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About TwoSidedLife

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  1. I always try to recognise why i'm craving. Sometimes i'm craving it because i'm not willing to face up to things that need to be done (Actionable things), sometimes it's emotional things that I need to process more (There's a lesson to be learnt in everything, especially mistakes). Other times I crave it because I don't feel a sense of achievement from what i'm doing - That lets me know I need to change something (Weather I need to recognise/reward myself for my hard work, or if I need to find better reasons / rewards as to why I should do certain things).
  2. Day 51 Just an update that i'm still going strong on StopGaming. Recently i've been having cravings for the first time. This streak has been amazing for me so far, i've changed my life in different ways. Having specific goals and a schedule has been incredible. I'm able to do what I want to do, be able to track my progress and manage that however I want. I'm having much more fun doing regular things than gaming. Gaming to me has a very lonely vibe. Like you want to shut yourself out from the world and you don't want anything to do with it. I'm more in control of my life now. I have more self discipline to do what I want to do and i'm more aware of life in general. I know this will be the streak that gets me over 90. I'm only craving games as a way to procrastinate. It's better that I don't game, because it helps build that self discipline. When I think about relapsing, I think about all the real progress I created over the last 50 days. It's such a solid gameplan. Gaming appeals to me only because its easy and its setup already, you just put the work in. When you do the same to activities in your life, it makes it 100x better. It's worth the extra few steps. I'm also on NoFap at around the same streak.
  3. Sounds like you know full well you should be avoiding it, but're wanting some justification for it. If we're quitting games, we're going to have to find a new form of entertainment or way to relax. Personally, i'd aim to find some new, relaxing entertainment that isn't digital at all. Netflix, youtube ect. they all stimulate us in the same way. It's strongly encouraged here that we find a hobby/other interests - another benefit being you can relax through those instead. It doesn't have to be hardwork all the time too. People can wind down by doing woodworking or playing guitar for example. Before bed I also do puzzles (Like sudoku) from a book to relax. Some interests and hobbies tho can be digital and relaxing in the same way too, such as coding, 3D modelling or digital drawing. If you go on youtube, netflix, twitch ect. with no intention or plan, you're basically handing yourself over to that completely. You're not in control. You'll let those websites drive you to relieve your stress, make you happy ect. Because it's so stimulating (Digital entertainment), there won't be much else irl that can do the same. You'll begin to rely on it to make you feel something. You should be the one in control. Happiness comes from within. It comes from the actions we initiate. A reason it's so stimulating imo is because we give up control to it, procrastination becomes an addiction. But a clearer interpreation of that would be Dissociation. In general, we should be using technology more mindfully and with clear intention. I was bored earlier, so I came here with the intention to write something (Because I felt like it). Nobody is 100% productive all the time. Personally I still watch youtube sometimes with no intention. The key for me being that I go there intentionally with a plan to pick something from my subscriptions to watch. Having more self control these past few months, i've noticed I actually can stick to just a few videos, so I don't binge unless I intend to. And even then, i'd know what kind of videos i'm going to binge. I've split all my youtube content over two accounts I have. One is for all the 'mindless' stuff, the other is for serious stuff. The 'serious' stuff I have is related to my hobbies (learning stuff, which is still enjoyable). Most times when I go to Youtube, I know exactly what / who i'm looking up. I don't usually let it direct me somewhere. As for the 'mindless' entertainment account - majority of its content is about my other big interest (Politics). I'm not subscribed to any gaming channels or content and always click 'not interested' when any of it comes up (I rarely see that stuff now). Be aware also, if you have twitch or other gaming stuff in your internet history, favourites ect. you're more likely to be given gaming ads elsewhere. If you decide not to watch twitch anymore, I recommend clearing out your history, likes, playlists ect. from gaming. Hopefully i've given you some insight :)
  4. @Kendall"PurpleBot"Stauffer That's a very thoughtful realisation / insight into yourself. You're definitely not alone in wanting to be able to game again with others in a meaningful way. It's also a reason I don't think i'll quit forever, since I have friends and siblings who play very casually from time to time. I've seen some success stories from people who detoxed that were able to play multiplayer games again with their friends in a way that was more meaningful, for social and reacreational purposes ect. If you're not already apart of it, I recommend joining the Discord Server too. Theres usually deep, ongoing discussions about this sort of thing (With all different view points and opinions aswell). Best of luck on your journey to 90!
