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DaBest

DaBest's Journey For Self-Discipline

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Don't you like listening to music while doing housework?

Sometimes I put on "I want to break free" from Queen and pretend I'm Freddie Mercury doing housework, just like he did on the videoclip.

No, that's not true, but I thought it would be funny to say it. Sorry, haha.

Have a nice day, DaBest!

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@Reno F

Haha, that would be pretty funny to do that, dancing around while doing housework, and I guess I have done that (for real) from time to time. My issue with this, including listening to music while doing work, is that it's a complete distraction from the task at hand, and I feel that using music as something soothing in those situations just makes the mind equate work or chores with something that needs soothing and is something to be avoided. In an ideal world, and an ideal and rational mind, work and chores are just work and chores--not positive or negative, just neutral. When one really gets down to it, how we determine whether is something is good, bad, or neither, is totally up to the person who is experiencing it. I'd rather make my life easy and treat work as a neutral (or maybe even a positive) all the time, but I don't consistently practice what I preach yet. Old habits die hard.

--

Day 77

Following along the same lines, and not practicing what I preach, work has been long, frustrating, and tiring. I'm also trying to really improve my performance over the next couple of days since I'm now in the middle of the application process for my conversion from being a contingent worker, but I had a moment this week where I took one step forward and five back. The good news is in the past I would let this get seriously overblown in my head and cease all functioning and get super depressed, but thankfully that didn't really happen too much yesterday since I was so busy. Once I got home, it was a slightly different story, and I really numbed myself online. Even then, it could've been a lot worse.

I realize what I'm trying to obtain (discipline and the mind of a warrior) is both easy and hard to obtain. Again, it's a choice. It's entirely possible to snap one's fingers and change, but that can only happen if one really feels it in their core and makes it their being. At the same time, virtues are skills that can be practiced, they're not something set in stone by nature and nurture. At least for me, getting to that point where it's easy has been hard. To be completely honest, there is a part of me that really doesn't want to go this path--it's scared, loves comfort, loves easy, and is entirely human--and despite all the pain I'm causing myself now, I'm having trouble pushing through the discomfort to shrug off that more serious pain that robs me of my life. The conflicting idea of how this works is really troubling to me. 

Today, I'm going to try again, and I will continue to do so until I get it. 

Goals for today: catch up on a lot of stuff. Dishes, laundry, library, food, cleaning, maybe get my car back if it's ready, gym, meditate, groceries regardless if I have a car, and a cold shower, treat myself with care and forgiveness, and leave my computer off (except for library stuff). 

 

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Day 78

Yesterday was a mixed bag. I didn't go on my computer, but I went on my phone instead. It was for three hours, so it could've been worse. My saving grace was going out with friends later that night. I didn't get to a lot of my list because of that, so that's okay.

This morning I've already meditated a bit about leaving the easy life behind, and I took a cold shower. I was admittedly a bit frustrated from going on my phone yesterday when the whole intent of not going on my computer was to avoid something similar, so I wanted to get to a better start today. 

This made me think of when I gave up Reddit, which is one of the few things I've ever been able to quit and make a firm habit change successfully. In order to do that, I wrote in my paper journal everything positive and negative about Reddit, and everything positive and negative about leaving Reddit. Considering I was wanting to leave Reddit, I really focused on why I hated it and why I wanted to stop. While I did this, I intentionally got very angry, so every time I thought about Reddit I would be able to think back to that feeling and hopefully stop. It worked, and I've only went back for two months or so since then (June 2015) but then promptly gave it up since. I also made sure that whatever Reddit was providing me, I could find something else to replace it that was healthier. 

I don't know why I haven't tried this for giving up the easy life and the numerous traps I walk into on the Internet. There's a litany of stuff that I could leave behind which my life would be better for including: Twitter, Twitch, YouTube walkthroughs, ESPN, and watching sporting events alone (with the exception of MMA). This is just a start, there's probably more. Later I can move this to other non-Internet habits as well. 

So for the next seven days, I want to journal this in my paper journal after I post here. I will do my posts after I start my hygiene on non-work days, and after I come home on work days. When I journal, I will meditate on this for a bit, and this week will only focus on Twitter. 

I feel hopeful that this will be a good experience.

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Day 79

I'm quite relaxed right now. Listening to more of my Erik Satie Pandora channel. Aw yeah. This is immensely better than my usual habits, and while it does involve the Internet, I actually get relaxed. That is not the case with my other habits.

