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TwoSidedLife

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Everything posted by TwoSidedLife

  1. @seriousjay That's some good advice to me haha, thankyou! I coincidentally signed up for meetup today. Saw it a few years ago, but most the events in my city are far. Tho this time i'm willing to give it a go :)
  2. @Nuka-Chunk I agree with @seriousjay. When you get older you realise how easy it was to make friends back then and maybe how you should've kept certain people around (even if it's just basic connection w social media). You're still free to do you and make new friends. The only reason i'd say is worthy of cutting them off is if they don't want you to succeed in life. Eg. They try to persuade you to go back to gaming or they're salty about your new connections. In my experience, it's never the whole group that's like that. One person can still be a supportive and great person, they're the rare friends that deserve to be around when you do succeed.
  3. My advice then would be: Everyone feels anxious. Trying to shove that feeling away doesn't work. Instead if you embrace it, it can be like a source of energy. It's helped me a lot to focus on turning anxiety into excitement. It's a lot like meditation if you've ever tried it. Usefull in the sense that you can take negative feelings and use them to create good feelings/energy.
  4. (Disclaimer: I have no friends myself anymore. But the reason being that we were all involved in drugs and other bad things, I decided to leave that behind years ago). I think as long as you put yourself out there, you can make friends. You can choose your friends. If you think someone looks cools or just someone in general you'd want to hang with, go talk to them. Being at university is good enough. I don't think you'd need to force yourself to be in other activities just to make friends. If you did want to make friends elsewhere, focus on going to something you'd actually like and enjoy personally. School/University is the best place to make friends imo. You can talk to people in your class, ppl you see a lot or ppl who're in areas you enjoy (Artroom, Music block ect.). Everyone wants friends. Most people like to have small conversations between classes, rather than just standing around and waiting. I'd say at the moment I have no friends because I left all my old ones behind. I also study at home and have no job currently, so I don't get out as much and don't have the opportunity to do that. Social life has become a bigger goal and focus for me recently tho. Edit: I struggled in school a lot. Talked to the teacher a bit about making friends. They laughed and said so many people in this class have had one on one conversations with them asking the exact same thing (I was pretty laidback, so it wasnt mean or anything lol). They were just amazed that ppl all want the same thing but everyone was just too shy to start a conversation.
  5. @RB1 I started out with guided sleep meditation, videos just out there on youtube. It's audio of someone who talks you through the experience of meditating, gives you food for thought and mantras. Usually there's music in it too, but they have voice only versions aswell if you prefer. You can find the same thing for guided morning meditation, or just guided meditation in general (they usually have themes tho). Imo, until you understand how the process works through having that kind of guidance, it will feel so pointless and like nothing is happening if you do it alone without that kind of stimulis. I can do it by myself now that I understand how to get into that deep state easily. I prefer to do it with my own music now. The process is mainly to physically relax (more than you think you already are or could possibly be) and focus on your breathing. I think this is what's holding you back aswell. When you meditate, you shouldn't try to push any thoughts away. You should aim to just accept them and accept that it's happening. The way you clear your thoughts is to shift your focus on your breathing instead. If we're going into different forms, I only know of these: Out of Body Experience / Astral Projection (Happened once when I was meditating, but is a different concept) and Hypnosis I don't really enjoy hypnosis and it's different from meditation. It just repeats the same mantras while you sleep. Sometimes it did give me the promised effect in the morning but it feels weird. I stopped when I had a nightmare from one - I ignored a handful of comments of ppl saying they had a terrible nightmare from it. Also you never know if there's some hidden agenda behind it either.
  6. This website won't solve all your problems for you tho. You've gotta put in the effort too (more than any resource can give you) and it depends on what you're looking for exactly anyway. As for actual scientific information, game disorder was only classified a short time ago by WHO. Research is still very early. I think this is a good place to keep a journal as you take on quitting. A good place to have conversations with a tight community too. You can ask questions here, the discord server or on reddit (independent owner from the discord and this website). It's mainly up to you to put in the effort and do the research. Imho, I think there's more than sufficient info to get started based from old threads on here and on reddit (Just search for it).
