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Ikar's Diary


Ikar
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10 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

“Pistols are the hardest to shoot” was what my shooting instructor said to me when he handed the beautiful Glock. That is because they are too short and don’t let you stabilize them like you can do a rifle. I remember missing targets at 20 metres range.

I only fired a glock pistol so I don’t know how the rifle is different. 

Yeah, the main thing is to have the rifle stabilized, otherwise there's no point in using it over a pistol, because your hands will shake regardless. We get some kind of a wooden stick to use as support for the rifle, so I just need to figure out how to use it and align the sights with the target properly.

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Day 458:

I finished the GIS project, watched a Forex stream, went for a walk with "Girl A", worked out, wrote to friends and did multiple minor things.

---

I got the exam results from the test yesterday and was a bit confused to find out I didn't pass it, because I studied for it and the questions were familiar. I'll have to retake it at some point and consult the professor.

Gratitude: I'm grateful for being cool-headed and stable most of the times.

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Day 459:

I watched a Forex stream, had a call with my friend regarding "business idea mk2", worked out, went for a walk and read, caught up on some emails and went to the shooting range in the evening. I also finished reading Nietzsche's "Genealogy of Morals".

---

I managed to do well on the hunting rifle today, though I still want to practice it more.

Gratitude: I'm grateful for having financial options in my life. It's not all about money, but it does a lot regardless.

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Day 460:

I worked on "business idea mk2", did the laundry, watched a Forex stream, hopped around with basketball, drove my father from the car service, visited my grandma, had an English class and attended an English speaking event in the evening.

Day 461:

I slept in quite a bit, because my English class in the morning got cancelled. I worked on "business idea mk2", planned my next week, worked out, read and went to the shooting range in the evening.

Day 462:

I got up and immediately got struck by a headache. I went drumming with my band, slept during the day and visited my family. Luckily, my headache subsided in the evening, so I met up with two friends from high school in the evening.

---

These were a couple of slow days with a lot of sleep/napping. I might have a tendency to become a bit lazier when I reach my weekly % in Forex. I'll pick up on some of the things I've been slacking on today. I'm still studying for the gun license test on Tuesday, I think I got absorbed by that nicely.

Gratitude: I'm grateful for becoming a more positive person than I was before which allowed for more like-minded people to enter my life.

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Day 463:

I slept in after going to bed late yesterday, but I tackled a lot of the small things today. I worked out, read, went for a walk, cooked, spent some time on Forex, did some paperwork, sorted out some old documents I have and did the laundry.

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I found out that masturbation is easier to avoid if I don't start doing "dry" masturbation. It sounds obvious, but it works.

Gratitude: I'm grateful for planning. I like seeing I have things going on in my life.

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Day 464:

I sorted out the rest of the old documents I had accrued over years, watched a bit of Peterson, hopped around with basketball, washed the dishes, read, meditated, watched a Ted talk about chimps and went to the shooting range in the evening.

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I started reading a new book called "The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature" by Matt Ridley.

I also just sit (meditated?) for about 15 minutes by myself in a long while. I was strong enough to do nothing and just stare at a doorknob, sometimes entertaining the odd thought here and there.

I seem to operate well when I set myself to check the Forex markets every hour (or two or three, depending on the circumstances and activity).

Gratitude: I'm grateful for my laser focus today and creativity.

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Day 465:

I had the gun license exam in the morning and I succeeded! After that, I went for a walk with "Girl A", worked on "business idea mk 2", wrote to my friends, worked out and went for a dinner with another friend. Great day overall.

---

Gratitude: I'm grateful for being self-confident and steadfast in trying times.

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Day 466:

I worked on "business idea mk 2", watched a Forex stream, worked out, went to the police to get the paperwork started on my gun license and attended a board games English evening.

Day 467:

I worked on "business idea mk 2", watched a Forex stream, hopped around with basketball, visited my grandma, had an English class and got invited to a local musical concert by "Girl A" to hang out with her and a few of her friends.

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Day 468:

I worked on "business idea mk 2", had an English class and went to another city for an (ex)-military get together.

Day 469:

I got home in the morning, so I slept until early afternoon. I planned my next week, went for a walk and read and worked a bit on "business idea mk 2".

Day 470:

I watched a video recommended by me to a friend about finance investing, did some minor things, visited my family and drummed in the evening.