I followed through yesterday on my Twitter journal. As expected, it's already worked very well. I haven't been on since, and when the urge crosses my mind I just feel revulsion and think "Do you really want to waste more of your future on this?" It ends after that. The whole experience reminds me of A Clockwork Orange, but with less torture. :D

If this works, and I can shut down portions of my Internet habit one-by-one, it might be easier than trying to stop everything at once, which hasn't worked so far. My self-discipline is still bad. Better, but still bad. Developing that might take a whole different approach, but getting rid of all my wasted time online will be a good foundation for it. 

Tonight, after I'm done meditating. I want to check the news for a bit, and then I want to watch an hour of MMA, and clean up a bit while doing so.

Catch ya later.

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Day 82

An interesting couple of days. I've been working like a dog at work. Yesterday was 14 hours. I slept for 13. 

The reason I didn't post when i got home from work was because I have zero energy when I get home. I need to get healthier if I'm going to work as hard as I do. 

I have also successfully avoided Twitter since my journal post with relative ease. There are times where I want to go on, and get as far as "www.t...", but I just get sick and think back to wasted time, and stop. An interesting side effect of this though is I've been watching tons of streams, rationalizing with "Oh, I'll get to this when I start next week." This is significant, as this means my fix is a superficial fix and doesn't get to the root of the problem, which is my goal.

I'm going to keep picking a new vice every week and doing this pseudo aversion therapy, but I need to dive deeper to what I need to fill the need it replaces. 

When I'm home exhausted, I don't care about being social, so it's not that. I care about not thinking of the stress of work. In addition, all I have when i come home is thinking of the extra work around the house I need to do. It's an endless boring cycle. There's nothing I'm really working towards. The work at home should be a means to an end, not just an end. Getting rid of my Internet habit ought to be a means to an end, not an end. And it's not like I don't have goals, most just aren't very quantifiable. 

Today, my only goal is to come up with shorter, quantifiable goals that I can work on when I get home, that fit in the grander scheme of who I want to be. Goals with value.

Peace.

 

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Day 83

Earlier start to today is making me feel positive. Still haven't been on Twitter.

I came up with some new one week goals that are interesting, and offer something towards either improving my health, wealth, or social life.

  1. Going out every night -> Have one conversation with a random stranger.
  2. Going to the gym every night -> Do 300 pushups in a week.
  3. Practice photography every night -> Take 7 photos a night.
  4. Napping every night -> Take a 30 minute nap when I come home. 

I would find the most value in being social, but that would stress me the heck out. I'm okay with approaching friends of friends, but total strangers is hard. Surprise, surprise, I'm an introvert and shy.

Going to the gym every night would take some effort, but it could be stress relieving. 

Practicing photography could be relaxing, and force me to develop a cool new habit, that maybe I could make some side money with down the road. And I won't be spending that time on the Internet.

Napping every night is good for my health, but shouldn't I be disciplined in the first place and just go to bed earlier?

For this week, I will practice photography. I've been putting it off for a while, and it's the most diversionary (RE: easy) of the choices.

Baby steps.

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Day 84 

Quick update.

Still haven't been on Twitter. Took way more then seven photos yesterday. Now I need to have dinner, take seven more photos and go to bed. Cool.

Work was weird today.

Peace.

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Did you hit 90 days???? :D

Uh, sort of? The day counter is a journaling thing. I believe that the last time I gamed was October 1st, 2015? However, this was prior to October 27th, 2016, when I gamed. It's been weird.

--- Day 96

I've been in a funk recently. It's a mix of stress and being burnt out a bit from work. As a result, I've been watching a TON of streams recently. Like an alcoholic going to the bar, I ultimately caved in for a day, playing for 15 hours straight, from noon to 3 AM. Thankfully, I came to my senses and deleted it after, and kept it to that one day.

The last gaming binge I had, in September of 2015, was also due to stress now that I think of it. I had a kind of severe medical condition that I waited on getting checked out, and to ignore it, I played games. Now, it's the stress of taking care of myself, and being an adult. 

At this point, it's in the past. Today, I'm going to pick myself up and go forward. One day I will get it right for good. I'm not fucking quitting. 

BUT THERE IS GOOD NEWS! I still haven't gone on Twitter. Hells yes. As a result, outside of streaming, I've been consuming less news, and there are times where I'll make healthier choices like going to bed on time as I feel like there's no online options.

So, later today I will take my technique I used for that and apply it to the kinds of streams I've been teasing myself with recently. 

Today's goals:

1) Hygiene

2) Technique

3) Staples 

4) Prepare for tomorrow

 

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Day 97

Quick check in. 

I completed all of my goals yesterday. I still have not been on Twitter and I have that gut reaction to not watch this particular stream now. In addition, there might have been carry-over to other streams as well, which would be nice. It's really weird--the thought will cross my mind and get quickly crushed.

