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Ikar's Diary


Ikar
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Day 375:

I did Duolingo and worked through some old messages. I got new tires for my car and had them get changed. Then I visited my grandma, went for a walk, read, attended a philosophic webinar and played board games in the evening.

Day 376:

I wrote here, did some Forex, went for a walk, worked through some old messages and went outside to mess around with the basketball. Later on the girl decided to randomly join me. I also went to the dorm gym, as they opened it in a limited mode, so I did a few pull-ups and sit-ups after a long time.

I'm vigilant.

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I am going to spill my proverbial beans here and try to sort out my thoughts regarding the girl I sometimes write about the past month. I've been in contact with my friend about this in more detail, but I'll try to state just the facts/actions here.

The story is in fact pretty simple. I got talking to her about a month ago, she liked my blog and we went for a walk a few times. We share some of our past, hobbies, opinions etc. I became increasingly attracted to her thanks to that. We also share some general guidelines on how to behave in the future. The "issue" here is that she dates one Erasmus guy and it's something I've known since I met her.

I have a lot of thoughts, speculations and hypotheses, but regardless I think the best idea for me is to detach and become comfortable with the situation I've never been in. Relax. Do everything I normally do. It is what brought my attention to her and her attention to mine after all. Experience is what counts. I'm in control and everything is fine 🙂

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Day 377:

I sorted out my emails, did Duolingo, went outside, read in the park, worked through some my old messages, watched an interview with Ray Dalio about the current economic situation, cleaned my room, went to the gym, cooked, listened to music to relax and went to bed early.

Day 378:

I did Duolingo, ran around with the basketball outside, went to the gym, wrote here, went for a walk, worked through some my old messages and watched Sapolsky's lecture on hereditary non-genetic traits.

---

I'm happy and grateful that I can work out at the gym again, even if I have to spray the disinfection everywhere afterwards! I'm currently at about 70% of what I did at the gym before, as I tried to mitigate losses due to the no-gym period.

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6 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Are you going to do a monthly summary this month?

Already on it 🙂

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I'm using the template I used the last time. 6/4/20 - 4/5/20

"L" will stand for the (last) plan for this term. "T" will stand for done this term. "N" will stand for the plan next term.

 

Books:

L: Finish "Tactic and Strategy in Love" and start reading "Rich Dad Poor Dad" by Kiyosaki.

T: I finished "Tactic and Strategy in Love" by Plzák, "Love's Hidden Symmetry" by Hellinger and started reading "Beyond Good and Evil" by Nietzsche. The first book was mainly about a possible approach about how to conduct in a relationship, the second one was about important partnerships overall and the last one is packed full with ideas that sometimes flow over my head.

N: Finish "Beyond Good and Evil" start reading "Rich Dad Poor Dad" by Kiyosaki. Got swayed by the psychology of love rather than the psychology of money.

 

English - Personal + Business:

L: -

T: Just me and the computer for the most part.

N: I have an interview coming up and a plan to cooperate with one of my friends in the business during the summer. I should have some classes beginning mid-May. Hard to say, given the current circumstances.

 

Family:

L: I think it's true to say that I find my family members more dear when I am more detached from them by living on the dorms. I get to see them just enough to be caught up on what are they up to. I think it works that way for most relationships, except for when people live together.

T: Business as usual. I don't think anyone is freaking out.

N: Maintain the relationships as they are, I'm happy with them as they are.

 

University:

L: So far there is just one big assignment due in a month. I'll try not to be stupid and get it done in a week or two, so I won't have to worry about it.

T: I got it done almost completely, but I couldn't wrap my head around some technicalities, so I requested support. I sometimes attend the webinars, but it's nearly not as engaging as if we had the real classes.

N: Hard to say, given the current circumstances.

 

Being social:

L: -

T: I meet people at the dorms in smaller groups and play desktops about once a week.

N: Hard to say, given the current circumstances.

 

Exercise/movement:

L: I exercise in my room now, though for lesser periods of time than before, but I also take walks into the nature more. I try to get both in during the day.

T: The past month was fairly irregular; sometimes I took a walk, sometimes I exercised and I played football about once a week.

N: Go to the dorm gym daily, since it opened up. Getting back after it. There's still enough time during the day to take the walk after too.

 

Russian: I am still on track on Duolingo (231 days streak).

