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Question of the week: What are you grateful for?

TwoSidedLife

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Everything posted by TwoSidedLife

  1. TwoSidedLife

    Opinions on twitchtv

    Sounds like you know full well you should be avoiding it, but're wanting some justification for it. If we're quitting games, we're going to have to find a new form of entertainment or way to relax. Personally, i'd aim to find some new, relaxing entertainment that isn't digital at all. Netflix, youtube ect. they all stimulate us in the same way. It's strongly encouraged here that we find a hobby/other interests - another benefit being you can relax through those instead. It doesn't have to be hardwork all the time too. People can wind down by doing woodworking or playing guitar for example. Before bed I also do puzzles (Like sudoku) from a book to relax. Some interests and hobbies tho can be digital and relaxing in the same way too, such as coding, 3D modelling or digital drawing. If you go on youtube, netflix, twitch ect. with no intention or plan, you're basically handing yourself over to that completely. You're not in control. You'll let those websites drive you to relieve your stress, make you happy ect. Because it's so stimulating (Digital entertainment), there won't be much else irl that can do the same. You'll begin to rely on it to make you feel something. You should be the one in control. Happiness comes from within. It comes from the actions we initiate. A reason it's so stimulating imo is because we give up control to it, procrastination becomes an addiction. But a clearer interpreation of that would be Dissociation. In general, we should be using technology more mindfully and with clear intention. I was bored earlier, so I came here with the intention to write something (Because I felt like it). Nobody is 100% productive all the time. Personally I still watch youtube sometimes with no intention. The key for me being that I go there intentionally with a plan to pick something from my subscriptions to watch. Having more self control these past few months, i've noticed I actually can stick to just a few videos, so I don't binge unless I intend to. And even then, i'd know what kind of videos i'm going to binge. I've split all my youtube content over two accounts I have. One is for all the 'mindless' stuff, the other is for serious stuff. The 'serious' stuff I have is related to my hobbies (learning stuff, which is still enjoyable). Most times when I go to Youtube, I know exactly what / who i'm looking up. I don't usually let it direct me somewhere. As for the 'mindless' entertainment account - majority of its content is about my other big interest (Politics). I'm not subscribed to any gaming channels or content and always click 'not interested' when any of it comes up (I rarely see that stuff now). Be aware also, if you have twitch or other gaming stuff in your internet history, favourites ect. you're more likely to be given gaming ads elsewhere. If you decide not to watch twitch anymore, I recommend clearing out your history, likes, playlists ect. from gaming. Hopefully i've given you some insight :)
  2. TwoSidedLife

    Playing Multiplayer Games "Alone"