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Day 471:

I did a bit of Forex (went quite well today), went for a walk and read, worked out, worked on my monthly report, went to get the groceries, went for another walk, checked out the series recommended to me by @gargamel and wrote here.

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If you ever noticed someone that you cared about has failed to do the right thing, then you know how I feel today.

I had plans to make a really obvious move today towards dating "Girl A", if we had met. However, upon getting up at 6, I got to know she's not coming at 9. She suggested meeting during the weekend, but I knew I already had this weekend booked. What made me peeved was that she didn't wait for my response to at least confirm or deny.

Until 9 I ate, washed the dishes, checked Forex a bit and meditated to calm my mind and thought about how to approach this. At 9, I waited for a bit (just in case) and then I got up to go for a walk just by myself instead of with her. I felt oddly cathartic during my wait and while walking and reading. I felt as if I tried my best and that there was nothing else to be done except for continuing with my day.

The reason she postponed was having an exam on Tuesday, but instead she did some random shit during the weekend and had to spend all the time today studying for the exam. Later on, I decided to look just past myself as well, as if I wasn't a factor in this. If she fails the exam because she failed to study during the weekend, it's on her. But because I was involved, I think a part of me actually wants her to fail it.

I also notice the flagellant-like feeling in me. I am discovering something through scorching a part of myself and building something that can perhaps work better in the future. Checking on how other people act instead of talk might be annoying and painful, but vital.

Another thing that makes dissatisfied with this is my seeming lack of options with women, coupled with the "do it once and do it right" mentality I got from my parents regarding a lot of the things.

Gratitude: Regardless, I am grateful. even if this is the pinnacle of my relationship with her and grateful for having the day to focus on myself and do some introspection.

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Hope you liked the series, I had lectures and read books about the romantic period and Isaiah Berlin covers it in a really detailed and interesting way.

I get your struggles with Girl A. I wish you good luck. But, what you said about your "seeming lack of options with women"... I think it is not true. First, you always have the option to be alone, which means you need to set your own standards for women even if it means being alone for a while. Second, I think a smart guy like you, if you work on yourself, will have a lot of options eventually. We men tend to mature only by late 20s, especially intelligent men. So, be patient and believe in yourself and your own worth. 

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On 8/4/2020 at 1:42 PM, gargamel said:

Hope you liked the series, I had lectures and read books about the romantic period and Isaiah Berlin covers it in a really detailed and interesting way.

I've actually just watched the first episode. I think it'll be interesting. I'm already taking guesses what will be in the upcoming ones 🙂

On 8/4/2020 at 1:42 PM, gargamel said:

I get your struggles with Girl A. I wish you good luck. But, what you said about your "seeming lack of options with women"... I think it is not true. First, you always have the option to be alone, which means you need to set your own standards for women even if it means being alone for a while. Second, I think a smart guy like you, if you work on yourself, will have a lot of options eventually. We men tend to mature only by late 20s, especially intelligent men. So, be patient and believe in yourself and your own worth. 

That's why I wrote "seeming lack of options with women"; I think I'd like to be closer to women in general than I am, perhaps even because I am borderline dating one again. Part of the reason why I was so devastated after my X broke up with me was that she had no competition in the domain of my sociability, let alone sexuality. It's good to know that I know a lot more people now 😄

I feel that my life has reached a certain point of integration, where I think I can integrate a woman into it again. Even if I made the case and found evidence that I shouldn't, I want it. If it works, awesome. If it fails, I will learn.

On 8/4/2020 at 2:58 PM, gargamel said:

Yeah, I think my entries will become really interesting in October. lol. I have a good hunch about it. I feel ready to open up to a new girl completely if she deserves it - I also crave some fun in life, some good laughs. I am a serious person that occupies himself with heavy topics constantly, so if I meet a girl that will bring innocent fun out of me, I could easily fall in love, hah. 

I'll write more about yesterday below, but here's what I observed so far from my experience:

Whether you open up to and whether you depend (both to an extent) to some girl seems quite unconscious and you need "chemistry" or "spark" or whatever you want to call it. What you can control more is how much time you spend with the girl, but it'd be foolish to discontinue or limit meeting each other if you both want to spend time together.

There's something to being with a girl who has what I'd call "unbridled femininity" - the lightheartedness, innocence and openness have to touch the soul of every man.

