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Ashley K.

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About Ashley K.

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  1. Day 1: It’s 8:01am. Woke up and the first thing I picked up was my phone to check my emails. What do I see? I see the new Call of Duty email telling me that there is an Open Beta. Good thing I don’t actually want to play. It was just a reminder that I don’t want play anymore. I’ve been a gamer since I was 5. Now I’m 30 years old, a stay at home mom, no job, no money, and still living at my mom’s house, it doesn’t do much for my morale. I always say I want to move out and have my own place but I never get around to actually trying to save money, let alone make any. I feel like money
  2. Day 2: Woke up really early this morning around 4:45-5:00 and I started watching a video on Skillshare on copywriting or art, I don’t remember since I started to fall asleep on it. So I fell back to sleep and woke up again around 9 and watched video on Copywriting. I actually thought it would be hard to do but it turns out it really isn’t, so that was a relief. Later on, My husband and I helped my mom clean out the basement. I was going down memory lane seeing everything again. Unfortunately, everything had to go due to mold and bugs (a handful of items were salvageable).
  3. Day 1: I woke up feeling a little refreshed, but I was in bed most of the day just practicing drawing in my sketchbook and on Procreate and watching YouTube videos on art. It was a bit frustrating because I don’t like that I create crappy art right now. But that happens to anyone who’s starting out. I forgot to mention that I got my first freelancing job as a Copywriter. I got the job last week, it’s only for an hour a day. I haven’t heard from my client yet because of the hurricane that’s going on in Florida. I’m contemplating if I should just wait until he contacts me or just find
  4. Some of you may know me, some of you don't. I'm Ashley, a stay-at-home mom of two boys, 30 years old, and a gaming addict. I've been struggling for gaming for a long time. Longer than I'd like. I'm constantly relapsing which used to make me feel bad. But there's nothing bad about it. This is a new month, so I'm starting fresh. To explain why I relapsed...I don't have an explanation other than I had the urge to game and I did. I would play in the morning around 9 or 10 AM after feeding my kids breakfast. Instead of spending time with them or focusing on learning a ne
  5. Day 2-4: Getting down the the nitty gritty of my gaming addiction is what I’ve been trying to figure out for a few years now. But I did notice a trigger that makes me go back. It’s not watching someone else play, watching a Let’s Play video or a Twitch stream. It’s from family life. It sounds bad but that’s where I think it’s coming from. I’m at home all day everyday with my 2 kids, along with my husband. The last friend I had I lost months ago because he broke our friendship for his girlfriend. I don’t have the means of going places because I don’t have any money (I’m literally poo
  6. Day 1: I’m counting this as the first day even though I stopped playing video games an hour ago and it’s 1:18AM. I didn’t bother posting in Relapse because I wanted to get straight to the point and just keep going. It’s hard. Playing for 20+ years, being a stay at home mom and being a “hermit”. The stress from family life takes a toll on you and you look for an escape from your kids to have time to yourself and that’s where video games come in. Instead of me taking them outside to burn off some energy and to get myself out of the house. I just stay inside and stress out. It’s n
  7. Ashley K.

    Hey again

    Hey everyone, I'm Ashley and I've been on and off here for awhile. Constantly relapsing, always learning. Still learning, which is why I posted here in Relapse. I've been in a constant cirlce of relapsing for awhile now. NOt really knowing what I should be doing until I saw where my life would be if I kept going. A never ending cycle of nothing. Just lying on my deathbed, regretting everything I should've done when I could do it. I dont know about you but thats a scary thought. I know we're all going to die eventually but not today. So while Im still living, I'm going to make th
  8. Day 5: I relapsed on Sunday & Monday. I'll be honest, It felt good...for the first few minutes. Then I felt anxious, annoyed, frustrated, zoning out, can't focus on anything but the game. I thought about my responsibilities but I didn't care at that moment. All I cared about was the game. I knew about my courses but I kept saying to myself that I won't ever be able to achieve them, so I might as well deal with it. My mindset started to change when my dog, Harry was acting weird on Sunday. Harry was acting weird when he came downstairs. He laid in the kitchen for awhile until I we
  9. Day 7: I didn't realize that it has been a week already. Over the week, I had the urge to play but I had to think about other times I've relapsed, how I felt in that moment and why I quit. What I know would happen is I would start playing for a couple of hours, get frustrated about having to get off and take care of my responsibilities, forget about the courses I purchased on Udemy. Basically just give up on everything and tunnel vision video games. I know that feeling. I don't want to go back to that. Thinking about it now makes me remember how I felt when I would play. First
  10. My diet isn't where it should be. I'm a vegan but I tend to slip and eat junk food.
  11. Day 2: What I did today: My husband and I took our 1-year-old son, Harper out for a walk in the park. I was such a beautiful day today I didn't want to waste it. I sketched a bit while we were at the park. Then when we came back home we ended up napping. Then later on I went and picked up my older son, Aiden from school and took him to the library. Later on, I had to do a sketch of a character for my course. I hope I can keep up with this and not give up. That's what I'm afraid of the most. Waking up every morning, hoping I don't change my mind and relapse or give up on the dr
  12. Day 1: So the reason why Im starting from day 1 again is obvious. I relapsed. But I got back up and just started the 90 day detox again. What I did today: I worked on my Udemy character art course. Took a ton of notes since the first part of it was very note intensive. After that, I went and picked up my son from school. I helped him with his homework and then we went ouside for awhile. I wanted to play monopoly with him but it was getting too late and his little brother wasnt going to sleep. So I told him that tomorrow was another day. What suprised me was that he didn't g
  13. I’ve been playing video games. Well, sort of. I quit for 5 days until I started to play on Friday or Saturday. I don’t remember which day I relapsed. It felt great but then I ended up feeling guilty after a few hours of playing. But then I kept doing it. Even though I felt guilty for playing, I still played the next day after I reflected and said I wouldn’t play anymore. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I don’t know why I can’t just quit. Some people are successful at quitting and some people aren’t. Is it because I want to progress in real life? Because I want to make money b
  14. Day 3: Today wasn't as great. Wasnt feeling well due to "womanly problems". So I was moody, sleepy, and just dragging myself all day. On top of it being warm when its supposed to be winter didn't help at all. I did have an urge to play after I was watching my husband progress through his game. Then I realized the reason behind why I wanted to play. Because I saw him making progress, getting better, getting items, being stronger. And I figured that is what I want to do also, Be Progressive. And gaming is an easier way to progress because it doesn't take a lot of effort as it would in