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Vera

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About Vera

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    Veteran
  • Birthday 10/06/1993

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  1. Vera

    Moving on

    Well, running YouTube for 6 hours a day is not healthy. I don't even enjoy it anymore. I'm bored and trying to hide from discomfort, numbing myself with stream of irrelevant information. It's the same thing as gaming once was, but way more noticeable since I have my phone with me at all times. By the way, exhaustion barely leaves me now. I slept for more than 9 hours and I barely dragged myself out of the house, not because I'm physically unable, but because my interest in life has decreased dramatically. I did start to think about doing something other than mindlessly listening to people on yt. I found out I can't listen to motivation gurus anymore, I feel like their demands are way too high. Itst like they target very different people, way stronger than I am now, and this makes me uncomfortable.
  2. Vera

    Moving on

    My mood is fluctuating a lot. I seem to feel better for a couple of days and then it goes downhill. I haven't recognized a pattern yet, I tend to blame lack of sleep and general loneliness, but I've been alone for such a long time I got used to it. Better go to sleep and get myself busy, do something useful.
  3. Vera

    Moving on

    I'm learning touch typing. What I've learned - the keyboard I currently have is not good enough, it's noisy, it's stiff and its membrane has already gone bad. I have pain in my hands when I practice for more than 10 minutes, but no pain no gain, so I keep going on. I see a lot of thumbnails of videos about E3 and it's funny because it's so pointless. I watched one video and that's all, it's all the same, I don't even care about this conference.
  4. Vera

    Moving on

    Feels good to write an update filled with good news! I got back to working out at the gym. One of the Discord members kindly made the new routine for me and it's awesome! I was a bit uncomfortable today starting the routine on my own, I never did that before, I hired a trainer every time. But it turned out to be fun. I like it. Paid for 3 months of membership, so I can just train until September without any worries. I also bought Seneca's book (finally), I enjoy reading it and it is truly a masterpiece.
  5. Vera

    Moving on

    Well, haven't updated in a while. I'm going through a very hard period in my life and it's making me anxious. I feel stuck, haven't done much in the last two weeks and I seem to be in a rut. But I'm still fighting and it gets better day by day. The funny thing is how easy it is to find new ways to escape, the internet has all kinds of entertainment, endless feeds, an infinite amount of information, but it doesn't help me. I can watch youtube for hours and still feel restless. Nothing helps until I do something meaningful. My vacation won't go as planned, but I am not upset about that.
  6. Vera

    Moving on

    The day is going well so far. I'm not that sore after yesterday's workout, and I worked pretty hard. I haven't found a way to keep track of my food so I just eat what I know is good and don't bother a lot about it. My knees bear all the load pretty well, I don't feel pain or discomfort. I should start to plan my vacation. It will require a visa, so I need to gather up all the info. I finally got back to coding tonight. I wanted to play words game with someone, but it seems that I have to do it alone, so I spent the evening trying to create a simple words game. I feel so lonely it's just ridiculous. Better get to sleep now, before it gets worse.
  7. Vera

    Moving on

    I finally got 500 points in Forest. Time to buy a new tree and aim for another 500 points!
  8. Vera

    Moving on

    I went to the gym today and had a really good workout. My mood instantly improved, I even enjoyed the day until it was time to discuss certain things with my family member. I couldn’t care less about it, but constant, day to day talking and planning and dwelling on it makes me cringy and irritated. Why should I constantly pay for what I don’t need? It makes our relationship so artificial, I sometimes think that she prefers the thing to me and it makes me sad, anxious and tired. I’m having a hard time fighting for myself, trying to keep going, to not fail whatever I still have, I just don’t have enough energy to care about her plans, especially when it’s simply forced upon me and I give up because it’s easier and she stops poking me with a stick once she can have what she wants. She says that she does it for all of us, but I don't enjoy it at all. And she doesn’t even understand that I agree not because I really want to do the same thing, but because I want her to leave me alone. So I’m tired and sad again, but I had a smile on my face for some time and I consider this a win.
  9. Vera

    Moving on

    I am in a bad mood today. I woke up feeling absolutely broken not only because I'm sore after workout, but because I can't bring myself to do anything. I spent some time reading my diary and I mentioned being tired in almost every entry. I sleep well, but I still feel tired. I tried to do something with my hair, do a simple hairstyle, but gave up because I couldn't do it properly. I stopped studying at the same level I used to, I was able to do two hours of coding after a whole day at work, I don't do that anymore. My first step is to actually start taking vitamins and see if that helps. Maybe some sleep is also good, but I doubt that.
  10. Vera

    Moving on

    Went to the gym and did my usual workout. It was fun, but hot weather feels even in air conditioned rooms. I was weaker today, probably because I spent quite a lot of my strength on 40 min cardio. I'll try to do cardio after weightlifting, it might be a nice change to my routine. I'm starting to feel lonely and it drags me down. I am at a weird spot right now, I'd like to find a boyfriend, but doing so requires putting myself out there and I'm not that confident. It's complicated because I feel like I have a lot of things to deal with before I'll be good enough to actually start trying.
  11. Vera

    Moving on

    I was outside for pretty much all day. I don't like sun baths so I was sitting comfortably in a house and knitted for quite a while, waiting for the sun to calm down a bit. I was in charge of the BBQ today, and it went well. Meat and fish were both tasty, I had a bit of fun with my family, but I was bored in the evening. Watered plants, helped here and there, watched yt, listened to the audiobook Im trying to finish for quite some time. Nice day. No gaming related content, no urges.
  12. Vera

    Moving on

    @Ikar your story is a sad one. But you are alone now and you have all your time to improve. If anything is positive about being single, it is freedom from worries and overthinking. I appreciate that.
  13. They seem to make your last days as bad as possible... Keep holding on! 🤗
  14. Vera

    Moving on

    @Ikar hate is part of the coping mechanism. When I was dealing with the breakup, I hated my ex. I used it as a fuel to move on from what was tearing me apart. There was no other way to avoid depression, fear, guilt, and shame. I protected myself until I was able to actually shake the weight of it off my shoulders. And it worked really well since I'm not depressed and I don't have painful flashbacks all the time.
  15. Vera

    Moving on

    Hello! I finished the 90 days several days ago, but I had no idea, I don't count days. I pretty much moved on from gaming. What about you?
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