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Vera

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Everything posted by Vera

  1. Vera

    Moving on

    I stumbled upon good Python library for game development. I have been playing with it for some time, learned couple things and remembered that I always liked brain development type of games, designed to test your reaction time and attention. I might try and create one just for fun, I don't have anything good on my mind anyway.
  2. Vera

    Moving on

    @Erik2.0 your book sounds good. I'm reading Think like mathematician by Barbara Oakley. It's mostly repetition of stuff I already know from course called Learning how to learn on Coursera, but it's okay. I need some good ideas to be repeated from time to time. I also read Seneca's Letters, but it's mostly for calm evenings when I'm away from my PC. It's a good job! Not everyone has a friend, but everyone wants to be able to talk with someone. No, I work with software, manage documents, do reports from time to time, manage stationery and printers and help with small PC issues if they're simple enough to fix by myself. Of course I'm not a surgeon. But I think people regard me as Excel wizard. Idk why, Excel literacy is like 101 for my job. Nah, it's part of the hobby, but it's still upsetting. Mostly because I don't know the reasons.
  3. Vera

    Moving on

    Thanks! What's the latest book you've read? I'm always curious about books, found out I like sci-fi. I've found nice cosmetics on sale, literally stumbled upon it. It turned out that 'organic' products almost killed my hair and also my skin. Switched to reasonably priced and not organic cosmetics and voila. I've never been happier with my skin. May I ask what kind of counselling do you provide? My guppy got sick and died. Now my fav green danio seems to be sick as well. It sucks.
  4. Vera

    Moving on

    I work as an operator of the warehouse, mostly managing documents. As for hobbies, I keep an aquarium, I like knitting, reading, studying math and coding on my own. What about you?
  5. Vera

    Moving on

    I'm sticking to my food diary and it helps. I eat slower and it helps to keep myself accountable. Minnows were given away to another fish keeper. I have one lonely male guppy whom I train to swim to a stick and he does that. Of course it's not a dog but it's funny to watch him try. I plan to get him two females to keep him company. I also have loads of shrimps, but they hide somewhere. Just saw a giant blue female shrimp, it's almost as big as the guppy. I'm trying out new cosmetics. I don't really know what will suit me so I try something new every day. Citrus extracts are very bad for me, they're irritating, and I hate this particular rose fragrance, but whatever. Gotta keep trying.
  6. Vera

    Moving on

    Well I definitely went overboard yesterday! Picked up new kind of noodles at the grocery store and oh my how bad it was.. I'd rather drink some water! Aside of that, yesterday was good! The weather was unusually warm for February and I went for a long walk. It was nice. I also spent whole morning tinkering with my aquarium. I lost two fishes recently and I can see how uncomfortable the rest of them are. Maybe it's a good idea to give them away so they live in a bigger community tank, and I'd try to keep some other kind of fish. I packed up ev Anyway, I have all Sunday left for myself and I want it to be good.
  7. Vera

    Moving on

    Work isn't as overwhelming anymore. My colleague is going to show up tomorrow (I'm so glad she's finally somewhat healthy) and things will get better. I am still annoyed by some things at work, but I have to get around them somehow and it's tricky. Software isn't good enough and I don't want to do all these things by hand which means flipping through pages and pages every time I open up a new document. Annoying. I discovered Andy Frisella's 75HARD challenge. I'm not that crazy to drink 3.7l of water every single day as he suggests, I can drink around 2 at my best day, so it's totally out of the question. I was really surprised when I discovered that people didn't even do any googling beforehand, like recommended water intake and why you would be dumb to drink way more than that. I thought that this challenge is created for views and shock value more than anything else, he just got random numbers and now people do all he says just because it's Frisella? WTF. I finally started my food diary. I don't really know how to count calories in homemade food, so I simply reduced my portions a bit and stopped snacking on fruits and candy. I feel hungry at the end of the day but I can manage it. I want to lose some weight, and I'm ready to endure some hunger because I'm tired of what I see in the mirror.
  8. Vera

    Moving on

    @Ikar I'm curious! What kind of things do you discuss on these courses? @BooksandTrees things are weird at work.. Company is losing quite a lot of contracts with city, something around 20%. People are quite upset but I couldn't care less, there were signs two years ago but nobody has taken action, so it was bound to happen. I doubt that will open any eyes to the crisis in upper management, but it doesn't concern me much as well. @Icandothis it's not very spiritual. I'd say stoicism has lots of very down-to-earth practical things I can pick up and benefit from. Earphones that my ex gifted to me last year broke two days ago. They lasted almost exactly one year and I'm glad to get rid of them. Bought wireless ones, still getting used to them. I'm no audiomaniac, all I need is to listen to audiobooks and occasionally some music. I'm satisfied. My habit tracker is very pretty this month. I'm doing much better. After so many health problems I finally feel like I'm good again. Time to study programming, gotta use my time wisely!
  9. Hi @BooksandTrees! I think your therapist told you the right thing. Don't waste your time wandering around, get this exam out of the way! You didn't fall lower, you improved a lot, believe me. I have faith in you, keep going, stick to your good habits so they become your second nature.
  10. Vera

