Onlysoul

[Mettermrck]

Hang in there, onlysoul! I think your English is coming along nicely.

[giblets]

My progress in learning English is too slow. I must change my attitude and try my best. I am going to watch some cartoon exactly Cars. I need rest.

I did read somewhere that watching your favourite shows in a different language really helps. I tried it with Spanish but felt they spoke way too fast for me to catch up. Maybe a kid's movie or show is a better idea, let me know how you go, I might give it a try!

[Onlysoul]

THX Mettermrck

giblets: Yeah you are right. I saw film Cars yesterday with english dubbing and subtitles and i understand almost everything. 

 

11 Day

 

I found some mistakes in my own mind and i'm going to repair it. My attidute to solve problems and live fully its not sufficient. Man I make stupid decisions and my laziness after work is horrible. I read nice quote: If you want feel fine you must to things which lead to feeling fine. And its true. Action is important! Every day every single habit every single decision making is very important and lead us to the future. Just decide! I had cravings for downloading games but i really fast rejected that idea. Then i watched porn....

Edited June 28, 2017 by Onlysoul
grammar....

[dirkj3]

Good job Onlysoul for your amazing progress!!

You have an awesome chart of things there!

 I am trying to push the P out of the PMO and after my experience it is a little easier to maintain a good streak by doing that.

The chart is extremely important because there you can get a good overview about activities that push you through the day!!

Good luck in you further progress!!!

[Tom2]

Wow, that's an interesting ending... I couldn't predict that.

However you're doing fine. "9/14 done!" That's 64%. And you're doing about 100% of your exercise! That's incredible. I think you have potentials to get better next days.

[Onlysoul]

Thank you guys for support! It's very important to have people which will support you. I made very good step to join this forum and help myslef to be better and also you guys. You have to give in order to receive. We gonna make this happen!

 

 

Edited June 29, 2017 by Onlysoul
bearded man

[albrechtjess]

Thank you guys for support! It's very important to have people which will support you. I made very good step to join this forum and help myslef to be better and also you guys. You have to give in order to receive. We gonna make this happen!

 

 

^ I always love this gif <3 

I'm happy I made the step to join this forum too. We got this <3 

[Onlysoul]

 

Today i don't know what boredom is. I go fully on 100% and i feel fine. I need rest. That's all for today.

[Onlysoul]

 

13 Day

So today was quiet productive day. I was out with my dog, cycled with my sister and have done some parts of my presentation on trainee program( I know is Friday  ). I listened new podcast  Podcast #10: The Power of Simple Habits to Overcome Addiction and Avoid Relapse with Pete Marston  I'm pretty tired so bye guys and have a nice day/night.

[Mettermrck]

Yes I loved the last podcast...when it came to my soda and gaming addiction, I acted like a drug addict. The Power of Habit is on my future reading list.

[Onlysoul]

Yeah i recommend that book and you will be very exciting when you start reading about Eugene who lost his memory.

 

I think that Pete said a lot of things about rejection in life. When we were rejected we thought that is something wrong with us. I almost cry when he said that he wanted overdosehimself. Habits are crucial!

Edited July 1, 2017 by Onlysoul
grammar

[DeepSpaceAI]

Hey OnlySoul,

It looks like you're making great progress! I really like your spreadsheet. Learning a new language and reading seem like really productive activities. I'm not sure what language I should learn though. I really like how reading has measurable growth attached to it. Honestly, I never thought about reading only a few pages a day since I usually binge on media (like watching 5-10 episodes of a TV show if it catches my interest). I guess I always had the expectation that I should read a lot if I want to get into reading. I think your model has given me something to aspire to. Keep up the good work!