  7. I think self improvement is so worth it cause it's a journey. As you've learnt and experienced now, there's more to it than discipline and working hard. There'll always be elements you need to explore further and improve upon is why I think self-improvement is an amazing life focus. Since you're quitting gaming, there's also a need to learn delayed gratification (But I don't think you struggle with this - I think it'd more relate to if you were studying hard but don't believe that it helps your study in the future). You have looked at what you want. Now those wants are evolving and changing. Look at it again now that you have this feeling you're not as happy as you could be. What plan can you come up with to try and change that? Discipline and hard work to me is just the ground works. Everything above and beyond that are the things you'll actually do to live a happy life. Since you've clearly said you want to enjoy the little things and maybe socialise more - that should become apart of your goals. Work with your goals, not against them. They can change and adjust to what you want right now. Get creative and make a plan to make all these things work together. Maybe you need to find a new balance. But you just know that something isn't right and it's up to you to try and change that. Life's an ever changing journey anyway. I've been into self improvement since I was still a heavy pot smoker (At least 2 years ago). Quit that, found my way here and now onto the next. I think i've changed immensely and in a way I never could've imagined.
  8. If you ask people in-game, some of them might not even be addicted and they might not believe it to be addicting (Especially if they've never experienced addiction). My ignorance turned into realisation slowly. It was the only thing i'd hide from my friends. Nobody knew I was a gamer and those that did, didn't know how much I gamed. I use to shark/rip people off in-game too and I was more addicted to doing that then actually gaming. That didn't seem right to me, I just did it cause it was fun and it was my way of proving my self-worth. I ended up quitting multiplayer alltogether and continuing with single-player games. Nobody ever complained about my gaming hours (My parent instead complained about how much trouble I was causing at school). I had never made the connection that gaming could've been affecting my behaviour, impulsiveness, recklessness ect. in school/life (Until after I looked around online for help). I sought help about 6 months after I had quit pot. My moment of quitting wasn't being involved deeply in gaming. I found myself just scrolling my library indecisively all day for hours (opening and closing a game after 5 mins) trying to force myself to get hooked into a game. So I guess I was ignorant until I was stuck in that weird loop.
  9. Maybe the problem is just getting sucked in for hours. I use to reward myself with watching yt, but I always set how much time i'd 'earn' and stick to it. Doing that makes it so whenever you watch something, it's something you actually want to see. Usually I go for a set time or a specific thing i'm gonna watch (Eg. 20 mins of YT, 1 episode of an hour long series). I don't binge youtube anymore - now everytime before I open it, I know exactly what or who I want to watch. If I don't know what i'm doing there, i'll get stuck there for hours. The only other reward activities I do when i'm feeling tired is just read, meditate, listen to music and relax or play guitar.
  10. When I can't sleep i'll listen to some guided sleep meditation. I've heard some people just work better at night-time too (my sibling) though at the cost of being tired the next day or even being late or missing out on some stuff. I think you should do what you feel is best and make whatever adjustments you feel are comfortable. Personally the only time I did all nighters, I wasn't doing schoolwork at all or being productive. Sometimes i'd just be drinking, smoking pot, gaming ect. (Storytime) Most of the time back then tho, i'd sneak out at around 10pm, meetup with some friends, go back home at around 4am (before my parent wakes up for work), then just stay up and go to school (I had a massive crush on someone at the time, if not for them I just wouldn't of gone at all lol). Sometimes I just brought some school stuff to my friend's place and went straight to school the next morning (they lived closer to it). My lifestyle wasn't great back then, I didn't care about school and was smoking pot anytime I had the chance. I use to be a night-owl but I enjoy going to bed early now. The peaceful hours you get by staying up late, you can get by waking up early. I changed from being a night-owl cause I felt like I lost more hours in the day and I usually sleep 12 hrs which is too much. But now i've been sleeping about 7 hrs now that I go to bed earlier. Can't say one way is worse than the other, I think whatever works best for you is good.
  11. Success is defined by how often we get back up after being pushed down :) I believe in you!
  12. Didn't notice it till I found games can be addicting. My heaviest gaming phase was online gaming, maybe 12 hrs or more a day. It involved a lot of trading too but I was into ripping ppl off / sharking. I use to skip school a lot and sometimes i'd go home and game if nobody else was around. With that said - I wasn't a great student. Was always causing trouble and didn't care. I mainly had problems with teachers but I was a bully too. Though I was a lot more extroverted back then, i'd say I was just restless most the time. It's a dramatic change from now and it definitely wasn't just because of gaming alone (home issues). Had lots of friends and wasn't a loner or like a regular gamer - I was a troublemaker. Nobody knew I gamed and those who did, didn't know I gamed obsessively. Years before I found this place, I had already quit multiplayer games.
