Journal of a Gamer Mom (possibly a manifesto too)

[Ashley K.]

DAY 1:

I've decided to track my progress on here.

I was a little hesitant to do so because you know how people are. They become judgmental about what you believe in

and the things you want to do with your life. Well I know what I want but my struggle is trying to find a way to do it without sabotaging myself.

I was playing league of legends yesterday and while I sat there watching my son play his educational games on my laptop, I realized that I couldn't

keep going on the way I was. It can be 10 years down the road where it'll just be same shit, different day, in which this case playing video games.

I believe that this will be beneficial in the long run. I'm not sure what I can do about my husband playing video games. As he says it's easy for him to stop playing

whenever he wanted to. I don't believe it. 

I'm scared of relapsing, betraying my chances to try and make a difference with myself. I've always held myself back because I would revert to my

comfort zone. Well It's time for me to break free of that and just go all in.

 

 

 

 

 

[Daniel]

I believe fully committing yourself to the detox is half the battle. No hesitation, just go all in, all or nothing, follow all the steps and believe in yourself.

[Cam Adair]

Great job starting your journal! 

[Streuselsturm]

Maybe you could start by asking your hustband to just quit gaming for one week as a test. One week where you would fill your days with a lot of different activities. Is there anything else fun he likes to do which is not related to just hanging out or playing games?

My wife is totaly understandable and very VERY amazed by my progress and much more positive attitude, once she noticed I would actually pull through with my decision. Maybe he will notice something like that too and maybe it will also have an positive effect on him.

[Ashley K.]

I've already spoken to him about quitting before and he has said that he can stop playing whenever he wants to because he's not an addict. 

Edited August 29, 2016 by Ashley K.

[Streuselsturm]

I've already spoken to him about quitting before and he has said that he can stop playing whenever he wants to because he's not an addict. 

I dont know your husband but that is like  the default addict answer in my book. However you need to be sure about your goals and what you want to achieve. If you can deal with him playing than that is totaly cool, if his behaviour DOES indeed irritate or even obstruct you on your way something will have to change at some point. Just my 2 cents of course.

[Ashley K.]

Day 2:

Woke up feeling alright I guess. 

Lacking the motivation today to do anything. Whenever this happens I end up playing video games. 

Time management is not something I'm used to doing. I always just wing it throughout my day. I used to write down a To-Do list, I never follow through on it because

I look at it the next day and I just lose all sense of motivation to finish anything. So I just revert back to playing video games because it's easier. 

So my struggle today is lack of motivation and discipline to do anything but just sit around and stare at the walls.

I feel so tired.

[Mad Pharmacist]

Hey Ashley!

It's normal symptom to feel tired straight after quitting.

You're using a lot of effort to do anything else than video games, which you got used to.

However, this will wear off in next days.

Keep up consistency, and trust me, if I was able to abstain from it, then you can do this either.

Btw. I don't know your husband, but I think that you should offer him to quit for at least 90 days to see what will he say and how will he behave. If he refuses, or accepts and then relapse to them, then it means that he's got a problem too. This is something he should support you with.

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist.

[d.manuk]

I think you might actually have it easier than others because you can devote more time to your son this way.

[Cam Adair]

Lacking the motivation today to do anything. Whenever this happens I end up playing video games. 

Action leads to motivation, not the other way around. Hoorah! 

[WorkInProgress]

I actually disagree strongly on applying pressure on your husband to stop gaming . This impulse has to come from himself especially if he is an addict. You could ask him though to support you in your decision. For this you need to make clear to him why gaming is a problem for you. I never saw an addict or anyone who likes to be forced into smth he doesn't believe in. It is way easier to beleive that this is a problem for someone else and to decide to help someone else. If you are there you can try to influence him with the improvements you make in your life, but until you are there some time will pass so focus on yourself first! You can't change other people but you can change yourself. A good place to start in the beginning when you don't have the energy to will yourself into something new, is just to read some journals here on gamequitters or helpful articles(https://markmanson.net/best-articles). At start it is a struggle for nearly anyone. Stick with it and you will get better.