    @Kendall"PurpleBot"Stauffer That's a very thoughtful realisation / insight into yourself. You're definitely not alone in wanting to be able to game again with others in a meaningful way. It's also a reason I don't think i'll quit forever, since I have friends and siblings who play very casually from time to time. I've seen some success stories from people who detoxed that were able to play multiplayer games again with their friends in a way that was more meaningful, for social and reacreational purposes ect. If you're not already apart of it, I recommend joining the Discord Server too. Theres usually deep, ongoing discussions about this sort of thing (With all different view points and opinions aswell). Best of luck on your journey to 90!
  3. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Today I uninstalled all my games. I knew it was time to quit since ive been up all night amd day playing Town of Salem (Muliplayer). The nights before I was playing more and more. I planned to start stopgaming for the 3rd time when I came back from vacation (2 weeks ago). I want to get to 90. I have always relapsed on day 66 oddly. I saw info online that new habits take 66 days to form. I didnt really plan to quit today. I just had one of those really shit moments you get in multiplayer. As gamers we've all seen how ugly it gets, how toxic the social side of gaming can truly be. So now I decide to quit today. A family member watched part of the game, directed me to do certain things and mistakes were made. Mistakes that earned much blame and toxicity toward me, including later by the family member. Mistakes were then made again irl towards others. Im quitting because multiplayer has always been a terrible experience for me (yet again). Its crazy how fast the anger in an imaginary world can transfer to reality. I binged ToS for a week. Before this, I played singleplayer only after quitting a different multiplayer game 6 years ago. I sought help to quit singleplayer at first. But multiplayer is hardcore poison to me. Enough is enough. In the week prior to returning on vacation, I started language learning and havent missed a day (Even w ToS, since I could play DuoLingo while waiting). In December before I left, I started a bullet journal and its been very helpful. Ive used Habitica since June(?) and it still pushes me to get things done. Heres to day 0.
  4. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 15 Today's Progress @BooksandTrees, I've just been learning about a range of different stuff, I don't tend to stay with just one topic. Been so busy learning, I don't have time to update the journal daily. I'm just very involved in learning I think i've been doing really well. No cravings at all anymore and I stopped counting the days (Just come back here to see again lol). Also got my birthday coming up soon :)
  5. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 10 Today's Progress Happily still here going strong. I've made great personal progress, but I can still be doing better. I still have basic things to work on. I don't have any urges to game as i've found many other better and more exciting things to do.
  6. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 5 Today's Progress Slowing down my pace. Maybe i've been drinking a lot cause i'm unsure of my future. Having control and freedom is hard too - huge responsibility on your own part to take yourself forward. For now i'll focus on basic chores and help around the house (Make a habit from it). Additionally, I want to go the extra mile and do things around here nobody has time to worry or think about (Organise things).
  7. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 3 Today's Progress A lot of my past 'baggage' is coming up. I'm missing my ex a lot. I realise I want to have more friends around me now. I cut off my friends in mid 2017. That's the last time i've hungout with anyone. I don't see any possibility of how to make friends while i'm going to be studying online at home again. I have a lot of anxiety to deal with tied to my disorder. But i'm definitely getting better through the years. I want to build better relations with my family and learn through those relations. My sibling's friend said its cool i'm talking more to them. Though I feel weird being friends with my siblings friends - We're close in age and a lot of them know me through someone else. It sucks for me when they've heard of me, because i'm nothing like that anymore. Any new situation involving a story of past me is annoying because I have explain my life to ppl I just met. Also the added stress of knowing they've already judged me. Wish I was more willing to branch out - but strangers I meet on the street (doesn't matter their age!) know you through someone else. I mainly regret doing drugs for this very reason. I feel like i'm being held as a social hostage. Maybe one day i'll just stop caring about it all. It's mainly just a pain in the arse having to explain.
  8. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 2 Today's Progress Haven't been pursuing my goals as much as i'd like to. But i've taken it upon myself to take a step everyday to help me get into a school course. I definitely would've relapsed today. However, the games left on my computer are excrutiatingly boring and the lounge has been taken all day by family (I still have a console there). I would've played games on my steam account, but my sibling still has the password with them. They won't give me the password until I pass 90 days and ask for it back myself. I've had a drive to find things eccentric skills i'm interested in and general skills I want to build upon. I realise I want to learn about and be skilled at many things. There's only a handful of things i'd like to keep pursuing to higher levels, but for the most part i'd like to know everything on a basic level. When I get the funds, I really want to take coin collecting seriously. I made a trade with my sibling a year ago for their coin collection they got from a (separated) parent. I have well over 100 doubles i'm wanting to trade for my collection. So far I only need the funds to send these out by postage. It's a pity that I don't want to look at coins because i'm really keen to start this already, but lack the funds.
  9. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 1 Today's Progress Back on stopgaming. Made it one day. I'm considering that I might have a drinking problem now. This morning/maybe last night, I was contemplating how to get more (Even tho I have no money and I need to drop out of my course, stop payments ect.). Basically I get paid by the government to study and that's how I pay for school fees. I managed to jump out of bed. I'm keen to try this new reward system I planned/brainstormed in my head. I heard a bit of the advice elsewhere, but you basically reward yourself when you do something towards your goals and the reward is related to the goal. I haven't been rewarding myself. I slept at 1am or so, set alarm for 10am. I jumped out of bed at 6am, but when back cause 'it's not healthy' to have only 5 hours of sleep. Then I woke up at 7 and jumped out again and the same thought came up, so I slept again. Today I went to the school to drop out (Since they haven't replied by email). They told me I owe nothing and I got to keep my money. Instead I blew it on alcohol after telling myself I was going to quit because I had no money. On a positive note, i'm taking steps to find a new course. I've gotten creative since my city is small and has little to offer. Ended up finding lots of different online courses in my country. I just feel like shite cause of my family honestly. People are working and one is at uni. I get that. But there's a huge lack of understanding that nobody can accept I have trauma that stops me from going to school easily and normally. At least i'm happy with myself for trying still.
  10. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    @BooksandTrees Thankyou so much for your support. I honestly do struggle w porn aswell (although it's not common to hear w women, it's still a struggle nonetheless). Been a bit of a side goal for me personally to abstain from it. It's very much worth it in the longrun to abstain from porn and gaming. Builds us to be better ppl and channel that energy into much better things. Self discipline is an ongoing game. I truly do feel a much stronger pull towards my goals. It's more meaningful than games could ever be. As long as I challenge myself, i'll be happy :)
  11. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 18 (RELAPSE!) Today's Progress I've been drinking and this is how I relapsed. I played for an hour before being too bored to continue. Prior to playing, I was so restless to find something physical to do. Even if it was just playing with marbles on the ground (I threw them out a while ago lol). I didn't want to game cause I knew it was boring. It was more of an attempt to really find something to do and cure the restlessness. Before gaming I drew 2 sketches (I like drawing when i'm drunk. It's a lot better that way, because I don't care about perfection and don't take forever drawing). Again I relapsed to a game I didn't want to play. I've had cravings for specific games and haven't played them yet. I feel like everytime I watch my sibling play a game, I end up relapsing. But I don't remember the last times. I know i'll get back to gamefree tomorrow. The streak doesn't really matter to me. I'm happy that i'm able to get back to stopgaming within the same hour of stopping after a relapse! The first few times, I would let myself binge for a few weeks. I've got some new tactics to put in place to stop the gaming (Place it all on a USB). Along with that, i'd like to just instead watch gameplay to remind myself of the reality of how boring it is. I've never been addicted to watching twitch or gameplays and have always found them insanely boring. I did watch competitive time to time, purely to improve my gameplay (I quit multiplayer for good years ago) and also when I had bets on it. I've got very strong reasons never to go back to multiplayer. I've also never kept up with gaming news, i've always thought of it as really dry and not intellectual enough for me.
  12. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 16 Today's Progress Last night I had a nightmare that made me realise unresolved feelings about my past. I think it's time I brought it up with my psychologist. I felt like gaming when I woke up because of it. Instead I just slept again (15 hours tho which sucks). I feel depressed today. I'm gonna keep going despite all the stuff going on inside and outside. My family keep talking about how useless I am because I dropped out and can't communicate or do teamwork easily like them. I dislike that they've never been supportive and instead just makes me feel bad till I do something good (Guilt tripping). Sometimes i'm too afraid to do things because of them judging me. I want to cook something - they'll get mad, tell me to go to school so I can buy my own ingredients. I want to exercise in my room but I don't want to be noisy and draw attention to myself because i'm sick of getting yelled at. At least i'm not blocking out these feelings
  13. TwoSidedLife

