Icandothis journal

[TheNewMe2.0]

Hello, I hope you beat the cancer and it goes into remission. You're appreciated on here.

[Icandothis]

Hi All-

 So some updates for anyone following along. My diagnosis is Stage 2/3 Colon Cancer. This has a 5 year survival rate of 75%. I am so grateful it has not spread.   
 

I have created a profile over at the American Cancer Society under Allidoisyoga. I have not posted yet, but when I do it will be under this user name.

 

What is extremely frustrating is I was to go into immediate surgery to remove the cancer. But the hospital canceled all surgeries that were not life saving that week. I am on a waiting list with my surgeon, oncologist and gastrointerologist  saying I need to get in now. But the hospital administration is saying no because they need to save resources for CoVid. 
 

I am angry and upset because there are resources available... but I cannot get access. 
 

So I go back and forth from anger fits to sitting in stillness.  This has been one of the biggest challenges in my faith and spirituality. To sit with cancer inside of me and still find peace and stillness. 
 

 Would you pray or sending loving intentions that a surgery table will open up to me? I really really appreciate it, and appreciate everyone’s support and listening. Thank you deeply. 💙💙💙

[ceponatia]

That is frustrating and I will certainly say a prayer for you in the mornings. Stay positive and take care of your diet and sleep, any little thing you can, in the meantime. 🙂

[TheNewMe2.0]

Praying for you and sending you good energy.

[BooksandTrees]

On 4/9/2020 at 7:43 PM, Icandothis said:

Hi All-

 So some updates for anyone following along. My diagnosis is Stage 2/3 Colon Cancer. This has a 5 year survival rate of 75%. I am so grateful it has not spread.   
 

I have created a profile over at the American Cancer Society under Allidoisyoga. I have not posted yet, but when I do it will be under this user name.

 

What is extremely frustrating is I was to go into immediate surgery to remove the cancer. But the hospital canceled all surgeries that were not life saving that week. I am on a waiting list with my surgeon, oncologist and gastrointerologist  saying I need to get in now. But the hospital administration is saying no because they need to save resources for CoVid. 
 

I am angry and upset because there are resources available... but I cannot get access. 
 

So I go back and forth from anger fits to sitting in stillness.  This has been one of the biggest challenges in my faith and spirituality. To sit with cancer inside of me and still find peace and stillness. 
 

 Would you pray or sending loving intentions that a surgery table will open up to me? I really really appreciate it, and appreciate everyone’s support and listening. Thank you deeply. 💙💙💙

You have my full support! You've overcome so much in life and this is just another challenge. I hope you're able to get the surgery and also stay healthy through this whole thing. 

Thank you for sharing this with us. We've got your back!

[Icandothis]

Hi All!!

 

Thank you so much for your loving energy and prayers.  I received a surgery slot for this Tuesday. 💙💙💙

[Icandothis]

The 19th will be my 7 month anniversary of being game free!!!

 

Thank you so much to the creators and contributors of this community. Through ups and downs, you have been here for me. This is truly a space to be fully seen and heard.  
 

My favorite quote to post again and again:

“The opposite of addiction is not sobriety; it’s human connection” .

 

[BooksandTrees]

18 minutes ago, Icandothis said:

The 19th will be my 7 month anniversary of being game free!!!

 

Thank you so much to the creators and contributors of this community. Through ups and downs, you have been here for me. This is truly a space to be fully seen and heard.  
 

My favorite quote to post again and again:

“The opposite of addiction is not sobriety; it’s human connection” .

 

Congratulations! Hope you're feeling better. 

[TheNewMe2.0]

@Icandothis That was a nice quote. We're all grateful to have you here too. I hope things go well with your surgery and I'm glad they set you up with a slot.

[Icandothis]

I really resonate with this TED talk with Glennon Doyle. 
 

We wear super hero capes so that we don’t have to be seen. So that we are not exposed. So that we don’t have to be vulnerable. 
 

For me, it feels like trauma to be fully seen. I am months over quitting gaming, but the healing will be my lifelong practice. 
 

 

[BooksandTrees]

3 hours ago, Icandothis said:

I really resonate with this TED talk with Glennon Doyle. 
 

We wear super hero capes so that we don’t have to be seen. So that we are not exposed. So that we don’t have to be vulnerable. 
 

For me, it feels like trauma to be fully seen. I am months over quitting gaming, but the healing will be my lifelong practice. 
 

 

Just like a building. Easy to collapse and lots of planning, design, effort, and cost to build. Stay strong and I hope you're feeling well. 

[Ikar]

7 hours ago, Icandothis said:

I really resonate with this TED talk with Glennon Doyle. 
 

We wear super hero capes so that we don’t have to be seen. So that we are not exposed. So that we don’t have to be vulnerable. 
 

For me, it feels like trauma to be fully seen. I am months over quitting gaming, but the healing will be my lifelong practice. 

Yes, I definitely feel my life is more colorful, since I quit numbing myself with gaming. I can now own all of it. The bitten nails, the anxiety, the calluses, the feeling of work well done, the good habits or the bad ones.

[BooksandTrees]

How's it going?

[Icandothis]

The 19th is my 8 month game free anniversary!
 

