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TwoSidedLife

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Everything posted by TwoSidedLife

  1. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Today I uninstalled all my games. I knew it was time to quit since ive been up all night amd day playing Town of Salem (Muliplayer). The nights before I was playing more and more. I planned to start stopgaming for the 3rd time when I came back from vacation (2 weeks ago). I want to get to 90. I have always relapsed on day 66 oddly. I saw info online that new habits take 66 days to form. I didnt really plan to quit today. I just had one of those really shit moments you get in multiplayer. As gamers we've all seen how ugly it gets, how toxic the social side of gaming can truly be. So now I decide to quit today. A family member watched part of the game, directed me to do certain things and mistakes were made. Mistakes that earned much blame and toxicity toward me, including later by the family member. Mistakes were then made again irl towards others. Im quitting because multiplayer has always been a terrible experience for me (yet again). Its crazy how fast the anger in an imaginary world can transfer to reality. I binged ToS for a week. Before this, I played singleplayer only after quitting a different multiplayer game 6 years ago. I sought help to quit singleplayer at first. But multiplayer is hardcore poison to me. Enough is enough. In the week prior to returning on vacation, I started language learning and havent missed a day (Even w ToS, since I could play DuoLingo while waiting). In December before I left, I started a bullet journal and its been very helpful. Ive used Habitica since June(?) and it still pushes me to get things done. Heres to day 0.
  2. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 7 Today's Progress It's come to my attention that I shake when i'm anxious, it's something i've never noticed until someone else told me. I usually get nausious when i'm anxious. Sometimes i'm not mentally anxious, but i'm physically anxious. Quitting smoking is making me more impulsive. I can't afford to smoke anymore and i'm hoping for the best when it comes to stopgaming. Today I did a 'brain dump' and allocated tasks all the way up to March. I've got things to do everyday now.
  3. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    @WuqingDi Thank you :) Hahaha i'd say it's a great thing not remembering honestly. Dreams can be very disturbing at times (Nightmares). Even if I can escape it, I don't forget about it since it's very vivid. The dreams related to gaming get more full-on further in, to a point where I believe I broke my streak and need to restart again. They're the dreams i'm mainly interested in, since I don't know whats causing it. Other times I might confuse my dreams for real life (vice versa also) and think that something was a irl memory when it was just a dream (and vice versa). Those to me specifically happen when i'm stressed though, which is when my Dissociative Disorder symptoms come out to play.
  4. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 6 Today's Progress Feeling lost without a plan for the weekend. Been unproductive and lazy, where'd the time go? Attempting to piece together a functional system to get things done (I'm using too many resources to sort, needs to be more clear) Can't believe it's already been 6 days!
  5. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 5 Last night's dream #3. The nicotine has been making my dreams very jumbled up. I vaguely remember a video game styled dream where I was looking for and recovering missing items. Usually this is a common dream for me, but never themed as a game. All I remember specifically is seeing the color aqua and yellow as 'objectives' towards a path to items. Today's Progress Last say of school this week, now for my weekend (happy days!) Worked on Excel for 7 hours at school today. I had to work on data for a few hours w gaming products as an example (Cause me by surprise). Unsure of what i'll do, definitely need to review my goals w the freetime i've got now (Along w clean up a weeklong mess) I already feel more clearer from stopping. I don't feel that weird after effect gaming has anymore :) I feel like i'm going to become more social
  6. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 4 Today's Progress Planned my budget more - forces me to cut down on smoking (Great! But quitting smoking takes a heavy emotional toll). Feeling down that I can't $ afford to do everything I want (Can't afford textbooks AND byo alcohol for a party). Cravings: Near none. Might be tempted tomorrow/weekend (3 days off) but i'm keen for the freetime to work on my goals. Really gotta tough it out w cutting down on smoking.
  7. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 3 Today's Progress Completed a yearly goal after only setting it two days ago!! Really proud of myself on this one! It was a continued project that reached completion finally. Feel much more comfortable in class, but still anxious at times. HAD NO CRAVINGS!!! I am too tired and busy to play games. Having only a few hours afterschool and an hour before it starts really pushes me to make the most of it and do my goals (Something outside of school to relax, in a really fulfilling way). I hope I get addicted to achieving and setting my goals :))
  8. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 2 Today's Progress First day of school and managed to stay in class, rather than avoid it Stayed committed to the side goals/habits I set (Day 2) Cravings: On my way home I thought I should game to relax. Instead I played guitar, thinking I didnt have time to game with only 3 hours until bedtime.
  9. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 1 Last Night's Dream #2: This dream was 'weird', common among pot withdraws and nicotine near bedtime (Incredibly illogical events w a lot of randomness). I was playing a shooter game as myself, high up on a cliff and using weapons on a hud to destroy enemies that shattered into blocks. I was w my sibling and it felt like we were trying to escape to safety. I 'held the button for longer' to detonate a stronger bomb to get rid of them. After this, we went elsewhere. I had a regular first person view of a room. This was a place we weren't supposed to be and was the house/lair of the evil person. I saw and looked around at exotic looking metals and really nice items in display cases. My sibling was panicing. I was calm and began looting the room. There was nowhere to go but upwards towards another door. At that door, I saw a shadow. I yelled out to run back to the other door we came from. The big bad villain opened the door and stood there. It was a large woman, dressed in black and red. She hissed like a snake when she saw me w all her loot. My sibling sarcastically pleaded to the baddie not to hurt us (Theyre usually very sarcastic). Today's Progress I set out my goals clearly and did a budget yesterday I managed to stick to two new habits I set myself today (Learn a language & Make art) I only turned on the computer today to do art Im going to make a plan to cut down on my internet/technology use Cravings: In the middle of the day, when I didn't know what to do next.
  10. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Well, I relapsed a few days ago, but I didn't binge because gaming just isn't that fun anymore. I've only played an hour at most. I 'achieved' things in game, but it didn't feel as great compared to real life achievements. I've learnt/realised from relapsing that gaming will never create a feeling of lasting happiness or accomplishment. @Lea That's mindblowing! More relatable actually...I'm half Indonesian and i'm starting to learn Indonesian. I went to Jakarta (3rd time) when I went overseas over the New Years break. I miss it already, got a big family there. I managed to plan out my finances today in Excel which was great. Makes it easier to save up for another trip there! Thinking of studying abroad there in a few years too. @katsudo19 Thanks for the encouragement! I'm definitely gonna get up and keep going. I've just finished writting down my goals, step by step and all. First time i've had a clear plan written for them. :) @Cam Adair One part of my life that still needs to get rebuilt since sobering up from years of pot. I stayed at home all day last year when I studied online. On Monday I start a new course on campus. I've mainly just got family. One parent, younger sibling + their friend that lives w us. I've been talking to them more. Sibling + friend starts uni same day and we've been talking about going out to places on weekends. Also got an old friend's party coming up, haven't seen them for a few years. I feel like this year for me is gonna be one of remaking my social life, being around people again and having a few laughs with others.
  11. TwoSidedLife