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Day 472:

I worked on "business idea mk 2", wrote here, watched a Forex stream and then I was social pretty much the whole day. I met up with "Girl A" and a few of her friends in the afternoon and then I met up with my guy friends from the dorm in the evening to play board-games.

Day 473:

I marked down my expenses for the month, watched a Forex stream, worked out, wrote here, went for a walk and read and now I'm just chilling.

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I took "Girl A" aside for a short talk. We talked about how she failed to meet me on Monday and that she let me know sort of late to cancel. I also told her that she jeopardized her plan to study for the exam in a stupid way. She expressed feelings of guilt and shame - that she's sorry to have participated in the chain of events that would eventually make us unable to meet - but also independence and self-confidence - that it's not up to me to tell her how to use her time and hence what to value.

The talk was overall just several minutes long, but what struck me was that she took it in an assertive manner. I think I only prepared to get either a completely apologetic answer or a completely dismissive one. I like how we got over this hurdle.

Gratitude: I'm grateful for having a relaxed birthday today 🙂

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Day 474:

I went to the doctor to check on my shoulders and I am going to MRI in 3 weeks. I also visited my parents, then I visited my grandma and had an English class in the evening.

Day 475:

I had an English class in the morning, then I worked to get some rust off of my car, worked out, planned my next week and wrote some more rules for myself for Forex. I visited an English speaking event in the afternoon and drummed in the evening.

Day 476-477:

I spend the weekend at the event regarding "business idea mk 2". I networked, played badminton and attended a bunch of inspirational classes.

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No Ejaculation: Made it to 12 days (more difficult with non-ejaculatory masturbation though).

Gratitude: I am grateful for being independent.

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Day 478:

I met with "Girl A" in the morning, did a bit of Forex and then went to pick up my gun license. I am also planning a celebration of my birthday on the shooting range, so I decided to start organizing it. I spend the evening with my friend working on the business idea.

Day 479:

I spend some time on Forex, sorted out some emails, worked with my friend working on the business idea, met with another friend to swim in a dam and chat and in the evening I did the laundry and some misc stuff.

Day 480:

I wrote a bit, did Forex, organized my birthday party on the shooting range the next week and worked on the business idea.

Day 481:

I planned my next week, did Forex, worked on the business idea, visited my grandma and had an English class in the evening, wrote with friends and now I am writing this.

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Regarding "Girl A", I feel both happy and rifted at the same time. I feel as if I let her close to me enough that the options for me are either to make a move or let the relationship die. I think if I was planning to keep everything as it is now, I would be dishonest towards myself and her in some time. There were some increments the last time I noticed/contributed towards, but I am making the big step the next time.

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In other news, what is keeping me away from ruminating about the above the whole day is my packed schedule due to the business idea. I wasn't able to hit the gym or sit down and read for the past few days either. I like the idea itself, what it does for people involved, the skill-set involved and of course the money. It's just that the time it takes is destabilizing for me; approximately from 0 to 20 the past four days.

I know I have to prioritize now. The time where my identity was maximally stretched is over and I know I should do fewer things well than to do a lot in a shitty manner. I already dropped Russian. I'm just running into heavy resistance, because I don't want to be absorbed in anything as I was absorbed as I was once in gaming and it seems to me that the guy mentoring me doesn't do anything else in his life that is not directly linked to the business.

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  I'm using the template I used the last time. 29/6/20 - 14/8/20 (started working on this on 3rd August)

 

"L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term. "N" will stand for the plan next term.

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Drumming:

L: I went drumming a couple of times with my two band-members. I feel as if I already got better at playing the drums than I was before couple of years ago. The only issue here might be the genre, as I think we sometimes play too many doomy-gloomy, melancholic and unhappy songs. I want to push for something more positive and/or more energetic.

T: I think the bad vibe I got before was that one of the guys seemed to be trash-talking too much, but I think he got better at handling it. We also got an experienced bassist, so that will probably change the chemistry in the band as well. It was difficult for me to make the practices this month due to them having normal day jobs and me having the gun license course in the evening.

N: I feel as if I need to practice more and keep perfecting my technique. I feel as if I hit the ceiling of my old skills.

 

Guns:

L: I'm setting this up. Got the papers in and I should start in two weeks. I want to get back into it because I loved the activity when I was in the army and I kept on talking about doing it after I left it. The time has come. Spending a day on the shooting range a month sounds great.

T: I passed the gun license exam successfully.