  13. I've been seeing my psych for I think 5 years now. I started from unrelated stuff and before I even started trying to quit. I took it upon myself to quit. I mentioned to her that I was trying to quit (I don't have an addiction anymore and I hardly game now) - they said it's a positive thing and a great step in my own progress. I don't see why a psych wouldn't be concerned if it was distressing someone. Then again, if its not mentioned as a problem, it can be suggested as a way to 'relax'. But i've seen more psych's getting involved in the research and learning more about it too. They can't force people to change at the same time. Not sure if they would give you material to help with addiction (how to handle cravings) they will if you ask. I was given that stuff prior when I was trying to quit pot and I finally did it, tho they were the one suggesting me to quit. Most psychs are great, it takes a few to find one you like. It was like having a life coach imo.
  14. I began quitting after I got sober from pot (used too much for 3 yrs). Over a year and i've never been to 90 but i've come a long way. As of the past months, I rarely game now. I wouldn't consider it my hobby - I don't moderate and I am not quit from it. It's just not on my mind anymore. The urge to game for me got replaced with things that matter so much more to me now. Where I am now - I never would've been able to learn those kinds of skills without trying to discipline myself to stop gaming. I check in here every now and then because I love the support and community here. It's a great place to self improve. I have learned there is more to it than just discipline alone. So I won't go into detail about discipline. There's a great joy to be had within yourself. I think that you really do need to reach in deep and figure out what you want in life right now. A great place I found turned out to be looking at my regrets. Regrets last forever. Some regrets have a choice though and we can change them. Others can't be changed and should be let go of (Meditation helped me with those). It's scary to think that if you're gonna die, you're going to have regrets. All because you didn't have the courage or whatever else to do those things. I think those are the things we should be chasing and taking care of. Discipline is just needed to keep a balance imo. If you've made mistakes - learn from them. How can you change to make sure it doesn't happen again. If you've been rejected - you become stronger because of it. Embrace failure imho. As long as you try and gave it a go to do whatever it is you wanted to do. What regrets do you have (or might have)? Can you change them? I'd seriously give it a go. The positive mindset to me is about learning from whatever negativity you have. As of recently I came up with a (short term) life plan. I never wrote it down, it's just things I know I will do and it's my absolute driving force for being disciplined. Get a job while I get my diploma and then focus on moving out (I'm 20 btw). At the same time I wanna change some regrets I have. I'm gonna try reconnect with an old close friend (I met their mother one day and they told me "Life's too short") and i'm going to tell someone I like them (I accidentally rejected them cause I was high and stupid). This all started when I saw that person I liked a few weeks ago and didn't say hello. I had a flood of regret again and realised that it's the most powerful thing to have to struggle with. I decided I have to change. Since then - discipline has been too easy. I stay positive by being realistic and honest to myself. I expect to get rejected when I do what I do. But i'm positive because i'll come out as a better person because I shed some regret in the process.
  15. Hey everyone, Looking for a way to goal set more clearly? General tips are welcome too! Currently I: Use the smart method so it's already clear Set 3 at a time each month (no yearly, it loses purpose quick and I feel trapped having to do a goal I don't like anymore) Try to do something everyday at least for each of the three Use a bullet journal The problem i'm having is that I get bored of the goals really quick. I feel like i'd rather do something different everyday - with that said, there's things I like to do, but they become shitty and unenjoyable when they're part of a schedule. I hardly stick to my bullet either so I don't really mark off the days or track anything anymore. Are my goals not clear enough maybe? I'm struggling just to know if i'm even writting them down in the right place, since I hardly check the journal. I have no idea how to hold myself accountable for the goals, show myself my progress and remind myself. Has anyone come up with a goal setting strategy yet?
  16. Imo, they probably brought it back because they weren't getting as many players anymore. As a company who wants to make money, they didn't solely bring it back for people to enjoy and be happy. It's only a very small percentage of players that make the company insanely rich. These players are more like cash cows and end up spending thousands. More players = more chance of cash cows.
  17. I'm only on two servers on discord, gamequitters and a coin collectors one. I spent way too much time on it too, even though it was 'productive' material, it's not a great use of my time still. Both servers aren't as active either. I ended up dropping discord, but I should check back on it since I did make a good friend and he's like an accountability partner in a way. It's definitely best to find a physical group of people instead. Find a new place to get that social need. Edit: I'm not in university (I do TAFE), but I heard that they have plenty of clubs for social stuff too. That's definitely somewhere to start.
