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Posted

I agree, it really is not healthy. 

31 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:

It just sucks because I want to have the energy for 3d modeling and don't. 

I understand. I felt the same with language learning and painting. But while I gave those things up for the moment,  you are still on 3d modeling. That means something. So don't force it, just let it come naturally to you.

  • Like 3
Posted

I don't know if anyone has mentioned it to you or not @BooksandTrees - but back on the topic of women, there's a book called "The Game" by Neil Strauss - he also has programs called StyleLife and coaching if you have the money for it

RSD is good as well

 

If you're not interested that's fine, I struggled a lot with women as well and know it's off topic, I just used those programs and they have helped me a lot 

  • Like 1
Posted (edited)
8 hours ago, kpprosky said:

I don't know if anyone has mentioned it to you or not @BooksandTrees - but back on the topic of women, there's a book called "The Game" by Neil Strauss - he also has programs called StyleLife and coaching if you have the money for it

RSD is good as well

 

If you're not interested that's fine, I struggled a lot with women as well and know it's off topic, I just used those programs and they have helped me a lot 

I want to reiterate I'm not struggling with women. I just don't like the formats that are popular with meeting women. I am great in conversation and doing activities with. I get dates through dating apps whenever I use the apps and I've gotten dates from meeting women at social events like beer tastings, festivals, e.t.c.  

What I'm complaining about is the lack of originality in women's profiles online that make me angry. I hate seeing cliche things and it sours my mood when reading their profile or seeing the same photos. 

I am also complaining about going into the city. I don't like driving 1 hour to the city to meet a girl who lives there. It's a waste of time, stressful to find parking, I hate the subway and trains, and it's expensive. 

The last issue was that I'm worried I'm going to try to date to satisfy my porn addiction vs dating to find love. When I used to be on the nofap forums people would just date women to satisfy their urges and not be with their woman or man for love. I don't want to do that. 

Thank you for the suggestions though. 

Edited by BooksandTrees
  • Like 1
Posted

@BooksandTrees I feel you. I was never a huge fan of the dating apps. Unfortunately, it works on a similar base as most of the social media today where there are certain trends that satisfy the majority of people so everyone tries to do the same. It is quite annoying because it ruins individuality and the differences between people which makes someone interesting. I do believe that if you look hard enough you will find women on dating apps that are original and interesting. Maybe I am old school but this mindless scrolling through profiles does not annoy me but makes me feel so shallow. It just is not the same as meeting people in the real world. 

23 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I am also complaining about going into the city. I don't like driving 1 hour to the city to meet a girl who lives there. It's a waste of time, stressful to find parking, I hate the subway and trains, and it's expensive. 

You just have to find someone who is worth the drive. I do know that it is not that easy though but not impossible.  

  • Like 3
Posted
27 minutes ago, Marek said:

You just have to find someone who is worth the drive. I do know that it is not that easy though but not impossible. 

Ah, but there lies the answer. Nobody is worth driving 2 to 3 hours round trip. I'd rather watch porn and be alone. 

Posted

Today is my 3rd day away from porn and waking up early. I feel generally better. My problem solving skills have drastically improved during my short time away from porn and getting sleep. 

I'm still massively struggling to be motivated to work on my project at work. I'm working on it, but it has changed so much that I just feel like any progress I make is useless. That's lowering my interest completely and I just want it over with. 

This project has been the reason I've been watching so much porn over the past 2 weeks. I use it as a distraction. 

I'm trying to just do pushups followed by deep breathing and stepping outside to calm down from stress. I can't daydream or let my mind drift because I'll talk myself out of being productive. 

I've been convincing myself that the sooner my day ends then I can do fun stuff. I don't want to rush the project because there's going to always be more stuff to do. What I can do is just complete my day and turn off work because it's not my life. 

Doing hobbies is tough and that's why people struggle with them. As we grow older we take for granted the time it took to learn simple things. I'm brilliant with math now, but I struggled for decades. If I lower my expectations and continue to just do a few minutes per day with hobbies I enjoy then I'll be in a good position in a few months to a year. 