[Reno F]

Lacking the motivation today to do anything. Whenever this happens I end up playing video games. 

Action leads to motivation, not the other way around. Hoorah! 

Listen to the man.

[tirEdOrange]

Hi Ashley,

First of all welcome! Nice to have you here with us Don't lose faith in your decision because of some circumstances, it will be worth 100% in the end and we are with you on this adventure.

With that being said: I agree with @WorkInProgress. If your Husband wants to quit he will likely quit. Forcing him won't probably solve it in the long-term. Just make it clear to him that you want to quit gaming and you would like his support for that because after all the things that you will learn, are things for yourselves. And if you have learned these real-life or "not-gaming" skills you can still help him when he is ready I have a gamer S.O. myself and asked for nothing more than understanding my situation and not leading me into gaming during the next time. At the moment she is so impressed with my changes that she tries to catch up the train and makes her own efforts to plan better through her day.

When I started my detox I was also very unethusiastic and unmotivated. I also slept up to 10-11 hours a day just because I didn't knew what to do instead and I was still tired. Also I had a lot of time and reading through different Journals and learning from other peoples experiences helped me out a lot there in the beginning and motivated me. It's a nice way to spend the free time that would otherwise be filled with gaming and get some ideas.

[Ashley K.]

Day 3 (Aug 30th):

I never got a chance to put in an entry yesterday so here it is .

Yesterday I was feeling depressed because I kept thinking about how everyone was making progress and I felt like I wasn't.

I kept telling myself that I wasn't going to get any further and I'll just end up relapsing and not care anymore.

But then something told me to keep going because it's only the beginning and if I was going to give up now it'll be all for nothing.

Even though my husband doesn't want to quit, which is fine, I asked him if he wanted to go to the library the next day. He said he would but there wouldn't be anything to do there. I looked at him a little confused because I figured it was a place where he would be somewhat interested in reading but he just said he doesn't want to. I pushed it a little and asked him why, and he got a little annoyed and said why was I starting with him. I wasn't trying to start anything but I just wanted to do something together that didn't involve talking about video games all the time like we used to. 

All I know is that I don't want to give up when I have so much to live for and do with my life in order to give my kids a better life.

[Laney]

 

Day 3 (Aug 30th):

Yesterday I was feeling depressed because I kept thinking about how everyone was making progress and I felt like I wasn't.

Hey there miss mom!! First off I want you to truly step back and look at this decision you made to quit. This is a hard decision for anyone to make--and you've done it all on your own. You are strong. 

Not only do you have the inner strength to take the steps towards a healthy life(already done, yeaaah!), you have the ability to grow as a person and progress in life. You've had it all along but it's been shushed by games and false progress. Not only will this decision grow you, everything else in your life will benefit as a result of you knowing yourself better. Your son from a more active mother. Your husband from more diverse time spent with his wife (what fun adventures await!! camping? sports? poetry nights? squeee~). The barista at Starbucks from a customer that noticed them and had more to say than their order. Your career, your community, your health. Everything!

Anyway, your struggles sound eerily similar to mine; making lists and ignoring them, thinking poorly of yourself/guilty for not having achieved more, ignoring-not facing-the disappointment you feel when you look at your life, etc. My own journey with quitting games taught me how to forgive myself, and notice progress. I hope it can do the same for you too. Progress is not something that happens overnight, it's something that builds slowly. Social media makes us check in with people only when big events happen in their lives. When really it's all the small events that truly show how a person is growing. You'll even see in my journal entry today I had to remind myself I was doing well! How silly is that? 

So here's a reminder. You are doing fantastic.  None of us are perfect and we don't expect you to be Wonder Woman in a few days or weeks. We are glad you are here.

[Ashley K.]

I'm starting to tear up .

Thank you!

[Ashley K.]

Day 4 (Aug 31st):

Yet again I keep backlogging myself with these journal entries, lol.

I wasn't really feeling it today to do anything. I kept making up excuses to myself saying that I won't be able to get my career started as a graphic designer/photographer/blogger/Web Dev or Designer. I didn't realize that I wanted to do so many things. Who knows if I'm not going to be able to do all of these things...Maybe I will.