 

Forex:

L: I wrote my friend that I am willing to put some 10 hours a week into educating myself on the topic and I'm confident I can manage that.

T: It's been going rough. I'm on where I started on the demo account and I wasn't putting in the time I wanted to either.

N: I was able to catch a second wind in the past few days and I'm gonna try a different approach. I wanted to give this three months and right now I am half-way through these. If I won't have the results I wanted, I'll quit. No regrets. I don't desperately need this to work for me. It's like with gaming. It might work for others, but it doesn't work for me and it doesn't even need to.

 

Women/dating:

L: I am on the dating apps, but I'd prefer just normally going out to meet women. I will probably keep them around after the quarantine is over as passive scanners. I think I have this game and trends figured out.

T: I quit the apps two weeks ago, because I wasn't getting the results I wanted for the time I invested. I also met the girl and I wrote about that above.

N: Be cool with whatever the outcome is and take it easy. Life's enigmatic.

 

Sleep:

I started getting up earlier, so I get up at 600-700 instead of 700-900. I tend to go to bed super early though; sometimes I spend in bed as much as 9 hours, instead of 7-8 before.I think I might be sleeping too much and I paradoxically get more tired and lethargic because of that. I'll see how having gym back influences that.

 

Projects/misc finished last month:

GIS - university (90%)

money investment

 

Projects/misc upcoming this month:

gun license - on hold, quarantine



Thoughts, ideas and additional comments/gratitude:

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I think I have done a good job at incorporating psychology lectures I’ve seen/learnt into my life. I don’t want to re-live the experience I’ve had last March/April, because it could be deadly.

I gained the ability to plan after I quit games.

Regained/new daily habits: I clean my teeth daily, Duolingo, journaling, working out.

Life’s more colorful and more difficult to deal with, but at least I can look at myself in the mirror now and see myself less skewed than before.

I think I give meaning to things that deserve it now.

I am not horrified of free time anymore. This is a BIG one.

I am using my sociability more sensibly. No more trolling in Twitch chat and streaming.

Coming to think of it, I’ve never been overly anxious to begin with, just the normal amount. I asked girls out on dates on high school. I was just totally oblivious to the signals I sent/received.

I’m more conscious of both what I do and how I do it in relation with other people. I still get anxiety, but I act despite it. I stand tall and have my say.

I'm very lucky to have a mentor in the field I am excited about.

I'm grateful for everyone who has entered my life.

 

I EMBRACE THE FACT THAT ANYTHING I START DOING, I WILL DO IT BADLY. I CAN ONLY BECOME BETTER INCREMENTALLY AND BY PRACTICE.

Edited by Ikar
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Day 379:

I worked on my monthly report, had a Zoom call with my friend in Forex, went to visit my parents and then I had the two guys I met in March who play on guitars to come over to jam a bit with. I managed to get to the gym in the evening too.

It was great to pound the drums again! They have a couple of their own songs they are working on and they wanted to find a drummer, so they'd know how'd they sound with drums. I think I have a knack of knowing how songs progress overall. There are no immense expectations either, so if someone makes a mistake, we just laugh it off 🙂

Day 380:

I got my monthly report up, did a bit of Forex, worked out at the gym, went for a walk in the park, read, went through the old messages, did Duolingo and chatted with people on FB. I also finished watching "Yes, Prime Minister". What bugged me about it a bit was the fact they seemed confused whether each episode was a standalone or whether it was a series, but I had a ton of light British fun regardless.

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Day 381:

I worked on Forex, went through the old messages, visited my grandma, ran round with basketball and had a light workout.

What I liked abut reading Nietzsche yesterday was him taking some serious shots on Christianity, the society it produced and how that affects us today. I feel my horizons broadened a little bit again.

I also found an interesting English word:

abut - verb - (of an area of land or a building) be next to or have a common boundary with.

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Day 382:

I worked on Forex, did Duolingo, went through the old messages, worked out, pondered about compassion, took a walk and read and had a webinar about psychology.

---

I came up with a definition of compassion as "thinking and sensing that someone has gone through a similar experience as you have and wanting to support them". I think this was what I felt towards the girl for a few days after that last walk two weeks ago. Shook me up a bit, but I didn't do anything stupid. Now I watch actions again. I'm vigilant.

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Hi, 

I'm new here, I was reading your last posts and noticed you're into Forex.

What's your goal with this ? and how is it during the covid ? I noticed that markets were very unstable and it was very hard to get profits.