I don't need an accountability partner, but I think I've been a motivating force with quitting gaming. I'm over 1.5 years and I think some people find that inspiring. I know others are struggling with porn. I think as a leader here I would like to be inspirational with quitting porn as well. Maybe we can work together and create some momentum. I know I get inspired by others. 

  • Like 2
Posted

I've probably been off porn for at least a few months. What resources do you suggest for getting better at getting dates with women? I get almost 0 dates when I use apps and never meet anyone in person. I think hobbies are kind of a struggle because you don't see progress very quickly. So then it's just about making it a habit and staying consistent to keep it goin.

Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Erik2.0 said:

I've probably been off porn for at least a few months. What resources do you suggest for getting better at getting dates with women? I get almost 0 dates when I use apps and never meet anyone in person. I think hobbies are kind of a struggle because you don't see progress very quickly. So then it's just about making it a habit and staying consistent to keep it goin.

That's great. I'm hoping to do the same one day. Maybe this streak. Dating app advice:

Note: This advice works for me. I don't want to hear how I'm wrong or an asshole. I get matches every time I join an app. I just hate reading through profiles because I think people write cliche, generic bull shit and it angers me so I don't care for it.

What do you want?:

You gotta start figuring out what you're interested in with a prospective partner. Are you looking for hookups or a relationship? What do you want her to do with you? What do you want to do with her? These are important questions. If you want her to exercise with you, write how exercise and fitness is important to you and post a picture or share a brief specific like riding bikes, lifting, etc. Do you want her to know you watch anime? Tread lightly on that one and don't make it a huge thing. Do not, under any circumstances, show that you're a weeb. It scares people away. (i know you're not a weeb, but you do like anime. So you have to slowly tell someone you like it. Can't just throw it out there due to stereotype battles you'll face.)

Art, church, exercise, building, farming, etc. List your interests so they can find commonalities with you.

Photos:

I think there's a few things for dating apps. The first thing is making sure you're not conveying a poor tone about your personality with your photos. There's a website called photofeeler.com that lets you upload photos to see what people think about them. It's anonymous. You vote on other's photos as well. I see a lot of guys doing these serious faces that make them look angry or edgy. I think your first photo needs to be a candid smile or at least smiling with your eyes. It should be from the chest up. Women like photos where you're facing them, not turning away.

You also need good lighting. Most people have poor lighting or show themselves not straight on. Never post a picture of yourself looking down at the camera. It makes you appear condescending. Be equal level with the camera to show you're an equal person. If you show yourself below the camera then you look like a simp or a child.

There's this thing out there where men are more attracted to women's photos at an angle and women are more attracted to men straight on and not turned away or looking away. It's like the phrase "Men want what they can't have" and "Women want your undivided attention". 

The next photos need to be a combination of:

  •  you in a social situation where you're the center of attention. If you're in a group of 3 guys never be the guy on the left or right.
  •  a full body shot with clothes either at an event or just in general (not you against a wall in your bedroom)
  • You doing a hobby without looking at the camera
  • You in fancier clothes either at an event, religious event, business thing, etc.
  • Something with a nice background that's a combination of these or maybe a sporting event or a concert

I'd avoid any photos that could possibly lead you to being sad. All humans are sad and want to be understood. Women don't want a guy with tons of problems. They understand all men and women have problems, but they are attracted to men who know how to solve their problems or are working on them. They don't tell everyone their problems all the time and are helpless. Helpless is not sexy or inspiring.

Bio:

Your bio depends. Some apps like bumble or tinder only allow like 120 characters or something. If it's short and sweet like that then you gotta be flirty and enticing. It's like the first line of a book. If the hook sucks then you're not going to read the book. Grab their attention.

Don't post anything about politics. It's too stressful. You want to be comfortable, but enticing so the woman wants to come out of her comfort zone and get to know you. But not so crazy that you scare them off. Too comfortable is boring. Gotta find a balance.

Swiping:

Don't just get pissed off and swipe every woman you see on the app to see if you get a hit. Dating in real life takes forever and that is the same with apps. Just because you're on an app doesn't mean you're going to find someone instantly. That's the instant gratification factor going off so you can't give in to that. Take your time, read her profile, see if it's a fit. Don't be desperate and never settle. 