N: I want to get to the shooting range and try out a few guns, so I know which one to get and practice with. Some of the guys from the uni said they'd be happy to go with me as well, so I plan to organize the event soon. I could merge these two as well.

Edit: My birthday "party" will happen at the shooting range next Saturday. There's a restaurant next to it, so it should be a chilled evening.

 

Writing:

L: I write here (reports like these), I started writing a blog on 31st December (5 articles thus far), wrote my business website and I wrote a bit of Self-authoring.

I didn't write anything in the past two months besides a report or two. To clarify, I mean this in the context of writing just for writing itself or "active" writing. I mostly do "reactive" writing - I react on somebody else's post/topic/message. I am going to shift the balance, meaning I will post less and not sub to any more new threads, but I'll keep checking/posting in the ones I already posted in and post more on my blog. I think "active" writing is more rewarding, as it forces me to think actively, whereas "reactive" writing means merely stating my current opinion and there's no novelty involved. If I discuss something with someone, it's better to do it in person anyway. I'll be more than happy to exchange PMs though, especially if they'll be as eloquent as the ones @gargamel sent me recently, so you know what to do if you want to provoke me 😄

T: I almost got together another blog post, got the big report up and attended the seminar on creative writing. I also write things I notice when I am out with "Girl A".

N: I want to post a blog post every month.

 

Books:

L: Finish reading "On the Genealogy of Morality". Start a notebook where I write the main points from the books I read. I read 8 books during this time of various topics - dating, psychology, philosophy or finance. I think reading is the habit that goes out of the window first whenever I feel I need to prioritize something else. Regardless, I want to start taking notes when I read.

T: I finished "On the Genealogy of Morality". I started reading "The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature".

I didn't start taking notes, mainly because my reading habit is rather haphazard.

N: "Girl A" recommended me

"The Art of Loving" and I want to read "The Crime and Punishment" and "The Notes from Underground" by Dostoevsky.

 

English - Personal + Business:

L: My volunteer class is growing. I don't expect to get/create any more classes during the summer. I am going to be sending out CVs in the beginning/mid August to check what's available in the city, as most courses start in September/October.

I had a lot of classes in November/December. I couldn't find anything that fit my criteria afterwards, so I got the trade license, got the website up and CV struck afterwards. I am currently running one class for volunteers charitably and I have another one I get paid for well.

I like teaching English, though I feel I have accepted it can't be a great focus of mine currently, because I can't control how many classes I get (or not) and because I can't control how much an employer is willing to pay me. I already handed out quite a few business cards to interesting people I met at the class. I accept that I have to keep it small scale for the time being.

T: I have the two classes I wrote about above.

N: I want to send out the CVs, get the FB page up and upload some photos on my website.

 

Family:

L: I get to see all of my family (mom, dad, brother, grandma) every week.

I think mom and dad handled the transition caused by my departure well. They argue sometimes, but it seems to be that healthy kind of arguing that keeps the relationship alive and that solves problems rather than causing them. My brother seems happy with his girlfriend and my grandma is happy the family sticks together and that she sees us regularly. I think my family respects me more overall and understands when/how I need to assert myself.

T: I can't notice anything out of the ordinary. Meeting up with everyone once a week.

N: -

 

University:

L: This semester, I passed all but one exam during the exam term, so now there's just that and one nearly-finished project to be completed.

I did a good job catching up onto home-works during the semester. I think the preparation during the exam term could've been better, however it was challenging to set the priorities straight to satisfy all the areas of my life. I'm happy with how I did overall. I want to keep the habit of spending one morning a week during the semester on uni stuff.

T: I finished the GIS project, but I failed the exam again, which I was more puzzled than angry about.

N: I'm in contact to set up some consultation with the prof (along with one girl), because others seemed to have passed with relative ease. I have to figure this out, so it doesn't linger. I want to keep the habit of spending one morning a week during the semester on uni stuff.

 

Being social:

L: There's very few restrictions still in place, most of them got canceled. That said, I seldom go out just to go out. I like when meetings have an agenda, like speaking in English or philosophy, rather than a random get-together of people.

I talk to people more nowadays and I often face the choice of forgoing one event for another. Before that, everyone I could realistically get in contact more often than once a week were my parents.

I knew I had to start my social life from the scratch when I quit games. It took me a while, but I got the vibe I couldn't do that without moving from my parents in the suburbs, as all there is is just one pub. Another small shift I noticed recently was that I actively started to get invited to events, although I am aware it's still necessary to break the ice sometimes and try something new.

