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BooksandTrees
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My theory paid off. I condensed 10 hours of lectures into 2 hours of problem solving and feel extremely comfortable with the topics. I'm going to repeat this for the rest of the time I'm studying and then focus on major problems the next 3 weeks. I feel so much better today than I did earlier. Incredible. My confidence is soaring. 

Work was good. It was a little challenging, but I feel like I'm progressing my project well. I think I'm gonna be able to complete my studying in time for this exam after today's success. 

I had a good therapy session today as well.

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i'm so tired today. I'm making good headway on my projects at work. I'm trying to study tonight but I'm so tired. I'd love to sleep right now but I can't because I'll wake up at 2 AM. I'm gonna try to push through and get a few study videos down. I'm doing good on that front.

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I was pretty stressed out after studying tonight and watched a relaxing movie from my childhood and ate a piece of dark chocolate. I feel better now. I'm making great progress I'm just tired. I couldn't nap today and it showed. I'll nap each day between now and the exam though. I've got this. 

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I'm pretty tired again today. I've been studying 4-6 hours per day after work and it's hitting me. I'm studying now and hoping to be done with a good amount. I've put myself in a good situation.

It turns out I'm the only person I know taking this exam now. Everyone else has withdrawn. I want to stick through and give it my all. I want to relax a little tomorrow before studying and I think it's better to study tonight and relax tomorrow than relax tonight and wish to relax tomorrow.

Work went well again. I'm feeling better about my project every day.

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i'm brutally tired today. I feel bad because I wanted to finish a project but I got invited to go to an outdoor bar with my friend. I initially wanted to go, but I got so tired. The bar was like 40 minutes away in both directions and I just didn't have the energy to drive there and back and drink etc. I've got little in the tank. I am taking tonight off from studying and will be at it tomorrow. I just want to relax. I might sleep early and then wake up early like a moron. I'm just tired.

My friend understood. I just feel bad because I appreciate my friendship with them and feel special that they view me as a friend. Oh well.

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Today I'm 102 weeks free from video games and 104 weeks free (2 years!) free from social media. I feel good about both. I've spent much of today relaxing and doing nothing. I think I was so burnt out after this past week of working 50 hours and studying 30 hours that I had nothing in the tank. I'm gonna buy some of my favorite food soon and have a nice dinner and then study more. 

I still felt sad that I didn't see my friends last night, but I am ok about it now. They understood and I understood. No need to go insane over it. It's such a peaceful day today. I start each day playing a few notes on my steel tongue drum and end that way as well. I enjoy it because I just play the notes I want to feel emotionally. I don't follow any instructions. This drum is meant to be expressive.

My dreams have been very vivid. Like almost realistic. I can tell my mind is exhausted. It feels like I'm alive in the dreams and I'm in another world. They link together because I remember all of my dreams so the past few weeks has been one continuous dream which is very interesting. Conversations I have with people in my dreams have both me and them bringing up topics from previous dreams this week. I've never experienced this before.

I have watched more porn this week than previous weeks. About 4 times. Still not bad compared to years past. I found an actress who is very passionate and sensual and it's something I've always wanted in life so I'm helplessly intrigued and wish for that one day. It will happen. I had mentioned I was sick an tired of porn because of how obviously fake it is and how much of a joke it has become. So I can really only watch this or nothing at all. It's progress and it's more controlled.

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I regularly have those days where I feel so burnt out that I can't do anything. This week I've had two of them. I found it really a big set back to my productivity!

How did you overcome the FOMO with dropping social media? I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook, I think mainly because I am so isolated from my family and they don't communicate in any other way, so I find that I am living in the dark so much when I am off it. So many "oh but I put it on Facebook" or "I invited you on Facebook" eventually breaks down my resistance and before you know it I am back on the book.

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1 hour ago, giblets said:

I regularly have those days where I feel so burnt out that I can't do anything. This week I've had two of them. I found it really a big set back to my productivity!