Quitting games has allowed me to feel it all.  The unearthed lavish beauty. The ocean of tears. The violent wind sending my waist long hair dancing as I lift my face to the brilliant sunshine. 
 

To be able to be present... to the sorrow and laughter. Not needing to run away or hide; but to be in my body fully experiencing the full rawness of all this life has to offer. 
 

Quit Cancer update: Right colectomy surgery complete. Cancer present in 19 out of 67 lymph nodes. Diagnosis- Advanced stage 3.

 

Adjuvant Chemo to start within a week. Thank you truly for the kindness and love. 

[BooksandTrees]

19 hours ago, Icandothis said:

The 19th is my 8 month game free anniversary!
 

Quitting games has allowed me to feel it all.  The unearthed lavish beauty. The ocean of tears. The violent wind sending my waist long hair dancing as I lift my face to the brilliant sunshine. 
 

To be able to be present... to the sorrow and laughter. Not needing to run away or hide; but to be in my body fully experiencing the full rawness of all this life has to offer. 
 

Quit Cancer update: Right colectomy surgery complete. Cancer present in 19 out of 67 lymph nodes. Diagnosis- Advanced stage 3.

 

Adjuvant Chemo to start within a week. Thank you truly for the kindness and love. 

Congrats on 8 months! This is so exciting. I am glad you had your surgery and are recovering. I wish you a speedy recovery. I also hope your chemo goes well. It will be a tough ride, but I hope your lymph nodes become cancer free. You are doing a great job!

[TheNewMe2.0]

I'm hoping and praying that you become cancer free through your treatment. Congratulations on finishing eight months. You're doing great. It's nice to see people with more time than me on here. I like your poetic writing it makes me feel good. 

[Icandothis]

Hi!

So I turned 39! Yay! I think I am at least 10, if not 20 years older then most on this forum. I feel like I should have some wisdom to share.... all I have is one breath at a time. 
 

Just one breath at a time. 
 

I had my port put in. My kids are calling it mouse. 😂🤦‍♀️
 

Have a beautiful day friends. May your spirit be strong. May you be filled with goodness. May you be held in love.

[Ikar]

Happy birthday! Love the reaction of your kids 😄

[BooksandTrees]

9 hours ago, Icandothis said:

Hi!

So I turned 39! Yay! I think I am at least 10, if not 20 years older then most on this forum. I feel like I should have some wisdom to share.... all I have is one breath at a time. 
 

Just one breath at a time. 
 

I had my port put in. My kids are calling it mouse. 😂🤦‍♀️
 

Have a beautiful day friends. May your spirit be strong. May you be filled with goodness. May you be held in love.

Happy birthday! I hope your chemo sessions are going ok. I'm also glad your kids are handling it well. That can always be tricky. 

I found a free mindfulness meditation app called "insight timer" that I think you'd like. There's thousands of free programs to listen to for free and a lot of them are spiritual as well. I found a few that really help me love my spirit and self. I thought it might help you during waiting times. 

Thanks for sharing and being here with us. We appreciate you and love you very much! Get well soon. 

[Phoenixking]

I often think of you and your health and your progress, your struggles, your kids. Sending you good vibes! I always feel a bit of elation when I see your journal got an update.

[Icandothis]

On 6/12/2020 at 8:56 AM, BooksandTrees said:

Happy birthday! I hope your chemo sessions are going ok. I'm also glad your kids are handling it well. That can always be tricky. 

I found a free mindfulness meditation app called "insight timer" that I think you'd like. There's thousands of free programs to listen to for free and a lot of them are spiritual as well. I found a few that really help me love my spirit and self. I thought it might help you during waiting times. 

Thanks for sharing and being here with us. We appreciate you and love you very much! Get well soon. 

Thank you so much my friend. I really really love this community as well. 
 

Thank you for app suggestion. I will have to check it out. My infusions are 4 hours long.... I pray, I meditate, I try to read. 
 

Thank you so much for being along on this journey.

[Icandothis]

Thank you to everyone who has posted. I feel so thankful to have you all. 
 

My first chemo treatment was terrible, no good, rotten and miserable. I am asking everyone to send the below loving intention.  I really believe in the power of love and community. 
 

If you are going through a hard time and would like me to send the same energy to you, just let me know.  
 

Thank you friends. 

[BooksandTrees]

2 hours ago, Icandothis said:

Thank you so much my friend. I really really love this community as well. 
 

Thank you for app suggestion. I will have to check it out. My infusions are 4 hours long.... I pray, I meditate, I try to read. 
 

Thank you so much for being along on this journey.

I hope it helps you through your 4 hour sessions. I'm so sorry your first session was so difficult. 

I remember my friend went through treatment and told me about how sick she got during and after. 

I'm thinking of you often and will always be here for you if you need to speak about your sessions or if you just want to talk about something as vague as water. 

You are such an inspiration to us and not just because of the cancer treatment, but also because of how you live life and choose to be the person you are. 

Thank you and I hope you feel better. 

[TheNewMe2.0]

I'm holding the intentions for you that you asked. Sending you good energy, love and healing. 

[BooksandTrees]

Just checking in to say I hope you're doing well with your chemotherapy. It must be tough and I'm hoping you're finding strength through multiple sources and remain in good spirit. I am sending you love and happiness in hopes that it makes you have a better day.