    Relapse after 4 days.

    I just relapsed and gamed for an hour. At first I wanted to reinstall and play another game, but I couldnt be bothered waiting. So I played on a console. At first I couldnt decide what to play and didnt feel like playing. I cant get rid of any consoles since I have a sibling and their friend living here too (Despite the fact that I wasted $800 on that piece of shit. Nobody in my personal life is supportive of me stopping either, not even my psychologist). I want to commit to stopgaming, but I think me personally joining/being apart of a community doesnt help or benefit me (Sorry guys). I had the same feeling about pot. At 3 months in I couldnt bring myself to join a community still, even though I had many questions. Seeing the word 'gaming' makes me crave it. I guess im lost for words. Maybe i'll be back, maybe not. But i'll keep trying to get to 90 days.
  12. TwoSidedLife

    A few suggestions.

    1. A section for dating advice - Since some haven't dated much/at all and some are in or have had serious relationships 2. A section for advice about family/friends - Including if family or friends don't accept the stopgaming decision 3. A section for a collection of tips - Doubleups should be avoided and others can contribute sharing how a certain tip has worked for them 4. A section for hobbies, branching into hobbies - For people to share how certain hobbies have replaced gaming (as well as its similarity to gaming) and discuss how they help to stopgaming. People who're exploring new hobbies can also read more abt it from others that quit gaming.
  13. TwoSidedLife

    Relapse after 4 days.

    @Mouxine Thanks. I'm starting again on Day 1 cause I know it's a waste of time. Great advice and I really appreciate it! Ifeel like i'll come back and contribute to the community again when I get to 30 days. Just so I can feel more stable being here and get some things done in the meantime.
  14. TwoSidedLife

    I feel like a failure.

    100 days is a massive achievement also! The hardest thing about stopgaming for me has always been starting again. Even though its just my 3rd time. You can't change the past and whats done is done. You can focus and change whats happening right now though. :)
  15. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 4 Today's Progress Didn't do anything productive today. Planning to go shopping for school supplies tomorrow. Going to revisit the schedule and to-to-list. Its been neglected slowly. Cravings: Yep. Its very boring having nobody to talk to. I considered playing ToS many times today. I also considered trying moderation again. Seeing gamequitters makes me sad in a way. Seeing the once in a while person saying gaming in moderation is fine makes me want to relapse. Idk how to cure my loneliness. Idk if i'll be back. I feel a bit stupid writing this.
  16. TwoSidedLife

    20th time quitter

    I reckon everyone gets a little better at quitting the more times they try. I love your persistence also! God bless you.
  17. TwoSidedLife

