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Ashley K.

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About Ashley K.

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  • Birthday 02/02/1989

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Ashley K.'s Activity

  1. Ashley K. added a post in a topic Ashley's Daily/Weekly Journal   

    Day 7:
    Today isn't so good. 
    I felt great yesterday, but today I just feel defeated. I had an idea to create a brand. The only problem is that, I can't draw anything. This is what happens when you waste years of you life to video games instead of actually honing a skill. I always envied artists who are able to create beautiful works of art, even graphic designers. 
    My husband and I were going over ideas for my brand and he said "This is where art and graphic design come in, if you knew how to do these things, you'd be making bank". It didn't really hit me until I attempted to make my logo today. I know I can't create it because I don't have enough skill to do so. Nor do I have th money to hire someone to create it for me. At a time like this with how I feel, I would be on the xbox or the computer already. Just playing a game and forgetting about what I'm not skilled at and just being completely negative. Thinking about things like "Whats the point of learning? They're are already people out there who are very good at what they do" "I don't see the point. It's not going to change the fact that there are others who are way better than me that have great ideas" "No one is going to want to see my work" or my absolute favorite "Im going to die very soon, so why bother?". It's really not a good headspace to be in and feeling this way while gaming is horrible. 
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  2. Ashley K. added a post in a topic Ashley's Daily/Weekly Journal   

    Day 6:
    Been a little busy. Yesterday I had to take my 7 month old to the doctor for vaccines (3 needles and an oral). I never like seeing my kids get stuck with
    needles . But before I had to do that, I ended up going to 3 banks looking for a notary that was available. At the first bank, they weren't in until 1PM (it was 11AM).
    At the second bank, they suggested to go to TD Bank because that's where they were sending most of their clients. SO FINALLY! I had the affidavit notarized for my son' school. 
    Then I had to go to the school and drop off the affidavit and a letter for my son to be evaluated academically. This was my choice because I wanted to know where he stood when it comes to academics. 
    So now, I decided to make a blog on Wordpress. At first I was hesitant to make one because I didn't know what to post. But who does? Obviously, I didn't. But I got into it and started getting ideas. I'm still getting some ideas. Lots to post over the summer. I'll make sure to keep up with it. Maybe later on I'll start posting videos. Who knows? But I will say this. It does take me outside of my comfort zone. It makes me nervous and excited. I'm getting hyped up at the amount of content I would like to show to everyone. If no one likes it, it's okay. If you do, thats great! It just feels good to know that I'm doing something that can build into something worthwhile 
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  3. Ashley K. added a topic in Daily Journals   

    Ashley's Daily/Weekly Journal
    Day 2:
    So I quit the other day. Just packed up my xbox and some more games that I played once or twice and then never play it again.
    Went onto league of legends and sent in a ticket to delete my account. Now all I have to do is wait. 
    This is torture.
    I just started and I already want to play. My husband didn't help any last night by telling me that there were games on sale on Steam. Once game in particular called Dead By Daylight. I kept telling him no I stopped playing and he said "You can still play, you just need to moderate". Doesn't he think that I have already tried to moderate. More than once. It doesn't work for me. When I play, I play for hours and then my whole day is wasted. Its always the same shit, different day. This is what I would do if I was still playing video games.
    Wake Up at 8 or 9AMWash my faceGet a a cup of coffeeFeed my 7 month old son and rock him to sleepTurn on my xbox or computerPlay until 12PMTake an hour breakGo back on until its almost 10 or 11 (while feeding and putting my son to sleep in between)Keep playing until I get tired which is around 1 or 2AMGet off the xbox or computerFeel like shit later onRepeatSo yeah, as a lay here typing this Im really fighting the urge to just go and buy the game. It feel really uncomfortable and I know its supposed to. But being a stay at home mom of two kids and never going out anywhere when you don't have a car or a license or money to do anything, or even friends. It becomes harder. Some nights I cry because of this. Because playing video games wasn't doing anything for my kids or myself. But sitting here doing nothing isn't doing anything either. I just don't know where to start. 
    • 8 replies
  4. Ashley K. added a post in a topic 90 Days v2   

    Day 15:
    I really don't know what to say here other than I've been working on drawing. Figuring out if I should go to college for an Art degree or stay at home. But I feel like I should really go so that I can learn a lot more. I had urges to play earlier this morning but I fought them off. Last night I kept trying to rationalize whether or not I should play because I figured maybe I could moderate. But then if I was to play I wouldn't be able to moderate and then I wouldn't have the drive to draw. All the focus would be on video games only and nothing else. I don't want to lose that drive to learn everything about Art and what it has to offer. 
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  5. Ashley K. added a post in a topic 90 Days v2   