She's going to want you to know about her and be genuinely interested. Women get mass swiped all day. Any person, man or woman, who they swipe on will be a match. If they matched with you they have a legitimate interest in you because they read your profile. Return the favor and be patient.

Never swipe a girl who only shows her face unless you're comfortable with and looking to date heavier women. Only message if they show their body. It shows insecurity on their end. If they're fat they need to own it and show it. 

Never swipe a girl who has tons of those stupid filters like dog face, halo angel, cat face, rainbow face, etc. It means they're extremely unintelligent and unoriginal. Yes, call me an asshole for this and the face post, but you need to read your person. They're either clueless in person or clueless about dating. Both are a waste of your time.

Messaging:

Know your situation and know your match. If you're posting sultry photos of yourself and your profile is mostly sexual, most women are going to swipe on you for a hookup and expect you to send flirty/sexy messages. If you say "hey" they're gonna be surprised and angry. If you're posting a genuine profile and your bio is kind of funny and your photos show you're kind of funny, send a charming/flirty message with a joke maybe. If it's an honest profile where it's focused around kindness then compliment them and ask a follow up question.

Send a message that's not stupid. "Hey gurl, damn ur hot". Pure cancer. You can't over think it either. Just be normal. Point out something in their photo that you like and relate to it. "Wow, I can't believe you went to Egypt! Are you looking for a cute travel companion for your next trip?" That sounds corny, but some girls like that. But if you hate traveling then that's a bad message and you shouldn't match with her because she's going to want to travel and you won't.

Some girls prefer you just to say hi to them and be as casual as possible. Talking about hobbies, tv shows, other shit.

Since you're religious, I would suggest Match for your dating platform. Most of the women I saw on there wrote about how God was very important to them. I didn't see any religious postings on bumble, tinder, or hinge to be honest.

Don't message forever. You want to try and meet with them within 1-2 weeks and you want to start texting them within 1 week off of the platform so it's just on your phone. If you don't meet her in person within 1 week then you need to have a phone call with her and see how it goes. You can learn a lot from a phone call. And you don't have to make it last 6 hours unless it's going that way. Never force it or throw dumb conversations out there if it's already around 1 hour. If it's 5-10 minutes in and you guys hit a dead spot then try it. If it's still bad after 30 minutes hang up and move on. You're not a match.

Don't be a fool and pay for instant swipes or super swipes or getting your profile out there.

Edited by BooksandTrees
  • Like 3
Posted

Great advice, I've seen similar tutorials on a lot of sites. When I genuinely gave it a good effort I had better than abyssmal results but overall online dating is a soul crushing experience for me. I only ever get messages from extremely fat women and whatever your opinion on them, they're not my type. Lol. It's all kind of common sense though when you think about it. If you just throw a profile together in 5 minutes with whatever photos you have on Facebook that don't look absolutely embarrassing, that's how you're going to come across. I've seen so many profiles that had a lot of pictures on them, but they were all just different poses in the same bathroom-selfie session. And they didn't even wash all the spit and toothpaste residue off their mirror first.

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Posted

Today was good. I woke up early, got everything I needed completed, exercised, showered, ate well, spent time with friends on video chat, and relaxed. 

I was going to try and do animation, but it's 1 hour before bed. Not the time to brainstorm. I think tomorrow I'll be able to animate after work for an hour and I give myself permission to not finish it. I can just get part of the way through. 

3 days no porn. Starting to get minor cravings. 

  • Like 1
Posted (edited)

Books,

So you don’t want a round trip over something so stressful as a potentially unsatisfying date after work.

But what about the place where you live?

I am totally feeling you about stress after work. You rightly stated you need some release like hitting he drums. I hope that will be a life changer for you.

Edit: I am less and less at peace with the idea of having to escape. Nobody has to escape anything, we just have to engage different faculties and give ourselves breaks when we need them. 

I come from legal consultancy background in the UK and I had seen how substance abuse and exhaustion at work are related. James Good recently shared his insight into this subject.