    Moving on

    Well, life hit me when things were going alright. Something personal happened, colleague got sick and I have to take on her load, and it made me mad and irritated. I was trying to change my perspective, look at it from above like Stoics, but it isn't easy to adapt this way of thinking when you already need it in the middle of emotional distress. It is hard to ignore little things when your mind isn't properly trained and ready to meet any misfortune. The more I learn about Stoicism the more I understand that you can't just use their tricks and then go on with your life like nothing happened. Philosophy is a greedy lady, she takes all you've got, but gives you twice as much. Still hard to accept. I think that if I add logical thinking to the mix (which is going to take away more of mental bullshit in my head) it's going to make me a different person.
  11. Vera

    Moving on

    @BooksandTrees Indeed! Bad experience is just another lesson. I decided to use my phone wisely. I cleaned up unneeded apps, set up todo list in Google Keep (simple is always better than complicated) and did whatever I could. I worked two hours overtime so didn't have much time in the evening, I studied math for a little while and I have to wrap things up for today. I have to go to sleep early today and leave my phone on my table. I have many interesting and pleasant things to do, my time is precious and I must treat it accordingly. I sometimes doubt myself, telling something like eh, I'm too old to turn my life around, but my life isn't over yet. Might as well make it a wonderful journey while I'm alive.
  12. Vera

    Moving on

    I relapsed during the weekend and it hit me hard. After some thinking I remembered that gaming isn't aligned with my values so it has no place in my life. I had minor cravings yesterday, but it's all gone now. I'm doing my own thing once again and I enjoy it. I got back into working out, discovered funny finger fitness exercises and it's challenging! I never thought I have such a bad hand-brain coordination. The good thing is that it's going to help me type better. I restarted the touch typing course and I'm able to do exercises with 99-100 accuracy and decent speed. It's the game I want to play every day! Continued listening to Stephen King's The Institute. I abandoned the book but now I listen to it while doing typing exercises. I prefer it to mindless youtube videos. I don't even know what to listen to on youtube, so I mostly close it because I get tired of searching. It's mind-blowing how horrible some of the content is, it's probably the same level as tv shows on mainstream tv channel in Russia, and believe me it's waaay below zero. My mom watches these shows just fine but I can't force myself to.
  13. Vera

    Moving on

    @BooksandTrees I exercised at home... It's still a pretty good load for me, I feel sore today. I need to get more sleep tonight. There's some issues with running water in our district so I won't take contrast shower as I did yesterday. I loved it! So sad I won't be able to do it today, but the day was good nevertheless. I bought small snack and I didn't like it. It tastes like something chemical, I'd prefer to just drink some water. Guess I've learned my lesson.
  14. @BooksandTrees great! But you still need sleep to be less susceptible to your seasonal affective disorder. 8 hours of sleep is what you absolutely need to stay sane!
  15. Vera

    Moving on

    First day of exercise after a long, really long hiatus and sedentary lifestyle. I don't have any endurance, and simple bodyweight exercises showed me how weak I am. But I feel satisfied anyway, it motivates me to get better. I bought a nice 500ml water bottle and I keep my water intake as high as possible, around 2l every day. It's way easier with a nice bottle tbh. 🙂 I also keep knitting and studying math after work. Touch typing progress slowed down, my speed is hovering under 200cpm and I keep making silly mistakes. Competitive typing is just not for me now, I need to dial down and make my technique better, not try to type faster and learn wrong movement patterns. I found an easy way to get back into learning flashcards. I wanted to make my own stacks because I used other people's ones and it became REALLY boring to go over things I don't need. I tried it and it works! Now I need to make a good stack of cards to help me get better (my grammar is a mess). Life is good overall. Obstacles keep popping up but it doesn't scare me.
  16. @BooksandTrees you're doing really good. It warms my heart to see that you've changed your life so much and you keep improving!
  17. Vera