T: I attended a few new events in the area and tried something new, such as playing board games in English or creative writing. Some of the restrictions around CV have come back, but pubs and other small-scale places are still up, so it's hard to say how all this will continue.

N: -

 

Exercise/movement:

L: I want to become more consistent with push-ups. I didn't like the exercise historically. I also want to come up with a good leg workout, as the only exercises I know are lunges and squats.

I started going to the dormitory gym on 31st December. I started out small, doing 15 grip "over" and 15 grip "under" pull-ups and 100 sit-ups. For comparison, nowadays I regularly do 35 pull-ups of both kind, 150 crunches/sit-ups, 150 Russian twists and 50 push-ups. I cycle more often (approximately 20km a week now), sometimes hop around with the basketball and take walks to the park when I read.

I am happy with my current physique, I think it's actually the best it's ever been. I know there are ways to be more efficient, so I'll look into diet and exercises with someone more competent, as well as some exercises for my legs. I want to pick up a martial art as well.

T: I kept on exercising the normal amount, although I didn't have a lot of time to look into the martial art (which would partially cover the exercise diversification) or the diet. I have free afternoons/evenings now after finishing the gun license course, so I can put it there if I want to. I think my legs are doing fine, considering I like to ride my bike a few times a week.

N: I want to look into diet and exercises with someone more competent. I want to pick up a martial art as well.

 

Russian:

L: I am on Duolingo with a streak of 280, but while I enjoy the randomness of doing it just because I can, I'm also unsure what exactly am I going to do with it and I've been like that for a while. I'm going to quit it on 5th August, unless I find a purpose for it.

T: I made it to 312 days.

N: I quit a week ago.

 

Forex:

L: I started three months ago, half of the time I spent on demo and now I am on real. On real, I was anywhere between 90%-130% of my initial investment the past 6 weeks and right now I'm sitting at 100%.

Honestly, Forex is a great emotional health check. I'm employing a longer-term strategy, where I check the charts each hour (though I obviously sleep for 7-8 hours and I don't have mobile Internet) and if the conditions are met, I enter a trade that might potentially last a few days. Sometimes I lose even though I am disciplined, but it's a better loss than if I was stressing out the whole time because I broke the rules I wanted to play by. I think it actually fits my life philosophy nicely, so I think I have a good shot at being good at it. It's not the money I make, it's the money I keep. At a job, I also waited for a paycheck for a month, so the same logic applies here.

The most important thing is to keep it together and not get stressed by other events in my life, keep on being disciplined and let emotions get into the equation as least as possible.

T: All things considered, I still make some dumb moves, but it seems that my other capabilities seem to offset that occasional emotional faux pas, because the account grows bit by bit. I set up an order of actions prior to entering a trade, so I just have to follow it to be a bit more stable.

N: I think my goals, analysis of the charts and patience could use some work, although it's just about getting comfortable with it over time.

 

Business idea Mk 2:

L: I decided to stop this endeavor for the time being, at least until I've dealt with exams and became a bit better at handling Forex, both mentally and time-wise, though I'm still interested in this, but more for the skill-set involved rather than the financial side of things.

This has the potential to make great money (read: give me a lot of time to do whatever I like in the more distant future, because money rules in democracy) just like Forex. I want to start working on this again once I can make this a priority again.

T: I'm currently half-way through the task of asking people I have on FB to exchange phone numbers and with a bit of chat about what are they up to and what am I up to. I'm keeping stats on how many people I get the number from. Most are fine with sending it over and a bit of chat, but a few jumped and outright unfriended me, which was kind of funny. I also already assisted on a few meetings and it's interesting to get to know people in different angles this way and the reaction is usually slightly positive all things considered.

N: I'm going with my friend for a meeting during for the whole weekend to introduce me into the company more. I think I find the most value in contacting people and setting up meetings, as I am finding I am running into some subconscious resistance by trying to make myself important and worthy of writing and communicating with people. Expanding my comfort zone is my primary motivation in this endeavor.

Edit: Check posts above for current/more detailed info.

 

Women/dating:

L: "Girl A" and I met up once and she returned me the book about relationships I lent her. She is very introspective about her relationship patterns and keeps the conversation logical and impersonal. She doesn't whine. I'm arriving to some conclusions myself now that I know her, some of her thoughts and my relationship with my X. It's intriguing and terrifying at the same time.

