've got to shape up now. I have 4 hours of supervision a week. It's nuts. I get supervised like 1/3 as much as I work. Still I'm willing to try my best to work my job and keep my job. I want to keep going. I've been here a year. I might get another job on top of my current one so I'd be working two part time jobs. I'm not sure if it's a good idea to do it, but maybe it is. I'd have a lot more work hours and money coming in. Also at the other job I would be able to just come into an office and work instead of having to drive all over town to different clients houses for each individual session. That might be nice. 

I smiled at getting our Comcast line buried finally

I accomplished making a tomato breakfast sandwich

I am grateful for Comcast even though they're clearly flawed, tomatoes, breakfast, breakfast sandwich, mom, God, leg rest, backpack, lap table, and water bottle.

God bless

Erik

Also I'm thinking about ditching my timers on here and maybe keeping track of them just with some dates that I record in my page 1 first post. I dunno though these counters have worked well for me so far and I would be upset if I relapsed on any of them due to trying out a change in my methods of record keeping. I guess I could try it and if I feel like I'm tempted to do those things again I could reinstate the counter.

I never really enjoyed timers. I just do the weekly update on mine and leave my dates in my signature. I think your job sounds stressful and more hours might be beneficial. Also might help you socialize more if you wanted.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

@BooksandTrees Yeah a new job might help me socialize more. I dunno if I can handle working more hours, but we'll see. My job just got a lot less stressful as I dropped the offending supervisor. I have another lead on a different supervisor though. I noticed most people don't keep timers so it's making me want to try doing without.

Positive: I went hiking and remembered to eat lunch today.

Hiking was a good time. I went with my mom and she collected rocks along the way for her garden. The hills were steep and lined with rocks. We talked about getting some hiking boots for next time. It was tiring to trek out there and we only went so far. I was all sweaty because it's hot out, but it was nice to go get some cardiovascular exercise for a change. My mom and I ate ice cream as a reward once we were back. Although I feel kinda guilty anyways.

Life: I'm working with a new client. We work on his schoolwork. He says he's all done, but then when we look together he usually has forgotten to do some assignments. So I gotta figure out how to get him to do his work. We keep it pretty chill. We played Harry Potter Uno the other day. It was nice. We also went for a walk at some Catholic gardens area. Which was also nice albeit a bit hot outside. My only pet peeve with him is he'll act kind of like he's smarter than you sometimes. I don't like that. Especially when he's not doing his assignments and acting like he's got it all figured out.

Sorry this post was short I didn't have as much Time.

I'm grateful for my job which is good enough.

 

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

Positive: I slept only 12 hours last night and I'm awake.

Amazing I slept only twelve last night. I'm currently on 3mg risperdal. The last time I was on 3mg I was able to sleep 11 hours a night and stay awake throughout the day okay. So I'm hopeful that I might be able to do that again. Today I'm trying out twelve hours of sleep and seeing what happens. So far I'm a little more tired than usual but it's not a devastating fatigue like when I was trying to do this on 4 mg risperdal. 

In other news I got a new job. My supervisor wasn't working out for me because she was kind of just too mean to me. And a supervisor who was leaving the company decided she felt bad for me and wanted to take me under her wing. So she's agreed to supervise me and has a job for me that pays more than my current job. So it's a big step for me to take, but I like to think it's in the right direction. I really hope it all works out okay. 

So far as shows go. I still get acne from testing shows out which sucks. So I'm thinking I'll limit it to Fridays only for testing. Then I'll get less acne from it and still be able to test one show a week or so. Sometimes I watch 2 minutes of a show and decide it's no good for me. So if that happens I could potentially test a few shows in one day. I'm still watching Supergirl which is such a great show for me. I really enjoy watching it even though it's the second time through I don't mind at all.

I smiled at my mom finding a free bike for me on CL

I accomplished getting up after only 12 hours of sleep

I am grateful for my mom, CL, sleeping only 12 hours, new job, new supervisor, testing shows less often, my workouts, my laptop, aggretsuko and socks.