Take care and keep it up !

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6 hours ago, PianoLearner said:

Hi, 

I'm new here, I was reading your last posts and noticed you're into Forex.

What's your goal with this ? and how is it during the covid ? I noticed that markets were very unstable and it was very hard to get profits.

Take care and keep it up !

Welcome to the forum! 🙂

Forex is about trading currency pairs online, either buying or selling. My goal with it is to find another means of making money, so that if everything goes south, I am not stuck in a low-paying job I hate. I'm still on my demo account and observing how all of it works.

I actually got into it because of the quarantine, as I found myself with more time I needed to spend on something potentially useful. I would think the reason Forex (or trading for that matter) works is because the markets are unstable and the prices of currencies fluctuate.

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20 hours ago, Ikar said:

Welcome to the forum! 🙂

Forex is about trading currency pairs online, either buying or selling. My goal with it is to find another means of making money, so that if everything goes south, I am not stuck in a low-paying job I hate. I'm still on my demo account and observing how all of it works.

I actually got into it because of the quarantine, as I found myself with more time I needed to spend on something potentially useful. I would think the reason Forex (or trading for that matter) works is because the markets are unstable and the prices of currencies fluctuate.

I started few years ago for the same reason, the potential Forex has is very impressive and you can make it work with many different strategies that suits your personality. I hope that you will meet your goal .🙂

I was planning to get back into in after I finish my courses in June, feel free to pm me to discuss about different strategies.

Take care

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2 hours ago, Phoenixking said:

Odd question maybe but do you find Forex fun? Or do you experience it more like an education or some form of work?

Good question. It's a mixture of everything, truth to be told.

I get a feeling of deep-seated satisfaction when everything works out as planned and make (so far imaginary) money. This week I also made some mistakes and and I got punished for being impulsive and not being disciplined. The thing I am the most satisfied this week as Forex is starting to make sense for me, that it's not all random.

I think I am a bit of a statistics nerd, so I like looking at the graphs at times and recognizing patterns. It takes a bit of time here and there, but as long as a partial lock-down is enforced, I'm okay spending an hour or two on learning it. I did get overwhelmed once though and got burned out for the next two weeks. The psyche is a beast sometimes.

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Day 383:

I worked on Forex, got done checking the messages I have in other threads except for my diary here in GQ, went to the gym and attender a uni webinar. I also started watching Billions.

Day 384:

I watched the video @Alexanderle linked in another thread, worked on Self-Authoring (writing my biography at the moment - wanted to get back into it for a while), went to the gym, took a walk and read.

Day 385:

I worked on Self-Authoring, checked out a Forex video, took a walk, read and played basketball with others.

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1 hour ago, Alexanderle said:

@Ikar you mean the self-authoring program from Peterson? Does that cost money? Certainly a good idea to do that.

Yeah, I got it about a year ago, then worked on it for a while and then sort of shelved it. It costs 30 bucks, but I think there are discount codes somewhere and you get a second copy to give away to whomever you like.

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Ikar its really crazy to see how far your journey has taken you. I am still catching up on your days since December but man you have had a long journey and when you get rich and become a amazing trader off Forex remember us. I have always thought people who can understand and play the trading game will always have something to fall back on and make side cash when they want. I am proud to see how far you have come and I can't wait to catch up to your current point. Stay well man.

-Tzen

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2 hours ago, Tzen1 said:

Ikar its really crazy to see how far your journey has taken you. I am still catching up on your days since December but man you have had a long journey and when you get rich and become a amazing trader off Forex remember us. I have always thought people who can understand and play the trading game will always have something to fall back on and make side cash when they want. I am proud to see how far you have come and I can't wait to catch up to your current point. Stay well man.

-Tzen

Hey! I've seen you've been posting on other threads the past couple of days, just shortly after I went through my posts and reactions in your diary, thinking "Damn, where did this guy go and how is he doing now?"

If all goes well with Forex and I hit my first milestone, I will remember all the good influences that were there for me (and still are) and support them financially, at least once, so they can be there for others when they need them in the future too. Mark my words, as I mark them into my Excel sheet 🙂 

Thanks for dropping by. I'm looking forward to seeing a diary entry of your own!

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I have been thinking about doing an update post in a week or two. As a teacher we are nearing the end of the school year and everything is just crazy with remote learning, getting grades finalized, and prepping for graduations if we even do them.

