Dear Diary...

[BooksandTrees]

I followed my advice and didn't write until the weekend. I wrote almost a full chapter today and feel great. I'm glad I was patient. 

[BooksandTrees]

I've made a lot of progress with my book. More for overall plot than writing in general, but I feel good about it. 

I'm a stressed and overwhelmed with the repairs we've had to make on our house with a faulty heating system installation. I think we've fixed it, but it took several weeks.

I think everyone goes through disagreements with people. My main goal is to have a good life with my wife and future son. So at the end of the day, that's more important than a stupid disagreement. I'll put pride aside and do my best to move forward.

It's just hard for me since I've gone through so much difficulty getting abused and walked on. So even the smallest things that could potentially target me make me angry and defensive as hell. So I'm working on separating those previous emotions and being in the present do I don't overreact ever. It's really tough but I'm trying and finding success. My wife and therapist have been helpful with that. 

Edited Tuesday at 12:33 AM by BooksandTrees

[Pochatok]

1 hour ago, BooksandTrees said:

It's just hard for me since I've gone through so much difficulty getting abused and walked on. So even the smallest things that could potentially target me make me angry and defensive as hell.

I hear you! It took me years, too, to arrive at a point of relative calm when I am targeted, and while I no longer react with defensiveness, it's hard to respond with anything else. I tend to shut down and lock up in anxiety. 

We're doing our best. I doubt I will ever reach a point where past wounds don't show up, but I am moving towards a place where I can be more at peace with my trauma and take better care of myself when it shows up.

Glad you're moving along with your book!

[Ikar]

4 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

My main goal is to have a good life with my wife and future son.

Wait, am I reading it right? Are you going to be a father soon? If so, awesome! Congratulations! 😄

[BooksandTrees]

6 hours ago, Pochatok said:

I hear you! It took me years, too, to arrive at a point of relative calm when I am targeted, and while I no longer react with defensiveness, it's hard to respond with anything else. I tend to shut down and lock up in anxiety. 

We're doing our best. I doubt I will ever reach a point where past wounds don't show up, but I am moving towards a place where I can be more at peace with my trauma and take better care of myself when it shows up.

Glad you're moving along with your book!

Thank you! I appreciate it. I think I'm just having issues going on power trips during periods of anger and losing sight of the big picture. I'm gonna keep working on it. 

[BooksandTrees]

3 hours ago, Ikar said:

Wait, am I reading it right? Are you going to be a father soon? If so, awesome! Congratulations! 😄

Yes! Getting there 🙂 it's crazy to believe I went from a single, video game addicted person to a husband and future father lol. Thank you. 

[BooksandTrees]

I had to miss my writing coach meeting this week because I needed extra therapy after a difficult week. But I'm not upset about this. I solved my issue at therapy and have a great sense of relief and happiness now. I'll continue to write and I only have to wait 1 extra week for writing. 

I'm thinking of starting a post in the community forum about doing something to help you overcome something you're ashamed about. I'm gonna call it shameless Saturdays or something.