God bless

Erik

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Positive still doing 12 hours sleep and sort of okay. I seem to be okay although I was pretty tired yesterday. Maybe I’ll actually get used to this and be able to work 7 hours a day. That’s be awesome. If I could get down to 11 hours of sleep again that’d be wonderful. I’m at Catholic Church as my mom is catholic. It’s okay. I may be able to come once in a while here. Probably won’t meet anyone but whatever not like that’s a change. Gonna try watching new shows on vrv in the hopes it won’t cause me acne like Netflix has been. We’ll see what happens. I dunno maybe I could just rewatch my shows on Netflix for a while. I need to find a new way to pass the time that doesn’t cause me acne. Anime ho. 
 

I am grateful for sleep because it’s nice to get some rest. Also sleeping early which makes me feel better and get better sleep because I spend more time in the dark. 
 

God bless

Erik

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I miss that 12 hours of sleep! Glad you're doing great, Erik. It's been a while since I've visited GQ forums; and reading your entries, as always, really brings positive energy. Many thanks for that. Take care always. Congrats on 9 months! Good luck on your new job and let's keep enjoying this lifetime. 😂

Edited by chiliflavor
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

@chiliflavor Hey chili, how are you? Thanks for the compliment on my posts I'm glad they're bringing you positive energy. 9 months yay. I'm on the last leg of my journey to 1 year. I hope my new job goes well too. My old job has too much paperwork to do right now. I agree on enjoying this lifetime, lets. 

Positive: It's my birthday tomorrow and I'll be at 2 years sobriety from substances on sept 2nd. 

Yeah, good things will come for me in this next year of my life. I'm going to be 32 tomorrow. Some positive things in my life right now are my possible new job and supervisor who I'll hopefully be talking to about next steps today. And I'm getting into hiking and biking. I got a free road bike yesterday so I'm hoping to find places to go bike in the area with it. 

Unfortunately or fortunately my client hours have dropped to 9/week. This just makes me want to quit my job and work fully at the new job. I hope there's less paperwork there. The paperwork is just a lot of headache. We just got added more paperwork to do per client too. I'll try my best, but I don't really know what I'm doing with the new paperwork. So we'll see how that goes. I'm gonna try to do it and ask for revisions from my sup. 

I smiled at some pot in our house

I accomplished eating leftovers for breakfast

I'm grateful for the chocolate cake my mom bought me for my birthday. It's really quite good. She had agreed to buy me hiking shoes too, but none of them fit. So maybe I can get her to spend some money on a new mountain bike for me. Grateful for my blanket, pencil, pen, flask, notebooks, rug, floor, hair, and head.

God bless

Erik

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

I look forward to welcoming you to the two year club. 🙂 I hit 2 years in July. Even after this much time, life still continues to improve beyond what I ever thought possible.

Happy early birthday! I'm not sure if I'll be able to get on tomorrow so felt I should say it now. 🙂

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

@ceponatia Thank you sir. A birthday and two years of sobriety. It's a pretty good week. My life is a struggle, but I'd say it has improved since quitting substances for sure. 

Positive: I Have a nice blanket.

My mom put my childhood blanket downstairs. It's got a Chinese comic book monkey sung woo kong on it and it says my name across it. It has a nice texture to it. It's kind of comforting and nice to have around. 

My mom also fixed up a small desk we bought off craigslist. It's now sturdy whereas before it was all flimsy with not enough screws in it. It's setup so I can webcam clients from the couch. It'll be a comfortable setup. It would have been great for my new job. But I don't think the new job is going to work. I got crazy bad stress last night and I'm almost 100% sure it's from the new job. Which means the new job has to go because I can't tolerate this kind of stress. The stress also caused me some acne which sucks. It's sad because the new job was full time and a 6$ raise from my current job which only gives me 9 hours a week currently. So I'm kind of screwed on my current job as it gives me so few hours to work. And the new job was supposed to be a way out but that tunnel has closed up it seems. I'm going to keep trying out the new job, but I'm like 99.9% sure it's not going to work out. Darn. 