So I am against intense working accompanied by frantic worrying followed by escaping into oblivion. I am all for measured working, followed by activities that engage different faculties which means we shouldn’t ever need to escape.

Edited by Amphibian220
Posted
11 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Do you want her to know you watch anime? Tread lightly on that one and don't make it a huge thing. Do not, under any circumstances, show that you're a weeb. It scares people away. (i know you're not a weeb, but you do like anime. So you have to slowly tell someone you like it. Can't just throw it out there due to stereotype battles you'll face.)

@Erik2.0 Here's an interesting thought. Part of being honest is posting recent photos/bio of you and who you are now. I think if I watched anime for an hour a day, I'd include it in the description that I like anime. If I watched it for 3 hours a day, I think a photo showing some related activity (e.g. a drawing of anime characters) would be warranted. If you like to watch TV for 5 hours on weekends, put in that you love watching series X, Y and Z.  If it scares/disgusts someone, so be it. But it's part of you and you have to be honest in a smart way about it, so you get the matches you deserve.

11 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

There's a website called photofeeler.com that lets you upload photos to see what people think about them.

I'm using it myself and I like it. I think if there's one disadvantage of it, it would be that you can enter only separate photos rather than your whole dating profile at one and it's up to you to figure out the chemistry between photos that shows the story you want to tell about yourself. In other words, you might be quite attractive on a gym photo, but I think it's almost always going to score less on trustworthy/smart.

I also think if you want to be serious about getting a profile up, you need someone to help you snap a few photos of yourself.

11 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Never swipe a girl who only shows her face unless you're comfortable with and looking to date heavier women. Only message if they show their body. It shows insecurity on their end. If they're fat they need to own it and show it. 

Never swipe a girl who has tons of those stupid filters like dog face, halo angel, cat face, rainbow face, etc. It means they're extremely unintelligent and unoriginal. Yes, call me an asshole for this and the face post, but you need to read your person. They're either clueless in person or clueless about dating. Both are a waste of your time.

I agree here 100% on both.

11 hours ago, ceponatia said:

If you just throw a profile together in 5 minutes with whatever photos you have on Facebook that don't look absolutely embarrassing, that's how you're going to come across. I've seen so many profiles that had a lot of pictures on them, but they were all just different poses in the same bathroom-selfie session. And they didn't even wash all the spit and toothpaste residue off their mirror first.

Yeah, every time I see a profile like that I think to myself: "Well fine, you are 20 and beautiful, but is there anything else to you than that? Every other girl looks as good as you do."

  • Like 3
Posted

I am not a fan of dating apps anymore. I used to have a certain degree of success with one actual date, which was really a bit of a desaster. xD After that it was either women stopping to reply in the middle of the conversation or when some women wanted to meet, I kinda were not interested anymore, a bit shy and did what a person with social anxiety like me tends to do: Avoiding! Besides that, those apps are not really a positive thing. Sure, you can meet a person for a relationship. But first of all: If you suck with flirting in real life, why should it go better on tinder? Normally, at least people like me, are to shy to just go to a women and ask for a date. This is a part of a future identity, I want to turn into a reality for me. Tinder seems to be happy alternative to not having to go to actual events, were you can meet women, but I think it is a bad alternative. A really annoying thing on tinder is that first of all there is all this focus on outer appearance, which some people would say is normal and important, but it is only a part of the equation. Women also really care for feelings, emotions etc. They are not as visually focused as men are. But the most annoying thing on tinder is the rejection thing: No it seems to be ok, to match someone and then still consider the person not worthy of a reply. And even getting no reply for a while, even if you swiped quite a lot of them right just creates this bitter feeling of rejection. It hurts! And the post by @BooksandTrees seems to be absolutely on point, how to be successfull on tinder, but like he also said: You need teh perfect pictures and bio, otherwise you will get ignored or only some fatties with low self esteem will match you. Thats the reality. Jordan Peterson likes to talk about the dominance hierarchy and one part of this is the dating behavior: The 20 % most attractive males are chased by all the women, while the average guys chase all the women. I am not willing to play this game anymore. I think that I am not unattractive, but I don't want to be rated based on some lame online profile. It is fake!

