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NEW VIDEO: Psychologist's WARNING About VIDEO GAMES

TwoSidedLife

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Everything posted by TwoSidedLife

  1. An update on my life! To recap: I'm a 21 yr old female I'm happy to say that i've found a healthy balance with gaming. The experience of quitting has given me so much strength and knowledge. That period of my life I now consider apart of my 'recovery' phase. I joined StopGaming 6 months after I successfully quit smoking pot (after a 3 yr smoking everyday habit, starting at 15 yrs old). Prior to my pot habit, I use to skip school very often to mostly hangout with friends or if they werent around, go home and game. It was an online game, so servers weren't very busy at school hours - the only reason I didn't game more often. I had plenty of friends, though I was a bully and didn't respect adults. I quit that one online game and getting more involved with my friends, I began drinking, smoking, doing drugs, stealing ect. and eventually falling back into some gaming in the background. I passed school at the bare minimum while all my other friends dropped out. Basically everyone split ways after doing that for 3 yrs and I attempted to quit pot to get my life back. Eventually realised gaming has been a bad habit for me and I also used it as a means of escape. I think I have been with gamequitters since late 2018. During this past run, I made my way to about 60 days (my record again). For years the most regrettable thing I did was turn someone down. I saw that person one day and it stuck with me for weeks. I realised that I could attempt to change my regrets and it was the most freeing feeling. I know that they all can't be changed, but the ones that can are worth fighting hard for. Even though it didn't work out, having to gain the courage to try and change something you feel is out of your control - it changes you in a very strong way. I know I changed because of something deeply personal to me. In some bullets here's what i've done since. I started selling on eBay and it's been great! This is something I use to do vigorously with in-game trading when I was younger. It is something I really enjoy. I mostly played tycoon and strategy games too. I remember in one of my streaks thinking "If I can do this well in a game, why can't I do it for real?" I'm almost finished studying my legal diploma to become a paralegal (delaying by corona), it's something I really enjoy also and am passionate about. It's been a full year of I'm looking at places where I would like to work - real career places, i'd like to one day work for a firm that does something similar to the innocence project in America I've reignited my love for reading - I didn't read at all during my stopgaming streaks, but through selling on eBay I came accross books I use to love and now I love to read again I want to say i've become more confident because of StopGaming, but I know my confidence hasn't come from stopping something - it's come from starting new things. I'm glad I took the time away to let myself be open to seeing what I can do. My advice to those who want to quit: Write down your regrets - seek out to change them and only let them go if it is impossible. If you want to be something amazing and think you missed your chance yrs ago, you can change that today by chasing it. Start reading - it's the best source of knowledge I've noticed the games I had the most hours on almost directly translated to my real life interests. Team Fortress 2 (*RIP* Mega trader, prior 2013) and Prison Architect (Law stuff, I guess. As a libertarian, running a private prison makes sense to me)
  2. Imo, it's not a question of abstaining or not. Those who have gaming under control simply just have their life under control. They aren't running away from anything or trying to repress any feelings. Personally I never made it over 90 days but i'm nowhere near as addicted as I use to be. It was during a period of quitting where I realised and went after what I truly wanted in life. Yeah, you can force yourself to play only 2 hrs a day or something but it won't last. I personally wouldn't do it - because that's not fun. Moderating yourself is hard work and it's harder than just abstaining for a while. Eventually you will just give in and not moderate yourself anymore, because that in itself is stressful. The best kind of gaming is where you don't feel compelled to keep going, you can stop whenever you want AND you can play for however long you want (no moderation). It's more freeing to abstain and get your life under control. Cause when you do go back to gaming you don't have to moderate yourself and you don't have to worry about being addicted. My gaming habits now are probs about 2 - 4 hrs somedays. Most days I don't game. That's a huge change from 16 hrs everyday. I have the power to walkaway whenever I want and I also have the freedom to game if I want to.
  3. After making it through that feeling of constant boredom, yes definitely. Lack of focus to me = lack of interest due to boredom.
  4. Did anyone else neglect eating when they were addicted? Ive struggled w this while im gaming and when ive quit. Ive had to focus a lot of energy on having 3 meals a day. Sometimes its all I achieve in the day. Should I be buying more food or getting interested in cooking or something? Its a bit hard since I live w my parent - They dont let me cook beef or anything while its too hot in the day or late at night (After 10).