How did you overcome the FOMO with dropping social media? I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook, I think mainly because I am so isolated from my family and they don't communicate in any other way, so I find that I am living in the dark so much when I am off it. So many "oh but I put it on Facebook" or "I invited you on Facebook" eventually breaks down my resistance and before you know it I am back on the book.

You have to let go of the fear of being alone and losing your connections. If you explain to your friends and family that you'll be texting and using calls and email instead that is important. Get all their contact information as well and explain you're not deleting people. You're just getting your space back.

I was able to quit because I hated reading what other people had to say. You need separation from others during the day and going on social media is poison. 

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Today's the first Saturday I've studied for this exam in both attempts. I'm very proud of myself. I've made huge progress. My confidence is rising big time. I took most of today to relax and most of yesterday to relax. I was very burnt out and now I feel normal again. I slept for about 14 hours and ate my favorite foods and have my energy back. I'm absorbing material and solving problems well again. I ate too much junk food today so I'm a little worried about that, but i will try to pace around to burn some calories to help digestion.

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I read a reddit post about adults sleeping with stuffed animals and felt good about it. Turns out a lot of adults sleep with them. I really love my dog stuffed animal that I won at a fair. I hug him at night now and I feel a lot less lonely. It's been about a month. 

I used to watch porn before bed to deal with loneliness anxiety or I'd play video games until I was exhausted and needed sleep desperately. Now when I sit here in bed I can hug my stuffed animal and feel warmth and comfort. I'm not ashamed of it. I was in high school. Now I just miss my old stuffed animals. I still have them at my mom's house. 

I think a lot of gamers have anxiety and loneliness problems and I think this is a nice solution for me, especially during these isolated months of pandemic. 

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I couldn't study today for some reason. I let myself down. Instead, I cleaned all the rooms in my house, washed the sinks and toilet, paid bills, sorted mail, meal prepped, vacuumed all the floors, mopped the other floors, did laundry, did dishes, dusted furniture, and took the trash out.

It was a very productive day and I got a lot done around the house. I just couldn't study. I've done about 5 hours per day 6 days per week after work and on weekends. It's so much. 

There's no balance to this. I need to stay strong for the next 2 weeks until this is over with. It's showing me the boundaries I face.

It's also interesting to note that I played video games more than I have been studying, but video games are easier and more fun so that makes sense. But it also reminds me how exhausted I was after playing games and how I'd get brain fog. It's a good note to say that when I find more hobbies in the future that I should only do them for 2-3 hours per week and not this obscene expectation of 20-40 hours.

Edited by BooksandTrees
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Keep going friend. You are so close! You have been preparing and studying for this exam for so long.... you are almost there!!!

 

I know you will do well.... and it will be such a huge achievement once it’s complete.  I wish you strength and concentration and confidence... you can do this. 
 

Thinking about you... I hope you got some good sleep! 

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10 hours ago, Icandothis said:

Keep going friend. You are so close! You have been preparing and studying for this exam for so long.... you are almost there!!!

 

I know you will do well.... and it will be such a huge achievement once it’s complete.  I wish you strength and concentration and confidence... you can do this. 
 

Thinking about you... I hope you got some good sleep! 

Thank you! I appreciate the support. I really hope to get there and do well. I'm going to make good use of today and solve my problems I've been working on. 

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I studied for about 10 hours today. I still feel so far behind. The issue is the first half of the exam (4 hours, 40 questions, 4 topics) basically summarizes everything you learned in college (I graduated 5 years ago). The second half of the exam is 4 hours and 40 questions based on your specific career, which for me is strictly structural engineering. 

So I finished all the video sessions required for the morning session and spent today doing 50 questions per topic. I've finished almost 100 questions. I need to do the other 100 tomorrow and think I can. Then I need to watch the videos for the 2nd half and do 100 problems for the second half.

I have 10 days to do this. I took a week off from work so hopefully that helps.