T: "Girl A" and I met up thrice on our own during this time-frame; always for at least an hour or two. I enjoyed every single one of these meetings. We also met at several other group events as well, so we see each other often. Except for the hiccup above, it's been pretty smooth going. 

N: I'm meeting her in a group meeting today, so I will take her aside for a few minutes and tell her what I think about yesterday. I won't make it about me or get angry at her. I generally get the best experience with her when I dare to be open a bit more than I would expect myself to be, but I don't plan to tell her what was I going to do yesterday. I feel as if I was one step away from something with her on Saturday and today I feel as if I am five steps away instead, kinda like in "Sorry!" and its variations, so that point is moot.

Edit: Check posts above for current/more detailed info.

 

Masturbation:

L: It's been a strugglebus, but I think I made some progress in at least cutting the number of times I masturbate. I'm holding strong on ejaculation though. I think it'll be like with gaming - I tried to haphazardly quit gaming multiple times, but finally by getting here I reached the breaking point. It's likely gonna take more than a few weeks and re-making the decision that I don't have time to waste.

T: Ejaculation is easy for me to handle, it's just that masturbation overall is difficult to get rid of. It's a process I guess.

 

Meditation:

L: I never got around to do it, though it could be that I incorporate some of it while working out or singing along with music or while on a walk. I want to figure out where to put it into my daily rhythm.

T: I meditated a few times and I enjoyed the calmness. I gotta step up the relaxing activities, even though it sounds like an oxymoron 😄 

 

Gratitude:

L: I noticed I became more grateful in some areas, though I get cocky at times, but mostly when I am alone. I plan to mark down a thing or two in each entry that I am grateful for, preferably something original and non-repetitive.

T: I managed to sneak it in into my journal a couple of times, so that's good.

 

I found a funny picture on the Internet as well. I hope you let it empower you as it empowered me!

how-to-change-your-life-nobody-gives-a-s

 

 

---

 

Additional projects/misc/cool stuff finished last month:

gun license

Additional projects/misc/cool stuff upcoming this month:

birthday at the shooting range

---

 

Thoughts, ideas and additional comments/gratitude: 
 

Spoiler

 

I think I have done a good job at incorporating psychology lectures I’ve seen/learnt into my life. I don’t want to re-live the experience I’ve had last March/April, because it could be deadly.

I gained the ability to plan after I quit games.

Regained/new daily habits: I clean my teeth daily, Duolingo, journaling, working out.

Life’s more colorful and more difficult to deal with, but at least I can look at myself in the mirror now and see myself less skewed than before.

I think I give meaning to things that deserve it now.

I am not horrified of free time anymore. This is a BIG one.

I am using my sociability more sensibly. No more trolling in Twitch chat and streaming.

Coming to think of it, I’ve never been overly anxious to begin with, just the normal amount. I asked girls out on dates on high school. I was just totally oblivious to the signals I sent/received.

I’m more conscious of both what I do and how I do it in relation with other people. I still get anxiety, but I act despite it. I stand tall and have my say.

I'm very lucky to have a mentor in the field I am excited about.

I'm grateful for everyone who has entered my life.


I EMBRACE THE FACT THAT ANYTHING I START DOING, I WILL DO IT BADLY. I CAN ONLY BECOME BETTER INCREMENTALLY AND BY PRACTICE.

 


 
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@Ikar what are the “russian twists”? Sounds like something reckless- Americans routinely add the “russian” to things that are dangerous to do.

Thing on emotions getting in the way: the more good you are, the less things you care about (you only start caring about the important things). The less disciplined you are, the more likely you are going to get distracted by little things and get overwhelmed emotionally.

I heard this on Jocko willink’s podcast. It made me less attentive to how I do things, simple plan well executed is better than a very complicated daily plan with too many activities.

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3 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

@Ikar what are the “russian twists”? Sounds like something reckless- Americans routinely add the “russian” to things that are dangerous to do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkD8rjkodUI

It doesn't seem too horrible for me 😄

3 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

Thing on emotions getting in the way: the more good you are, the less things you care about (you only start caring about the important things). The less disciplined you are, the more likely you are going to get distracted by little things and get overwhelmed emotionally.

I heard this on Jocko willink’s podcast. It made me less attentive to how I do things, simple plan well executed is better than a very complicated daily plan with too many activities.