Oh well, I'm going to try to enjoy my birthday anyways. Oh yeah it's my birthday today. Yay. It makes me happy to have a birthday, maybe because people wish me a happy birthday. I'm probably going to go try to fix my bike before my session with a client and see if I can ride the bike with him. That'd be cool. 

I smiled at my blanket

I accomplished waking up

I am grateful for my blanket which brings me comfort, joy and peace. My water bottle which keeps me hydrated all day for so many days now and the little chair with a little bear in it that looks cute.

God bless

Erik

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Positive: it's nice not keeping my daily counter. I don't have to type it out each day anymore as my signature keeps track of my progress. I've settled into rewatching my Erik's approved list of Netflix shows. It's pretty chill. The free bike I got is decent. Maybe the next free bike will be good too who knows. Anyways it's made riding with my client much easier. I still have this job looming overhead. If I'm lucky it'll take and I'll have a better job. If not, well, then I'll have let some people down who were hoping that the new job would take including myself. That'd suck. I'm probably going to try splitting my supervision between two supervisors 1 and 1 each per week. I don't feel exceptionally well about either of my supervisors, but I guess I don't feel bad about them. Maybe I'll be able to manage the split. I think splitting is better than just going with one supervisor 2 hours a week because well I guess I don't have a good reason. They're just both there and available and my other supervisor said to try working with both so I guess I'll give it a try with both. It'll result in more learning and I might grow more as a therapist. Or maybe it'll be just lip service and I won't learn much. Only time will tell. But I think I will try both and give the new job a try.

This guy is over helping my mom do stuff. He pisses me off because he kicked me off of unscrewing something I was having trouble with. I feel like he's treating me like a kid because I'm younger than him. Jerk. I don't like how they always seem to be arguing in Chinese too. It reminds me of why I decided to stop learning Chinese and try to learn Japanese instead. The Chinese culture just pisses me off. They're always treating younger people like incompetent children even if you're a 30+ year old adult. And they're always yelling and arguing in Chinese. Bleh. I got tired from learning Japanese though. I just felt angry and exhausted trying to learn the language after a while. Learning Chinese seems to be going better. Except when I speak it with other people including my mom it seems to upset me and stress me out. So......once again I'm screwed learning languages. I'm always screwed somehow. It's no fun. I'll try not to focus on it. Maybe I could try to learn Spanish. 

I smiled at a lamp

I accomplished eating waffles

I am grateful for what little clear skin I do have left. My skin has acne, but it could be worse. It's too bad I've developed acne in the past 3 weeks. Before that my skin was totally clear. I'm grateful for what little work I have left. 9 hours a week isn't much but it's something. I can at least pay for my health insurance. Life's not looking too good right now. I hope it improves. Somehow. 

God bless

Erik

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Positive: I have a supervisor. At least one of my two supervisors I think will work out. So at least for one of my two required years I'll have supervision. I can finally start accruing hours towards licensure. My water drinking is going well as I spend most of my days at home. I drink like 80oz of water a day. It's great. My constipation has gone away too since I lowered to 3mg of a risperdal a day. I have a lot of free time today so I'm going to watch She-Ra and the princesses of power. I was really enjoying the first five episodes of the show and hope the rest of it is good for me too. I now have a setup in my living room so I can use a standing desk and a seated desk on the couch for my Telehealth therapy sessions. It's nice to have both options. My mom's a little peeved because I'm taking up the whole living room with my desks and tv. But, she's bearing with it for now. Honestly it's not like she's going to use it for anything other than to house decorations. She already used the other living room to house a giant table that we don't use. If she had this living room to use she'd probably just fill it with more non-functional decor. So I feel like I'm putting the living room to better use than she would. Although it's her house so she can rightfully do what she wants with it.

The bad news is, I'm not feeling good about my new job. I feel like it's not going to work out. It would be a really big break for me if it did though as it offers more hours and better pay. Something my current job is desperately lacking. Sup1 gave me my current job in the first place. She's offering me a new job now. So maybe just like happened a year ago I'll accept a job from Sup1 and it'll work out again. I Can only hope. 