    Am I addicted?

    Hey there, these are my questions to you: Why did you feel the need to ask a community of game addicts, if you were addicted? Usually people will not ask unless it's bothering them. What do you get out of gaming that's different from any other hobby? Sure, you could be playing chess instead and be 'addicted' to it. But I don't know of anyone with just one hobby. Do you meet the criteria for addiction in general? Is it stopping you in any one area of your life eg. Health, Relationships, Career. There's a lot of excuses to be made here, such as your personal health could be suffering but you justify it by saying at least your career is great. There's got to be good balance between them all. It's not worth saying one area can suffer just because another area is amazing. A bit of a more personal question, Do your kids game and do you spend time with them having fun without gaming? If you could imagine yourself stopping for 3 months, what are the positive changes that could happen? That to me is enough to say that gaming is causing a dopamine inbalance. Gaming ticks all the boxes cause it's very stimulating. Most people who do the detox are able to enjoy simpler activities again. Though only some have that as a main reason to stop (There's many different individual reasons to stop). Everyone has different reasons for stopping, some are powerful enough to make them want to quit forever. I was also a bit frugal with gaming. My laptop is from 2012 also, I can't run majority of the newest games and I don't keep up with that stuff anyway. I also waited for price drops. Being young still (20 this year), I use to load up $50 on steam and set myself of a limit of only buying games that're $5 or less. That way I could have lots of games and variety. I didn't buy loot boxes or any of this shiet either. Mainly cause I quit all multiplayer games in 2014. Though singleplayer can be just as addictive. Edited: Everything abt my sibling, cause they're not addicted and it was a misleading example to use.
  14. TwoSidedLife

