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Ashley K.

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  1. I can't say today is Day 1 because I just stopped playing 15 minutes ago. But today is going to be a start again. I know where I've been going wrong as far as quitting is concerned. Whenever I decide to quit, I usually have something planned out (sometimes), but then I would end up looking at it and ignoring it. I wouldn't want to do what I had planned to do. I know it's because the task isn't pleasurable at all, so I avoid it. I don't want to be this way anymore.
  2. Day 4-7 After I posed on day 3, I did end up playing. Did I enjoy it? Of course. Do I want to continue to play? Obviously. Don't we all? But I know I can't continue to play at the expense of my overall well-being. Which brings me to the question of why do I bother at all? Why can't I get out of my way and just do what I need to do? I know why. It's out of comfort. Staying within the comfort zone, our primal instincts makes us this way to keep us out of "danger" even when there isn't any. It's just the feeling of discomfort that makes our "fight or flight" kick in and we end up staying within our zone. I don't want to keep staying in that zone. There's no growth. Sort of like a plant that's trying to grow in a glass case. How can it branch out if it's confined?
  3. I started reading Atomic Habits. It did make sense to me, but I never tried to apply it to my own life. Even today, I was talking to my husband about Destiny 2 since Iron Banner is out today, plus he's going to raid. It was out of habit that made me do this. I'm so used to talking to him about it that I don't know how to stop. I know the reason behind the habit. It's because of FOMO. I feel like if I don't join others in doing something that's fun, I'm going to be left behind. But I'm happy I read this to remind me that I need to stick with my detoxing. I can't believe how close I was to relapsing--out of habit.
  4. Day 3: I ended up relapsing for two days. Yesterday and this morning. Was I proud of myself for feeding my addiction? No. But I'm not going to start back to day 1 like I usually do. I'm just going to continue. I figured that I would be able to play in moderation so I told myself "Yeah, I can do this. No problem." Doesn't work for me. My husband suggested that I would play after doing more important tasks first. I've tried it countless times. I still end up ignoring said tasks and playing for hours. I know what some will say: "Just sell the Xbox" "Move the PC to another room" "Delete your gaming accounts" I've tried those. But I'm not the only one who plays video games. My husband does also and he's not going to join me on this detox since he feels that he's not addicted and he can quit at any time. I don't believe it, so all I can do is focus on my detoxing.
  5. Unfortunately I ended up relapsing yesterday. I know that I have to get rid of the Xbox or PC, but I can't. My husband uses the PC for other things and for homeschooling. The xbox isn't even mine, it's his. Both the Xbox and PC are our room and there isn't anywhere else that I can put them. We live with my mom with our two sons and it's crowded in here as it is. I've been studying to pass my insurance state exam so that I can start working for an insurance company called Symmetry Financial Group. This will be the 4th time I'm taking it and its taking a toll on my motivation to pass.
  6. Day 2: My morning started off okay. I should have wrote down a couple of things I wanted to do last night, but I didn't know what I wanted to do so I didn't bother to do it. Out of habit I asked my husband what he was going to do on Destiny 2. He told me and that was it. I caught myself doing this and realized that this particular habit of talking about video games gets me in the mood to play and then I'll end up playing from now until 12-1 AM. I would only take some breaks when it comes to eating or going to the bathroom. But I would eat while I'm playing. What's scary is that my oldest is starting to do the same thing. I catch him eating at the computer instead of getting off the computer and eating at the table. As a parent to two kids, I don't want the same thing happening to them. I don't want to see them spiraling out of control because of video games or even social media.
  7. Day 1: I did write on my first day the other day. I ended up playing again. Today doesn't feel so great. I didn't plan out my day. I feel like it's a little difficult to do so with two kids, so my schedule is never going to be precise. I have tried to schedule my day out. But I've never got to doing anything on my list. Probably because I really didn't want to do it in the first place or I didn't push myself enough to do it. So right now, I'm feeling like crap, thinking about a lot of things. Money mainly. I'm a stay at home mom, I'm constantly failing my insurance state exam. Next week will be the 4th time I'm taking it. Besides doing that, I'm trying to figure out what sort of business I want to create and nothing comes to mind. I don't have experience in anything and I don't know what my skills are. So this is how my morning is going. It sucks but I don't want to give up.
  8. Day 1: I'm surprised that this is still up. I thought my thread would be taken down, lol. Well today is a new start. I feel like complete shit. Haven't been sleeping well and right now I feel tired and trying to focus while writing is a little challenging; All I want to do is sleep or play video games. But I know that I want my life to change. I'm tired of letting myself and everyone I love down because of my actions. The way I feel right now is now I want to continue to feel for the rest of my life. Depression Anxiety Sleep Deprivation Digestive issues (if that's a thing with gaming addiction) Brain fog Apathetic about everything These are just some of the few things I'm experiencing right now. But this is no way to live. I'm happy for those people who can game in moderation. Once a month or even once or twice a year. But for the majority of us, we have to quit gradually or cold turkey. I've tried quitting gradually. It doesn't really work since I crave more time to play. I was told not to go cold turkey since I can't do it. But I'm going to do it anyway. Btw, I'm not sure if this is a different species of turkey, I thought it was a little funny to add🤭
  9. Day 1: So...a few days ago I posted in the Introductions. I didn't even stick to my detox after I posted it. It was like I almost had no control over myself and I had to play. Out of habit. The last time I played was yesterday. Which made me a bit sad. Not because yesterday was the last day, but the fact that I kept telling myself I would quit, only to play again the very next day. I don't understand how addictions can just take over our bodies like this. Like something or someone is telling us to play and we just do it. It's scary. Today, I was occupied with getting things together to homeschool my two boys. I chose to do this because here in NYC, our Mayor took our remote learning as an option. So for the majority of the parents dont feel like this was fair at all, so a lot of us decided to homeschool our children because of it. Right now there is a petition going on to bring back remote learning as an option. I'm really hoping that they bring it back. It would take a lot of stress off our backs. But that's really what did I with my first day of detoxing. Onto day 2.
