Dear Diary...

[BooksandTrees]

I followed my advice and didn't write until the weekend. I wrote almost a full chapter today and feel great. I'm glad I was patient. 

[BooksandTrees]

I've made a lot of progress with my book. More for overall plot than writing in general, but I feel good about it. 

I'm a stressed and overwhelmed with the repairs we've had to make on our house with a faulty heating system installation. I think we've fixed it, but it took several weeks.

I think everyone goes through disagreements with people. My main goal is to have a good life with my wife and future son. So at the end of the day, that's more important than a stupid disagreement. I'll put pride aside and do my best to move forward.

It's just hard for me since I've gone through so much difficulty getting abused and walked on. So even the smallest things that could potentially target me make me angry and defensive as hell. So I'm working on separating those previous emotions and being in the present do I don't overreact ever. It's really tough but I'm trying and finding success. My wife and therapist have been helpful with that. 

Edited November 28, 2023 by BooksandTrees

[Pochatok]

1 hour ago, BooksandTrees said:

It's just hard for me since I've gone through so much difficulty getting abused and walked on. So even the smallest things that could potentially target me make me angry and defensive as hell.

I hear you! It took me years, too, to arrive at a point of relative calm when I am targeted, and while I no longer react with defensiveness, it's hard to respond with anything else. I tend to shut down and lock up in anxiety. 

We're doing our best. I doubt I will ever reach a point where past wounds don't show up, but I am moving towards a place where I can be more at peace with my trauma and take better care of myself when it shows up.

Glad you're moving along with your book!

[Ikar]

4 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

My main goal is to have a good life with my wife and future son.

Wait, am I reading it right? Are you going to be a father soon? If so, awesome! Congratulations! 😄

[BooksandTrees]

6 hours ago, Pochatok said:

I hear you! It took me years, too, to arrive at a point of relative calm when I am targeted, and while I no longer react with defensiveness, it's hard to respond with anything else. I tend to shut down and lock up in anxiety. 

We're doing our best. I doubt I will ever reach a point where past wounds don't show up, but I am moving towards a place where I can be more at peace with my trauma and take better care of myself when it shows up.

Glad you're moving along with your book!

Thank you! I appreciate it. I think I'm just having issues going on power trips during periods of anger and losing sight of the big picture. I'm gonna keep working on it. 

[BooksandTrees]

3 hours ago, Ikar said:

Wait, am I reading it right? Are you going to be a father soon? If so, awesome! Congratulations! 😄

Yes! Getting there 🙂 it's crazy to believe I went from a single, video game addicted person to a husband and future father lol. Thank you. 

[BooksandTrees]

I had to miss my writing coach meeting this week because I needed extra therapy after a difficult week. But I'm not upset about this. I solved my issue at therapy and have a great sense of relief and happiness now. I'll continue to write and I only have to wait 1 extra week for writing. 

I'm thinking of starting a post in the community forum about doing something to help you overcome something you're ashamed about. I'm gonna call it shameless Saturdays or something. 

[BooksandTrees]

I've taken a lot of steps to restore myself this weekend after a very stressful few weeks. I've taken lots of naps, done tons of house work and cleaning, and wrote 3000 words for my book. 

I feel so happy with myself. I haven't been able to write for weeks. I needed this and feel good that I provided myself this feeling. 

[BooksandTrees]

I've flossed my teeth 4 times in the past 2 weeks after writing about it in the shameless Saturday post. It's the most I've flossed in months. I'm really happy about it. I'm also feeling better about my mood overall and how I'm doing in life. 

I think I'm gonna keep up the posts on Saturdays. I also wrote another chapter of my book. 

[Pochatok]

11 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I've flossed my teeth 4 times in the past 2 weeks after writing about it in the shameless Saturday post. It's the most I've flossed in months. I'm really happy about it. I'm also feeling better about my mood overall and how I'm doing in life. 

I think I'm gonna keep up the posts on Saturdays. I also wrote another chapter of my book. 

Would love to join- is there a particular place you post? Is it a group or individual thread?

Edited December 7, 2023 by Pochatok

[Ikar]

4 hours ago, Pochatok said:

Would love to join- is there a particular place you post? Is it a group or individual thread?

Here:

 

[BooksandTrees]

I wrote almost 2000 words this weekend and am almost done with another chapter of my book. I think I'll finish the rough draft by this coming summer. I'm very happy with my progress. There are days where I think I could have written or that I should be done by now but I've never made this much progress before and video games give a false sense of what progress actually means. Not everything can be measured the same way. 

