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Ikar

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7 X 7 X 7 - differences

It's been over 21 months since I quit the army, over 14 months since I quit gaming and nearly 7 months since I started living at the dormitory. It's time for another big update. I went through my previous monthly reports and picked out the areas of my life I focus/focused on.

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Exercise/movement:

I started going to the dormitory gym on 31st December. I started out small, doing 15 grip "over" and 15 grip "under" pull-ups and 100 sit-ups. For comparison, nowadays I regularly do 35 pull-ups of both kind, 150 crunches/sit-ups, 150 Russian twists and 50 push-ups. I cycle more often (approximately 20km a week now), sometimes hop around with the basketball and take walks to the park when I read.

I am happy with my current physique, I think it's actually the best it's ever been. I know there are ways to be more efficient, so I'll look into diet and exercises with someone more competent, as well as some exercises for my legs. I want to pick up a martial art as well.

 

Reading:

I read 8 books during this time of various topics - dating, psychology, philosophy or finance.

I think reading is the habit that goes out of the window first whenever I feel I need to prioritize something else. Regardless, I want to start taking notes when I read.

 

Family:

I get to see all of my family (mom, dad, brother, grandma) every week.

I think mom and dad handled the transition caused by my departure well. They argue sometimes, but it seems to be that healthy kind of arguing that keeps the relationship alive and that solves problems rather than causing them. My brother seems happy with his girlfriend and my grandma is happy the family sticks together and that she sees us regularly. I think my family respects me more overall and understands when/how I need to assert myself.

 

University:

This semester, I passed all but one exam during the exam term, so now there's just that and one nearly-finished project to be completed.

I did a good job catching up onto home-works during the semester. I think the preparation during the exam term could've been better, however it was challenging to set the priorities straight to satisfy all the areas of my life. I'm happy with how I did overall. I want to keep the habit of spending one morning a week during the semester on uni stuff.

 

Drumming:

Last month, I went drumming a couple of times with my two band-members.

I feel as if I already got better at playing the drums than I was before couple of years ago. The only issue here might be the genre, as I think we sometimes play too many doomy-gloomy, melancholic and unhappy songs. I want to push for something more positive and/or more energetic.

 

Forex:

I started three months ago, half of the time I spent on demo and now I am on real. On real, I was anywhere between 90%-130% of my initial investment the past 6 weeks and right now I'm sitting at 100%.

Honestly, Forex is a great emotional health check. I'm employing a longer-term strategy, where I check the charts each hour (though I obviously sleep for 7-8 hours and I don't have mobile Internet) and if the conditions are met, I enter a trade that might potentially last a few days. Sometimes I lose even though I am disciplined, but it's a better loss than if I was stressing out the whole time and broke the rules I want to play by. I think it actually fits my life philosophy nicely, so I think I have a good shot at being good at it. It's not the money I make, it's the money I keep. At a job, I also waited for a paycheck for a month, so the same logic applies here.

 

English teaching:

I had a lot of classes in November/December. I couldn't find anything that fit my criteria afterwards, so I got the trade license, got the website up and CV struck afterwards. I am currently running one class for volunteers charitably and I have another one I get paid for well.

I like teaching English, though I feel I have accepted it can't be a great focus of mine currently, because I can't control how many classes I get (or not) and because I can't control how much an employer is willing to pay me. I already handed out quite a few business cards to interesting people I met at the class. I accept that I have to keep it small scale for the time being.

 

Writing/GQ forum:

I write here (reports like these), I started writing a blog on 31st December (5 articles thus far), wrote my business website and I wrote a bit of Self-authoring.