  5. @ismailkanaan I don't really see it as directly fighting the gaming companies. I'm not against the addicting ways of their gaming either. Not everyone gets addicted and I wouldn't want the government/laws to further regulate everyones freedom. I think overall you're right. We need to support each other a lot more as a community. Imo, that should be our only role. I don't see why we need to fight the gaming companies when we can instead just focus on helping those that want to be helped. My opinion would change if the gaming companies did or said anything to purposely attack this 'movement' though (So far i've only seen in the UK parliament inquiry that they completely deny addiction exists). Would probs have to see how it goes in a few years if this community gets stronger. Wish i'd be more active here on ppl's journals, but I feel weird dropping in randomly and not knowing anything about the person. I feel as if I have to read everything to grasp a proper understanding and I honestly don't have time to do that. Maybe someone has some opinions on this for me? Personally I wouldn't expect anyone to read my full journal, anyone could just read the previous entry and make a comment - tho idk anyone elses opinion on it.
  6. I'm having a hard time starting to break the gaming habit. I've always found that the hardest part. I'm going to list my reasons for quitting: I want to be the best that I can be and I really know I can do better. Delayed gratification is worthwhile. I want to practice it better and stop with short-term rewards in exchange for long-term. I don't want to waste my time anymore when I know I can do something else that's more worthwhile. I'm tired of the ill effects of gaming. Leaving me insanely bored and the tetris effect when I try to sleep. @BooksandTrees Imo, NF is more moral based and StopGaming is more time based/keeping busy (?). I decided to stop for good because I want a better love life (and i'm making that happen!). The decision to quit forever in NF is easier I think too. When the urges hit, that's the energy that's used to channel into your productivity (Science shows we learn better when we're aroused too). I'd say the only similarity between the two is relapsing - It's never as good as you imagine it to be and you'll regret it afterwards. The emergency/panic button is really helpful too.
  7. Day 0 It's been a very long time (6 months!). I think the last streak made it around 65 days (Still never been to 90). Eventually I came to the conclusion that I wasn't addicted anymore. In the months between I was able to game on the rare occasion (~ once a month), had no cravings and was easily able to stop when I wanted to. I continually kept trying at NoFap too (I'm a woman, but I struggle with it too). Basically something really clicked in my life (LIFE CHANGING!!) and i've become very dedicated to NF. It's no doubt my best and strongest feeling run ever. Despite that I haven't even crossed my 'record' yet. I've decided to come back to StopGaming, since I feel like I have a problem with gaming again. With this life changing thing thats happened, i'm basically trying to make something specific (Positive) happen. Tho the process has caused me a lot of stress, i've managed it for a while now. My problem with gaming starts now tho. Finishing up with school + this other thing i'm trying to do = too much stress. I'd like to find a better way to cope with stress instead of turning to gaming. So this time around, my younger sibling introduced me to fortnite. For the past few days i've been playing it for about 1 - 3 hrs with them (taking turns). Today was the first day I played by myself, since I was offered the chance. I gamed for 2 hrs. Initially, I tried to stop at 1 hr. I also had to wait 1hr for it to update and in that time wasn't able to focus on my schoolwork. It's not a HUGE amount of hours and it doesn't seem as bad. Though I feel that it's the start of becoming more. I mainly want to quit because I know I shouldn't be gaming in this situation. Instead I should be doing schoolwork, since it's the 2nd last week. I'm procrastinating with gaming again. So my plan is to attempt 90 days again. I've struggled with StopGaming more than NF. Since the school holidays are coming up, i've made a list of things I want to do when I get the freedom. I don't think i'll have too much trouble avoiding gaming. I genuinely don't enjoy any of the games I own, my computer is too slow and the only games that will run smoothly are on my younger sibling's computer. I've been in StopGaming long enough to know what to expect too. Here's to the start!
  8. @goodvibes Yess! Paintball is a great option, tho i've never been still. I've wanted to get into shooting real guns when i'm a bit older. It's a bit harder to do in Australia but not impossible. Airsoft looks awesome too, but banned in Australia sadly. The laser tag place in my town does tournaments/competitive for older or more serious players haha. I use to do the exact same with in-game items hahaha. Tho it wasn't 100% legit cause i'd shark a lot of new players (Good thing I quit! I've learned i'm pretty damn persuasive/manipulative if I want to be). But i've definitely done it right before. I've got no $ rn. Planning to sell stuff I don't need first (Once I have enough $ to ship it) and then use that money to truly start flipping. My life is a rogue-like game lol.
  9. It's so subjective, but it does relate so closely to how you game. I wasn't big on MC, but I enjoyed it for the rogue-like elements (Starting with nothing > surviving > Thriving) There's also so many hobbies out there that you would've never thought of. I've recently gotten into flipping items on eBay, I think this'll be a mad hobby when I truly get started. Relates so closely to how I use to game. I recommend everyone to look at their gameplay styles and what they enjoyed about the game specifically. You can enhance that happiness and build those skills in the real world too!