    JustTom's Journal 3

    Hello JustTom, this is my input on therapists @Silverlining I saw 3 therapists before finding one i've stuck with for 5 years now. I have trauma so it's something I really needed. Apart from that, this therapist teachs me psychology. It's so I can understand myself better and that's what I prefer. She is more of a life coach than a therapist imho. She helps me with school, doing my goals, social stuff and even helped me ask someone out. The first two therapists made me want to feel accepted and shit, but that's not what I want out of a therapist. I wanted someone cool that would teach me stuff. Everyone has different preferences, needs and personalities. She said I was the only young person that saw her and majority of her clients are police officers. My family doctor helped me find therapists. Therapy is completely up to you Tom, but not all of them are the same. Not all will be great and it'll take a few to find someone you connect with. It's been really helpful for me to have. Main difference is therapists can tell you why you're in certain habits, why you are the way you are ect. a life coach can help you change, but they can't explain your past or yourself.
  15. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 14 Today's Progress Started off a bit lazy, but I feel like i'm slowly building momentum. Somehow when I was waking up, I had a lot of energy and motivation to jump out of bed. I had a false awakening (Where you think it's real life, but it's a dream). I was trying with all my will, motivation and power, I gave it EVERYTHING to slowly get up and get out of bed. It felt like a powerful force pushing against me. When I woke up, it amazed me that I had the willpower to do that. Especially since I thought I was awake. Today, planned my goals as a draft of how to bullet journal them. I'm really liking this new system! I implemented time as an important factor in my goals. Thankyou again @BooksandTrees for giving me the push to do this and a clearer way to structure it! It's been far more helpful than first imagined! I've written down so far for yearly, quarterly, monthy, weekly and daily goals. Daily being my way to review everyday and decide what I want to do on that day. My goals week starts on Friday, since i've always used Friday as the start of my week (Most ppl go with Monday or Sunday as the first day of the week). This gives me time to write it down in the journal, add some future goals and tie up some loose ends around to-do-lists. School at this point REALLY needs to get sorted. I feel like i'm not caring enough that I dropped out and not trying hard enough to pursue another option. Also, AWESOME! I made it to 2 weeks gamefree!
  16. TwoSidedLife

    discussion Not sure what to do?