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On 5/7/2020 at 12:52 PM, Ikar said:

Welcome to the forum! 🙂

Forex is about trading currency pairs online, either buying or selling. My goal with it is to find another means of making money, so that if everything goes south, I am not stuck in a low-paying job I hate. I'm still on my demo account and observing how all of it works.

I actually got into it because of the quarantine, as I found myself with more time I needed to spend on something potentially useful. I would think the reason Forex (or trading for that matter) works is because the markets are unstable and the prices of currencies fluctuate.

Hey @Ikar! Thanks for the inspiration!

You're journal is very interesting! I just read the first few days and planning to read the next ones little by little so that I can catch up. 😁 I'm also learning to trade! Likewise, it's because of the quarantine that gave me time to really focus on the movement of the market. Good luck on our trading career! 🤑

But most importantly, congrats on the 1 yr+ of no games! 😄 👌

Edited by chiliflavor
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3 hours ago, chiliflavor said:

Hey @Ikar! Thanks for the inspiration!

You're journal is very interesting! I just read the first few days and planning to read the next ones little by little so that I can catch up. 😁 I'm also learning to trade! Likewise, it's because of the quarantine that gave me time to really focus on the movement of the market. Good luck on our trading career! 🤑

But most importantly, congrats on the 1 yr+ of no games! 😄 👌

Welcome to the forum! I'm happy you find my journey inspiring. Thanks and good luck indeed 😄

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Day 386:

I scheduled my next week (been some time since I needed to do that), watched a few Forex videos, worked on Self-Authoring, visited my parents, got a haircut and took a walk.

Day 387:

I watched a Forex video, worked on Self-Authoring, went to the gym, did the laundry, read outside and chatted with a friend over Internet.

Day 388:

I watched a Forex stream, went to the gym, cooked, went for a walk, read and sunbathed like a lizard while sitting on the bench.

---

I wrote my friend, because I tried to square away my emotions the past two days. I get peeved when I perceive someone (ranging from them asking me to me having a hunch) wants help. The issue is that I afterwards think they just made a buffoon out of me, when they likely never intended to do that.

I think I need to learn to detach from the situation and watch what they do instead of what they say or how they come across. I need to learn to offer help (and not to shove it down their throat) and let them come to me when THEY decide to come. I figure as much that people want to talk about their problems most of the time and solve them in due time on their own. I'm on the opposite side of the spectrum, because I learnt to sweep my problems under the rug as a child, so I hardly ever just talk about my problems and I usually tackle them on my own ASAP.

Another thing is that I think I expect too much from people and I try to build deep friendships quickly. The only time I built a deep friendship with someone quickly was with my ex, although I had no idea what and why made us close to each other.

I'm grateful both the emotions of anger that propels me forward to do something and acceptance that soothes and validates me as I am.

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14 hours ago, Ikar said:

Another thing is that I think I expect too much from people and I try to build deep friendships quickly. The only time I built a deep friendship with someone quickly was with my ex, although I had no idea what and why made us close to each other.

I do the same things sometimes. I think in my case I am lonely and have ideas of how I'd treat friends and prove my worth and not many others will give it back. The other thing is nobody understands what you've been through with an ex or me with bad friends. Imagine if you and I met at the gym and I just kept trying to have in depth conversations with you and you're just going to the gym and see me for only the second.  It's uncomfortable, but also not real. In some ways the way you met your ex and how I met my bad friends was instant gratification and speed up. Other friendships just take longer through consistency and convenience. 

Not saying you do any of these. Just my thoughts. 

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8 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I do the same things sometimes. I think in my case I am lonely and have ideas of how I'd treat friends and prove my worth and not many others will give it back. The other thing is nobody understands what you've been through with an ex or me with bad friends. Imagine if you and I met at the gym and I just kept trying to have in depth conversations with you and you're just going to the gym and see me for only the second.  It's uncomfortable, but also not real. In some ways the way you met your ex and how I met my bad friends was instant gratification and speed up. Other friendships just take longer through consistency and convenience. 

Not saying you do any of these. Just my thoughts. 

Haha, I agree gym is not a place to have deep conversations. Going for a walk or having a beer or two makes more sense. I try to create consistency because I know in due time I will get to know that person (and even myself). I just need to be more patient and try to not be too forceful about it.

Edited by Ikar
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