I didn't write anything in the past two months besides a report or two. To clarify, I mean this in the context of writing just for writing itself or "active" writing. I mostly do "reactive" writing - I react on somebody else's post/topic/message. I am going to shift the balance, meaning I will post less and not sub to any more new threads, but I'll keep checking/posting in the ones I already posted in and post more on my blog. I think "active" writing is more rewarding, as it forces me to think actively, whereas "reactive" writing means merely stating my current opinion and there's no novelty involved. If I discuss something with someone, it's better to do it in person anyway. I'll be more than happy to exchange PMs though, especially if they'll be as eloquent as the ones @gargamel sent me recently, so you know what to do if you want to provoke me 😄

 

Being social:

I talk to people more nowadays and I often face the choice of forgoing one event for another. Before that, everyone I could realistically get in contact more often than once a week were my parents.

I knew I had to start my social life from the scratch when I quit games. It took me a while, but I got the vibe I couldn't do that without moving from my parents in the suburbs, as all there is is just one pub. Another small shift I noticed recently was that I actively started to get invited to events, although I am aware it's still necessary to break the ice sometimes and try something new.

 

Minor areas (currently):

Gun license: I'm setting this up. Got the papers in and I should start in two weeks. I want to get back into it because I loved the activity when I was in the army and I kept on talking about doing it after I left it. The time has come. Spending a day on the shooting range a month sounds great.

Russian: I am on Duolingo with a streak of 280, but while I enjoy the randomness of doing it just because I can, I'm also unsure what exactly am I going to do with it and I've been like that for a while. I'm going to quit it on 5th August, unless I find a purpose for it.

Business idea Mk 2: This has the potential to make great money (read: give me a lot of time to do whatever I like in the more distant future, because money rules in democracy) just like Forex. I want to start working on this again once I can make this a priority again.

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Related thoughts:

 

Men and women:

I don't write about my friendships with men a lot, but I think it'll do them some justice if I spend a paragraph regarding these here. Part of the reason why is because they are stable and I can count on them if needed, even if I see guy X "only" once a month or so. They have this stabilization effect for me, even if they bring in something novel every now and then. I can reach this state even with women I am not interested in romantically, though it's generally too much hassle to reach that state because of the sex difference and blurry lines.

I have a whole different system of relating to women I am interested in romantically. The most interesting thing is that if a man and a woman would objectively behave the same way/did the same thing, what I would consider a weakness in a man could be a a desirable trait for me in a woman and vice versa.

 

Masturbation:

It's been a strugglebus, but I think I made some progress in at least cutting the number of times I masturbate. I'm holding strong on ejaculation though. I think it'll be like with gaming - I tried to haphazardly quit gaming multiple times, but finally by getting here I reached the breaking point. It's likely gonna take more than a few weeks and re-making the decision that I don't have time to waste.

 

Meditation:

I never got around to do it, though it could be that I incorporate some of it while working out or singing along with music or while on a walk. I want to figure out where to put it into my daily rhythm.

 

Gratitude:

I noticed I became more grateful in some areas, though I get cocky at times, but mostly when I am alone. I plan to mark down a thing or two in each entry that I am grateful for, preferably something original and non-repetitive.

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Closing thoughts:

The overall analysis I gather from the bold text (goals/action plans) is that I need to be comfortable spending more time on my own without any distractions. I'd rather be bored than to do something I don't find useful and have no real justification for doing it. Another interesting point is that I notice more things are naturally coming to me rather than me having to chase them all the time (hunter X fisher mentality).

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3 hours ago, Ikar said:

7 X 7 X 7 - differences

It's been over 21 months since I quit the army, over 14 months since I quit gaming and nearly 7 months since I started living at the dormitory. It's time for another big update. I went through my previous monthly reports and picked out the areas of my life I focus/focused on.

Such an amazing journey, @Ikar! Thanks for the inspiration!👍

3 hours ago, Ikar said:

The most interesting thing is that if a man and a woman would objectively behave the same way/did the same thing, what I would consider a weakness in a man could be a a desirable trait for me in a woman and vice versa.

I agree! 🤣 

3 hours ago, Ikar said:

I want to push for something more positive and/or more energetic.

Try Metallica. Their beats are heavy AF! 😂 Nirvana and Red Hot Chili Peppers as well!