    Day 13:
    I've been on Skillshare, learning more about Art. I never really thought that I had it in me to actually do it. I guess I do. Last night I dreamt that I relapsed and didn't care about anything anymore. Everything seemed like it didn't exist. I was tunnel visioning video games while everyone else around me faded away. I got scared when I woke up because I actually thought that I had relapsed. I was going to regret ever playing but I know that I don't want to live in regret or get to that point where I'm not capable of doing anything and regretting everything on my deathbed. I'm not going to let that happen. 
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  6. Ashley K. added a post in a topic 90 Days v2   

    Day 11:
    Im sorry for posting every 2 days or every other day. But today I woke up at 9:30 and my kids dressed so that we can register my 5 year old son in school. I'll admit that for the past couple of days I've been getting headaches. I honestly thought it was because I was sick with something. But my family kept telling me it was stress from being nervous when I didn't have anything to be nervous about since it was just registration. I'm even more nervous about him going in September. I don't know how he'll be. Im scared that he won't get on the right bus. Im just nervous about everything. While I was there registering, I knew that my ID was expired. It made me feel like a irresponsible adult who doesn't have her priorities in order (Im working on it). My life is all jumbled up instead of it being in order where I can just check things off my list. Its not a great feeling. But I'll figure it out along the way.
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  7. Ashley K. added a post in a topic 90 Days v2   

    Day 9:
    I apologize for not post for a couple of days. Not much has happened. But I noticed for those couple of days that I was practicing graphic design, I would fall asleep watching the tutorials on YouTube. I didn't really understand why. Then I started watching a digital art video and I was wide awake. I started to think that maybe Im finding graphic design to be boring while digital art, hell even painting is more intriguing.
    I don't like flip flopping from one thing to the other because it makes me look indecisive. But it's how I feel and I can't help how I feel. I just go with it. All I know is that in the end I want to do what I love and make a living from it.
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  8. Ashley K. added a post in a topic 90 Days v2   

    Day 6:
    Woke up at 9 and fed my kids. Then I started listening to music on Spotify for a bit and building up a new playlist.
    I was trying to work on a watermark to put on my work for later, but I couldn't download the trial version of photoshop since it kept saying that I needed to find a different installation volume location or something like that (Mac user). Im still trying to figure out what to do. I also tried using design apps that were offered by apple but they just freeze. I think I broke my laptop, lol. No idea what to do but other than that, my day was okay. I had a few urges to play but I kept fighting it off because I knew what would happen if I started up again. 
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  9. Ashley K. added a post in a topic 90 Days v2   

    They're doing great
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  10. Ashley K. added a post in a topic 90 Days v2   

    Day 5:
    Today wasn't productive at all. But I didn't get any urges. But tomorrow will definitely be more productive. My problem at the moment is actually finding a good method or app to use for time management  
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  11. Ashley K. added a post in a topic 90 Days v2   

    Day 4:
    Woke up at 9:30Watched Pasta on DramaFever.comTook a shower at 12:30Got my things readyWent to my mother in law's houseAte good food NappedPlayed with my kidsCame home at 9Typed up what I did today on here, lolAbout to paint my nails & finish watching my show 
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  12. Ashley K. added a post in a topic 5 Seconds Rule   

    This makes total sense. I'm always thinking about what I need/want to do but then I end up thinking about it waaaay too much to the point where Im like, "I don't feel like doing it anymore". This opens up a new perspective for me. Thanks for this!
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  13. Ashley K. added a topic in Accountability Partners   

    28/Female/Stay at Home Mom of Two
    Looking for an accountability partner who can keep me on track with achieving my goals and vice versa. Looking to become a graphic designer, photographer, maybe a concept artist. So many things I want to do 
    • 1 reply
  14. Ashley K. added a post in a topic 90 Days v2   

    Day 3:
    I had a few things to do today, but I decided to ignore them and take my kids outside. It was great, a bit hot but that was okay. I ended up tossing water onto my 5 year old son while we walked, lol. My 5 month old just passed out during the walk. I've been wanting to work on graphic design, photography and drawing. But I know sitting around and just thinking about it won't do anything. Like Gary Vee says "I don't think my ideas are worth shit, Until they're executed"
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  15. Ashley K. added a topic in Daily Journals   

    90 Days v2
    Day 2:
    What time I woke up:  7:50AM
    What time I went to sleep:  3:00AM, Then 5:00AM (My 5 month old son kept crying, poor thing)
    Its only been two days since I quit. As you all know I'm constantly relapsing and quitting. But I know that as long as I consistently keep coming back. I know what to expect when I feel certain urges coming on. The reason why I went to sleep at 3:00 AM was because I went crazy planning out the next 2 days of what I wanted to do.
    I'll admit I was excited while I was doing it but I was also scared of not following through. That has always been my problem, is following through on things until the end.  My husband knows that I quit because I ended up taking my xbox and putting it into storage and taking my gaming headphones, cutting the wire and tossing them into the garbage. I'll admit, doing that was a bit spontaneous but it felt good. I'm glad I'm not giving up.
    • 14 replies