And isn't it some kind of addiction as well? Some people here surely have deleted tinder and a couple of weeks later it is back on, ready to go. They are not so different to games: They waste your time, because you could do something more meaningful, they make you feel bad otherwards and you are thinking about it, even if you are not using them. So from now on, they are in the games, porn and sugar category for me. ^^ 

  • Like 3
Posted

Thanks. Yeah, you can see why dating apps are cancer. I also found it to be a trigger to go watch porn. It's not worth the stress. I think the concept makes it addictive and that makes it stressful. That's why I think @Erik2.0 would be better off meeting a woman somewhere in person, but I do hope my advice helps you. 

  • Like 3
Posted
On 4/8/2020 at 1:24 PM, BooksandTrees said:

Ah, but there lies the answer. Nobody is worth driving 2 to 3 hours round trip. I'd rather watch porn and be alone. 

There are definitely people who are worth it. I understand that it is hard to justify it for someone who you meet on dating app who may be different person reality compared to who they are online. I think it is so much more enjoyable to meet people in real life even though it is not as easy, on top of that 2020 makes it almost impossible nowadays. Unfortunately I do not have a solution for this but I think all we can do now is wait till things stabilize.

  • Like 1
Posted
1 hour ago, Marek said:

There are definitely people who are worth it. I understand that it is hard to justify it for someone who you meet on dating app who may be different person reality compared to who they are online. I think it is so much more enjoyable to meet people in real life even though it is not as easy, on top of that 2020 makes it almost impossible nowadays. Unfortunately I do not have a solution for this but I think all we can do now is wait till things stabilize.

I agree. I'm just being patient and focusing on enjoying myself and my spare time before giving my time to a relationship. 

  • Like 4
Posted

@BooksandTrees Thanks so much for your dating advice. I think it's all good stuff. I especially liked the section on photos. Match.com cost like $45 a month if you buy one month 35 if you buy three. That's kind of a lot of money for me while I'm earning so little as I am now. I'd still do it if I got good results on Match.com. But like @ceponatia I've always felt like dating sites destroyed my self-esteem and I just felt kind of unhappy being on them in general. Maybe I could meet a girl in person. Poetry group might actually happen for me once corona virus is over. The meetup listed that a lot of girls go to that meetup. Maybe God will smile upon me and bless me with a girlfriend. I try to stay positive while not counting my eggs before they've hatched. 

I'll try to enjoy living my life until then too. I've been drawing and writing poetry more regularly. Along with reading those are the things I do in the daytime to prevent myself from just watching anime all day. Once I'm back to work I would probably only have time for like one episode of something a day, which I could live with. Especially as I watch a lot with clients. 

I'm sorry to ask you again for advice. But, when you said, 'I think it'd be better for Erik to meet someone in person.' That is probably a better option for me. Do you have any advice for meeting girls in person? I tried reading the literature on it, but it made me feel too aggressive and stuff. I like being really calm and almost passive. So when the books tell me to be dominant and aggressive it turns me off and I stop reading because I don't want it to make me get angry. Thank you.

  • Like 2
Posted
On 4/9/2020 at 5:11 PM, Erik2.0 said:

@BooksandTrees Thanks so much for your dating advice. I think it's all good stuff. I especially liked the section on photos. Match.com cost like $45 a month if you buy one month 35 if you buy three. That's kind of a lot of money for me while I'm earning so little as I am now. I'd still do it if I got good results on Match.com. But like @ceponatia I've always felt like dating sites destroyed my self-esteem and I just felt kind of unhappy being on them in general. Maybe I could meet a girl in person. Poetry group might actually happen for me once corona virus is over. The meetup listed that a lot of girls go to that meetup. Maybe God will smile upon me and bless me with a girlfriend. I try to stay positive while not counting my eggs before they've hatched. 

I'll try to enjoy living my life until then too. I've been drawing and writing poetry more regularly. Along with reading those are the things I do in the daytime to prevent myself from just watching anime all day. Once I'm back to work I would probably only have time for like one episode of something a day, which I could live with. Especially as I watch a lot with clients. 

