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Onlysoul


Onlysoul
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I'm sick and had a lot time for thinking. I need to start writing my own story because this one, which I created with my own decision is not quite good. I saw anime movies Your Name, 5 Centimeters per Second and A Silent Voice. It almost rip my heart from my chest. I'm alone with no friends or love. So it touch me like anybody else. I felt enormous sadness and I cry a lot. So what now my friend? I choose to create person which is very clever and have good ideas to start bussiness. Which can handle physical and mental pain or harassment. Is disciplined in every aspect of his life. Years 2019 will be year of healing myself and creating the new person. I will use my past, good and bad things to create this badass katsudo19. It's gonna be a ride! You will not even trust your eyes when you look at the mirror at the end of 2019. I fix you I promise. 

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42/90

Incredible. After all I had done and learned first idea which came to my mind in the morning was you can play Fortnite little bit. It's okay. I will tell you it's not okay. From 10 minutes will come 10 hours, 10 day, 10 months etc. Then I will buy both consoles to satisfy my appetite and hit more and more dopamine. I will literally spent thousands of euros to gaming and game related content. And you will forget which is important in life. No way gentlemens. I learned from the past. This is crucial for me to understand that is no way back to my old life. I sacrificed my past habits to the new way of life I started building. It's easy to find excuses. It's easy to give up. But not this time. Fuck weakness. Embrace pure act of willpower. We will see you later. 

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44/90

I need to set my mindset to growth mindset. What is growth mindset? Growth mindset: the understanding that abilities and intelligence can be developed. People with a growth mindset love new challenges and view setbacks as opportunities to learn. Make it happen.

 

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46/90

I had a dream about gaming again. I think that I was playing Warcraft 3 or something similar. It didn't scare me or disturbed my emotional state. What I want to expect? Years spent in the front of the screen. Self torture as well. It gave me something? Yeah. In these days I love myself or trying to learn how to love myself. I learned what does it mean discipline, selfawareness, meditation, human needs etc. I learned that I can change some things in my life, my attitude to certain things. I learned that human being is extremly adaptive to enviroment. I learned about the brain a lot. I learned what impact have PMO on us. What impact have emotions on us. Maybe is the best thing that ever happened to me. I learned a lot from it.

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48/90

Emotions hit me so hard yesterday that I almost relapsed. It's the warning signal for me that I'm making huge mistakes on my road. From today I will not using GQ on daily basis. I spend a lot of my time last week on internet that I did't spend in the whole month. I made some stupid decision and ignoring my new path. 

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I experienced incredible emotional pain and numbness. Man if you are struggling like me check some tools and wisdom which I'm going to try. 

A. If you don't know what is your purpose try to meditate alone at night. Focus on breathing. Calm your mind. Then observe your past, present and future.  Give it try. It will be amazing experience. 

B. Problem with emotions. If you igrone your emotions they will be stronger. Dont try to run away from your emotions. Accept good and bad emotions and observe them. What causes it? Heal your emotional state. Make it agile.

C. Passive lifestyle is killing us. We need to go outside, to forest or whatever. And execute our inner dreams and plans.

D. Action=Reaction ; Invest=Harvest

E. It's okay to be vulnerable.  I recommend ted talk The power of vulnerability | Brené Brown

F. Courage - the ability to control fear and to be willing to deal with something that is dangerous,difficult, or unpleasant:

G. Give back. If you solve something or know solutions for problems of other people teach them, support them or give them tips.

H. Pain is the great teacher. We all must go through pain.

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So after thinking about what will be my next steps I decided to seek professional help. I'm quitting forum. It helped me a lot but I need to go further and internet will not solve my problems. Guys you are so amazing community and you struggle a lot. I wish you only best. And finally solve your crisis.

 

Much love.

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Always gave really wise advice. Youve been an awesome motivator in these forums. Also wishing you the best of luck for where lifes gonna take you next. Im happy for you that youre seeking professional help to further better yourself!

God bless!

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1 hour ago, katsudo19 said:

So after thinking about what will be my next steps I decided to seek professional help. I'm quitting forum. It helped me a lot but I need to go further and internet will not solve my problems. Guys you are so amazing community and you struggle a lot. I wish you only best. And finally solve your crisis.

 

Much love.

Good luck You have opened my eyes my friend.

 

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  • 2 months later...

Life is a little bit better now. If you are searching for new activity try cycling. But beware! It's very addictive. ?

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11 minutes ago, katsudo19 said:

Life is a little bit better now. If you are searching for new activity try cycling. But beware! It's very addictive. ?

IMG_20190407_161735.jpg

IMG_20190407_161747-EFFECTS.jpg

IMG_20190409_105941.jpg

IMG_20190409_114905.jpg

IMG_20190409_120834.jpg

IMG_20190501_075425.jpg

IMG_20190512_153449 (1).jpg

IMG_20190512_153452.jpg

Wow thats looks beautifull man ? lovely nature, yeah cycling is very nice once you get startet. Dont stop even though the ass can get sore in the beginning if you are not used to cycling ? 

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