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Ikar

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10 hours ago, Ikar said:

But he told me that when he started caring too much about the result or even being scared about what is happening, he would no longer be able to bend the spoon and stay present.

This reminds me of an acting exercise I took part in a while ago. It was a class on intimacy and how to be able to use it as a tool while acting. The first exercise was to simply kiss every single person in the class. Weird, but there was so much logic applicable there. The teacher had figured out that kissing somebody new was a novel thing and would throw people off their game. So he got it out of the way as soon as it all started. He called it killing your giggling Japanese school girl. The jitters you get, butterflies, nervousness or blushing? You don't get it while doing a scene if you've already kissed that actor or actress a few times during exercises or drills. Kissing and intimacy then transformed into something in our toolboxes to use while doing scenes, without it being something we'd fret about. It was suddenly just a common thing we could deal with while keeping a level head. Maybe it's like that? Maybe this is you, slowly but surely getting to grips with all of these things. Maybe in the future, you won't respond so twitterpated and be able to keep a clear focus on being in the present? ^^ In any case, I admire how conscious you try to remain while being social with people. It's like you're really really trying hard at connecting and being a more solid human. Mad props, man!

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10 minutes ago, Phoenixking said:

This reminds me of an acting exercise I took part in a while ago. It was a class on intimacy and how to be able to use it as a tool while acting. The first exercise was to simply kiss every single person in the class. Weird, but there was so much logic applicable there. The teacher had figured out that kissing somebody new was a novel thing and would throw people off their game. So he got it out of the way as soon as it all started. He called it killing your giggling Japanese school girl. The jitters you get, butterflies, nervousness or blushing? You don't get it while doing a scene if you've already kissed that actor or actress a few times during exercises or drills. Kissing and intimacy then transformed into something in our toolboxes to use while doing scenes, without it being something we'd fret about. It was suddenly just a common thing we could deal with while keeping a level head. Maybe it's like that?

I have a friend from high school who is studying to be an actor and he mentioned something related to what you pointed out. The performance/play needs to look believable in different contexts. There can be plays where the kiss is nervous, but there can also be plays where the kiss is passionate. The idea is the actor actually needs to embody the given emotion. I can't even begin to imagine how complex that must be to achieve on a regular basis, but I suppose it's practice in a way.

19 minutes ago, Phoenixking said:

Maybe this is you, slowly but surely getting to grips with all of these things. Maybe in the future, you won't respond so twitterpated and be able to keep a clear focus on being in the present? ^^ In any case, I admire how conscious you try to remain while being social with people. It's like you're really really trying hard at connecting and being a more solid human. Mad props, man!

I think I'll stay more grounded the next time as well. I'm really gripped by this area of life at the moment and I try to let the intellect work side by side with emotionality, trying to not go overboard with any. I'm enjoying trying to figure this out, at least in basic shapes.

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I've been thinking about volunteering more and more, too. Today I'm going to make a point to look up some opportunities in my area. I put on my LinkedIn profile that I'm available for volunteer work but nothing ever came of it. I think most people on LinkedIn are just looking for free employees instead of actual volunteers.

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Day 304:

I got mails, read, worked on my website, cooked and worked out. I went out afterwards.

I had a good time chatting for an hour or two with the girl I wanted to talk to. She mentioned she and her female friend dislike the majority way of how females interact with males romantically and that they barely have any other female friends, even though they are both heterosexual. They are both unavailable for dating from what I can tell though.

This is extremely interesting and motivating for me. I feel like I want a woman who is combative in an open way, rather than guilt tripping, so she can qualify in my eyes both as a person I want to have kids with and someone I can hold deep respect for as a friend as well.

Day 305:

I worked out, went for an interview (I think it went well), visited my grandma and attended a seminar about the power of thoughts and words.

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Day 306:

I worked out and got some work done on my web. I think I might be half-way through it at this point. As for working out, I started doing more complex full-body workouts.

I attended a presentation with a guy who is doing interviews with the veterans/insurgents of wars in the Caucasus. I thought it would be more history-oriented at first, but in the end it was about understanding why specific people participated in them, gaining people's trust and getting to the real roots of their participation.