I'm sorry to ask you again for advice. But, when you said, 'I think it'd be better for Erik to meet someone in person.' That is probably a better option for me. Do you have any advice for meeting girls in person? I tried reading the literature on it, but it made me feel too aggressive and stuff. I like being really calm and almost passive. So when the books tell me to be dominant and aggressive it turns me off and I stop reading because I don't want it to make me get angry. Thank you.

I'll get back to you. Long day 

  • Like 1
Posted

I worked another long week. It's tough because I'm grateful to be employed right now, but my project is due soon and there's low budget. I'm proud of the progress we made today. I think I'm almost done with my components. Maybe a couple hours this weekend and I'll be set. For some reason I work better at night or early morning. I don't overthink during those times. 

My main goal this weekend is to relax, breathe outside, and do a little animation. Nothing crazy. Continue my exercises. 

  • Like 1
Posted

Today I'm 77 weeks free from gaming. I made it 5 days this week without masturbating or watching porn. Today I did watch, but it's part of an experiment to see if I can compose myself and see if I can watch or just masturbate 1 day per week. I just want to try it. I know gaming in moderation did not work with me 2 years ago so I'm hesitant to say porn or masturbation in moderation is possible for me. But that has to be. I don't want to have a fear of sexual emotions when I'm in a relationship. Gaming is basically that combination of dopamine rushes, escapism, and achieving things or competing in things or socializing, etc. So many reasons for gaming. We can redirect those desires through other activities that take less time and are healthier. 

I've already shown how I compiled a list of reasons I gamed and how I redirected those emotions into other activities such as sports (competition), seeing and making new friends and doing activities with them (socializing and loneliness), 3d modeling and taking a bigger interest in my career (tracking growth, creativity, self development), and more. So it's not like I abandoned everything gaming brought. I just do it in a more controlled, healthy, and better way.

I'm looking to do the same thing with sexual energy. You can't just abolish those emotions. If I'm to be in a relationship I want to be able to have sex. If not, we're just friends and that sucks. I don't think any healthy person grows up wanting to be a cuck and I certainly don't. But I think it's about channeling those triggers to watch porn into better activities much like I channeled the gaming triggers.

For stress I've been exercising. I play some street hockey in my basement, I do self body weight exercises, I take a shower at the end of the day, I purposely watch a funny video without watching more than 30 minutes unless it's 1 movie, I do deep breathing exercises (but not meditation), I eat healthier and drink more water, and walk around more. I've also stuck to my goal of going to bed at 11 and waking up around 7 or 8. The later I stay up or wake up the more stressed I am. 

For loneliness I just call friends, do a video chat, or talk to people at work. I haven't dealt with loneliness during the pandemic to be honest.

For anxiety I do the things I do for stress.

I haven't been sexually aroused or interested really since I haven't met anyone or anything. It's generally once or twice a week tops. 

For instant gratification I've stopped daydreaming and trying to imagine being successful with a hobby. I'm also not overly planning my hobbies. That kind of behavior leads to hours of day dreaming and that is bad. Too much daydreaming presents me with delusional thoughts because I only think about the rewards of an activity and don't take into consideration the hard work. Once I do a project and encounter hard work I'll want to give up and watch porn or something. Sometimes I will think about all the hard work and talk myself out of doing something altogether. So I think there's a difference between having an idea, planning a project, and daydreaming.

Today I plan to work a few hours to finish a project for work, then watch a movie, and then spend some time working on my Voltorb project. I'll also cook dinner and pay bills.

  • Like 2
Posted
On 4/9/2020 at 5:11 PM, Erik2.0 said:

I'm sorry to ask you again for advice. But, when you said, 'I think it'd be better for Erik to meet someone in person.' That is probably a better option for me. Do you have any advice for meeting girls in person? I tried reading the literature on it, but it made me feel too aggressive and stuff. I like being really calm and almost passive. So when the books tell me to be dominant and aggressive it turns me off and I stop reading because I don't want it to make me get angry. Thank you.

I think different women care about different things and it's tough to try to advertise yourself to an audience of women. Most of these articles or books try to get you to advertise yourself to an audience of women. You're never going to have an audience of women unless you're a celebrity, on a dating show, or in a cult.