  10. Need to get back into reading. I'm a great reader and seem to have a good memory. This thread has some great recommendations! I've been reading this one book for like 4 years now (Not yet finished). I've taken away a LOT from it and it's changed me immensely. Found it locally one day when I was going through a hard time. It's helped me figure people out a lot more and made me realise things about people. I highly recommend (Non-Fiction) - "Dropping The Pink Elephant" by Bill Mcfarlan. This book teaches you firstly, how to spot when people are lying/there's something more that they're not saying for some reason/what people really want from you. The second part teaches you how to be more direct when you're speaking and how to say what you really mean. In a nutshell, most of the time when people say "x sentence, BUT" they're not being direct enough because x sentence is exactly what they want/there's a degree of truth to it. When people say "I didn't/don't" they are most likely lying/there's more to it. On rare occassions that wording can't be avoided though. It depends on the context - If it's said out of nowhere (No accusations or unrelated to conversation), it is a lie/there's more to it.
  11. I go to a vocational school and we learnt about listening skills. Applying those skills helped me become more attentive to what people are saying. It was different from what I was doing before. Now I listen with intent, I listen to the meaning of what the other person is trying to convey. I don't get bored of conversation anymore and I could easily sit and listen for a long time if I had to. I also don't 'preload' a response to what other people are saying. Instead I listen and I react to that genuinely after they're done speaking. It's hard to explain it, maybe you could find some youtube videos about listening skills. As for travelling between classes, my sibling (In University) learnt to skateboard so that they could get to class quicker. Might be something to consider haha. You're not supposed to skate on campus, but I think if you're quick it doesn't really matter. Especially if other people do it too, it wouldn't be a huge issue. Everyone would probs see that and easily understand that it's hard to get to class quick anyway.
  12. @seriousjay That's some good advice to me haha, thankyou! I coincidentally signed up for meetup today. Saw it a few years ago, but most the events in my city are far. Tho this time i'm willing to give it a go :)
  13. @Nuka-Chunk I agree with @seriousjay. When you get older you realise how easy it was to make friends back then and maybe how you should've kept certain people around (even if it's just basic connection w social media). You're still free to do you and make new friends. The only reason i'd say is worthy of cutting them off is if they don't want you to succeed in life. Eg. They try to persuade you to go back to gaming or they're salty about your new connections. In my experience, it's never the whole group that's like that. One person can still be a supportive and great person, they're the rare friends that deserve to be around when you do succeed.
  14. My advice then would be: Everyone feels anxious. Trying to shove that feeling away doesn't work. Instead if you embrace it, it can be like a source of energy. It's helped me a lot to focus on turning anxiety into excitement. It's a lot like meditation if you've ever tried it. Usefull in the sense that you can take negative feelings and use them to create good feelings/energy.
  15. (Disclaimer: I have no friends myself anymore. But the reason being that we were all involved in drugs and other bad things, I decided to leave that behind years ago). I think as long as you put yourself out there, you can make friends. You can choose your friends. If you think someone looks cools or just someone in general you'd want to hang with, go talk to them. Being at university is good enough. I don't think you'd need to force yourself to be in other activities just to make friends. If you did want to make friends elsewhere, focus on going to something you'd actually like and enjoy personally. School/University is the best place to make friends imo. You can talk to people in your class, ppl you see a lot or ppl who're in areas you enjoy (Artroom, Music block ect.). Everyone wants friends. Most people like to have small conversations between classes, rather than just standing around and waiting. I'd say at the moment I have no friends because I left all my old ones behind. I also study at home and have no job currently, so I don't get out as much and don't have the opportunity to do that. Social life has become a bigger goal and focus for me recently tho. Edit: I struggled in school a lot. Talked to the teacher a bit about making friends. They laughed and said so many people in this class have had one on one conversations with them asking the exact same thing (I was pretty laidback, so it wasnt mean or anything lol). They were just amazed that ppl all want the same thing but everyone was just too shy to start a conversation.