So I'll contact Sup2 about starting supervision today, watch She-Ra and see a client at 2. We tend to go biking. It's nice because we bike to the park and he just does his own thing on the skate park once we're there. I don't have to do anything but chill on a bench while our time runs out. It's not exactly the greatest therapeutic intervention ever but it passes the time in a way that's healthy for both of us. And we get some therapy in at the start of session so it's fine.

Netflix testing still causes me stress and acne. The acne is worse to deal with than the stress though. My plan to test one show every Friday is possibly happening tomorrow. I'm kind of not wanting to do it. Like maybe it's better if I test anime instead of Netflix because maybe anime will not cause acne just stress. It really sucks to watch a show decide it's not for me and wake up with 5 new pimples because the show caused me acne to test. But if I don't test shows I'll never get to watch anything new. I'll just be stuck with the same shows I've tested and confirmed as safe to watch on Netflix. I'm between a rock and a hard place with finding tv shows to watch obviously. The only question for me is Netflix or VRV? To test or not to test? Maybe I'll try to test one tomorrow. 

I smiled at he-man.

I accomplished drinking water

I am grateful for he man for spawning she ra so I have something new to watch on Netflix. For clean drinking water, something many people don't have on this earth. For Netflix so I have something to do when I'm not working during the day. My journal and poems which are a nice break from electronics. And my mom who tries to help me be positive about my new job even though I feel like I'm gonna die from trying to work it.

God bless

Erik

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

@BooksandTrees I'll try the new job although I'm not very hopeful about it at all. I think it'll probably go down in flames. I don't think I'll talk to my mom about the living room. Some things are better left unsaid.

Positive: I'm full. It's nice to have food. I still don't mind eating the same breakfast everyday. Kind of like watching supergirl over again I guess. I'm holding off on eating ice cream till at least lunch. It goes better for me when I wait to eat it because then I don't crave a second serving the rest of the day. Sugar is intense. We're getting a mosquito net for our backyard umbrella. That's kind of cool. We can sit outside and eat food or play cards or whatever. I guess we just need a light out there now if there's not one already. She-Ra is not going so well. I was getting the weird vibes from it yesterday. Whatever back to supergirl. Well. I want to get my mom to buy me something for my birthday, but I don't know what to ask for. I was thinking about some dip bars, but I don't know if I'll even use them. I've been feeling pretty lackluster in the gym lately. We'll see if I get a workout in today or if I'm too tired to do it again. My supervisor is twisting my arm to go see a client 3x a week for 1hr at a time. It's 1hr of driving for 1hr of work 3days a week. It's not lucrative by any stretch of the imagination. But I'm doing it because I don't have anything else going on and I've learned to just do what my superiors tell me to do even if it's a bit ludicrous. 

I smiled at life

I accomplished not eating ice cream yet today

I am grateful for food, ice cream, waiting, life, my supervisor who is chill, ramen, pan, eggs, mosquito net, umbrella.

God bless

Erik

Link to post
Share on other sites

Positive: Its been four months of nofap tomorrow. Good for me. Nofap is good. It helps me have more energy. Speaking of energy. Just thinking about my new job makes me feel drained. That's why I think when I start It's going to drain me more and I won't be able to continue there. So, I'll give it my best shot, but we'll see what actually happens. My mom's out at her events center doing work all day. I'm going to probably watch tv and maybe go for a hike by myself. Yeah. Other than that I have no plans for the day other than to eat food. I'll make steak rice and vegetables in a bit. I dunno how well hiking's going to go. I've been feeling so tired from the new job that I don't even have energy to lift weights anymore and haven't been. I wouldn't be surprised if I walk ten steps and head back. ON the upside my skin seems to be doing okay. Hopefully it gets better. Things are going okay with my clients. I usually have a positive experience with them. Well. That's it for me today.

I'm grateful for my mom for making breakfast for me today. Nature for being beautiful and making me feel better when I look at it. 

God bless

Erik

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • stablish changed the title to TheNewMe2.0's Journal - A Better Life

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.