    About the sunken cost fallacy

    1. The friends also sound like a 'time investment'. Its like if you dated someone althrough HS and they break it off end of HS, they wasted your time and the potential opportunities you couldve had with others. If you cut off your friends, they might not stick around because you wont be gaming anymore (But they might stay. In my experience, they were quick to cut me off). Youll feel like they wasted your time and opportunities you couldve had w others. This advice only makes sense for IRL friends tho. 2. I always say don't worry about selling or not selling. I recommend leaving it around until you find something you really want (eg. A telescope). Something you want so much that youd sell the oculus in a heartbeat to have it. It also sounds like youve kept it because your gf enjoyed it and you want to make her happy. If you havent already talked to her about this stopgaming commitment, I recommend you do so. 3. If you have Netflix I recommend you watch this person called 'Marie Kondo'. Otherwise, search the KonMari technique. It teaches about decluttering your life and only keeping things that 'Spark joy'/ make you happy. The main 2 questions are 'Does this thing make me happy to hold?' and 'Is this something I want in my future'. Thisll be my last visit to the gamestore ($60 worth thanks to this method) and itll be my 6th haul or so. I have kept 4 games or so. I dont know what my future is about gaming, but I want to get over 90 days first. 4. There are plenty of ppl here interested in game development. Coding is very popular here too. Gaming is not evil. There are christians that argue gaming in general is not a sin. I think it goes back to having a heakthy relationship with gaming. Youre 100% correct that stopgaming wont help your procrastination. Its something you need to change yourself. I like to say tho that stopgaming gives you temporary space from a big distraction and helps clear your head. Stopgaming doesnt make you a better person. It gives you the chance to put the effort in to be better person. Ive seen ppl get to 90 days that didnt even try to improve themselves in the process. Self improvement is important during it. If game development is your thing, who cares. Its what makes you, you. Youre also interested in Indie/Experimental. Maybe youll contribute to allowing gamers to have a healthy relation w gaming. Maybe youll change games for the better in some way. Your potential is endless!
  18. TwoSidedLife

    Should we quit everything?