  16. @RB1 I started out with guided sleep meditation, videos just out there on youtube. It's audio of someone who talks you through the experience of meditating, gives you food for thought and mantras. Usually there's music in it too, but they have voice only versions aswell if you prefer. You can find the same thing for guided morning meditation, or just guided meditation in general (they usually have themes tho). Imo, until you understand how the process works through having that kind of guidance, it will feel so pointless and like nothing is happening if you do it alone without that kind of stimulis. I can do it by myself now that I understand how to get into that deep state easily. I prefer to do it with my own music now. The process is mainly to physically relax (more than you think you already are or could possibly be) and focus on your breathing. I think this is what's holding you back aswell. When you meditate, you shouldn't try to push any thoughts away. You should aim to just accept them and accept that it's happening. The way you clear your thoughts is to shift your focus on your breathing instead. If we're going into different forms, I only know of these: Out of Body Experience / Astral Projection (Happened once when I was meditating, but is a different concept) and Hypnosis I don't really enjoy hypnosis and it's different from meditation. It just repeats the same mantras while you sleep. Sometimes it did give me the promised effect in the morning but it feels weird. I stopped when I had a nightmare from one - I ignored a handful of comments of ppl saying they had a terrible nightmare from it. Also you never know if there's some hidden agenda behind it either.
  17. I think self improvement is so worth it cause it's a journey. As you've learnt and experienced now, there's more to it than discipline and working hard. There'll always be elements you need to explore further and improve upon is why I think self-improvement is an amazing life focus. Since you're quitting gaming, there's also a need to learn delayed gratification (But I don't think you struggle with this - I think it'd more relate to if you were studying hard but don't believe that it helps your study in the future). You have looked at what you want. Now those wants are evolving and changing. Look at it again now that you have this feeling you're not as happy as you could be. What plan can you come up with to try and change that? Discipline and hard work to me is just the ground works. Everything above and beyond that are the things you'll actually do to live a happy life. Since you've clearly said you want to enjoy the little things and maybe socialise more - that should become apart of your goals. Work with your goals, not against them. They can change and adjust to what you want right now. Get creative and make a plan to make all these things work together. Maybe you need to find a new balance. But you just know that something isn't right and it's up to you to try and change that. Life's an ever changing journey anyway. I've been into self improvement since I was still a heavy pot smoker (At least 2 years ago). Quit that, found my way here and now onto the next. I think i've changed immensely and in a way I never could've imagined.
  18. If you ask people in-game, some of them might not even be addicted and they might not believe it to be addicting (Especially if they've never experienced addiction). My ignorance turned into realisation slowly. It was the only thing i'd hide from my friends. Nobody knew I was a gamer and those that did, didn't know how much I gamed. I use to shark/rip people off in-game too and I was more addicted to doing that then actually gaming. That didn't seem right to me, I just did it cause it was fun and it was my way of proving my self-worth. I ended up quitting multiplayer alltogether and continuing with single-player games. Nobody ever complained about my gaming hours (My parent instead complained about how much trouble I was causing at school). I had never made the connection that gaming could've been affecting my behaviour, impulsiveness, recklessness ect. in school/life (Until after I looked around online for help). I sought help about 6 months after I had quit pot. My moment of quitting wasn't being involved deeply in gaming. I found myself just scrolling my library indecisively all day for hours (opening and closing a game after 5 mins) trying to force myself to get hooked into a game. So I guess I was ignorant until I was stuck in that weird loop.
  19. Maybe the problem is just getting sucked in for hours. I use to reward myself with watching yt, but I always set how much time i'd 'earn' and stick to it. Doing that makes it so whenever you watch something, it's something you actually want to see. Usually I go for a set time or a specific thing i'm gonna watch (Eg. 20 mins of YT, 1 episode of an hour long series). I don't binge youtube anymore - now everytime before I open it, I know exactly what or who I want to watch. If I don't know what i'm doing there, i'll get stuck there for hours. The only other reward activities I do when i'm feeling tired is just read, meditate, listen to music and relax or play guitar.
  20. When I can't sleep i'll listen to some guided sleep meditation. I've heard some people just work better at night-time too (my sibling) though at the cost of being tired the next day or even being late or missing out on some stuff. I think you should do what you feel is best and make whatever adjustments you feel are comfortable. Personally the only time I did all nighters, I wasn't doing schoolwork at all or being productive. Sometimes i'd just be drinking, smoking pot, gaming ect. (Storytime) Most of the time back then tho, i'd sneak out at around 10pm, meetup with some friends, go back home at around 4am (before my parent wakes up for work), then just stay up and go to school (I had a massive crush on someone at the time, if not for them I just wouldn't of gone at all lol). Sometimes I just brought some school stuff to my friend's place and went straight to school the next morning (they lived closer to it). My lifestyle wasn't great back then, I didn't care about school and was smoking pot anytime I had the chance. I use to be a night-owl but I enjoy going to bed early now. The peaceful hours you get by staying up late, you can get by waking up early. I changed from being a night-owl cause I felt like I lost more hours in the day and I usually sleep 12 hrs which is too much. But now i've been sleeping about 7 hrs now that I go to bed earlier. Can't say one way is worse than the other, I think whatever works best for you is good.