Ideally, I'll finish the problems tomorrow and finish the videos on Sunday. Then I'll do the problems on Monday and Tuesday of next week and then spend Wednesday and Thursday doing practice exams before the exam.

God fucking dammit I want this over with. Even if I'm not done with the studying I'm gonna give it my best shot. I need to get 57 questions correct out of 80 to pass. I've gotten 95% of the problems correct so far today out of 100 and that's just the first time doing problems. I clearly have the brain for this and I'm going to do it. Fuck off. Fuck. I want this so fucking badly and I'm so mad at myself for wasting even a second. FUCK. FUCK. Fucking right I got this.

Get fucking pumped.

 

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I also can't wait to get my own house with few neighbors if any at all. Both sets of neighbors have been loud tonight. Fuck off. 

People are really annoying. I want a nice fenced in property with security. Passing this test will help me save money for that goal. 

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@BooksandTrees

Sounds like you need a place that has families as your neighbors or has a community that is known for being pretty quiet and docile. 

Thankfully, my apartment complex has a lot of families and everyone is decent and doesn't hold loud parties at their place so I have never had issues with noise. I tend to worry about whether or not  am being too loud as I like to listen to Kpop. XD

I saw your post from yesterday about adults sleeping with stuffed animals. No worries about that. You aren't the only one. I sleep with a Winnie the Pooh and Stormtrooper Tsum Tsum plushies and have also slept on the same pillow I've slept on since I was a baby (Note: it's about as old as I am and I have to have another pillow under it because it so flat XD). We all have our comfort plushies (aka security blankets XD). I am particularly attached to my Winnie the Pooh Tsum Tsum and treat him like he's my pet. XD 

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7 hours ago, amchow said:

@BooksandTrees

Sounds like you need a place that has families as your neighbors or has a community that is known for being pretty quiet and docile. 

Thankfully, my apartment complex has a lot of families and everyone is decent and doesn't hold loud parties at their place so I have never had issues with noise. I tend to worry about whether or not  am being too loud as I like to listen to Kpop. XD

I saw your post from yesterday about adults sleeping with stuffed animals. No worries about that. You aren't the only one. I sleep with a Winnie the Pooh and Stormtrooper Tsum Tsum plushies and have also slept on the same pillow I've slept on since I was a baby (Note: it's about as old as I am and I have to have another pillow under it because it so flat XD). We all have our comfort plushies (aka security blankets XD). I am particularly attached to my Winnie the Pooh Tsum Tsum and treat him like he's my pet. XD 

I'll find one eventually. I guess I'm not alone with the stuffed animal front and feel better about it. I was made fun of as a kid for it

 

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Horrible sleep again last night. I tried punching something in a dream and punched my bed frame. My bed isn't comfortable anymore. With a combination of stress making me feel vibrations, uncomfortable bed and pillows, and my anxiety it's just impossible. 

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4 hours ago, royal panda said:

Sorry that you didn't get a good sleep, it sounds like your bed isn't supportive anymore, have you thought of getting a new one sometime soon?

I hope you have a better sleep tonight

Thanks. I'm actually dominating today so I'll hopefully avoid the mental crash later and sleep well. Who knows. 

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I had a very productive day at work followed by a quick nap and then 5 hours of studying. I did extremely well on the problems I solved tonight and my confidence is rising big time. I should be able to finish the final topic of practice problems tomorrow and start the video lectures for the afternoon section. After that I can hopefully finish the videos by Saturday and do the practice problems on Sunday and Monday. Then I can just do practice exams Tuesday and Wednesday then relax Thursday before the test on Friday.

Getting there. I do want to relax a little tonight as last night I got too amped up and slept like shit. I think it was because I wanted to solve these problems and didn't have time. I did it tonight and feel better. Every day I make progress I feel better.

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I watched my favorite movie and ate some food and relaxed. I needed a break mentally and I did 3 hours tonight. Can't do 5 every night. Back at it tomorrow. 

I continue to play my steel tongue drum before bed and when I wake up.

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