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BooksandTrees
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5 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Just another really long day. I'm tired of this shit. 

I got a lot done but I am tired of it. 

I watched some tv after work. 

Today I'm grateful for some coworkers and myself for staying strong. 

Hang on tight. We'll get through this rough patch successfully.

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7 hours ago, Icandothis said:

I am so sorry you had a rough day. 
 

Just keep going. I am sending you love and energy. May your spirit be strong. 
 

Good luck with you move on Sunday. 
 

 

Thank you. I hope you're doing well and thinking of you often as well. 

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24 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:

Thank you. I did manage 9.5 hours of sleep last night at least lol.

I had a good night today as well, after 3 or 4 choppy ones 🙂

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21 minutes ago, Erik2.0 said:

Good job sleeping and good luck with the apartment. I hope it's nice. Take a breath. We'll get through this.

Thank you. I got complimented at work multiple times today as well and felt good about that. I'm hoping this place is nice as well. I'll have more updates and responses as the process moves along. 

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I'm still having issues with vertigo and feeling light-headed. It started on Sunday I think and it's been like this all week. I can't tell what's causing it. Online it says stress is the main cause. Obviously this week was very stressful for me with work and moving. But I also look online and see heart conditions like hypo-tension or arrhythmia. But I have to kind of look at the common sense here and recognize that when I was working out and eveyrthing I had no breathing issues. This week has been super stressful and of course the stress causes my symptoms.

I'm just exhausted. I've lost the ability to have fun and unwind. I had fun 3d modeling, but kind of felt stressed trying to squeeze it into my nights during my stressful days. I felt a great sense of relief after submitting it and I also felt great relief finishing my other projects. Even just talking about them stresses me. Things like this are why I kind of miss playing video games just because you can escape the stress and just live a life of luxury. But I also know that I had some bad digestive health issues and anxiety issues along with depression and life issues.

But this means I should really stick to exercising a few days per week again. I haven't exercised in 1.5 months. Either that or some yoga. I have no idea to be honest. I could just have a heart condition. I did have a series of heart tests performed 3 years ago and it came back that my heart was very healthy. So I'm thinking it's stress.

But all I have to do now is move this weekend and I'll be all set. I'll have finished moving, finished 3 difficult projects, and just have more of a normal work schedule.

Today I'm grateful for the community here, my coworkers, my office, my family, my friends, and myself for remaining strong and just getting through it.

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I haven't really exercised in about 3 months. I've been making excuses for myself due to Coronavirus, but really it's just that -- excuses.

I do find it much easier to get into the mindset to exercise at a gym though, as it is partly a "performance" since other people are around.

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15 minutes ago, Shine Magical said:

I haven't really exercised in about 3 months. I've been making excuses for myself due to Coronavirus, but really it's just that -- excuses.

I do find it much easier to get into the mindset to exercise at a gym though, as it is partly a "performance" since other people are around.

It's difficult sometimes. I never liked the gym, but enjoyed the rock gym. I think I used to line exercising for fun, but the destressing aspects of it are things I should appreciate more. I recommend the Home Workout app if you ever wanted to slowly get back in. They're like 10 minutes at first and actually work. 

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1 hour ago, BooksandTrees said:

Things like this are why I kind of miss playing video games just because you can escape the stress and just live a life of luxury. But I also know that I had some bad digestive health issues and anxiety issues along with depression and life issues.

I had a small revelation about this. But to me I feel like with games I never really escaped the stress but instead playing video games helped keep the lid on a full bottle that was about to explode. It sounds and looks like a luxury life but in the end it's all a lie we tell ourselves. Now without video games I feel like once I deal with my stress the bottle empties only to be slowly filled up again. 

You got this, stay strong and relax when you can. One step at a time. 

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2 minutes ago, Tzen1 said:

I had a small revelation about this. But to me I feel like with games I never really escaped the stress but instead playing video games helped keep the lid on a full bottle that was about to explode. It sounds and looks like a luxury life but in the end it's all a lie we tell ourselves. Now without video games I feel like once I deal with my stress the bottle empties only to be slowly filled up again. 

You got this, stay strong and relax when you can. One step at a time. 

Thanks. I agree. I'll be 85 weeks without games tomorrow. Unreal to think about lol. This whole thing is about pacing myself. Taking a deep breath and not letting anxiety get to me. I'm feeling positive about this whole situation and am excited. I think once I'm moved in and sleep for 2 days straight I'll be like superman again. 

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@BooksandTrees  Hi it sounds like it wouldn't hurt to visit your Doctor and get your Blood Pressure and pulse taken and perhaps a full bloods test. Not to be an alarmist but your symptoms need checking out. Stress more exacerbates conditions, rather than causing them although you could be right and I might be wrong. Anyway, I think after you turn 18 years old it is a good idea to have your BP checked every year and bloods looked at if you don't feel 100 percent. Air hugs. 🙂

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1 hour ago, Helen said:

@BooksandTrees  Hi it sounds like it wouldn't hurt to visit your Doctor and get your Blood Pressure and pulse taken and perhaps a full bloods test. Not to be an alarmist but your symptoms need checking out. Stress more exacerbates conditions, rather than causing them although you could be right and I might be wrong. Anyway, I think after you turn 18 years old it is a good idea to have your BP checked every year and bloods looked at if you don't feel 100 percent. Air hugs. 🙂

Lol I am 29 and I do have my blood pressure checked along with my vitals at least twice per year. Thank you though and I agree. I just happen to think I may have done something to myself and it might not be a heart issue.