Good luck and keep it up, my friend! 👏

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18 hours ago, Ikar said:

The overall analysis I gather from the bold text (goals/action plans) is that I need to be comfortable spending more time on my own without any distractions. I'd rather be bored than to do something I don't find useful and have no real justification for doing it

This is so difficult. It's about finding that comfort in activities you're interested in. I'm recently finding this with trail walking, sculpting, tv shows, reading, and music. 

 

18 hours ago, Ikar said:

Masturbation:

It's been a strugglebus, but I think I made some progress in at least cutting the number of times I masturbate. I'm holding strong on ejaculation though. I think it'll be like with gaming - I tried to haphazardly quit gaming multiple times, but finally by getting here I reached the breaking point. It's likely gonna take more than a few weeks and re-making the decision that I don't have time to waste.

 

Meditation:

I never got around to do it, though it could be that I incorporate some of it while working out or singing along with music or while on a walk. I want to figure out where to put it into my daily rhythm.

I tried combining these because I got bored meditating and wanted to quit porn. People said it would help me quit porn. The issue is it's way stronger and more addictive I found. I did find a good app called insight timer that was good for guided meditation over other trendy apps. Masturbation will likely be difficult even if we found a girlfriend. So be proud of the fact you're limiting it.

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On 7/4/2020 at 2:14 PM, chiliflavor said:

Such an amazing journey, @Ikar! Thanks for the inspiration!👍

Thanks!

On 7/4/2020 at 2:14 PM, chiliflavor said:

Try Metallica. Their beats are heavy AF! 😂 Nirvana and Red Hot Chili Peppers as well!

They are all obviously great bands, though the guys already had some concepts/incomplete songs even before I came and they were curious how'd they sound with drums. The real issues are whether I am musically curious enough (to research and come up with something, which would require actively listening to songs) and how seriously do I want to take this (I'm up for playing at concerts and improving my style, but I do not plan to become a music star) and whether that meets their expectations or not.

15 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

This is so difficult. It's about finding that comfort in activities you're interested in. I'm recently finding this with trail walking, sculpting, tv shows, reading, and music. 

It's strange that even sometimes doing nothing is the right choice and better than doing something. It turns out creative boredom is a thing.

15 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I tried combining these because I got bored meditating and wanted to quit porn. People said it would help me quit porn. The issue is it's way stronger and more addictive I found. I did find a good app called insight timer that was good for guided meditation over other trendy apps. Masturbation will likely be difficult even if we found a girlfriend. So be proud of the fact you're limiting it.

I read somewhere (maybe even here on the forum) that real "forces of nature" such as sex are appealing for us to have control over them completely, but I believe they are meant to be partly uncontrollable. Dealing with the animal inside us is always difficult, but we'd be gods otherwise. I'm happy about the fact that I am progressing.

I remember telling my X I'd quit masturbating completely, because I'd have sex with her, although I don't think we met often enough/regularly enough to make that work. I did 13 days "clean" before. I suppose I could push it to two weeks nowadays, especially if I set up some mechanisms with my future GF that I'd call her/contact her/do something nice for her every time I feel horny and then enjoy the fact I managed to hold out. I think it'd be rewarding for both of us.

I'll check out the app, thanks for that 🙂

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Day 440:

I had an English class in the morning, wrote, watched a Peterson video (it seems he's recovering from his health issues), drummed with the band, went for a dinner in the evening and took a walk afterwards.

Day 441:

I watched a Zoom recording about the business idea, planned my next week, finished the big report and drove over by car to "Girl A" 's cottage with a few other people.

Day 442:

We returned, I wrote here, did the laundry and went out for a walk.

---

The party was nice. It wasn't too crazy nor too boring. I expected it to be a bit bigger; in the end, some 15 people arrived. I also drove for two and a half hours in both days, so it was exhausting as well.

I succeeded in not ejaculating for 10 days as I wanted to.