  10. Hey everyone! For some of you who've been here for a long time may know me. But for those of you who don't, I'm Ashley *waves* I'm 32 years old, married with two boys, and I've been an addict since I was a Junior in high school. The addiction got worse when I became a mom at 21 and suffering from post-partum depression. I've struggled for a reaaaally long time and to be honest, it sucks. I don't like, don't want it. I gotta detox. No matter how long it takes for me to detox, I'm going to get through it. I will be journaling on here daily. Later!
  11. Back after a few years of being away! Hey everyone!

  12. Day 1: It’s 8:01am. Woke up and the first thing I picked up was my phone to check my emails. What do I see? I see the new Call of Duty email telling me that there is an Open Beta. Good thing I don’t actually want to play. It was just a reminder that I don’t want play anymore. I’ve been a gamer since I was 5. Now I’m 30 years old, a stay at home mom, no job, no money, and still living at my mom’s house, it doesn’t do much for my morale. I always say I want to move out and have my own place but I never get around to actually trying to save money, let alone make any. I feel like money eludes me. I want to have my own home business drawing awesome doodles and putting them on shirts, enamel pins, etc and selling them on Etsy, but I never put my foot forward to do it. I think I know one of the reasons why. I think it’s because I feel that because I’m 30, there are already people younger than me doing what I want to do, so why do it? Why teach myself how to draw better? It’s going to take a lifetime. Typing that felt so depressing. I don’t want to feel like that anymore or have this mindset about myself.
  13. Day 2: Woke up really early this morning around 4:45-5:00 and I started watching a video on Skillshare on copywriting or art, I don’t remember since I started to fall asleep on it. So I fell back to sleep and woke up again around 9 and watched video on Copywriting. I actually thought it would be hard to do but it turns out it really isn’t, so that was a relief. Later on, My husband and I helped my mom clean out the basement. I was going down memory lane seeing everything again. Unfortunately, everything had to go due to mold and bugs (a handful of items were salvageable). My husband told me that I should treat myself and play Black Ops 4 since we did so much work and we were in the heat the whole time. To be honest, I was tempted but I didn’t act on it. It doesn’t feel too great saying no, but there are going to be days like this.
  14. Day 1: I woke up feeling a little refreshed, but I was in bed most of the day just practicing drawing in my sketchbook and on Procreate and watching YouTube videos on art. It was a bit frustrating because I don’t like that I create crappy art right now. But that happens to anyone who’s starting out. I forgot to mention that I got my first freelancing job as a Copywriter. I got the job last week, it’s only for an hour a day. I haven’t heard from my client yet because of the hurricane that’s going on in Florida. I’m contemplating if I should just wait until he contacts me or just find another client so that I can work more hours while keeping him on as my client also. Later on I cooked dinner and then painted a little bit, got annoyed by it because I was trying to paint realistic eyes. I don’t know why I keep trying to draw EXACTLY what I see when I know I don’t have to. I just have to draw and interpret it in my way as long as I understand what I’m seeing. Besides that, I kept constantly thinking about what I want to be doing next: — Should I continue to research how to be a better Copywriter? — Can I also continue to teach myself how to draw and start making resin jewelry or polymer clay charms? Is it too much? Or not enough? — What else can I do to make money so I can give my kids what they need? And so on. Majority of the time I’m at such a loss because I don’t know what’s the right thing to do. I don’t want to end up relapsing again and not make any progress. I want to be free, independent and live comfortably without any kind of financial worries. Where do I start?
  15. Some of you may know me, some of you don't. I'm Ashley, a stay-at-home mom of two boys, 30 years old, and a gaming addict. I've been struggling for gaming for a long time. Longer than I'd like. I'm constantly relapsing which used to make me feel bad. But there's nothing bad about it. This is a new month, so I'm starting fresh. To explain why I relapsed...I don't have an explanation other than I had the urge to game and I did. I would play in the morning around 9 or 10 AM after feeding my kids breakfast. Instead of spending time with them or focusing on learning a new skill, I was building skill in Black Ops 4 that I'll never have to use. On top of that now that I think about it, another reason why I've relapsed is that I don't have any friends. The very last friend I had pretty much stopped being my friend because his girlfriend didn't like that he had a female friend. Pretty fucked up, right? I'll admit I was hurting. Someone I thought was my best friend, just got rid of me. But I know I can't allow myself to stay in this vicious cycle that I put myself in. So now I'm getting out of it. Hello Universe, I've come to embrace what you have to give and what I want, I give to you freely ??