    Moving on

    Thanks for your attention @Ikar @Icandothis @BooksandTrees I haven't quit social media completely and I still use it sometimes but it's not something I do often. Knitting goes well, I made more than 2 meters of cord but there's still a lot I should do, it's only the beginning. I have one or two knitting projects in my head, but I will not rush it, I want to relax while knitting, not make it feel like work. I don't have to take the medicine, I'm very happy about that. I have to sleep well to recover and I think I can start doing simple exercises in a day or two. Since I visited the gym three or four times in December, but paid for the whole month, I didn't renew my membership, it'd be a waste of money. I'll probably go there when my full health is back, but I think that my diet is a way bigger issue for me than exercise. I thought about keeping a food diary, it's the perfect moment to start keeping better track of my food and especially my water intake. I struggle with it too. I should probably get a 1L bottle so I have better understanding of how much water I drink every day. I almost relapsed this weekend but cancelled the download and moved on. I did it because I bumped into awesome series on Youtube. This game is a sandbox so there's no fixed storyline, but this player made a beautiful story out of it. I really admire how skillful he is at writing and narrating. Wish I could have such a skill. I noticed that I talk less and worse and even stutter sometimes, which is understandable. That's also another thing I should fix. Honestly, I have no regrets about watching this series because it made me realize my own weak points and pushed me in the right direction. I wouldn't be happy grinding for an in-game achievement knowing that it steals the time I could spend getting better at more meaningful things.
  18. @BooksandTrees missed some news! Hope your wisdom tooth surgery went well and you're healing. Don't worry it will heal nicely, but don't do any demanding physical work for two weeks after removal, or you're going to face the same problems as I did, so be careful, please!
  19. Vera

    Moving on

    I found new relaxing hobby to do while I'm idle or listening to audiobooks. I'll knit cords and then crochet baskets and small carpets out of it. For me it's like meditation, but you aren't just staring at the wall or sitting with your eyes closed. I have one more problem now - where to store all the cords? 🙂 In short, weekend was fairly good. I walked quite a lot, but didn't feel well today so had to return home a bit earlier than expected. This medicine is the worst I've ever seen, but it helps and there's only one day left, so not that much left to endure. Social media became boring for me. I barely check anything except for Discord and I don't feel like it makes a huge difference. Nobody is interested in me and I feel absolutely satisfied when doing my own thing. I become restless and lonely when my life isn't filled with meaningful activities, that's one more point for sticking to my daily routine.
  20. Vera

    Moving on

    @BooksandTrees it will! I just have to remember that my life depends on my own actions. It makes it easier and difficult at the same time, but it's way more interesting than playing as any fictional character. I miss gaming foe being an easy fix sometimes, but it's not easy once you turn the game off, you go from hero to zero and that's not how I want my life to be. So I'll keep working no matter what. It will pay off. 🙂
  21. Vera

    Moving on

    Holidays are over and I'm back on track. Had really nice time feeding my fishes tonight. I bought frozen live foods and they loved it. I think I can make their diet better now, and it's not hard at all. My mother said if I bring any worms home, she'll have a heart attack. I thought about keeping small worms as a live food, but I guess it'll have to wait for some time. I couldn't fall asleep last night, my mind was full of very stupid thoughts about work and stuff. I woke up feeling like a beaten dog, but now I'm feeling better. I took a walk after work, it's snowing and the weather is a bit too windy but still good to be outside. To be honest, I should use my time more wisely so I'm going to do some math to let my fingers rest from constant touch typing. And it's definitely time to learn qwerty layout, I feel like uncomfortable while looking down on the keyboard, it strains my neck.
  22. Vera

    Moving on

    I love this little game! It makes me think as a developer and solve problems by trial and error which is really nice! Don't know yet what I'd like to do today, since it's holiday and I feel better than yesterday I might go outside and enjoy the weather.
  23. Vera

    Moving on

    I've been typing competitively for a long time today. My speed improved to a little over 200 cpm, but I still make a lot of mistakes. At least I don't feel like my keyboard is holding me back. I found little game about artificial intelligence and I'm going to check it out. I still have fear of huge games, games that take up dozens of gigabytes make me feel like they're going to eat my computer. But I am really interested in this little project, so I'm going to run it and find out if it is good.
  24. Go to the doctor, they'll probably have you do some tests. Don't be afraid, you have to take some action about it.
  25. Vera

    Moving on

    I'm having a great day. Woke up early, took my medicine and spent most of the time training touch typing on my new keyboard. It's getting easier to type on it, I'm not making as many mistakes. I have to take care of my aquarium which I neglected for several days because I wasn't feeling well, but water change is a must. Medicine makes it hard to do any physical job and my coordination is not as good, so I won't go outside today. I also need to tidy things up.My bed will stay as it is because I might want to lay down during the day. I'm going to repeat myself, but doing something productive is really beneficial for me. I'm calm and satisfied when I know that my day wasn't wasted on doing pointless stuff. All I have to do is to do it day by day and it's going to be fine. I don't have high expectations of myself, but I know I can live a better life if I continue to work hard and study. I didn't get good formal education and hated studying for many years despite getting good grades in school, and my mom didn't know what to do with me (and I'm not mad at her, I was truly awful at my worst), but I'm the one responsible for myself now. I appreciate the mindset of 'no one will come to rescue you, you gotta do it yourself'. It took me a long time to accept that.