In the evening, I went to an English speaking event and I met a respectable young entrepreneur whom I want to chat with again, because he seems to be on the right track, at least in my eyes. We agreed on the importance of having mentors in our lives to learn from.

Day 307:

I went to the uni, worked out and went to bed early.

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@Ikar, coveting or caring for something too much kills my nerves. I can achieve the result, but at a great mental cost and then cannot enjoy it.

In fact, this thread seems to run through many things in life: attracting a woman, getting your desired job, moving to a new home, reacting to a conflict. When you start thinking: “I will get this, it’s okay, it’s not such a big deal” the people around you seem to notice the change in your composure and start taking a different route with you. 

My friend left his carpet in the common area for the cleaners to pick up a couple of days ago. The concierge who looks after the place, naively thought it was put “away” and took it for herself. My friend’s reaction was surprise, maybe some disagreement, but she didn’t really let herself get worked up over it. 

I then contrast this with an employer in an English law firm who used to swear at his employees and pressured them to bill their clients aggressively. Then, on friday nights he would encourage the employees to go down to a local pub and accept him paying for everybody’s drinks. First anger triggered by coveting, then atonement through gifts?

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29 minutes ago, Amphibian220 said:

@Ikar, coveting or caring for something too much kills my nerves. I can achieve the result, but at a great mental cost and then cannot enjoy it.

In fact, this thread seems to run through many things in life: attracting a woman, getting your desired job, moving to a new home, reacting to a conflict. When you start thinking: “I will get this, it’s okay, it’s not such a big deal” the people around you seem to notice the change in your composure and start taking a different route with you. 

My friend left his carpet in the common area for the cleaners to pick up a couple of days ago. The concierge who looks after the place, naively thought it was put “away” and took it for herself. My friend’s reaction was surprise, maybe some disagreement, but she didn’t really let herself get worked up over it. 

I then contrast this with an employer in an English law firm who used to swear at his employees and pressured them to bill their clients aggressively. Then, on friday nights he would encourage the employees to go down to a local pub and accept him paying for everybody’s drinks. First anger triggered by coveting, then atonement through gifts?

You mention your experiences and areas in my life I want to be more knowledgeable/wise about, but I fail to make the connection in how that relates to one another. It could be that it's past midnight here, but I am unsure how to reply to this, because it seems ambiguous to me.

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Yes I went off topic because you have said something very important. We can have fears over the result causing worry in us (your friend’s statement). By accepting possibility of rejection or failure- the real you start to become visible. People start seeing you for what you are and may be attracted to you. You dont want result at all costs.

Worrying about any sort of results overextends us emotionally. Reading that girl’s signal in that way got you to worry because if she likes you, its causing the question in your head: shall you get closer?

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3 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

Yes I went off topic because you have said something very important. We can have fears over the result causing worry in us (your friend’s statement). By accepting possibility of rejection or failure- the real you start to become visible. People start seeing you for what you are and may be attracted to you. You dont want result at all costs.

Worrying about any sort of results overextends us emotionally. Reading that girl’s signal in that way got you to worry because if she likes you, its causing the question in your head: shall you get closer?

I agree with that. In this regard, I need to gain more experience, because I only started being more social about 10 weeks ago. I am enjoying the process for the most part, simply because I know I can't skip it.

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Day 310:

I did Russian and had a slightly lighter workout, even though it was still difficult to get myself to do it.

I felt oddly lonely afterwards. I truly enjoy putting in the effort to be more social and then analyzing how did that particular conversation/event go and I think that's why I got this sort of a "downtime" when I focus too much on the results and push that passion too hard. It's also the second day where I feel battered at the end of it, despite not doing anything besides the basic maintenance. On the flip-side, my past Saturday was amazing in terms output, so I think that went well and I think I'll get my energy back tomorrow.