I plan to spend the whole day today relaxing and focusing on myself.

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I am glad for Peterson, I hope he will completely recover. Your day 440 sounds really fun :)
I should try planning my week in advance as well! I'll try it tomorrow morning.

I also was on a party a week ago, my brother and his 2 friends invited around 35 people to a countryside house with a pool. Girls where really hot, all of them in bikinis, around 6 of them in thongs, damn son. But I resolved in advance that i won't drink and later I decided I won't go for any of the girls (one of them was obviously interested in me), so I went home early, got some sleep and got back to studying. 

Edited by gargamel
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2 hours ago, gargamel said:

I am glad for Peterson, I hope he will completely recover. Your day 440 sounds really fun 🙂
I should try planning my week in advance as well! I'll try it tomorrow morning.

I also was on a party a week ago, my brother and his 2 friends invited around 35 people to a countryside house with a pool. Girls where really hot, all of them in bikinis, around 6 of them in thongs, damn son. But I resolved in advance that i won't drink and later I decided I won't go for any of the girls (one of them was obviously interested in me), so I went home early, got some sleep and got back to studying. 

I mostly plan only activities that I do with others (including exams and business), so while I hit the gym only "when I feel like it", I usually hit it every other day 🙂

Good for you! I did drink, but it just reminded me of how annoying the effects of it are afterwards. The girls on my party were overall in a weird/depressed mood for whatever reason, with small stretches where they would party harder than guys. It was interesting to observe that 😄

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I wish I could go to the gym but mine is still closed. I get by with body weight stuff just so that my legs don't completely atrophy, lol. I wasn't working out at all for about a month and BOY did I get sick both mentally and physically.

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8 hours ago, ceponatia said:

I wish I could go to the gym but mine is still closed. I get by with body weight stuff just so that my legs don't completely atrophy, lol. I wasn't working out at all for about a month and BOY did I get sick both mentally and physically.

I worked out in my room as well, but it wasn't as fun, so I am happy that the gym is open for quite a while now. That said, I didn't work out properly in three days, as yesterday I got a diarrhea after my first set, so I decided to create some stretching exercises as well, as I don't normally do them.

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Day 444:

I mapped out my thoughts, did Forex, worked on the GIS project, did the laundry, hopped around with basketball, did groceries, visited a seminar on creative writing, hanged out with an acquaintance and attended frisbee night.

Day 445:

I slept in a bit, cleaned my room, did Forex, sorted out my photos, hopped around with basketball, worked out, worked on the GIS project, worked on a task in the business idea Mk 2, went for a walk, read and went for a dinner with a friend.

---

The creative writing seminar was fun. I randomly created a futuristic sci-fi story intro with orbital stations, newts and Earth in disarray. I saw and talked to "Girl A" three days in a row.

Gratitude: I'm grateful for the experience of older people than I am, as I will be old one day as well.

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Day 446:

I worked on the GIS project, did Forex, worked out, visited my grandma, had an English class and went to an English event in the evening.

Day 447:

I had an English class, took a nap, worked on the GIS project, planned my next week, did Duolingo and visited the shooting range to get the gun license.

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Today I shot a gun after two years. It was great.

I made my weekly % on Forex on Wednesday, so I decided to take a break for the rest of the week. The last week I made it by Wednesday as well, but I got greedy and lost my profit by Friday. I learnt my lesson.

I find I have more time recently, so I can pick up more projects and start meditating. Most noticeably I went ham on masturbating, so I need more things to work on to weed it out again.

Gratitude: I'm grateful for women. You make the world even more interesting than it already is.

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Day 448:

I watched "Fun to Imagine" with R. Feynman, worked out, went drumming with the band, started writing a new article for my blog and watched a Peterson lecture.

Day 449:

I wrote here, went for a walk and read, set up Forex analyses for next week, visited my family and did multiple small things there, went to the gym to stretch, played ping-pong and worked on the GIS project.