Watching Cam and Ginger's stream on YouTube really helped to push through and keep going. Because I did feel like giving up. I'm glad I didn't. 

 

 

[Ashley K.]

Day 5:

• Woke Up
• Brushed my teeth
• Got dressed
• Ate breakfast
• Listened to a Tony Robbins Podcast
• Took a nap (3 hours, lol)
• Ate some cereal

And now I'm sitting here putting in a journal entry. That list was talking about what I did with part of my morning. I woke up at 9 AM only to be sleepy at 10 AM and have my husband tell me to go take a nap. It was refreshing. Now I can work on what I was planning on doing today. Research graphic design, ask other designers questions about how they got started, read some books that I have on color theory, etc. and watch tutorials on graphic design. Not really sure if I should do this for a couple of days and then work on the next career goal and then come back to graphic design on a certain day. Maybe I'll make it like a cycle. So that I can try to get even amounts of work and research put in.

• Monday: Web Design
• Tuesday:  Digital Arts/Illustration
• Wednesday:  Photography
• Thursday:  Blogging
• Friday:  Free Day!

This seems like a good list for me to cycle through the week. I haven't thought about what I should do on Saturdays and Sundays. I'll figure it out soon. 

Edited September 2, 2016 by Ashley K.

[Laney]

Have you been designing any of these quotes you're posting? 

[Pierce]

@Ashley K. I have mad crazy respect for you, because you are giving this thing a really valiant effort, and moreover you're doing it as the first person in your family to step up and decide to quit. You have ambitions, you have dreams, you have talent, and you have heart. I'm really looking forward to seeing the progress you make over the next few weeks.

You got this!

[Ashley K.]

Have you been designing any of these quotes you're posting? 

No, But I could if I had the program, lol. 

I should. It would help me practice doing graphic design  Digital Art/Illustration?

Edited September 2, 2016 by Ashley K.

[Ashley K.]

Day 5 (contd):

Going around and asking questions on a graphic design forum turned out to be a really harsh lesson. 

I went onto a website called graphicdesignforum.com and I figured I would ask some questions to any graphic designer willing to answer my questions.

That's exactly what I got. The answers that were given to me by this person made me feel like trying to even pursue this isn't worth it. 

I already have money issues trying to go back to college online to earn my associates in graphic design, but this person just put me into a "Why bother?" mindset.

Correction, from being naive and not researching thoroughly until now, I didn't realize that when it comes to being a graphic designer  your artistic values don't really matter. It's about what the client wants. But that's not what I want. I like to be able to express myself through art so I'm going to look into Digital Arts or Illustrator. I really do feel like a complete dumbass for not realizing this sooner. 

If I never quit gaming, I would've never bothered to look into this and come to this conclusion.

Yay me 

 

 

 

 

Edited September 2, 2016 by Ashley K.
So many things I found out, I needed to post.

[Ashley K.]

Day 6:

Last night I felt a little defeated. It was really due to my own fault for not thoroughly researching. I explained to my husband what I found out 

and he said: "Well, I thought you knew that already?" Nope...I didn't. I was naive. I thought to myself "What am I supposed to do now?", "Do I keep going with graphic design anyway or go along with being a Digitial Artist/Illustrator and Graphic Designer?" Because it would mean having to constantly practice drawing every day and I stopped drawing when I was 12 or 14.

That's a pretty big gap of time I could've used to draw and hone my skills. I figured I'd speak to my mother about this just to get her advice and she just said

"You're just going to have to do it. Don't let something like this hold you back, Just do it!" Like Shia LaBeouf in his video, lol.

Just Do It!

Edited September 4, 2016 by Ashley K.
Messed up the link

[Cam Adair]

Start drawing every day from now on and in a year you'll be blown away at how much progress you've made.

[Reno F]

Hey Ashley, I have been playing guitar since I was fourteen but I have never been able to put out a solo. I stopped playing at 24.

Now here I am, 34, looking at my new guitar, trying to take the rust out of my fingers.

Your mother is a wise woman.