I think this is working since I am a very emotional and passionate person, and maybe I just respond better to emotion. 

Today was a mixed bag. Had an interview to get hired full-time from being a temp, but I feel it only went okay.

Tonight, I'm just going to lie down for a bit, and try to get some small things done around the house. 

Peace.

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Thanks @WorkInProgress! That's the truth. Plan, Do, Study, Act. Iterate as needed.

Day 98 (It's really 99 but this counts for yesterday)

Another quick check in.

No streams, no Twitter. I'm consuming less news, I'm bored with it. As a result I fell asleep early today after listening to a great podcast. I woke up around midnight, procrastinated a bit on a task, and am now going back to bed. This new pattern isn't ideal, but it's better than what I've been doing. 

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Real Day 99

No Twitter, no watching streams. I had a moment today where I thought I couldn't wait for x game to come out so I could watch the story unfold through a let's play. Fortunately, I had another thought cross my mind, saying that it's actually not that important to me and a waste of my time. In the past, especially recently, I held a lot less power against these thoughts. Seeing this change is nice.

I need to get more stuff done though when I get home. Instead of watching game stuff I go to sleep, which I guess is an improvement.

Cool. Peace.

 

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Fortunately, I had another thought cross my mind, saying that it's actually not that important to me and a waste of my time. In the past, especially recently, I held a lot less power against these thoughts. Seeing this change is nice.

Progress!

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Your detox is going very well! Just remember that it doesn't ends after 90 days. It's never ending process, where you shouldn't let your guard down!

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Thanks @Cam Adair and @Piotr! And to Piotr, I am very well aware of that. I've been working on my Internet habit since February of 2015. It's better but it never ends! :)

Day 101

Check-in/reflection/planning post

Past couple of days went well. Saturday was great. Woke up at 6:30, went hiking for an hour at a nearby mountain, and practiced photography. My camera can do a lot more than I thought it could. After, I hung out with friends and had a blast. Played some games and some poker together. It was funny though, I stayed up late the night before brushing up on my online poker skills since it was going to be for real money. Didn't think of it as video gaming at first, but in retrospect it was. I considered gaming to include games like LoL and console games, but not that. I'm not mad at myself since it wasn't catastrophic. I learned. 

Also, no Twitter or streams. 

Today I want to:

1) Meditate on Twitter and the game stream I have avoided to reinforce the negative feelings I hold towards them.

2) Stay driven to clean my house quickly by 3 PM (dishes, laundry, pick up, clean kitchen, and clean bathroom sinks).

3) Get groceries, fill out timesheet, and cook dinner by 4:30 PM.

4) Relax in a beneficial manner.

*NO FOOTBALL*

Peace.

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@Cam Adair, perhaps soon. I'm so new, and I'm still bad. If I get anything that seems cool I'll post it. 

Day 105

Quick update for now. This post is a hype-myself-up post.

Past few days have been weird. Did all my goals in the prior post. Been working hard. Stayed up late Tuesday and Wednesday for the election (eek!)/happy hour, respectively. Slept 12 hours today. Woke up. Watched some let's plays. Need to be more dedicated, though this was the first time I watched since giving up streams of some other game.

Still have not watched streams of the game I cut from my life, but I did go on Twitter for a bit after Trump won. It was a special occasion, so that's it. 

I need to get my day going.

Goals for the rest of the day.

1) Hygiene before 3.

2) Phone call with HR today at 3--I might've been hired (please please please)?

3) Clean my damn house.

4) Go SOMEWHERE

5) No Youtube, music, or news. Take notes on a podcast or practice something.

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Day 106

Good news, I got an offer! Just negotiating at this point, but hopefully everything should be finished soon. 

Woke up early this morning, even though I didn't have work. Went for a walk before sunrise, and contemplated what my next steps would be. For a while my main goal in life was to secure this full-time position, but now that it's done, I felt a bit aimless. In addition, my old goals were kind of crushed when I left grad school, and I've been hesitant to move back in that direction.

As of now, I have two sets of goals: personal and professional. 

My personal goals, which are far more important, are to become better connected and social with my community, as well as to be a better man. 

My professional goals, to become a process engineer in my current industry, and to work on becoming a biomedical engineer on the side. 

As such, goals for the rest of today:

1) Meditate on these goals, intensely.

2) Prepare for work.

3) Go to library and study for a bit. Hit up a bar after.

 

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Congratulations at the job offer! Aand nice to see another process engingeer. I am in my last semester so i'll probaply end where you are. But I actually are more interested in the simulation/coding direction adn ant to make my way into software development some day.

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