I think that's true to an extent. I used to care only about gaming all day and it was pathological. I think anything becomes so if you prioritize it too much. But the opposite thing of trying to give a damn about a lot of things can become a problem as well. I had second thoughts about drumming, as while I played the drums for a long time, compared to other activities, I don't have too much passion for it, compared to, for example, shooting. Then there's things you can return to anytime - reading, writing or meditation and you can do these whenever you make some time for them on your own.

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Day 482:

I had an English class in the morning, worked out, did a bit of Forex, finished my report above, did the laundry, cleaned my room, went for a walk, read, took a nap and went for a dinner with my friend.

Day 483:

I sent out CVs to language agencies to get more English classes, watched a YT lecture, worked on the business project, had a family celebration, worked out and wrote to friends.

Day 484:

I watched "The Lion King", planned my next week, went for a walk and read (did that twice today), finished an article on my blog and hopped around with the basketball.

---

These past three days felt extremely slow and drowsy and I can't even remember when was the last time I had a stretch of days like these. I did almost nothing else besides remembering and catching up on habits I let slide by during more busy days. There's more action coming up the next week. Gonna get after it.

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Hi!

 

I really enjoyed your summary thread.  I am actually going to come back so I have time to read the whole thing.

 

There is a piece of advice... which I know is unsolicited... but I think it might be helpful regarding Forex. My friend who is a professional poker player always says... don’t be results oriented. Make the best decision with the information you have... and over the long term you will do well. I hope this helps.

 

You are doing so well in all areas of your life... so happy for you.  Sending love and continued energy.  

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14 hours ago, Icandothis said:

Hi!

 

I really enjoyed your summary thread.  I am actually going to come back so I have time to read the whole thing.

 

There is a piece of advice... which I know is unsolicited... but I think it might be helpful regarding Forex. My friend who is a professional poker player always says... don’t be results oriented. Make the best decision with the information you have... and over the long term you will do well. I hope this helps.

 

You are doing so well in all areas of your life... so happy for you.  Sending love and continued energy.  

It's good advice. I compared it to being new to playing poker; joining a random table will result in receiving some serious ass-kicking at first until you at least learn the ropes. I'm breaking even with my investment money, so I am not completely horrible in this. It doesn't take too much time with the strategy I utilize either; a few dozen minutes every day maximum. The other business idea takes a lot more time, but the idea that it's a "hungry run" of not getting any/little money and investing a lot of time that will eventually pay dividends is there as well.

Thanks for the support 🙂

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Day 485:

I meditated, read, worked on the business idea, attended the philosophy seminar and wrote some mails.

Day 486:

I meditated, cleaned my room, watched a Forex stream, did the groceries, wrote to friends, worked on the business idea, read and went out with "Girl A".

Day 487:

I worked on my mails, took a nap, watched some Jocko Willink, watched a Forex stream, worked out, cooked, took a nap, worked on the business idea and drummed in the evening.

Day 488:

I had an English class, watched a Forex stream, sorted out some mails regarding my Saturday celebration, worked on the business idea, visited my grandma, had another English class, thought how to plan my next three days, glanced over the study materials and sorted out some mails.

---

I spent a few hours with "Girl A" on Tuesday. We went for a ride to a nice viewpoint, attended a philosophy lecture, I gave her some flowers... long story short, we're not dating. We both chose continue seeing each other every now and then though. We still respect each other and are honest to each other. I wouldn't expect this outcome, but perhaps me not getting insulted or depressed by the rejection and trying to approach the whole situation rationally as a mature human being helped keep this relationship together.

I decided to take a breather (or rather, study hard for the exam on Monday) from the business idea for rest of the week. It's proving very difficult to try and do all the work the business idea requires (last week was about 30 hours and the plan for this one was about 30 hours as well - did about 15, while having next to 0 two weeks ago), while having other interests and while going for the final uni exam on Monday. My time management skills are not there yet to incorporate all this and I sometimes notice signs of stress or panic in my behavior and I take it out on myself by either napping, masturbating or not sleeping well. Finding my cool again.

Gratitude: I'm grateful for pushing my limits and learning how to negotiate with myself regarding what am I willing and unwilling to do.

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Ikar , interesting that you track number of hours per week that you invest in activities. Should try this myseld.

how do you create pressure to do more? Does it happen from certain deadlines, written daily plans or another source of inspiration?

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