  5. Day 15 Today's Progress @BooksandTrees, I've just been learning about a range of different stuff, I don't tend to stay with just one topic. Been so busy learning, I don't have time to update the journal daily. I'm just very involved in learning I think i've been doing really well. No cravings at all anymore and I stopped counting the days (Just come back here to see again lol). Also got my birthday coming up soon :)
  6. Day 10 Today's Progress Happily still here going strong. I've made great personal progress, but I can still be doing better. I still have basic things to work on. I don't have any urges to game as i've found many other better and more exciting things to do.
  7. Day 5 Today's Progress Slowing down my pace. Maybe i've been drinking a lot cause i'm unsure of my future. Having control and freedom is hard too - huge responsibility on your own part to take yourself forward. For now i'll focus on basic chores and help around the house (Make a habit from it). Additionally, I want to go the extra mile and do things around here nobody has time to worry or think about (Organise things).
  8. Day 3 Today's Progress A lot of my past 'baggage' is coming up. I'm missing my ex a lot. I realise I want to have more friends around me now. I cut off my friends in mid 2017. That's the last time i've hungout with anyone. I don't see any possibility of how to make friends while i'm going to be studying online at home again. I have a lot of anxiety to deal with tied to my disorder. But i'm definitely getting better through the years. I want to build better relations with my family and learn through those relations. My sibling's friend said its cool i'm talking more to them. Though I feel weird being friends with my siblings friends - We're close in age and a lot of them know me through someone else. It sucks for me when they've heard of me, because i'm nothing like that anymore. Any new situation involving a story of past me is annoying because I have explain my life to ppl I just met. Also the added stress of knowing they've already judged me. Wish I was more willing to branch out - but strangers I meet on the street (doesn't matter their age!) know you through someone else. I mainly regret doing drugs for this very reason. I feel like i'm being held as a social hostage. Maybe one day i'll just stop caring about it all. It's mainly just a pain in the arse having to explain.
  9. Day 2 Today's Progress Haven't been pursuing my goals as much as i'd like to. But i've taken it upon myself to take a step everyday to help me get into a school course. I definitely would've relapsed today. However, the games left on my computer are excrutiatingly boring and the lounge has been taken all day by family (I still have a console there). I would've played games on my steam account, but my sibling still has the password with them. They won't give me the password until I pass 90 days and ask for it back myself. I've had a drive to find things eccentric skills i'm interested in and general skills I want to build upon. I realise I want to learn about and be skilled at many things. There's only a handful of things i'd like to keep pursuing to higher levels, but for the most part i'd like to know everything on a basic level. When I get the funds, I really want to take coin collecting seriously. I made a trade with my sibling a year ago for their coin collection they got from a (separated) parent. I have well over 100 doubles i'm wanting to trade for my collection. So far I only need the funds to send these out by postage. It's a pity that I don't want to look at coins because i'm really keen to start this already, but lack the funds.
  10. Day 1 Today's Progress Back on stopgaming. Made it one day. I'm considering that I might have a drinking problem now. This morning/maybe last night, I was contemplating how to get more (Even tho I have no money and I need to drop out of my course, stop payments ect.). Basically I get paid by the government to study and that's how I pay for school fees. I managed to jump out of bed. I'm keen to try this new reward system I planned/brainstormed in my head. I heard a bit of the advice elsewhere, but you basically reward yourself when you do something towards your goals and the reward is related to the goal. I haven't been rewarding myself. I slept at 1am or so, set alarm for 10am. I jumped out of bed at 6am, but when back cause 'it's not healthy' to have only 5 hours of sleep. Then I woke up at 7 and jumped out again and the same thought came up, so I slept again. Today I went to the school to drop out (Since they haven't replied by email). They told me I owe nothing and I got to keep my money. Instead I blew it on alcohol after telling myself I was going to quit because I had no money. On a positive note, i'm taking steps to find a new course. I've gotten creative since my city is small and has little to offer. Ended up finding lots of different online courses in my country. I just feel like shite cause of my family honestly. People are working and one is at uni. I get that. But there's a huge lack of understanding that nobody can accept I have trauma that stops me from going to school easily and normally. At least i'm happy with myself for trying still.