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The most interesting thing from "Fun to Imagine" was that CO2 gets broken down in plants/trees by solar energy to C that goes to plants and O2 that we breathe. When we burn plants/trees, the C and O2 unite again, giving the solar energy back in the form of fire. I never made that connection!

I actually woke up excited today and for a few seconds thought it was Monday and I was eager to get into the Forex charts, only to realize it was Sunday. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing 😄

I already did a few tests for the gun license online to practice a little bit. I should have the exams at the end of July.

I sleep/nap more due to the fact my schedule got more loose, but it's just one or two more hours daily. I think it's a good thing, as I am rediscovering the things I've long forgotten such as my blog. All my evenings are packed the next week, as well as a part of my mornings and I will have to study for my last exam, so taking a few days slow is a good idea.

I held out and didn't masturbate the past two days.

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Day 450:

I did a practice test for the gun license, worked on the GIS project, hopped around with football and basketball with a friend, took a short energy nap, cooked and went for the gun license course in the evening.

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I stretched at the gym yesterday, because right now I have some issues with my left shoulder. I'm aware of the fact at least since I did physical exams in the military more than two years ago, but since then I just gamed and never worked out, so it wasn't an issue. I started working out regularly several months ago and since then I had it happen two or three times, where I'd move my shoulder too much in a certain direction, feel sharp pain instantly and then blunt pain in the shoulder for a couple of days. I suspect it's got something with the sinews/cartilages inside. I'll go see my practitioner this week and then some specialist.

The GIS project is nearly done and all the data is in. Now I just need to figure out some "sauce" for the interpretation of data, though I'll leave that until after I am done with the exam next Monday, as I want to start studying for that tomorrow.

I didn't masturbate this night/morning either.

Gratitude: I'm grateful for feeling energetic today and getting a lot of work done. I'm grateful for having a balanced lifestyle, not depending on anything too much. I'm grateful for being patient and being able to let things take their own course at times.

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17 hours ago, Icandothis said:

Continued to be inspired by your posts. 
 

Just one step at a time, you are accomplishing so much. So so happy for you. 😊

Thank you! I hope your chemo goes well.

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I feel as if everything in the macro world around me is going great and that I am working on my priorities as I should.

  1. I'm working towards getting my gun license.
  2. Forex is somewhat bumpy at times, but I never lost money in the grand scheme of things in the past 4 months. I just need to perfect the style I am currently using. *
  3. I have just one university exam left to pass in a few days.
  4. I am the closest to a woman ("Girl A") that I've been since the relationship with my X.

Though it seems that internally I am fighting something or that something is off. It could be that I saw/met/talked to "Girl A" five days in a row (in different circumstances), didn't see her for five more now and won't be able to see her for five more either. It could be that I have more time than I know what to do with, because I didn't set up many events this week. Linked to that, it could be I use socialization with others as a way to blow off some steam after getting after it for rest of the day. It could be that I have more energy after a week of not masturbating. I think it's all the factors combined together.

I am doing fine and I am holding strong on things I want to avoid, such as masturbation or biting my nails/fingers. Even though a lot of things feel intense these days, I feel steadfast and I do not want to sedate myself with masturbation.

I want to develop more of a vision for my life combined with goals. I am aware I have a lot of good things going on in my life and I am persistent with these to the extreme, although it's not always obvious what am I going for specifically. I never liked the idea of having goals that were once fulfilled and then done, but I might need to take them a bit more seriously to help me on the way through life.

 

* I made a point today to be on the markets only when I am at my computer though - when I am out, I want to be out and I think that smartphones in public are even worse than cigarettes socially.

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Day 451:

I watched a Forex stream, went for a walk and read, worked out, studied, wrote, practiced the gun license test a few times and visited a philosophy seminar in the evening.

Day 452:

I studied, watched a Forex stream, worked out, took a nap, wrote here and went to the shooting range in the evening. I still got it, as far as marksmanship is concerned.