  18. @Blab It's a tricky disguise. Especially cause it seems justified. Just checked cause I remembered seeing DuoLingo recommended in the hobby list here (Yeah, it's recommended as a resource). I think Duo use to be a lot different a few years ago, not sure. I personally don't think it should be a resource here. Everyone on this thread seems like they might agree w that.
  19. Day 0 I feel like I want to try again. Video game's aren't a real hobby. I do a lot of stuff on the side now, but my game-time is still too much. Currently I feel stuck to my obligation to game with my younger sibling. Recently bought a new game (and tbh it hasn't been the most fun thing...), spent about at least 5 hrs a day playing that. I've never been the type of person to keep up with gaming news, watch gameplay, always have/want the newest games ect. I've just been content with what I had. But that doesn't stop me from being just as addicted, if not more. I realise I do have a serious problem. I still play on average ~8 hrs a day, since I still game alone. Tho I don't feel like it holds me down as much, it's about half what I use to be at in the past. I'm much more happier and proud of that for keeping myself for keeping to 8hrs (im not limiting myself either, I just get bored after that). I use to game ~15 hrs in the past (before I started doing drugs), since I skipped school most days. I see that, that average is a lot more than the average. It's a horrible feeling, spending all your waking hours in a video game. Doing whatever you can to ignore your obligations and avoid your responsibilities. I feel that I lack a lot more self control than regular ppl. When I was doing drugs, I didn't game as much anymore. The scary thing for me was that I spent more time trying to decide what to play. I remember sitting there for HOURS just trying to decide. Trying to find something that'd get me hooked. The same cycle repeated when I was sober and withdrawing, during that, was when I decided to search for gamequitters. On top of that, it showed I didn't play games for entertainment, but that I only played seriously. Since majority of the time, I was too high to understand, strategise ect. that would annoy me aswell. I think my problem is only as serious because I have underlying problems (Dissociative Disorder) due to a complicated childhood. It's also hard to imagine that at some point (2013), I had the will to quit multiplayer games forever. I haven't touched that addictive garbage in years. The multiplayer games of now, look much worse than back then too (Microtransactions just leech off addiction). My plan right now - I just want to be able to keep a limit to my game-time with my sibling. I also want to not game on weekdays (which i've been pretty decent at so far). I've decided to take small steps, since cold turkey might not be for me (and I may aswell try something different after one year of trying). I think it's more helpful to ppl who's lives have revolved around video games for so long (as mine did with drugs and obtaining money for said drugs). In future quitting, i'll definitely stick to the forums more. I know i've never made it to 90 because I don't have anything social to do. Since I cut off my friends (after quitting drugs) and I did school completely online afterwards.
  20. In my experience they usually get stronger before going away to a permanently much lesser craving - but that's from my experience to pot addiction (I smoked it for 3 yrs straight every hour or two). While they're not the same, I consider it comparable. The biggest challenge of it imo is to handle the cravings. It's the same as 'area' as learning how to deal with anger, becoming more patient, calming yourself down ect. I use to use a 'drug track' kind of book to help me cut-down and quit pot. I'd consider it extremely helpful for gaming to. The point was that whenever you have a craving, you write down the time, the situation happening right now (usually correlates with the craving, but we don't notice eg. home alone) and how you feel (you can crave in any emotional state). If you ended up relapsing, you would write down how many (mins in this case), and how it made you feel. What surprised me the most about it was that i'd smoke whenever I was lonely and it'd just make me feel bored. Eventually quit cold turkey when I found real interest in something - slowly realised that I was bored of myself for not doing anything, that I had relied on ppl to make me happy instead. My advice for 'dealing with' the thought of having to complete a game is that - The game will always be there. It's easier to imagine 'stopping' gaming, instead of 'quitting' it aswell. One implies that it's forever and that's not a decision you should make from the start. If you recover from this, there's people who've been able to go back successfully, play reasonably and live their life as intended. It just happens that most ppl choose never to go back. But all in all - happy lives. It's not gaming thats bad, its our RELATIONSHIP to them that is problematic. Also hope that you don't bring any tech on your holiday. I've been overseas 3 times. 1st time I spent majority of it gaming on a laptop. Next two times were way better since I didn't bring it. Next time I go, I don't want internet access at all - too tempting to download games.
  21. Thanks @Lea - haha yeah exams sound pretty stressful, especially since you're in uni, you'd have a lot riding on that. Been missing these forums. Such a good community here! I think between now and since my last post - I started school again, been really good. Also been 'moderating', tho it definitely hasn't worked out as well as I wanted it to. As of writing this tho, its my 2nd day. I got really into game mods and decided to give coding a go (So, i'm making game mods ironically), its been going pretty great so far. Idk, ever since trying to quit the first time over a year ago, been feeling really entrepreneurial lol. Might come back here and post more eventually - I mostly enjoy the community discussions around here rather than talking abt myself tho hahaha. Hope all's going well for you in school life!