  11. @BooksandTrees Thankyou so much for your support. I honestly do struggle w porn aswell (although it's not common to hear w women, it's still a struggle nonetheless). Been a bit of a side goal for me personally to abstain from it. It's very much worth it in the longrun to abstain from porn and gaming. Builds us to be better ppl and channel that energy into much better things. Self discipline is an ongoing game. I truly do feel a much stronger pull towards my goals. It's more meaningful than games could ever be. As long as I challenge myself, i'll be happy :)
  12. Day 18 (RELAPSE!) Today's Progress I've been drinking and this is how I relapsed. I played for an hour before being too bored to continue. Prior to playing, I was so restless to find something physical to do. Even if it was just playing with marbles on the ground (I threw them out a while ago lol). I didn't want to game cause I knew it was boring. It was more of an attempt to really find something to do and cure the restlessness. Before gaming I drew 2 sketches (I like drawing when i'm drunk. It's a lot better that way, because I don't care about perfection and don't take forever drawing). Again I relapsed to a game I didn't want to play. I've had cravings for specific games and haven't played them yet. I feel like everytime I watch my sibling play a game, I end up relapsing. But I don't remember the last times. I know i'll get back to gamefree tomorrow. The streak doesn't really matter to me. I'm happy that i'm able to get back to stopgaming within the same hour of stopping after a relapse! The first few times, I would let myself binge for a few weeks. I've got some new tactics to put in place to stop the gaming (Place it all on a USB). Along with that, i'd like to just instead watch gameplay to remind myself of the reality of how boring it is. I've never been addicted to watching twitch or gameplays and have always found them insanely boring. I did watch competitive time to time, purely to improve my gameplay (I quit multiplayer for good years ago) and also when I had bets on it. I've got very strong reasons never to go back to multiplayer. I've also never kept up with gaming news, i've always thought of it as really dry and not intellectual enough for me.
  13. Day 16 Today's Progress Last night I had a nightmare that made me realise unresolved feelings about my past. I think it's time I brought it up with my psychologist. I felt like gaming when I woke up because of it. Instead I just slept again (15 hours tho which sucks). I feel depressed today. I'm gonna keep going despite all the stuff going on inside and outside. My family keep talking about how useless I am because I dropped out and can't communicate or do teamwork easily like them. I dislike that they've never been supportive and instead just makes me feel bad till I do something good (Guilt tripping). Sometimes i'm too afraid to do things because of them judging me. I want to cook something - they'll get mad, tell me to go to school so I can buy my own ingredients. I want to exercise in my room but I don't want to be noisy and draw attention to myself because i'm sick of getting yelled at. At least i'm not blocking out these feelings
  14. Hey there, these are my questions to you: Why did you feel the need to ask a community of game addicts, if you were addicted? Usually people will not ask unless it's bothering them. What do you get out of gaming that's different from any other hobby? Sure, you could be playing chess instead and be 'addicted' to it. But I don't know of anyone with just one hobby. Do you meet the criteria for addiction in general? Is it stopping you in any one area of your life eg. Health, Relationships, Career. There's a lot of excuses to be made here, such as your personal health could be suffering but you justify it by saying at least your career is great. There's got to be good balance between them all. It's not worth saying one area can suffer just because another area is amazing. A bit of a more personal question, Do your kids game and do you spend time with them having fun without gaming? If you could imagine yourself stopping for 3 months, what are the positive changes that could happen? That to me is enough to say that gaming is causing a dopamine inbalance. Gaming ticks all the boxes cause it's very stimulating. Most people who do the detox are able to enjoy simpler activities again. Though only some have that as a main reason to stop (There's many different individual reasons to stop). Everyone has different reasons for stopping, some are powerful enough to make them want to quit forever. I was also a bit frugal with gaming. My laptop is from 2012 also, I can't run majority of the newest games and I don't keep up with that stuff anyway. I also waited for price drops. Being young still (20 this year), I use to load up $50 on steam and set myself of a limit of only buying games that're $5 or less. That way I could have lots of games and variety. I didn't buy loot boxes or any of this shiet either. Mainly cause I quit all multiplayer games in 2014. Though singleplayer can be just as addictive. Edited: Everything abt my sibling, cause they're not addicted and it was a misleading example to use.
  15. Hello JustTom, this is my input on therapists @Silverlining I saw 3 therapists before finding one i've stuck with for 5 years now. I have trauma so it's something I really needed. Apart from that, this therapist teachs me psychology. It's so I can understand myself better and that's what I prefer. She is more of a life coach than a therapist imho. She helps me with school, doing my goals, social stuff and even helped me ask someone out. The first two therapists made me want to feel accepted and shit, but that's not what I want out of a therapist. I wanted someone cool that would teach me stuff. Everyone has different preferences, needs and personalities. She said I was the only young person that saw her and majority of her clients are police officers. My family doctor helped me find therapists. Therapy is completely up to you Tom, but not all of them are the same. Not all will be great and it'll take a few to find someone you connect with. It's been really helpful for me to have. Main difference is therapists can tell you why you're in certain habits, why you are the way you are ect. a life coach can help you change, but they can't explain your past or yourself.
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