    It sounds to me like you're abstaining from it, because you likely were binging it and not getting any work done? I've never been in this exact situation, but i've got my own strategies that could help sidestep this. I use to love watching movies, TV shows ect. online. I made huge lists of things to watch and it was even my 'life goal' to watch as many movies as I could. Now, I really hate movies and i'm a lot more picky with what I watch. Which is a great thing, but not so great with friends (I really hated watching movies at a friends place). At the same time there's also Youtube. I didn't play catch up with subscriptions, I would just waste countless hours on useless things (Those clickbaity, 10 places in the world stuff). Did I learn anything from it? No. Because majority of it has never stuck with me and only a small fraction of stuff stands out. There's a different between controlling what you see and letting it control you. When I go to Youtube now, I will only search what I want to see specifically. I won't even open youtube if I don't know. Productive stuff might be "I need to see how to make a dove tail joint for woodworking". But I can also look up funny stuff if i'm in the mood. "I want to see some cyanide and happiness". As for movies, I like documentaries and science horror (Fiction). I don't think about movies often enough anymore to really indulge into it again. The last movie I saw was last year, being Ex Machina. It was well worth it. I like movies that make me think and involve morals. There's no TV shows that're worth watching for me at the moment. There was one I would definitely continue with, but I saw it a few years ago and can't remember the name. The same kind of question would arise from gamedev's who're doing stopgaming. But rather than playing the game, they're able to just watch gameplay instead. If I were you, i'd only watch a cartoon/anime if I knew it'd be helpful to my work. Specifically the things that communities talk about and share are probably more worth it imo. Since they're also wanting to make cartoons (I assume), or are interested in the the specific aspects of creation. There's a different intention (a productive one) behind watching the cartoon. What you're abstaining from (I assume) is the non-productive intention behind watching cartoons. You can do both. You can abstain from the ill-intentioned meaning of watching cartoons AND also be productive in watching cartoons. Just always think before you do so. Is this going to waste my time, or is it an experience worth having for my work? Be honest with yourself :)
  17. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 13 Today's Progress I find myself questioning if I really didn't game today (Forgetfulness due to dissociative stuff). For the most part, I think I just haven't filled my day with memorable moments yet. Approaching two weeks feels like nothing has happened between then and now. I don't even remember the last game I played though hahaha. I fended off some cravings today. I'm craving a puzzle game (The Black Watchmen), just seemed like something really fun and rewarding to do. I'm in desperate need of a mental challenge where I can just do something and not have to spend the physical effort setting it all up. I'm still bored. I still need to make efforts to find something challenging and 'easy' to start. Essentially thats what gaming was to me. I don't want to game because I crave real achievement now.
  18. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    @BooksandTrees Thankyou for your info! I feel stressed over not being able to do lots in a short amount of time. It'd definitely be very helpful if I apply a similar format using timeframes and the 5 years in the future concept. I don't want any of my goals to slip away or be forgotten for the most part. Time overall is an entire piece i'm missing to my goals. That'd be really damn helpful to solve a lot of roadblocks. Time management has never been my strenth hahaha. I'll definitely be reading up more about time with goals. This has been a great insight! I like to apply a bit of everything to whatever I do. Personalised systems work best for me. I appreciate long detailed posts actually lol. I love learning about everything. It was a realisation I had that pulled me out of my pot addiction (At that moment I immediately began to binge learn online lmao). Eventually started withdrawing and got sober cause I was more addicted to learning. A few months later gaming started to get in the way of my learning. It also felt like the chore that smoking pot was, it just annoyed me. I looked back on my past and realised gaming had affected me a lot more than pot did. I researched game addiction (and now here I am!). Before finding gamequitters I read multiple studies about gaming. The best material you can ever get though is from someone else directly sharing their own knowledge. Sharing knowledge is an amazing and powerful thing! Thankyou again for taking the time to share your knowledge.
  19. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 12 Today's Progress Despite hardly doing anything, I feel amazing overall in my mood! I've been eating healthier (Getting up and actually cooking food + making salads) Feel like i've got more energy. I've been drinking everynight. But I spent a good portion of my daytime searching for 'how to format' my goals. Finally found something that might work for me! Writing the goal as a yearly, writing monthlies, weeklies and dailies related to it. Perfect for me, an amazing way to be able to organise my days! While being drunk i'm sorting my goals and making steps towards them because it's fun! Looking forward to having lunch w my parent tommorow (all you can eat buffet!!)
  20. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 11 Today's Progress I wish I had more energy. I'm not sure if i'm just unmotivated or if i'm physically tired. So far i've just planned to work on eating healthier. Specifically, I want to quit sugar again (Not just ice cream and chocolate, but there's a lot of sugar in food in general. Eg. Most sauces are all sugar). Still been drinking at night-time. It's become my new 'cool' activity. I probably won't stop till it's all gone (1L gone finally). Since I want to improve my chef skills + trying to stay lowkey about drinking (Soda disappearing is shocking lol), gonna make some soda free drinks using fruits, vegetables ect. All that fancy stuff. Basically just mucking around. Still have no cravings or desire to play games at least. I 'have' the opportunity in front of me with a ps4, but I will PASS! I'd much rather watch an MMA fight video on youtube for example. It's the little things I miss when i'm addicted to gaming.
  21. TwoSidedLife