  21. Success is defined by how often we get back up after being pushed down :) I believe in you!
  22. Didn't notice it till I found games can be addicting. My heaviest gaming phase was online gaming, maybe 12 hrs or more a day. It involved a lot of trading too but I was into ripping ppl off / sharking. I use to skip school a lot and sometimes i'd go home and game if nobody else was around. With that said - I wasn't a great student. Was always causing trouble and didn't care. I mainly had problems with teachers but I was a bully too. Though I was a lot more extroverted back then, i'd say I was just restless most the time. It's a dramatic change from now and it definitely wasn't just because of gaming alone (home issues). Had lots of friends and wasn't a loner or like a regular gamer - I was a troublemaker. Nobody knew I gamed and those who did, didn't know I gamed obsessively. Years before I found this place, I had already quit multiplayer games.
  23. I've been seeing my psych for I think 5 years now. I started from unrelated stuff and before I even started trying to quit. I took it upon myself to quit. I mentioned to her that I was trying to quit (I don't have an addiction anymore and I hardly game now) - they said it's a positive thing and a great step in my own progress. I don't see why a psych wouldn't be concerned if it was distressing someone. Then again, if its not mentioned as a problem, it can be suggested as a way to 'relax'. But i've seen more psych's getting involved in the research and learning more about it too. They can't force people to change at the same time. Not sure if they would give you material to help with addiction (how to handle cravings) they will if you ask. I was given that stuff prior when I was trying to quit pot and I finally did it, tho they were the one suggesting me to quit. Most psychs are great, it takes a few to find one you like. It was like having a life coach imo.
  24. I began quitting after I got sober from pot (used too much for 3 yrs). Over a year and i've never been to 90 but i've come a long way. As of the past months, I rarely game now. I wouldn't consider it my hobby - I don't moderate and I am not quit from it. It's just not on my mind anymore. The urge to game for me got replaced with things that matter so much more to me now. Where I am now - I never would've been able to learn those kinds of skills without trying to discipline myself to stop gaming. I check in here every now and then because I love the support and community here. It's a great place to self improve. I have learned there is more to it than just discipline alone. So I won't go into detail about discipline. There's a great joy to be had within yourself. I think that you really do need to reach in deep and figure out what you want in life right now. A great place I found turned out to be looking at my regrets. Regrets last forever. Some regrets have a choice though and we can change them. Others can't be changed and should be let go of (Meditation helped me with those). It's scary to think that if you're gonna die, you're going to have regrets. All because you didn't have the courage or whatever else to do those things. I think those are the things we should be chasing and taking care of. Discipline is just needed to keep a balance imo. If you've made mistakes - learn from them. How can you change to make sure it doesn't happen again. If you've been rejected - you become stronger because of it. Embrace failure imho. As long as you try and gave it a go to do whatever it is you wanted to do. What regrets do you have (or might have)? Can you change them? I'd seriously give it a go. The positive mindset to me is about learning from whatever negativity you have. As of recently I came up with a (short term) life plan. I never wrote it down, it's just things I know I will do and it's my absolute driving force for being disciplined. Get a job while I get my diploma and then focus on moving out (I'm 20 btw). At the same time I wanna change some regrets I have. I'm gonna try reconnect with an old close friend (I met their mother one day and they told me "Life's too short") and i'm going to tell someone I like them (I accidentally rejected them cause I was high and stupid). This all started when I saw that person I liked a few weeks ago and didn't say hello. I had a flood of regret again and realised that it's the most powerful thing to have to struggle with. I decided I have to change. Since then - discipline has been too easy. I stay positive by being realistic and honest to myself. I expect to get rejected when I do what I do. But i'm positive because i'll come out as a better person because I shed some regret in the process.
  25. Hey everyone, Looking for a way to goal set more clearly? General tips are welcome too! Currently I: Use the smart method so it's already clear Set 3 at a time each month (no yearly, it loses purpose quick and I feel trapped having to do a goal I don't like anymore) Try to do something everyday at least for each of the three Use a bullet journal The problem i'm having is that I get bored of the goals really quick. I feel like i'd rather do something different everyday - with that said, there's things I like to do, but they become shitty and unenjoyable when they're part of a schedule. I hardly stick to my bullet either so I don't really mark off the days or track anything anymore. Are my goals not clear enough maybe? I'm struggling just to know if i'm even writting them down in the right place, since I hardly check the journal. I have no idea how to hold myself accountable for the goals, show myself my progress and remind myself. Has anyone come up with a goal setting strategy yet?