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Day 453:

I visited my practitioner regarding my shoulder (I'll be seeing a specialist in a few weeks), went to the swimming pool, did some shopping, bought a gift for my brother for his birthday, visited my grandma and had an English lesson in the evening.

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Gratitude: I had a busy day today and I talked to people a lot, so I am grateful for that.

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Ikar, its interesting that you mention talking to people a lot. I find it hard to find a reason/agenda to talk to people, only when I’ve got work matters or other practical issues that require communication.

Even in settings when I do need to talk, I’m self conscious but a lot more confident because I accepted that disagreements and arguments are a necessary part of life. 

Do you create these opportunities through attending various venues posted by your university? 

Can you tell me what the gun test is like? Is it to test your psychology/character to see that you are safe to own a weapon?

Edited by Amphibian220
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11 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

Ikar, its interesting that you mention talking to people a lot. I find it hard to find a reason/agenda to talk to people, only when I’ve got work matters or other practical issues that require communication.

I had that yesterday. I'm also reluctant to just socialize for the sake of it, so that's why I attend themed events.

11 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

Even in settings when I do need to talk, I’m self conscious but a lot more confident because I accepted that disagreements and arguments are a necessary part of life. 

I find that I do not have any people around me to actively argue and disagree with in an antagonistic manner, maybe because I am not that person that would seek conflict for the sake of conflict. If it's someone I care about, then I state my opinion and let them do what they want to do anyway.

11 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

Do you create these opportunities through attending various venues posted by your university? 

Some of them are linked to it, but not all.

11 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

Can you tell me what the gun test is like? Is it to test your psychology/character to see that you are safe to own a weapon?

It's a written test with about 500 ABC questions from the general knowledge of the laws, gun and ammo types etc. and then there's the actual shooting and assembly/disassembly and safe handling. I didn't notice any questions/test about psychology/character. I think the main reason is that a criminal/someone deranged would hardly ever think of getting papers for gun license/gun itself in the first place if they were going to do something illegal with it.

Edited by Ikar
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Day 454:

I had an English class, I studied for the exam on Monday, met with the friend from "business idea mk 2" and went to the gun license course in the evening.

Day 455:

I planned the next week, studied, watched a Peterson lecture, went for a walk and read, put my advert back into the bars of my dorm window, attended my brother's birthday party and worked out in the evening.

Day 456:

I studied, wrote here, went for a longer walk and read and watched a longer Peterson lecture.

---

I felt a lot better the last few days because I socialized a bit more after the weekend and the beginning of this week. Linked to that is the interesting idea of outsourcing sanity, meaning one has to be social to keep it together.

I noticed I am watching more videos with Jocko Willink and Jordan Peterson.

 

I met with my friend from the "business idea mk 2" and I am still sort of dumbfounded by his attitude. He's the same age, makes good money/is involved in an interesting business and his vision of what he wants to accomplish in life seems crystal clear compared to mine.

I think this is actually caused by the fact I was never taught to dream (and plan) in a constructive manner, to the level where I got emotionally attached to the goal that I defined for myself and would do whatever it took to accomplish it.

All I was taught was to grind and grind, which I think I perfected to some extent, even though nobody cared enough (not even myself) to point me towards the "right things" and that would produce opportunities that I would like to take in my puberty/early adolescence. I'm aware of this now, though it's a long way to go.

Although I noticed I like to think about what to do/talk about with "Girl A" in a healthy matter, which means that I am able to "dream and execute" to some extent in the area of my social/relationship endeavors. It includes doing some activities, thinking about what was said, mapping her out (and not being oblivious to her differences or flaws). It'd be awesome to be this inspired in the other areas of my life as well.

 

I'm studying for the gun license tests, though I'll need to step that up the next week to perfect it. Same goes for shooting from the hunting rifle, one actually needs to be quite precise with it over distance.