  22. That's pretty normal for quitting, nobody knows what to do (Unless they've quit before). I'm still not committed again to quitting, but starting is the hardest part imo. It's good you've come as far as to recognise you want to stop, that's the most crucial step. If you haven't already, uninstall your games on your PC (As well as any software things, like steam). If you've willing to, you can also delete your account. It's mostly just important to create as many 'hurdles' in the way of the games as possible. If you've got a console, pack that stuff away in storage somewhere. You could even give it to a friend to hold onto for you (Make sure it's someone you trust tho that won't go against your decision to quit). Additionally, there's guides around here on how to delete your account(s) if you're interested in doing that. If you're concerned about game save files, put that stuff on a USB and pack it away. If you've been into gaming content on social media, like gaming vids for example, it's a good idea to clear your history, likes, subscriptions ect. on all those different things. It mostly eliminates the gaming stuff you'll see later on. As for what to do with your life next, that's where your journey begins. Time to find some hobbies and things that interest you. There's a tool here on gamequitters - https://gamequitters.com/hobby-tool/. You can also use other sources, like wikipedia - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_hobbies. Wikipedia's sources will branch off into other 'sub' areas you can explore further too. Just make a list of the stuff you want to try, then try it out. Be sure to check back here or ask any questions if you need any help along the way! It's a big process, with huge results.
  23. imo yeah it would be a distraction for you. I spent some time searching some ways to learn languages quicker. A key piece of advice I found was that you need really strong reasons to do it, otherwise it really isn't worth your time - that's why most people learn just a little bit and never become fluent or even competent (What use would a little bit be anyway?). I'm not a fan of DuoLingo, (just personal political stuff). I did use it for a few months before, but I felt a bit addicted to it. It was all about chasing medals, levelling and they also had a 'comment' section on every phrase which gets distracting. Also once you hit that learning curve where it really ramps up, I think ppl tend to change languages in order to gain more medals, levelling ect. (Since the higher you go, the more work you need to get the same rate of medals, levels ect. as before) The system is built like a game. I'd definitely avoid it if you're concerned, i'd be on DuoLingo for way too many hours, just like it was a video game. I don't feel learnt that much either. compared to if I had've just learnt irl from my family. Additionally, i've seen people say that DuoLingo is inaccurate in certain ways. I'm learning a language (Indonesian) because half of my family speaks it. DuoLingo in that language was too formal for aswell. It was so formal that a native speaker would need a dictionary. In the career field i'm looking at tho, itd also be super advantageous to learn a language or two. Learning a language without DuoLingo for example (It's really the only good digital one i've seen), you'd have to apply methods such as watching TV in those subtitles ect. stuff that you'd likely be avoiding. I can see how that'd definitely be distracting too. Those are my thoughts on it at least. It's definitely doable tho if you decide to, i'd recommend you come up with a different method of doing it tho, one that's more physical. Maybe journalling or keeping a translation book with you. Congrats on getting that far! I've been in this for almost a year now, never been as far as you. But i've had some great streaks. Currently still struggling with starting again, but i've been setting goals and getting stuff done again. I might quit again cause I definitely know what you mean by cutting off the 'easy dopamine'. It would really help my work ethic.
  24. Never donated anything like that, but I donate items (If it's still good) instead of throwing them out. When i'm older and get a career, I know a lot of people and organisations i'd love to reguarly donate to
  25. The next step to go I reckon (While detoxing) would be learning more about self development. I watched a lot of youtube vids abt that before I knew to come here and seek help (While I was still getting high everyday). But you can also read or listen to podcasts if you prefer that (I just had lots of time back then since I rarely went to school). Plenty of topics on meditation, self discipline, social skill advice ect. Tho since you're into business, I found business ppl were the best advice givers for life too. I'd definitely recommend the channels "Valuetainment" and "Brian Tracy". Goal setting should also be something you should focus on - Learn about it so you can apply it properly and it'll be easier for you. Advice I hear over and over from those kinds of ppl (Online at least) is that a good career and money are not what they looked for. They just followed their passions and money came along with it as a bonus. In other words, the key isn't to focus on money, but to focus on your actual self. I think it's awesome you know in some sense exactly what you want and that you've taken the action to be here!
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