    Sorry everyone for bringing politics into this, but everyone has different views on and morals about addictions, certains addictions and things that might not be considered addictive. I for one would much prefer to live away from and without technology. However, its not really a choice anymore. You 'need' it for school and keeping in contact for example. At the same time, we don't need it for school. Nothing was wrong with paper, it was just more convenient for teachers (Imo it made teachers more lazy, stupid and lenient. It also teaches kids to accept technology usage is necessary to do anything). We need tech to talk to others overseas, like this forums. I think thats a great thing and shouldnt stop! But at the same time, the friends and family around you need to use tech to keep a hold of you. Id rather simpler times when your friends and family could come by whenever they want and ask how I am in person. Imo overall - People should be well aware of the lasting impact they have on others aswell as the influences around them. I dont really care about the extremes people go to, I care about WHY theyre doing it. I care about what their morals and opinions are. That to me, is what makes someone who they are. I feel like people go to extremes, in order to achieve that vision of themself and live by their true morals.
  19. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 3 Today's Progress Halfway done re-organising my wall. Change of environment refreshes your mindset. Feel like doing more physical activities than mental. Exercise is boring and I enjoy gardening or making/fixing things instead. Journalling is like having an accountability partner Cravings: Yep. Although not my usual game style, im really craving sport games (Especially AFL, but Cricket would be fun too). I dont own any anymore and im still craving for Town of Salem. I think I want to be part of a team.
  20. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 2 Did not dream about gaming. Today's Progress Did what I set out to do today Improving a lot at doing daily habits Created a new schedule for myself and working on getting my sleep pattern back to normal With journalling, i've decided to keep it simple Cravings: Yes. When I was falling asleep I felt like getting up and gaming for a few hours instead.
  21. I see these forums and they seem so dead to me and it makes me lose hope in quitting. Discord chat seems really random and theres not much support offered there either. Not to mention huge timezone differences. It just feels like addicts trying to help addicts, but a lot of ppl are afraid to give advice or something idk. This community is so quiet it scares me tho. Thats just my 2 cents. Im not a fan of reddit but these forums should be better than reddit imo. Standalone and seperate from third parties. Its harder to quit gaming on reddit since its distracting. Quitting would be way easier with more online support though. Quitting feels a bit pointless where theres nobody to back you up.
  22. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 1 Last Night's Dream #1: Prior to sleeping I was having tetris effect about Town of Salem. I slept for 4 hours and dreamt about playing Town of Salem. I was in the same scenario as Day 0. Playing Jailor role and obsessively trying to get the same player. Their name appeared in my dream and was the same number on the list in my dream. I recall typing vigorously in dead chat. On Day 0 I played as Medium 3 times in a row and I mostly stick around in dead chat too. The dream was very flashy and colorful. Like different pictures of the game being shown quickly. I felt myself sitting at my computer, staring at the screen with my hands on the mouse and over the keyboard. After waking up, the tetris effect completely vanished. It felt like I was drunk and had just sobered up. I stayed up another hour and slept for 12 hours. (I possibly have sleep apnea). I did not dream about gaming in the 12 hour sleep. My Progress Today Cravings: Yes. My younger sibling encouraged me to game and mentioned that my parent says it's okay to game. - A rare occasion when you shouldn't listen to family. Activities: Continued my DuoLingo streak (10 days!). Finished mandatory to-do's. Unfortunately failed a load of Habitca dailies. Talked on Discord (I am Academix). Minor relapse to smoking, I rolled a cigarette from old cigarettes and it tasted TERRIBLE. Thoughts: I have been home for 2 weeks and still feel a bit jetlagged. My sleeping schedule is not ready for school yet. I start school next week and I hope I don't fail. This is the first time in many years that i've had to sit in a classroom and stay. Last year I studied online and passed, so i'm capable of doing the work. Im just prone to avoiding (which makes me ditch class). I need to keep busy on my last week of freedom. I should work on my bullet journal, habitica and other new schedules/plans. Im 50/50 about making new friends at school. I cut off all my old friends when I quit drugs. I haven't had friends for 1 and a half years now. It feels foreign to me. I don't have the money to afford smoking anymore. I wonder if I can stop gaming and quit smoking at the same time. I usually use nicotine gum ( Liquid nicotine for vaping is restricted in Aus, req. docs prescription to order from overseas). I have a record of 17 days not smoking. I relapsed one day before I flew overseas, the unknown was happening and stressing me out. I'm hoping the feel good effects of stopgaming kick in before I go to school. I felt comfortably extroverted last time I stopped. Though there were no classmates to talk to.
  23. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    (Looking at other threads, im wanting to make my journal simpler and easier to follow. I welcome replies and questions) WHO AM I? I'm a young female from Australia. I study at alternate uni. I've stopped gaming twice for 66 days each. This is my 3rd attempt to 90 days. I was heavily addicted to marijuanna everyday for 3 years, 1 year sober in early 2019. Started when I quit MP games. Not all gamers are nerds. I was a troublemaker in HS. GAMING HABITS Gamed for 3-8+ hours a day. (With MP, it was 8-12+ hours a day.) Avoided MultiPlayer since 2014. Addicted to Singleplayer games since. I've rarely played new games from 2015 onwards. Most (not all) games I own are 2012 era and below. Game Styles: Strategy, Rogue and Tycoon. Gaming affected my education heavily. I skipped school often to go home and game. MP Game Addiction made me extremely extroverted from boredom, I thrillseeked. EXTRAS ABOUT MY JOURNAL I naturally have very high dream recall and remember my dreams everynight. I will journal about my dreams if they're gaming related. I'm diagnosed as high functioning with a Dissociative Disorder (It barely affects me). Searching online - High dream recall seems common for DD. I personally believe dreams have true metaphoric meanings. I do not lucid dream, but I use those techniques against nightmares. When I stop gaming, my DD improves to a point where it is non-existent. Described as one of the worst mental disorders, stopgaming will likely improve your mental well-being. I choose to share this info with the world so that game addiction can be further understood, recognised and helped. I hope you all enjoy reading about my journey to 90 days.
  24. TwoSidedLife

    I feel like quitting is hard with lack of support

    Was feeling pretty down when I wrote this, guess I just dont come around much. Ive definitely got social things to work on myself. Ive had a psycholigist for 5 years for other issues. Hasnt been an easy road for me. Nobody really has it the easy way. Game quitters are the only ppl that know how addicting games are. Its not addicting till you really try to quit. I'll start writing my journal here again, since im starting again. Thanks for the reassurance.
  25. TwoSidedLife

    Its really love-hate

    Hi game quitters. I'm a female that's been addicted to gaming my whole life. When I was younger I was skipping school to go home and game. I realised my addiction to games after I beat my drug addictions. I've tried quitting twice this year for 90 days and only last till 60, thinking that I can go back. I'm not entirely sure if i'll try quit again, I probably will since I already miss the gamefree lifestyle. At the moment, im not fully committed to going at it again. But i'll be starting my gamefree run again when I go on vacation in a few weeks. Right now I feel the same as before about gaming. I hate wasting my time on it all day and night. Even on the first day relapsing I couldnt control the amount of time I gamed. Along with that I cant stop thinking about it and nothing else is interesting anymore. But somehow its all so appealing. My main plan to conquer 90 days is to get myself on a schedule toward my goals. It's a bit like quitting smoking, you get better at quitting everytime you try again. My gaming habits in general, I quit multiplayer games in 2013/14 and am addicted to a range of singleplayer games. I dont spend money on new games and have been playing the same games for at least 5 years.
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