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Hey. Glad you're ready to move in. I see you aren't exercising since the climbing gym went off the menu. I either do strength training, walk or yoga almost everyday. I don't really do anything that strenuous or very long, but I at least do something. I think it helps a lot with stress, health and digestion. Find something that works for you and I'm sure you'll be able to get a regular exercise practice going during the pandemic. You can do it.

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Today I'm 85 weeks free from video games and 87 weeks free from social media. After a long week I've rested a ton last night and today. I've thought about nothing, meditated, worked on my 3d animations for the next project next month, and watched some anime. 

I'll be meeting my new landlord today to get my keys and officially sign my new lease. I'll spend the rest of the day packing and preparing for tomorrow. 

I'm so excited for the new town I'll be moving to. There's a lot of trails and nature to relax in. I'll be able to kayak, walk, use my bike, and sit outside still because I also have a deck next to the river. I have friends who live there as well unlike my current town. 

I feel so much better today. No lightheadedness or stress. 

Today I'm grateful for the people here in the community, my friends, family, but mostly myself because I put in the effort to make sure that the move goes well and I did it in such a short amount of time. I'm very responsible and manage things well. I was also complimented by 3 different project managers at work for all the work I've done recently. Presence is important. 

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Congratulations on your milestone. We are so thankful for you in the community. You helped me, and many others, during the hardest times..... changing our lives’ course for the better. 
 

This move sounds really wonderful. A beautiful, peaceful place for you to get away from the many stresses in your life. Living right next to nature is very awesome. I live right next to a forested walking trail; it adds so much peace and serenity to my life. 
 

Good luck, again, with the move. Sending lots of energy.  

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53 minutes ago, Icandothis said:

Congratulations on your milestone. We are so thankful for you in the community. You helped me, and many others, during the hardest times..... changing our lives’ course for the better. 
 

This move sounds really wonderful. A beautiful, peaceful place for you to get away from the many stresses in your life. Living right next to nature is very awesome. I live right next to a forested walking trail; it adds so much peace and serenity to my life. 
 

Good luck, again, with the move. Sending lots of energy.  

Thank you so much. That means a lot to me. I'll be sure to post about it this summer and hopefully in a good light. I'm glad I've been able to help you. 

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Almost done packing. Just gotta dismantle my computer and do a few other things. I'm grateful to have lived in this place and a little disappointed I couldn't study for my exam here due to it being canceled by the virus. But that happens. I really appreciated being here and healing after a difficult 2019. I wish I could stay here longer and am slightly disappointed the landlord is increasing rent, but I can't complain. She let me live here for 6 months in a time of need. 

It's odd officially leaving this place. I came here with 2 of my closer friends and the first year and a half was so much fun. We bonded, enjoyed each other, hosted several great parties due to its size, and it allowed me to just enjoy life for the first time in my life. Seeing our relationships dissolve in the final year due to people's video game addictions really bothered me. It was the final push to get me to officially abandon video games after seeing the effect it had on others. A lot of people ask me what the last straw was, but seeing someone's life fall apart due to games really paralyzed me and I didn't want it to happen to me. I wish I could one day be friends with this person again as we were very close friends before it. I'm still friends with my other former roommate, but we don't talk since he only talks to his gamer friends. But he told me that and wanted me to know it's not because he doesn't like me. He just only talks to his gamer friends. That was another reason I abandoned the gaming community. Low effort friendships.

This place is such a comfortable home and I can't believe the 6 months are already up. I came here right when winter started and was so miserable after the terrible experience with my mom and my other apartment. All I did was work and sleep for a month. I'd often wake up at 2 am and just sit alone in the living room contemplating life. Just kind of reflecting on the ups and downs of 2019. It really took me until February and March to move forward. Mental health takes a lot of time to recover from and sometimes we never recover.

I was having those light headed issues again and I called my dad up and yelled about my problems for a good 30 minutes. The lightheadedness went away. It's not a heart issue. It's stress and anxiety. I have a major anxiety issue. Moving and lifting boxes today and yelling solved all of it. Not masturbation or porn. I tried that today and nothing. I think sometimes you just need to be a fucking man and feel primal (if you're a man. If you're a woman then do your thing as well, same with other genders etc.). That's not the point. I'm a man and needed to act like a fucking man and just exhume this stress from my body and mind. 

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I agree with @Icandothis you've been a helpful presence for me on these forums too. Both of you have. I'm glad your headaches dissipated and you're feeling better. I hope the apartment is a new chapter and a good one in your life.

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Thanks for the support everyone. I'm finally moved in. It's a very cute apartment. I'm about halfway done unpacking. I'm so tired. 

The movers did so well today. I was moved out of my old place in 1 hour and into my new apartment in 35 minutes which includes lots of furniture and a couch. I was stunned. 

My mom came and helped unpack for a bit. I feel myself forgiving her for last year. It's taking a lot of energy from me to hold onto my anger for last year.

I have such a good feeling about this new apartment for some reason. I feel comfortable here. It doesn't have any wide open spaces. I don't enjoy open concept houses because there's no closure or barriers between spaces. I don't like being able to see the living room from the kitchen e.t.c.  however I do enjoy a big, peaceful bedroom that's separated from my computers. Idk,  I just feel comfortable and I was ready to move in.

I'd love to meet a woman and cuddle and spend time with her here one day. But that will happen when it happens and I'm just thankful to be here. 

Today I'm grateful for the movers, my mom,  my new apartment, my support network, and the community here for supporting me. I'm grateful for myself for getting through the move. This has been stressful as usual on top of a brutal work week. I'd love to take tomorrow off, but cannot. 

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