[Onlysoul]

 

14 Day

So today it was very interesting. I woke up in the morning and start working and stopped at 03:00pm. I exercised, cleaned whole house and finished my presentation. Then my mood swings into horror. Like flashback from day when i hate everything and everyone. I wanted to give up and look on some porn. It was terrifying you know. I stood up from chair and went in front of TV and watched Tour de France. Then i went lying on the bed and thinking wtf i'm doing. I feel empty inside, worthless and haven't friends. Then appear in my mind: get up and check your inbox and start doing things. And i almost done everything. A moment ago i came from walk with dog. I feel great again. Be strong my friends. Our mind are healing themselves. I'm going to meditating and then maybe i will watch some movie. We are good enough! DeepSpaceAI thx for feedback and i wish you much strong as you can possess.

[albrechtjess]

Great job! You're making lots of progress, keep it up We got this

[Mettermrck]

Well sounds like a good day, onlysoul, very productive.

[Onlysoul]

THX guys for support. Today was quiet hard day.

15 Day

Today I made a lot of things in the morning. But after lunch I was very sad and have zero energy. I watched film Wall-e and I realize that loneliness is still big part of my life and drain my energy. I overeated myself and than I had a bad mood. I think that in my progress which you can see up in the table is not good enough because I must improve my work process. My effort is smaller so i want be more engaged to my activities. I'm better and I can do more! 

Things to improve:

Try harder and be more engaged into activities.

Be good on myself.

I need better schedule and time management.

Brainwash myself and use some positive affirmations like: I'm good person, I'm valueable part of society, I'm able to do beautiful things. 

Eat little bit less and no overeating! Eat healthy!

[Mettermrck]

I get loneliness too...most of my bouts are temporary and if I can cry it out or push past it, it goes away. I try to keep in regular contact with friends and family, even just a text. That helps. Hang in there, onlysoul.

[Onlysoul]

16 Day

 

I feel great. I feel like human person again. Its suspicious for me. I dont accomplish everything in my list but i'm grateful. Finally I feel emotions, human connection. My mind is alive. I can cry again. Before was my emotions suppressed and I was empty. I feel happiness. I feel like a kid again.

 

 

[Mettermrck]

I agree about the emotions. I've had vivid emotions over the last weeks. I cry often and too much. But I like to think that I'm just processing buried emotions.

[Onlysoul]

I must write here this statement because i must remember how imporant is this life chaning path for me. 

No one will define me! I define my self! I make my own future!

Masturbating define me? Nope

Pornography define me? Nope

Other people? Nope

Dark side of me? Nope

Gaming define me? Nope

Laziness? Nope

Negative emotions? Nope

My actions, habits, attitude? YES! You are great person and that I'm wiriting this also for you guys! 

Edited July 4, 2017 by Onlysoul

[Onlysoul]

Hi guys!

Yesterday was quite difficult because i was very sad in afternoon. I haven't power to meditate. I laid on my bed and watch that 17 years! old cartoon in English The Emperor's New Groove. Gosh time go very fast. I dont exercise because my arm is overtrained.   

[Mettermrck]

Hang in there, onlysoul. I've slacked off on meditation myself, not from a lack of desire but time constraints in the morning and exhaustion at night. Just have to keep trying!

[Onlysoul]

Today i will not post a spreadsheet. I was at a job interview in company where i'm actually on my graduate practice. Everything was good but they made pressure on me how can I managed stressful situation or how to force people to act according to manufacturing plan. One question almost made me crying: How would your friends describe you? I said that I'm lonely wolf with no closer friends. I said truth. I must managed my loneliness and dont cry on this forum. I have a plan to go out and start talking to people. Thats all. Thanks Mettermrck for kind words! You are awesome.

Edited July 6, 2017 by Onlysoul
Yeah grammar baby

[Mettermrck]

Anytime, onlysoul. You'll have opportunities to make friends as you work on your development. That's how I'm doing too, hoping to grow my social circle in the future.

[Onlysoul]

 

I stopped counting days. It doesn't matter anymore. Cravings on games stopped. Cravings on better life already started. I want to be free and capable to survive alone in my own apartment with my own budget. This is one of my dream. Next week is crucial for me because i will know if I getting a full time job.

What else i want?

- be more aware and present

- face my fears more

- expand my comfort zone

- heal relationship with my family

Edited July 7, 2017 by Onlysoul