Jump to content

NEW VIDEO: I Replaced Gaming With Real Life (Nicco Transformation)

Onlysoul


Onlysoul

Recommended Posts

1 Day

I am not playing videogames anymore. I am clean approximately one month. But i discover that i am still having problem with myself. From young age i dont fit into collective, because they always rejected me. They behaved to me like piece of garbage. In home everyone expected from me good results in school but they dont investigate how i feel or what i want. Nobody ever tell me: We love you. You are good enough. This circumstances created in me feeling, that i am not good enough, you must hide your true face. This feeling ongoing dissatisfaction was incredible. I could not be myself and thats why i ran away from myself. I ran to pc games, porn, food and drugs. I ran until now. Today i am saying stop, I am going to face my problems. I am good enough, i love myself. I do everything to be good on myself, independent at work and also  independet financially. This is my commitment. I would face my fears. Every single day i must do my best to be better. Also productive and relaxed. Meditation have opened door to present moment.  

And also one interesting thing. When i was younger my grandma was very religious. She always tell me you will become priest. Its you desitny, what else you would do? You can imagine how this thing can mock and confuse young person. When i feel bad or have this "bad days" this priest thing shows up and still scary me. My mind is projecting this scenario and i am experiencing panic attacks. Maybe its sounds like funny thing but for me is very very frightening. 

I am not sure that its good thing to write this but i dont know where i should. You can see how can family and family members hurt person. And one thing for everyone. Never give up. Never ! You must keep going and make thing what you ever want. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are taking on a great quest, Onlysoul. Just take it one day at a time. That's what I say each morning when I wake up: "Just for today, I am not going back to gaming. Just for today, I am not going back to porn. Just for today, I am not going back to soda." and stay close to this community.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 Day

Yesterday i had panic attack. Today i feel better a lot. After my job interview i had some beers and a moment ago i came home. I opened cane beer and currently writing this post. This fear thing scares me a lot. I told myself that fear is no longer my enemy. But i am experiencing every day scaring feeling and seeing bad things. But i telling myself its only illusion. I must see my fear but no fight with it. It is interesting journey to find my true self, build my true self. You discover how things works and its exciting. I am going to meditate and than watch film Leon. 

I reminding myself that iam worth it, good enough, i love myself. As my professor said: All you need is love and these materials xD . 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah You are right! Best way how to deal with bad emotions or fear or whatever is just watching the thoughts without fighting or paying attention.

3 Day

Today i felt really good. Some bad emotions and thoughts were there but nothing big. Littble bit cravings too but i handle it with learning English. I remind myself that i must do everything to be better person. I was at work, then came home and went cut the grass. Then i talked with my parents and after awhile end my meditation. I am going to watch document The Putin Interviews. Ehm i love you onlysoul and with love come responsibility. I fix you I promise :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks guys for support!

Yeah nice font you use mr. pharmacist ^_^. Priest panic attack: Exactly when i have this panic attacks i experiencing feelings like powerless and strong tension that this is my fate, i cant change anything and so on. I also experiencing visual image of cross, jesus and altar. Man that is very frightening. I would never say that shitty words or scare my child or young relatives. Never ! Because you can hurt them very much even with that simple moves. Please man tell me how i can manage or handle my panic attack? 

Affirmation: I changed my self talk. I always telling myself that i am good enough etc. Even if i have bad days or things go bad for me i'm always nice to me. Yes you have right dude, i must boost my selfconfidence because no one can do this for me.

 

Edited by Onlysoul
My grammar is still bad
Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 Day

 

Today i was lazy AF. I exactly do nothing. I eat too much and sit in front of PC. Positive is that i was out with my dog, go for a walk with him and then go cycling with my sister. Later I looked into the mirror and i said: You are responsible! You are in control and only you have the power change things in your life. No one will do it for you. Your life depend on how you spend your times, exactly what are you doing in your free time. I love you! You must sacrifice this stupid things which you used for escape. 