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Day 310 addendum:

I had a meeting my father set up with one of his acquaintances, regarding business items I want like calling cards and car stickers. I also chose a new book for me to read from the uni library, as I didn't seriously read for about a month. I am getting "1984" from Orwell; I think it will have a sufficient pull for me. In the evening, I went to the philosophy courses and got good advice regarding using more online platforms to advertise my business.

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6 minutes ago, Ikar said:

Day 310 addendum:

I had a meeting my father set up with one of his acquaintances, regarding business items I want like calling cards and car stickers. I also chose a new book for me to read from the uni library, as I didn't seriously read for about a month. I am getting "1984" from Orwell; I think it will have a sufficient pull for me. In the evening, I went to the philosophy courses and got good advice regarding using more online platforms to advertise my business.

I want to read that after I'm done with the next 2 Red Rising books. I heard it's great.

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Day 311:

I worked extensively on putting myself on the online platforms I wrote about. I also worked out and my mom came to visit me on the dorms for a bit. I went to one lecture in the evening and stayed up late with others in the student's lounge.

Day 312:

I went for an interview, worked out, did Duolingo and wrote. I'm going to read 1984 before bed.

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I read from this book “1984” and dislike how the media pushes it as predicting the future. This and the other books of its genre aren’t really predicting the future that much. If you read Jules Verne’s fantasy novels - he was writing about powerful submarines powered by electricity, spacecraft taking humans into outer space.

This wasn’t achieved in his time, but many scientists hypothesized that in time technology would get to a milestone where these missions would be achievable.

An informed guess about 50 years into the future is much easier than 300 years into the future.

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3 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

I read from this book “1984” and dislike how the media pushes it as predicting the future. This and the other books of its genre aren’t really predicting the future that much. If you read Jules Verne’s fantasy novels - he was writing about powerful submarines powered by electricity, spacecraft taking humans into outer space.

This wasn’t achieved in his time, but many scientists hypothesized that in time technology would get to a milestone where these missions would be achievable.

An informed guess about 50 years into the future is much easier than 300 years into the future.

I'm some 60 pages into 1984. I think Orwell's idea was to point out the ways of how can technology be used to control and alter behavior of individuals, but in the end it was just an ideological tool. So while he was predicting a dystopian future in England, he was describing the current reality in the Soviet Union. I don't think describing a dystopian future was ever Verne's motivation. They're incomparable in that regard.

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Day 313:

I worked out and went to the uni.

In the evening, I went out to an English speaking event. I got to meet with a mother of two who told me she hates her life, because all she does is to take care of her kids all the time and that her partner doesn't care about their kids at all, so she's planning to move away. It was really all she could talk about, as her life was just reduced to care-taking activities. She also said that bad luck seems to pursue her in all her endeavors outside of that.

She also told me that I have a great life. It wasn't like that all the time though. Less than a year ago, my life was a total train-wreck without me even knowing about it. But I took responsibility for myself, started to discipline myself, stopped lying to myself and started to live my life with dignity. This conversation reminded me of that.

I also got asked what made me happy in life. I said it was working out and maybe reading.

I didn't consciously think of it in the moment, but I think my brain rephrased it to "what makes my life meaningful". I hardly ever feel the ecstatic emotions of immense joy or sadness. In fact, what I feel the most is the feeling of tranquility. I'd even argue I feel this way too often and that I could use the element of change/instability in my life, but it's not something I want to artificially counter.

Day 314:

I went to the uni, worked out and read.

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3 hours ago, Ikar said:

Day 313:

I worked out and went to the uni.

In the evening, I went out to an English speaking event. I got to meet with a mother of two who told me she hates her life, because all she does is to take care of her kids all the time and that her partner doesn't care about their kids at all, so she's planning to move away. It was really all she could talk about, as her life was just reduced to care-taking activities. She also said that bad luck seems to pursue her in all her endeavors outside of that.

She also told me that I have a great life. It wasn't like that all the time though. Less than a year ago, my life was a total train-wreck without me even knowing about it. But I took responsibility for myself, started to discipline myself, stopped lying to myself and started to live my life with dignity. This conversation reminded me of that.

I also got asked what made me happy in life. I said it was working out and maybe reading.