I also felt like watching a lot of porn this weekend during times of stress. I solved this by asking for hugs from my wife and just realizing I needed emotional comfort. The cravings went away instantly. 

I exercised today and flossed more this week. 

[Amphibian220]

This is a quality post.

You’ve detected an underlying need just in time. It wouldn't have happened without an effort on your part.

from Cam’s post, people overeat because they fail to realize they need a glass of water. (Thirst not treated properly)

I can now see harmful habits as decoy traps engineered to harm health.

Edited December 11, 2023 by Amphibian220

[Pochatok]

16 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I also felt like watching a lot of porn this weekend during times of stress. I solved this by asking for hugs from my wife and just realizing I needed emotional comfort. The cravings went away instantly. 

This is so wonderful- I'm so glad it worked for you, and hope it will work for me if/when necessary 🙂

[BooksandTrees]

8 hours ago, Pochatok said:

This is so wonderful- I'm so glad it worked for you, and hope it will work for me if/when necessary 🙂

Keep searching for reasons you watch if this is an addiction issue. I used to get bored of the sex in porn videos and only watch for the intimacy. It was deep rooted desire for companionship in the only way I knew. Now I have true companionship. 

[BooksandTrees]

17 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

This is a quality post.

You’ve detected an underlying need just in time. It wouldn't have happened without an effort on your part.

from Cam’s post, people overeat because they fail to realize they need a glass of water. (Thirst not treated properly)

I can now see harmful habits as decoy traps engineered to harm health.

Thank you. Lots of research and being able to stop myself and ask why before I give into a craving. I find it very powerful. Sometimes just a hug really helps. I know everyone does not have this, so maybe there are other ways that are healthy. 

[BooksandTrees]

I worked 60 hours this week because 4 submittal days changed to this Friday rather than a couple weeks. How is that possible lol. But I'm tired. Didn't write at all this week but I'll try this weekend. 

I didn't eat that well this week but I made sure to keep good hygiene. 

[BooksandTrees]

My boss just said we might go back to a hybrid working schedule. I don't want to commute in traffic again. Fuck. This sucks.

[FDRx7]

15 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

My boss just said we might go back to a hybrid working schedule. I don't want to commute in traffic again. Fuck. This sucks.

Everyone says it’s about the in-person connections, but I think it’s really about justifying that building they pay for. And some places don’t trust workers to work without physical supervision. Frustrating. Hopefully they don’t go through with it

[Ikar]

16 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

My boss just said we might go back to a hybrid working schedule. I don't want to commute in traffic again. Fuck. This sucks.

Any reason why? Is it his idea? A lot is at stake here, having an acceptable commute is a must.

56 minutes ago, FDRx7 said:

Everyone says it’s about the in-person connections, but I think it’s really about justifying that building they pay for. And some places don’t trust workers to work without physical supervision. Frustrating. Hopefully they don’t go through with it

That's also in the mix. I watched a video on YT on that a few months ago, but I know you don't watch YT anymore. Maybe Books will watch it at least 😄

[BooksandTrees]

I read an article about how big companies were trying to lay people off and they'd start with forcing people back to the office to see how many would quit before official layoffs. Twitter, Facebook, and Amazon just did it. It's a business strategy. I think my company will do the same and essential people don't be effected. So I'm thinking I'll be ok. We'll see. 

[BooksandTrees]

Merry Christmas! Thanks for the gift of support this year! It really helps keep me going strong. 

[BooksandTrees]

I'm on vacation and it's going well. Did some celebrating with family and got cool gifts. I've spent the past few days watching movies, building legos, cooking food, and doing my annual doctor appointments. I've been drawing a bit too and scheduled some work for my house. 

After this I'd like to write and read a bit more and exercise a little. I've had to delay exercise because I injured nt groin unfortunately. But it's getting better. 

[Icandothis]

Hi!!!

It’s been forever, but decided to check the forum! So glad you had a happy holidays!

Glad to see you still posting and joyful you are doing well!!!

 

[BooksandTrees]

15 hours ago, Icandothis said:

Hi!!!

It’s been forever, but decided to check the forum! So glad you had a happy holidays!

Glad to see you still posting and joyful you are doing well!!!

 

Hey! Great to see you! How are you doing?? Thanks for checking in!!