Hey
Believe it or not, I don't have an addiction to the most famous games known out there like League, Overwatch, Fortnight, etc.- hell you might as well call me an outdated neanderthal because I never played those games in my life! Instead, my addiction it's more related to an online social game that I'm sure most of you here know: Pokemon - and it's become a toxic problem for me of all things. This might be a long read
On my spare thing, I'll go to this forum for non-official competitive pokemon playing, and it's called Smogon. The site is mainly prone to anyone who is interested in competitive pokemon and you can either "socialize," post memes, and even play in tournaments (both cash prizes or not). I've been on the site for years and became a well-known player throughout the community.
The pros about the site are:
It's Free - it's no cost to get online, make a username, and to play
Anyone can play it (you could be 12 or 35 with a kid (not making this up))
It's very easy to access
You can play it immediately whenever you want
You can socialize very easily (I mean it's Pokemon, who doesn't think that's cool?)
Probably has the best entertainment you can ask for, whether you are playing, watching others play, reading memes, dramas, or war stories
This is all on a website. I don't have all the up-to-date platforms like the Nintendo Switch, Nintendi DS's because I saw no need! I can develop instant gratification where I can make any pokemon team I want, have them have the stats that I want, and I can battle another stranger online in a matter of minutes. Creating pokemon teams is called teambuilding, however I was never good at it. What I was good at was playing the game, and I have become addicted to playing tournaments, being SERIOUS, like professional sports.
Competitive Pokemon is almost like chess without it's simplicity - you can strategically plan during the game, have a "long term" way of playing, and you can even PREDICT what moves your opponent is going to make. And if you get that prediction correct, you get AMAZINGLY HIGH DEPTH dopamine feeling like "yeah I'm a badass, I KNEW you would do that" and win the game. If you are in tournaments and you match vs a strong opponent and win, there goes that rushed dopamine feeling again. It's become a CRAVING. I am not going to go into the specifics on what you need to do to win pokemon games, but it would be an understatement if I told you I was addicted. I was OBSESSED!
So... that sounds amazing! So why the hell are you here and typing up a thread about quitting video games?
The reason I want to quit is because of a few things:
1. I want to move on and grow up
I'm an adult in my 20s & started a business (well, more affiliated) that requires me to help people that do not have insurance. It's a 1099 gig, and my results are based off of sales. It's insurance, so it's boring as shit at most times, but I do need it to grow at a healthy rate so not only I can provide for myself, but I can also provide for my mother and little sister that need my help. The game is also hurting my social life as well. I'm an "introvert" although I think it's just a bad excuse to say I don't know how to interact with others, especially girls. My obsession has gotten so bad to the point where I would rather speak with a girl online from across the world (assuming it even is one) playing Pokemon with me rather than go outside and meet them that way instead. And trust me, putting it mildly, online "relationships" are not worth a damn thing lol. Because of this gaming addiction, I used it to escape from my problems in the real world instead of learning how to fix them
2. The Community can be Toxic
You got to understand that when you say Pokemon, you think of KIDS playing the card game or on gameboys that you see in playgrounds or whatever. Online though, Not every kid on there is friendly. Don't get me wrong, Smogon has some amazing well-matured people, however 90% of the people (mainly children) that are on there love to be horrendously mean to others. Insults like "why would do you x?, you played like shit, fucking loser, you have aids, you're a virgin, kill yourself, etc." - For a video game, people would take this to heart! The environment is not worth staying in, even with all the excitement of dramas and other pokemon related things comes along.
3. It is making ME toxic
There's a term Pokemon players use called "hax" - it basically means an event in the game that happens that causes one player to get lucky. For example, there are ways to get free turns in the game due to using a move (and it only happens 10% of the time) or you miss a move. That free turn could mean make or break a win, and if it doesn't go your way, guess who is going to get angry? We all have moments while playing video games that if something doesn't go your way or if you get unlucky, you get incredibly angry. I was no exception, I think my temper was the shortest of everyone's. And I hate to say it but I was one of those kids saying horrendously mean things to other people if I get unlucky, thankfully it's just from luck-based events and not just for the sake of being an ass (although there are people like that)
In the real world, I wouldn't hurt a fly, but if I am playing a game and something happens that I didn't like, my rage and anger BOILS to the point of no return, and it leads to things I would never say or do in the real world. And when I do spark that kind of anger, it hurts. It hurts a lot... First off, it's a video game, but second, like these are other people man, even kids! My anger really only sparks from this game, that's it. I really am not sure why I became part of that audience, maybe it's because of something going about in my life that I am not happy about... but continuing a habit of playing competitive pokemon on a site where it's free, I get to use the pokemon immediately, I have everything I want on ONE site.. it might as well be porn. And the reason for my unhappiness is because I keep failing to quit the game!
It's not just me, countless of other "professional" players have tried quitting also. There's a meme going about Smogon which is called "see you next month" - it was given birth because when someone on the forum posts their "retirement" (it's been fun, bye!), they come back playing in another tournament next month! It happens ALL the time, and I've done it a couple of times as well. There are even cases where is someone is already banned from the forums, they would keep engaging in some way (discord chats, creating fake accounts, etc.) JUST to keep playing the game! It's a demonic cycle and I want no part of it.
I hope these forums and Cam's program would help me. I'm looking to change. I don't want to be part of the cesspool of people who insults others over a stupid game and I'm very worried about it transitioning into the real world.
One of my weaknesses is anger issues, I don't think this is the place to solve that problem, but I do know that not doing the things that sparks anger is a step up. I haven't have moments that I played Pokemon for over 16 hours, but I have had moments where I've played it until 5 in the morning (one time it was 7) and I've missed like 10 classes during college just to play the game. It is all I think about, dream about, and it's unhealthy and want it to stop.
I'm not sure what to expect out of this, but I'm running low on ideas on what to do for this problem I have and I figured spending 47 bucks on some help would do me some good.
Any advice or help from you guys would be appreciative. Hope I can make some new friends here. Please ask me any questions as well.