 

No strong fear or panic attack today so its quiet positive thing too. I meditate every single day despite of my laziness. 

Its ok Onlysoul. Tomorrow will be different day with different problems, solutions and mood. Be good on yourself. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 Day

Today it was very bad. I started watching some porn and other stupid things. I think that i am very lazy and comfortable person. Every day i must have schedule or goals or whatever but worst is do nothing. If you do nothing you feel bad and than you make stupid decisions which later lead to regret and pain. Gosh I know what to do but despite of that im making nothing. Am i that stupid ? Ohh man...:(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 Day

Today it was very bad. I started watching some porn and other stupid things. I think that i am very lazy and comfortable person. Every day i must have schedule or goals or whatever but worst is do nothing. If you do nothing you feel bad and than you make stupid decisions which later lead to regret and pain. Gosh I know what to do but despite of that im making nothing. Am i that stupid ? Ohh man...:(

It's ok if you've decided to change your actions from now on.

You still have a lot more days to change. If it's hard to endure, just try something small that you can achieve. I also had a lot of days doing nothing. At that time, I felt the same way as you did. We have no choice to move forward step by step. It's gonna be alright. There must be some good days and bad days. You're gonna have good days if you don't give up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks guys i appreciate that !

 

Pharmacist Thanks for information ! But i have finally some works to do :) . Tom yeah you are right. Step by step day by day. Bad days are quiet bad and cravings are strong but we decided change ourselfs and we are already on the way. 

 

6 Day

I woke up in the morning with bad mood and strong tension. I came in work and haven't taste to do something. I was bored and sick from everything. After work i was with my sister in town and bought new pair of shoes and shorts. Then i have idea to go in bookshop and i found one book. David Allen - Getting Things Done. So i am going to read this book at weekend. I am so excited. Afternoon was pretty fine. I visited my relatives and then meditate. It such a great thing, feeling better and concentration is perfect. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 Day

Very hot day today isnt it ? According to where :D. I read cca 60 pages of book Getting Things Done and its perfect. Main idea is get out of head your activity and put it on paper. Have a system where you can track your progress and what you want (results) and what do you must to do which activity lead to required results. I installed Rescue Time extensions to chrome and now i can see where i spend most of my time online. I meditated and went cycling. But i ignored my english progress and i must repair my CV and send it to one vietnamese IT company. I love myself and i am enough ! I have little bit big belly but its ok. Not everyone can be thin. If you read this and you are overweighted its ok. People will still love you and these thing doesnt matter yet.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 Day

Its fine feeling

Untitled.thumb.png.27036fd137f3d2b3be45a

 

Today was quite nice day. I meditated 20 days in a row wow. I listened to podcast about adiction, spend some time with duolingo, repeated some english vocabulary and saw some youtube videos about how to learn english. I had very long walk (approximetly 6 km) and read some pages about GTD. I experienced some negatives too. Dumb thoughts in the morning, overeating and laziness. But its ok. Despite of this i make some little progress. I do what i really want. I made chart where i record my progress:

 

Capture.thumb.PNG.652c23d39759902b96fa05

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Umm, there's one thing I want to ask.

Do those activities on your list have to be done everyday? It seems too many so you can be exhausted easily if the plan doesn't go well. It's up to you so it's just an opinion.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 Day

Everything is ok. My new habit system works. I can clearly saw what i was doing today. I started NoFap journey too because i can have only benefits from it.  

Capture.thumb.PNG.9e61b2c77897795c60e8b8

I have one principle: Baby steps, its very powerful to start with small task. Then you have ENERGY even for bigger tasks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 Day

 

I'm feel fine. I'm little bit worried about my health condition because hardly breathing. Had problem finish my meditation because of it. Asthma is a b*tch :(Capture.thumb.PNG.3c5cf3f8acbed96b583795

 

My progress in learning English is too slow. I must change my attitude and try my best. I am going to watch some cartoon exactly Cars. I need rest.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...