    No friends

    Nobodies telling you how to specifically live your life. You make the trade whatever you want to make it. I thought it was really cool that the owner of GQ (Cam) is learning how to DJ and has been DJing at events. That's pretty epic imo. I also wouldn't want to spend my time taking care of the elderly (Sorry old ppl!). If I did, i'd take them somewhere fun. I also realise that it's very stereotyped that they need 24/7 care (They prefer to do shit alone. They basically don't want to be alone for the last few years on Earth. Some crafts I do like, such as woodworking. It's not about following someone else's directions, it's about making them into your own. I woodwork what I want to make, I don't follow instructions from a magazine. The whole point is you need to do something you personally like and bring social aspects into it yourself (Find events related to it). I'd also be more mindful about social interactions online. They're not as real as life and won't ever be like a true friendship.
  22. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 10 Last Night's Dream #8: I was watching a video game stream on a TV at a school. I was really interested in it and wanted to play it. Before I did I watched to see what game it was. It was a racing game. There was a car and menu screen, the option to customise cars. (Idk cars well, but F1 style car). There was a commentator speaking about the gameplay of a 'pro'. It was a 'pre game' kind of speech about the player, all that was on the screen so far was just the car. A specific thing I remember hearing was "This is Billy(?), and he's been playing this game since he was only 10 years old! That must mean he really does believe in space!" (In a way that this is his passion and that he may believe in human expansion into space or aliens). The game was a racing game set in space. This was an interesting dream that got cut off / interrupted by someone knocking on the house door. Today's Progress Feels like time is flying! I'm not thinking about games or craving them. But I want to actively resist them still so I can improve myself. Been encouraged by someone to learn more things w free courses (Since I have a passion for learning) Feel more incontrol of my life and decisions. I get to choose my path for studying again. Researching schools. Will likely do a course online since open enrollment and self paced. Attempting to go to a real university (Yeaaah! This is a dream that could come true!!). It means a lot to me since gaming stopped me from really learning in school (Always skipping to game) and later on drugs alongside it made it worse. Otherwise I can get accepted as mature age next year. Im really happy right now about it :)
  23. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    @BooksandTrees I've got a bunch. Definitely too much to focus on at once. I'm able to focus on two at a time as i've learnt. My layout for review and completion doesn't satisfy me though, so I end up redoing the layouts a lot. Two at one time is good for me and I usually phase them in one at a time after a week of staying to the habit. Layout has been my biggest downfall honestly. Not a lot of info out there on how (layout wise) to set the goals and where to write them exactly. Definitely overthinking it too much too. Could be simpler, but i'd love to get a sense of achievement from ticking off when I get to a milestone or finish a goal. So far I just write the date next to the milestone.
  24. TwoSidedLife

    TSL's Journal

    Day 9 Last Night's Dream #7: It was an end of the world scenario. I was in a shelter with some ppl I knew back in High School (Not my friends tho). It was like we had to get along to survive. I was sitting on a fence out the front of the sheltered cave thing and bullets were being shot at us. Everyone told me to get down, run inside ect. Inside there was some old guns. Someone said we need to take a gun and clear out the (zombies?) that're deeper in the shelter. The gun had to specifically be one that would 'fire twice' on two shots (Like burst fire in a video game). I don't know anything about guns, so I just took this old looking pistol thing. Very slim gun and was rusty. We all took an elevator mine shaft thing to go down a few levels. It was dark. In the elevator I asked how do I 'quick equip' my gun in the hud (LOL). The hud was blue. When we got off the level, things came at us from different directions and everyone went different ways. I struggled to pull the trigger twice on the gun (To make sure they're dead). I was chasing after one that was running really fast. I couldn't aim properly and I couldn't pull the trigger easily. Eventually, there was a surface in this world. It was like stepping out in a completely different reality/world where nobody was trustworthy. I ran out of a basement carpark from a big looking mall. There was traffic and cars on the otherside. Today's Progress I've tried writing down my goals in steps in my bullet journal. Sometimes i'm just not satisfied with how it works and it really annoys me. I might have to try again with writing it in a way I like it. This has been holding me back for months now!
  25. TwoSidedLife

    Onlysoul

    Always gave really wise advice. Youve been an awesome motivator in these forums. Also wishing you the best of luck for where lifes gonna take you next. Im happy for you that youre seeking professional help to further better yourself! God bless!
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