You gotta think about realistic things. Like, what do you want from a woman? Or more importantly, what do you want out of a friend?  Ask yourself those questions and understand women are asking those same questions and looking for that.

Honestly, just try to act the "right way". Think about being in a group of people. Who annoys you? The people who speak over everyone, the loud people, the dumb people who mess things up, the know it alls, the rude people, the racists, the bigots, the ones with bad manners, the ones who chew with their mouths open, the ones who don't listen, the people who don't bathe or brush their teeth and smell bad, the people who dress in obnoxious clothes, the people listening to music so loudly people get annoyed, the people who force conversations with you about things you don't want to talk about, the people who talk at you and don't ask you anything, the people looking for attention, doing drugs, getting too drunk at a party, swearing too much in conversation, embarrassing you for their enjoyment, busting people's balls, talking politics and religion without listening to what the other person has to say, people who are needy and you have to do everything for them but they don't do anything for you, etc. (There's so many things people do that are annoying. This is just an example).

You want to be the most socially acceptable person possible. If any of the general character tropes I mentioned annoyed you then don't do them. A person trying to date another person is going to want to have the most acceptable person. They don't want to be embarrassed or worry about something stupid like anything I mentioned above. If you annoy people, you're not approachable.

Would you want to spend your time with any of the people I mentioned above? No. So don't act like that. Be aware that nobody is perfect and you're not going to be the most acceptable person ever. Just try your best to be socially acceptable and enjoyable to be around. That will naturally attract people towards you. You're going to have to pay attention. When you're in social groups and not doing well then you gotta investigate why you're not doing well.

Being aggressive is not important. Being passionate, compassionate, honest, funny, smart, etc. are important. Women like men with drive and goals in life. Not all women, but most. Some women want a guy who they can control and whip around. You don't want that so don't bother. But wouldn't you want a woman in your life who has goals and likes things? Then you should have goals and like things. You're trying to grow your career, bodybuild, draw, watch anime, walk, and connect with others. Those are a lot of hobbies. That's what will attract people towards you.

Are you doing it in the most socially acceptable way? Maybe? I haven't met you and won't meet you so I can't say. That's something you have to figure out through trial and error. Put yourself out there and if you look like an idiot then learn from it. I've had some neckbeard moments in my life where I looked really stupid and was embarrassed. I learned from it and moved on.

Finding a relationship is like a math equation:

(enjoyable to be around and genuine) + (respectable) + (attractiveness) + (self respect/worth) + (independence [goals, hobbies, not needy]) = relationship

Take my advice for what it is: advice. I'm clearly not in a relationship, but I'm not really looking either. However, I have a large amount of friends, social influence, and people who find me attractive for many of the qualities I listed above. Not everyone shares the same qualities I do. You might want other qualities and other people might want other qualities. It's objective. 

  • Like 4
Posted

What was the moment or the time near the recovery from gaming? Can you recollect your emotions, how the grasp of the addiction waned and you looked at it with indifference?

Was the new addiction just starting or was it there well established when you were coming off video games?

I’m asking you this because I really want to see the stages or the algorithm of how the mind and body starts to recover. I think the stages are the same for all people albeit with slight variations.

  • Like 1
Posted

Thanks for your input. I'll do my best to be acceptable. Thanks for saying I have a lot of hobbies I didn't think about it like that because I'm not very accomplished at any of them.

  • Like 1
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Amphibian220 said:

What was the moment or the time near the recovery from gaming? Can you recollect your emotions, how the grasp of the addiction waned and you looked at it with indifference?

Was the new addiction just starting or was it there well established when you were coming off video games?

I’m asking you this because I really want to see the stages or the algorithm of how the mind and body starts to recover. I think the stages are the same for all people albeit with slight variations.

I stopped having the mental pull to play games. I stopped missing it. I stopped having brain fog and withdrawal. No desire or feelings toward gaming at all. No anger, no shame, no regret, no desire, no love, no excitement. It was like I never had attachment in the first place. 

I had been addicted to porn before quitting games. I can easily recognize the difference. 

Edited by BooksandTrees
  • Like 2

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