I didn't consciously think of it in the moment, but I think my brain rephrased it to "what makes my life meaningful". I hardly ever feel the ecstatic emotions of immense joy or sadness. In fact, what I feel the most is the feeling of tranquility. I'd even argue I feel this way too often and that I could use the element of change/instability in my life, but it's not something I want to artificially counter.

Day 314:

I went to the uni, worked out and read.

It's always interesting hearing people's perspectives on your life. I remember I was brutally depressed last summer and when I showed what I believed to be clear-cut signs of dangerous behavior, people just thought I was acting confident and made well-thought decisions. Other times I've been happy for a few days and received comments on how I'm always happy. That couldn't be further from the truth, but it's apparently how I carried myself.

The real and only information that I'd grab from that talk with her is that you can self-reflect on your journey a bit and see where you have come. It's tough because progress isn't always noticeable in our own eyes since we live it every day.

It's a nice compliment to receive.

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It boggles my mind how often people who chose to have children spend all their time complaining about the fact that they have children. Lol. I work in a child support office so it's basically all I hear day in and day out.

I know what you mean about not feeling strong emotions very often. I get excited about moving forward in music but that's about it. I got pretty low yesterday, lower than I've been since I quit drinking, but I'm back now. Other than that, though, I never have anything truly sad or happy in my life.

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5 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

It's always interesting hearing people's perspectives on your life. I remember I was brutally depressed last summer and when I showed what I believed to be clear-cut signs of dangerous behavior, people just thought I was acting confident and made well-thought decisions. Other times I've been happy for a few days and received comments on how I'm always happy. That couldn't be further from the truth, but it's apparently how I carried myself.

I think only a few people can truly get to know me in the context that I am in now and even fewer will be able to know me in the context of my past and present, to offer good insights to how I should act in the future at any point of my life. The bottom line is, the best person I can turn to if I need help is me.

6 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

The real and only information that I'd grab from that talk with her is that you can self-reflect on your journey a bit and see where you have come. It's tough because progress isn't always noticeable in our own eyes since we live it every day.

It's a nice compliment to receive.

I agree. It was also a good opportunity to see how I lived in the past and what I want to avoid in the future - a uni-dimensional life where one thing defines me completely.

6 hours ago, ceponatia said:

It boggles my mind how often people who chose to have children spend all their time complaining about the fact that they have children. Lol. I work in a child support office so it's basically all I hear day in and day out.

Are people seriously complaining about having children? I'm not sure if there's anything more despicable than that. Those people should wear a giant sign saying "I'm an idiot, because I can't hold myself responsible for having kids, because I hate my own decision to have them."

From what I gathered, they decided to have kids to sort of "revivify" their relationship that wasn't going well. Two kids later, I guess they realized adding more children band-aids is not sustainable.

6 hours ago, ceponatia said:

I know what you mean about not feeling strong emotions very often. I get excited about moving forward in music but that's about it. I got pretty low yesterday, lower than I've been since I quit drinking, but I'm back now. Other than that, though, I never have anything truly sad or happy in my life.

Got it. Like everything, it's got it pros and cons.

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10 hours ago, Ikar said:

Are people seriously complaining about having children? I'm not sure if there's anything more despicable than that. Those people should wear a giant sign saying "I'm an idiot, because I can't hold myself responsible for having kids, because I hate my own decision to have them."

From what I gathered, they decided to have kids to sort of "revivify" their relationship that wasn't going well. Two kids later, I guess they realized adding more children band-aids is not sustainable.

I think there's two things that go on there. One is that some people are just addicted to negativity and misery and no matter what happens they will be unhappy. Others are completely incapable of taking responsibility for the decisions they've made in life. I deal with the latter far more at my office. Like women who complain that their baby's father doesn't pay child support even though they've known all along that he has 6 children with other women that he's never paid for. Why would this time be different? lol.

"...wear a giant sign saying 'I'm an idiot..." that's funny because it's what I always say about people who complain about their spouse. It's like advertising that you're a moron who makes horrible decisions. Lol.

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