The past few days have been masturbation galore. I ejaculated twice in three days after being clean for a week. I actually used this to my advantage today; I calmed myself down to study for the exam tomorrow and wasn't as distracted, though I felt a bit drained during the day. Turns out sometimes being slow and uninventive helps 😄

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1 hour ago, Ikar said:

I met with my friend from the "business idea mk 2" and I am still sort of dumbfounded by his attitude. He's the same age, makes good money/is involved in an interesting business and his vision of what he wants to accomplish in life seems crystal clear compared to mine.

I think this is actually caused by the fact I was never taught to dream (and plan) in a constructive manner, to the level where I got emotionally attached to the goal that I defined for myself and would do whatever it took to accomplish it.

All I was taught was to grind and grind, which I think I perfected to some extent, even though nobody cared enough (not even myself) to point me towards the "right things" and that would produce opportunities that I would like to take in my puberty/early adolescence. I'm aware of this now, though it's a long way to go.

Regarding this friend you met - I am quite sure he didn't spend a lot of time thinking theoretically/philosophically about the world, which you are doing a lot lately. However important that is, theoretical thinking also separates us from our private life, because we occupy our mind with issues that relate to impersonal or all-encompassing phenomena. 

Also, it is difficult to plan out your life while you are philosophically questioning. Because you are often questioning value structures, you are questioning what is worth pursing in life. Some people need longer than others to settle. And that's totally fine. 

Besides... you are still really young. A lot of people are apprentices until their mid 30s and only then start their own business, nothing wrong with that at all.

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7 hours ago, gargamel said:

Regarding this friend you met - I am quite sure he didn't spend a lot of time thinking theoretically/philosophically about the world, which you are doing a lot lately. However important that is, theoretical thinking also separates us from our private life, because we occupy our mind with issues that relate to impersonal or all-encompassing phenomena. 

I think I should ask him some questions to help me relate to him better. I think the more useful emotion I should feel towards it/him would be inspiration instead of being dumbfounded or awestruck. I know action creates motivation/inspiration as well, but there are certain things that inspire us when we see them for the first time and we say "I want that."

7 hours ago, gargamel said:

Also, it is difficult to plan out your life while you are philosophically questioning. Because you are often questioning value structures, you are questioning what is worth pursing in life. Some people need longer than others to settle. And that's totally fine. 

That's a good point. I think a lot of people would agree on dreaming about/aiming for having a nice house/flat, a family that is doing well, a satisfying job etc. At the same time, a lot of people fail to do that and in many cases it's unlikely that it would be because they do not have enough money/time. I'm not sure where I got this statement from, but I jokingly mentioned a few times that no woman would plan to be a single mother and yet...

For example, in the past 6 months, I have to say my conception of "having a job" to make money got absolutely crushed. Not that it's a bad thing or that it shook me emotionally, but it forces me to search for answers in other places than I did thus far and so it makes sense I am not settled in this area.

7 hours ago, gargamel said:

Besides... you are still really young. A lot of people are apprentices until their mid 30s and only then start their own business, nothing wrong with that at all.

That's the thing I was thinking about as well, whether it is actually productive to have far-reaching plans for the future (say, longer than two-three years) while being this young. One needs to mess around in some area a bit to get some practice before being at least half-way knowledgeable enough to put together a sensible plan of action (including quitting it completely). Just because most people say they plan to have a family and eventually get one as well, it's not automatic that you should do it until you find your own reasons and it doesn't make sense to found it on the "off-chance".

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Day 457:

I wrote here, hopped around with my basketball, worked out, wrote a bit in my next blog article, wrote the uni exam, checked out the GIS project, took a nap and went to the shooting range in the evening. It's still rough for me on the hunting rifle, though pistol is top notch.

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“Pistols are the hardest to shoot” was what my shooting instructor said to me when he handed the beautiful Glock. That is because they are too short and don’t let you stabilize them like you can do a rifle. I remember missing targets at 20 metres range.

I only fired a glock pistol so I don’t know how the rifle is different. 

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